What was the Truth?
Zoro sat down on the table in front of the Taco Bell, pulled out his phone and checked the time to see how long he would have to wait for Shanks. When he saw that he had only five minutes till the meet-up time he felt heat rush to his forehead, causing small beads of sweat to form. This was the first time he'd be playing the man's game, and knowing very little about Shanks, Zoro couldn't help but feel anxious about this.
Mihawk had left him a message, risking his safety and placing Zoro in an unusual situation. It wasn't often that Zoro would receive this sort of attention, and when he had seen the name appear on his screen he almost didn't believe it. What surprised him even more was the content of the message. Mihawk had asked for his forgiveness. Apparently Shanks eavesdropping on him and Sanji was something Mihawk was not aware of until being informed by the drug dealer himself, and the voice message Zoro had received from the man was a humble apology for interrupting his personal life. Zoro could remember the soft voice filled with pain and regret as he asked Zoro to please forgive him and disregard Shank's attempt to snoop on him, reminding the green haired man that the dealer was only looking out for his best interest, and couldn't help but check out what Zoro was up to since him dumping Mihawk was obviously not in his best interest. The message had hurt him. He hated hearing this side of Mihawk.
He couldn't help but call back, asking to talk with him so that they could end things on a more mature level, rather than leave everything as was. Zoro also made the promise that he would return all personal belongings that belonged to Mihawk back to him; the keys to some of his homes, the clothing he had borrowed, and some of the practice books the man had offered him. Both men knew none of these things really needed to be returned, but they both agreed to the meeting.
He didn't tell Luffy. He couldn't imagine how disappointed the boy would be to hear that he was going to meet with his ex, and although Zoro was pretty sure that Luffy wouldn't say too much against it, he knew the reaction alone would be bad enough. Luffy was proud, believed in him like a brother would. This sort of flip-flopping would only take away the respect Zoro had earned during their friendship.
He didn't tell Sanji. Although they hadn't become an official couple until recently, Zoro didn't see any reason to place the blonde in such a complicated situation. Sanji had walked into this relationship under the assumption that things were settled between him and Mihawk, so bringing up the topic now would risk causing early friction between the two. Sanji didn't even know that he had dated the man, and considering how little Zoro knew about Mihawk, there was little to talk about with raising suspicion.
He didn't tell anyone.
"Zoro?"
He looked up and stared at the smiling figure of the older redhead looking down at him. Shanks wore less than decent clothing, appearing before Zoro as a man of the lower class, not a man of a dangerous business. His plain shite shirt blinded Zoro as the rays of the sun intensified its appearance. Zoro took the intensity of the particular color as a bad omen and frowned, slowly raising his chin up as he looked into the older man's eyes and asked,
"Where's Mihawk?"
Shanks nod his head, not surprised that Zoro noticed the key man for this conversation.
"Does he think I'd be willing to use you as a middleman?" Zoro asked, trying his best to hide the offense he was feeling.
"I'm here to take you to him," Shanks replied, fixing his hair as the wind raced by. "I informed him it would be better that he wait for you, rather than risk getting caught with you."
Zoro scowled. "So I'm still a secret meant to be hidden?"
"Now more than ever, what with you breaking up with him," Shanks replied. Zoro stared, insulted that the drug dealer would dig up that personal information and use it against him. He knew the man was close with Mihawk, but as far as Zoro was concerned the man had no right.
"Don't look so surprised," Shanks remarked. "You can't expect be treated like royalty right now, do you?" He sat himself down next to Zoro, pointing his finger at him while staring at him with a threatening glare. "You have precious information about Mihawk; you're more of a liability than anything else."
"Mihawk told me nothing," Zoro said, moving forward and pushing against Shank's bluff. "Even so, I'd never tell a soul. I have my honor," he looked around the parking lot and sneered. "What about him? Where's he hiding?"
Shanks lowered his hand and smirked.
"Around the corner, waiting for me to give him the sign that it's safe for you two to talk."
