Chapter 14
Ensemble
"Your room doesn't look nearly as bad as I'd thought it would do from your letters, Patience. At least it isn't all black or something."
"It's blood red, so it is awfully dreary. The curtains have holes in them if you look closely. They must be 30 years old or worse."
"I'd say older. Can you take down the tapestries? Perhaps begin with some of the more objectionable ones like that over there with the wyvern mauling that poor man perpetually for eternity. Every few minutes I see the blood spatter out of the corner of my eye and I feel queasy."
"I know. Why would they enchant these? I have only ever seen moving tapestries once before. Not even at Hogwarts did they have anything like them. But actually Eva, the carvings on the wall are worse."
"Worse even than the gory wyvern one?"
"Trust me. Far worse."
"Oh my! Well then, leave the tapestries and focus on these bed hangings. They are pretty rotten, aren't they?"
"Well, they smell rather."
"Oh, so you notice that too? I thought I was dreaming it. They smell sort of woodsy and smoky. Sort of like old incense."
"Yes, well I told Wicket that I want them overhauled after he finishes the room across the corridor. He has been scrubbing up the old guest room, which hasn't been used in probably half a century. When I walked in it was like a tomb—no air at all."
Snape leant against the wall and wiped his face with both hands. He had not intended to listen. He had been walking up the stairs to his own room, but he had heard his wife's voice and then a ripple of laughter that had sounded so much like the girl he remembered from Hogwarts that he had frozen in place on the landing to listen. He had feared that the last six months had squashed the joy out of her permanently. As little as he understood her passion for life, it was what had first entranced him. Every time that he had seen her at that table in the library as he walked into the Restricted Section, he had been like a man under the Imperius curse. He could not help standing there listening. Everything that she said had been imprinted in his brain and he had been obsessed with the happy, popular girl who was willing to spend hours helping even a casual acquaintance, no matter the other claims on her time. She was incomprehensible, utterly unlike himself, and irresistible to him.
It appeared that he was no more able to control his need to eavesdrop now than he was then. She would never talk to him in this way. She was laughing again; what had the Rosser girl done to make her sound so happy?
"I love Sarah's gift though, it was so thoughtful. Of course, have as many pieces as you like, Wicket is always making some. Please tell Sarah that I will wear the slide tomorrow."
"Mmm, ok. I wish my mother had this recipe. Anyway, did I tell you what Harold got me? A book."
"A book?"
"Yes."
Snape closed his eyes and let the sound of her laughter wash over him, as he leant awkwardly against the dark wood panelled wall.
"What sort of book?"
"Oh a romance, of course, he knows what I like, but didn't he think that I could buy it myself? One doesn't want romance novels from one's fiancé."
"No, not at all."
"Why even Professor Snape did better."
Snape clenched his fists and waited for Patience's answer.
"It was a lovely gift, one of the most thoughtful things I have ever been given. The more that I think about it, the more I realise that he must not hate me entirely. If he'd wanted to be rid of me, then he need not have got so upset when I was ill."
"Well, I didn't mean that he was inhuman."
"No, but you weren't there. He was really upset. If he hadn't been, then I might not have got better."
"What do you mean?"
"I…well I had given up. I did not feel like it mattered anymore. He was never going to care for me and I was going to be a prisoner—alone without anyone to talk to even. Therefore, when I got ill and Rem would not let me owl for a Healer, after a while I couldn't even fight it. I think I wanted to die a little."
Snape felt his chest constrict, as he listened to his wife confessing what he had feared. He could not accept a world where she was gone. Since that day, the tenor of his nightmares had changed. Beforehand they had always centred around one of the two separate moments in which he had lost the dream of his heart forever. Now he relived a different loss—the moment of his despair and fury at his wife's death. However, in his dream she never woke up.
"… and what he said to Rem, she's terrified to even look wrongly at me. He must care what becomes of me to some extent, don't you think?"
"Well, yes, I suppose."
"Well you know in "Ursa's Desire" how the Dark wizard, Aconius, captures Ursa but eventually falls in love with her?"
"Erm, well yes, but you don't honestly think that Professor Snape would…"
"Goodness, no. I should think that he could never love anyone as thick as me. It would grate on him so; he is too intelligent. But you know how because of Ursa that Aconius learnt that not all things have to be horrible, Dark, and evil?"