"If he's in so much trouble than why bother trying to meet up?" Zoro asked himself aloud. "He's going to be more secretive now than ever.
"You need to understand how much there is to lose," Shanks said. "He's already lost you, no reason to place his business and dealings on the line, right?"
"Dealings?" Zoro asked, eyes going wide with the sudden knowledge that filled his head.
"Why do you think we're so close?" Shanks answered with a laugh.
"So I'm just this liability," Zoro remarked. "Why are we having this conversation then? Why did he even show up?"
"Why do you have a bag of full of things he could have easily bought and replaced?" Shanks asked back. He pulled out his phone and began to text, ignoring Zoro's obvious distress as the young man really began to feel the regret of having chosen this meeting.
What exactly was he supposed to say to Mihawk when they did meet? Asking for forgiveness for breaking up through the phone was a bad way to star a conversation, and he was sure that Mihawk would want to bring something like this up sometime during their meeting. He was also confident that Shanks might have mentioned Sanji to Mihawk at some point.
"Come on," Shanks suddenly spoke. "It's all clear."
"Now?" Zoro asked. He felt nervous, morose than he had previously felt before sitting himself down.
Shanks stood up, stretching his arm before casually loafing around, watching Zoro helplessly sit at the table, mouth closed shut and looking out at the parking lot for some kind of answer.
"Yeah, follow me," he said.
Zoro grabbed the bag full of Mihawk's replaceable, less than personal items and hesitantly followed the redhead, wishing he had never agreed to this meeting. There was really nothing to say, now that he actually thought about it. There was no reason to worry his friends this way, and no reason to stress himself or Mihawk anymore. But Zoro kept moving forward, his legs feeling compelled to keep taking another step, and the rest of his body following along and disobeying his thoughts.
"I didn't know Shanks was watching you," Mihawk muttered. "It was something mentioned in passing. I didn't think he would feel the need to follow you around."
"Well, he did," Zoro said, staring down at his reflection, produced by an empty white plate.
The restaurant was a first. And it was a nice one too. There was some truth to the solitary state of the restaurant, the lack of lighting that made it difficult to see the description of another customer only feet away, and the overall stiffness brought by the waiters, waitresses, laid out silverware, and Mihawk himself.
But it was still very nice.
"I'm not going to lie," Mihawk continued, "he did tell me you've met someone else." Zoro watched the older man turn his gaze away from Zoro, perhaps to stop himself from going any further and making the already awkward conversation any more uncomfortable.
"That's really none of your business," Zoro remarked, his eyes growing and feeling a bit stunned when he realized what he had just said. Mihawk appeared shocked as well, not expecting such a blunt answer from his past lover.
"You're right," he said. "It's not my business to know, not anymore." He clasped his hands together, letting his elbows relax on the table as he glared possessively at Zoro, wishing the young man were his again. Zoro did what he could to ignore this stare, but found that there was little at the table to become enveloped with.
"I regret giving you so much freedom," he heard the man say.
"Thanks," Zoro muttered sarcastically.
"I have a question," Mihawk said. His voice was clear and menacing. His hands were now cupped together, resting on his lap.
Zoro nodded. "What kind of question?"
"A modest one," the older man answered.
Zoro sighed. This time he was the one to grab hold of himself and rest on the tablecloth, unsure of how to respond. He didn't want to feel bad. He knew offering any sort of kindness to Mihawk would result in that. This was hard enough. But he couldn't refuse the man and let him have his chance to explain himself.
"Go ahead," he finally said.
This was what he wanted. Since he had known the man all he wanted was some sort of explanation. He wanted to know why he couldn't be allowed to call him, why it was always the other way around. He didn't get to know about Mihawk's business, his personal life; it was all a mystery to him.
"When did you realize this wasn't worth pursuing?"
Zoro frowned. He dare not look into the man's eyes, knowing well there was no way he could without risking breaking his own heart.
"I don't think there was a definite moment until you right before you called me," Zoro answered. "But there was a lot of doubt. All the time when I wanted to call you, when you never called to let me how you were doing."
"So it was I for certain?" Mihawk asked. He didn't sound too upset by this revelation.
"I'm not going to pretend I'm not without blame," Zoro responded. He couldn't really think about what there was to blame, other than his possible cheating with Sanji, but then Mihawk had said it was ok…even though he never really meant it…and didn't know about the times after that…shit.
"But my lack of providing the affection you desired did lead to this, correct?" Mihawk continued to pursue the answer he wanted from Zoro, letting through some looks of desperation.
"Yeah, I guess," he replied.
"What about fear?" Mihawk asked.
"Fear?" Zoro looked up.
"About possibly learning about what I might be doing while we were parted?" he asked.
Zoro paled. "That…didn't enter my mind at the time." He sighed through his nose, reminded once more of what shanks had said not too long ago. The things Mihawk had to do…
"And there's no way I could possibly change your opinion?" Mihawk asked.
"Opinion? There's no opinion," Zoro said. "I just know this isn't going to work out." He reached out and began to rub his fingers against the smooth silverware, tying to distract himself from becoming too emotional. He could remember every time they had been together, every touch made, every brief contact bringing forth that hazy silhouette of white sheets and skies. It was amazing that such a man could produce such intense feelings, and that this man was no different than anyone else. Mihawk was flawed. This wasn't a disappointment; just proof that no one was perfect. He wasn't perfect. Green. White. They were all just colors he saw, nothing more.
"So that's why you never called back," Mihawk said with a sigh. He brought a glass of wine to his lips, slowly closing his eyes before taking a small sip. Zoro lifted his head up, catching the older man's last remark.
"Call you?" he asked.
"I called. I texted. You never replied back. And you never showed," Mihawk muttered. He stared cruelly at Zoro. "Now I know why." He let the glass rest on the table and looked off to the side. "Still, it feels so sudden, even with what I know now."
"You called?" Zoro muttered.
Mihawk let his eyes remain locked with Zoro, the answering coming in the form with a stare that was filled with just as much confusion as Zoro.
"And a text," Mihawk said, his voice low. "Something I'm very against doing."
"No," Zoro said. "You never did that."
Mihawk's frown grew all the more as Zoro continued to shake his head. "I called you and left a text," he persisted, "I offered you the knowledge you've been craving since you started asking me questions."
"No…I didn't –"
"I'm not going to play this game with you, Zoro," Mihawk said, closing his eyes shut and speaking heavily. "I know what I did. Don't attempt to shift the entire blame on my part. I made you the offer to know more, and you refused."
"I seriously have no idea what you're talking about," Zoro argued back. He could feel a few onlookers turning their attention on him, but he didn't care. He let his fingernail scrape against the plate as he stared into his reflection, trying to recall a time when Mihawk might have left him a message. He tried to find an instant where he might have been too drunk and may have accidently deleted the number, but nothing came up. He was hardly ever too drunk. He always kept his phone with him. Mihawk had to be wrong.
"I swear I would have never done it this way," he pressed. "I didn't meant to break up with you on the phone." Zoro could see his attempt to reach the older man was not working well. Mihawk looked absolutely unimpressed. He still persisted, " You just called so suddenly, and I had to deal with so much when you decided not to call…"
"I did call," Mihawk growled.
"When did you call me?" Zoro asked. "Give me the date. I'll look it up on my phone."
"This is becoming rather troublesome, Zoro," Mihawk warned. "I'm not going to try to prove myself for you."
"Yeah, and look where that got us," he grumbled.
"Excuse me?"
"You always kept things away from me," Zoro said. "And whenever I tried to get you to open up about anything you'd continue to keep secrets."
"For your safety," Mihawk added.
"How am I supposed to feel safe when I'm too busy worried about you?" Zoro asked. "I see the news and I hear about all these people you mentioned getting in trouble and going on the run to avoid prosecution, and it really messes with me because I know you're probably going to have to do the same. But I never do get to know. I don't get to luxury of knowing what you're doing. And it hurts. I hate that you always kept those secrets from me."
"Hmm," Mihawk muttered, lowering his gaze down to the silverware.
"What?"
"Nothing," Mihawk said. "I was just thinking about how nice this all was."
"Nice? You think this was all nice?" Zoro asked.
Mihawk nod. "Understand; until recently I've never heard a real complaint from you since I let you into my life. You'd show your concern, but for the most part as long as I let you have me you seemed more than fine with the unusual setting. I let you sleep around because I knew I'd never be able to catch up to you. I let you have the freedom to take some of my belongings, my fortune, because I knew it would establish some dependency…"
Zoro felt his skin cool. He knew he was getting upset, growing pale from Mihawk's sudden change in attitude. Where was this coming from?
"I knew you would never be a permanent part of my life," Mihawk finally added, "but, to be completely honest, I was hoping I'd have you longer than this. You were passionate. I know it was because of your…condition, you thought I was something fascinating that you needed to posses, but it was…lovely, and I enjoyed the time I had keeping you to myself."
"Why are you saying this now?" Zoro asked.
"Because you wanted to know why I kept so mush from you," Mihawk answered. "And so I'm letting you know now; I never viewed you as a long-term partner. Not until recently. I figured you'd grow up and find someone more appropriate for your age, and you did."
The words stung. Zoro could feel his chest heave with pain from the older man's confession, but there was still that part of him that wanted to continue the conversation, even if it caused him to break down in tears.
"What do you mean "until recently"?" Zoro asked.
"I was astounded that you lasted so long," Mihawk replied. "I mistook your patience for love. I became willing to let you into my world, as you have tried so many times with your own."
"…and you called me…"
"Twice." Mihawk said. "And when you didn't answer I decided to leave a message in hope that you would reply."
"…Mihawk," Zoro muttered.
"What is it?"
"I'm really concerned…I don't think you're lying to me right now," he said.
"I'm not, Zoro, but then there is really no reason for you to believe in me anymore," Mihawk said. "There's no reason to believe in anything I'm saying. Because when it comes right down to it, I have no more reason to tell you any truth."
Zoro could feel his eyes welling up in tears. Mihawk had never treated him this way before. Finally the man was being honest with him, and it hurt.
"Zoro."
"What?"
"I need you to promise me that you'll never speak of this relationship with anyone," Mihawk said. "I need you to understand that this isn't so much for my safety right now, but yours."
Zoro felt his eyes go wide.
"I'm not going to allow you any special privileges," Mihawk said. "If I find out that you're giving away precious information I will have no choice but to take proper action."
"I understand," Zoro whispered.
Zoro felt Mihawk's hand slip underneath his chin, forcing his head up to stare at two golden eyes.
"Don't cry," Mihawk demanded.
"It's hard not to," Zoro confessed. "Stop touching me…."
"You see it?" the older man asked.
"Of course I see it!" Zoro hissed, causing people to once again stare at the couple. "It's there every time we make contact."
"It hurts?"
"Yes," Zoro answered. Mihawk reached out with his other hand to wipe away the tears before they stained Zoro's face.
"It's s strange," Mihawk muttered. "I've never seen you act like this before." His thumbs roughly trailed underneath Zoro's eye, removing the last falling tear from his face. "I forget how young you are. This is all new to you, rejection."
"Fuck off," Zoro groaned, pushing himself back into the seat. "I want to go home."
Mihawk remained still halfway across the table, positioned as though Zoro had never left him. Mihawk sighed, pulling himself up from the seat, earning some attention from the customers that filled the strange, red restaurant. Zoro stared down at his legs, watching Mihawk's shadow cover his body as he waited for a more solid sign of conformation.
"Will you take me back?" he asked.
"You do realize the whole point of us meeting like this?" Mihawk asked.
Zoro looked up, eyes full of fright. "What?"
"We both want this to go on, for as long as possible," Mihawk said. "But obvious I want it more than you." He extended his arm out to Zoro, offering himself as support for the young man. "No, even now I still want you. Even though you rejected me without a given warning. I still want to have you to myself. But…"
"…it would never work out," Zoro said.
"I can think of ways," Mihawk muttered. "I'd actually keep you far more restrained, to never something like this to happen again."
"I don't want to hear this," Zoro said.
"And I never want to see you again," Mihawk bitterly remarked. "We'll have what we want the most very soon."
The two men walked back to the car, Zoro slowly walking behind Mihawk as he tried to process everything he had just heard the man say. He had never felt so confused. He tried to take each moment one step at a time, stopping only when he remembered the obvious remark Mihawk had made several times throughout the conversation.
He made a call.
"Hurry up now," Mihawk warned. Zoro stared at the car door that was left open for him, Mihawk standing impatiently right behind it. Without saying a word he got into the car, pulled his phone out once he was in and stared out the tinted car window as he went through his phones history.
Every call he had made. Every call that he had missed. Every call that was made to him.
Zoro scrolled down the list, carefully watching the names that passed by. He figured Mihawk shouldn't be too far down, assuming he was telling the truth. He had Sanji hadn't been together very long, so the call shouldn't have been that old. He stopped by Mihawk's name and checked the date. It was the break up call.
"You want to go home, right?" he heard Mihawk ask.
"Anywhere close will be fine," Zoro answered.
"Fine…alright," Mihawk replied stoically.
Zoro attempted to scroll further down but was met with shock as Luffy's name came up right after Mihawk's…
…and then nothing.
There was no name after Luffy's. His history stopped after Luffy had called him.
Zoro swallowed thickly, going back to the home page of his phone and then going to his message board. Mihawk had mentioned a text. Zoro stared at the names of people who had recently text him and was fondly surprised to see that Mihawk's name was at the bottom of the page. Without looking at the man, lest he draw attention, Zoro pressed on the name and checked the text history.
He couldn't find the text Mihawk had promised him. The last message was several weeks old, yet Zoro couldn't shake the feel that there was something off about all of this. His history had clearly been edited, what were the chances his messages hadn't been changed as well? He went back to the list of names and checked the name right below Mihawk's. He scrolled down the collection of bubbles until he got to the very bottom.
He had received this text a little less than two weeks ago.
"Fuck," Zoro cried.
Mihawk groaned. "What is it?"
Zoro turned, staring at the man, unsure how to approach this. Mihawk was not a liar, he told himself while cradling his phone. He probably left a message. He probably called. But, for some reason, there is no evidence of these calls. There was, however, evidence that someone has tampered with his phone. But who would do that, and why? Only Luffy knew about them, and Luffy wouldn't do such a thing. No, he couldn't. People like him were trustworthy. You could always count on–
–No, wait? Couldn't he trust Luffy? What did he know? Zoro was teaching himself not to think that way…but he was doing it right now! Red? Red. He trusted the color, not the person. Could he trust Luffy? Luffy never cared much for Mihawk…
"Mihawk?" Zoro said. "Can I see your phone?"
Mihawk must have been watching him because Zoro was awarded the slim, black phone almost instantaneously. He tried not to look grateful when he took it and saw the menu before him, unlocked and ready to be looked through.
He didn't have to look too long.
He felt so strange. It was all very strange. How was he supposed to feel? He broke up with Mihawk because he couldn't handle being left in the dark, and now he knew that Mihawk was one meeting away from letting him know everything he wanted to know. He was unsure if he could trust his closest friend. He was in a brand new relationship with someone he cared about, but didn't bother to tell him he had gone to visit his ex. What would Sanji say right now if he did know? If he just found out?
"Damn it," Zoro muttered. "Stop the car."
"Where will you go?" he heard Mihawk ask. His voice seemed to hold some concern for him.
"I can't go home right now," he responded hastily. "Now's not a good time."
Mihawk didn't say anything, but Zoro didn't have to worry. The car began to slow and turn at the corner, pulling them into a quiet neighborhood. Zoro quickly unbuckled his seatbelt, only to remain seated as soon as his hand reached for the door. He knew he could leave the car, but he hadn't a clue what to do once he did leave Mihawk.
Zoro stared at the phone still resting in his left hand before sighing and placing it in a cup holder. He waited a few seconds, hoping Mihawk would suggest something, but then tugged at the lock, deciding against it once he remembered everything Mihawk had said at the restaurant.
Mihawk wanted him back, and somewhere deep inside him, Zoro knew he was wishing the same.
"Zoro."
Zoro opened the car door and took a step out, making sure he was closer towards freedom before turning his head around and staring at the older man who had done so much for him the past few years.
"What?" he asked, feeling nervous. Who could he trust now? Sanji? Certainly not Luffy since he was the prime suspect.
But what made all this just so unbearable was discovering how wrong he had been the whole time. He had more than enough reason to believe that one of his friends would do this, but it made so little sense because they were his friends. But when he remembered every choice he made, every remark and warning from Nami about how his decision process was biased, it made him worry all the more about whether he could really trust any of his friends.
Mihawk stared back at him with the same expression he had grown so fascinated of: the stoic, almost emotionless look that held everything in and away from everyone else. It used to bring Zoro to a nervous blush, now it upset him more than anything else.
"I hope this person you're with is everything you think you deserve," he said. Though there wasn't a hint that the words were made to hurt, Zoro could help but feel insulted hearing it come from Mihawk.
"Thanks," he muttered, without looking back at Mihawk. He got out of the car and slammed the door behind him, waiting for Mihawk to drive off before finally pulling out his phone and rechecking everything, turning his phone off in hopes that everything was just a mistake, rechecking, rechecking again…
Who could he trust? He lived with Luffy. Luffy had access to all his belongings. The only other option was Sanji, but what did the blonde know about Mihawk?
Zoro frowned when the image of the blonde sunk into his mind. Sanji wanted to date him. He wanted him. Even Sanji. He could have done it as well…
"No," he shook his head. "He wouldn't…"
Zoro walked deeper into the neighborhood, unsure of the direction he was going, but kept going knowing it would be better than to return home suspicious and distressed. Luffy would catch on and he knew there would be a fight. Even if Luffy was completely innocent Zoro couldn't guarantee that there wouldn't be a fight.
He closed his eyes and began to breath slowly, trying to remove the worry that had gathered into his lower abdomen. With every step he seemed to grow calmer, allowing himself a better ability to think about everything. Someone other than him had gone through his phone and edited it without permission, and he would need to find out whom it was.
This was a very big deal, but Zoro needed to find a way to handle it in a mature, ordered fashion. He couldn't point a finger, even if he had reason to suspect certain people.
Zoro opened his eyes and turned around, heading back in the direction Mihawk had driven off to.
Mihawk…what would have happened if he had received that message? Would he have gone to Mihawk? Yes. And he would have learned everything he wanted to know. They'd probably have sex. He'd try to stay as long as possible.
Things would have changed. He'd still be with Mihawk, and their relationship would have altered because of everything Mihawk was willing to give to him.
And he'd never ask Sanji out…
Zoro sighed. That's right, he'd never have gone out with Sanji. The blonde would still be vying for his attention, and Zoro would have more reason to push him away.
Zoro tucked his hand into his pocket and felt his phone's warmth press against his fingers. Would staying with Mihawk have been the better option, especially knowing everything that he did now? Sanji had been honest from the start, and though his intentions were less than pure, it was better than learning after so many years what Mihawk had secretly thought.
A bitter smirk formed on Zoro's face. Every dark cloud had some silver lining. Although he no longer had Mihawk, would have to reestablish trust between his friends, at least he was with someone who he could really trust. Sanji never lied to him. He didn't disrespect him.
Blue. No.
Fuck everything he saw with colors. Sanji was Sanji. He cared about Sanji, and Sanji cared right back. That's how things were going to be now, Zoro thought, letting his smirk change into a smaller, weaker, but happier smile.