"Oh darling, you aren't hoping that he'll change like that?"
"No, but perhaps he has decided that I'm not a threat to him and he doesn't have to be horrid anymore."
"Yes, perhaps."
"Do let me hope for the best, Eva. I know he was awful to me in school. He was unkind to everyone. Nevertheless, perhaps he isn't always so cruel. The last time he was here, we even talked during dinner."
"No one could stop you from being optimistic, Patience. That is just you. Yet please do not get your hopes up only to have them crushed. He isn't likely to ever be more than civil with you."
"Maybe."
"I just don't want you to convince yourself of something and then be destroyed when it doesn't happen. You know what all the rumours at school said."
"What, that he is a vampire? Honestly, Eva, don't be ridiculous."
"No, that he was a Death Eater."
Snape gripped his wand in his pocket and stood very still as he waited for Patience's answer. However, she said nothing.
"What's wrong, darling? Are you all right?"
"Yes, I just…I…I can't talk."
"Why not? What is wrong?"
"I don't know, but literally, I could not say what I wanted. My throat choked up."
The Binding Charm. He had not been sure how it would work with her. Due to his somewhat convoluted history with both the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix, Snape had not known what the complicated magic of the Binding Charm would deem betrayal. A clever witch would find ways to work round this charm, as well, but Snape was quite certain that he was safe in that respect.
"Shall I get you some water?"
"No. No, I am fine. Rumours are silly, Eva. I…uh…I have never seen any evidence of him being a Death Eater. I would appreciate if you didn't say things like that."
Surprised, Snape half smiled as he thought, "Good girl, that was well done."
"I'm sorry, Patty. I am only worried about you. If he was a part of that group then he is a ruthless wizard. He is not likely to be softened by much."
"But he would have been our age then, wouldn't he? Does it matter so much what he did then?"
Snape shook his head and wiped his face again, this time with a dingy handkerchief.
"Patience! Of course, it matters. Darling, be careful. I do not want to see you getting hurt. Professor Snape is a complicated man; he is not like Harold or Euan. He is experienced and very dangerous."
"I know. I do know, Eva. I grew up surrounded by wizards like that. I am not expecting much, but I'm hoping that maybe he will trust me enough to let me start living my life again."
"Well if that is all you are expecting then...perhaps. I just want to see you happy. You deserve it."
"Thank you Eva. I want you happy, too. I'm worried about how often I hear you being disappointed by Harold."
Snape pushed himself off the wall and resumed climbing the stairs to his own rooms. He needed to think.
Patience cuddled her wriggling Crup to her chest as she descended the stairs. It was frightfully cold. She ought to have worn more than the thin, pink shawl that Elspeth had given her for Christmas. If she were not so very hungry then she would run right back into her room and dive under the nice, thick eiderdown. Wicket finally had got the fire in her room under control, too, so she never had to feel chilled in there anymore.
Professor Snape had been so odd at dinner. She almost felt as if he had been encouraging her to talk, but that did not seem likely. He had explained about the gemilte blossom when she asked about the flowering, spiked vine that was carved along the ceiling of almost every room in the house. She had not been surprised to learn it was venomous, but the fact it also was used in Seduction Potions had been interesting.
After dinner, he had demonstrated two spells for her that she would need to learn to control her Crup. She had not had much success with them, but he had seemed more resigned than unkind as he repeated the spells several times and instructed her to practise them. When she had gone to bed, she had felt almost hopeful about the fact that he would be spending time in the house. Perhaps they could reach some sort of entente and coexist peaceably.
The corridor was very dark. Patience extended her wand and concentrated hard as she spoke aloud, "Lumos." Her wand glowed brightly, which was better than usual. Patience happily walked forward to the end of the corridor and put her hand on the door to the sitting room. She was not actually sure, but she thought the sitting room had a side door to the kitchens. However, as she opened the door, she saw that a fire was burning low in the grate and that the large green wing chair was occupied.
Patience hung back, startled, and saw that her husband was glaring at her with malice. The book that had been lying open across his lap now slid to the floor with a loud bang. Biter began squirming desperately to be let down, so Patience set him on the floor as she heard her husband curse loudly.
Snape snarled viciously, "What are you doing up?"
Patience crossed her arms over her chest and replied, "I was hungry and I don't like to wake Wicket at night. He is old." She saw that Snape was staring at her in a way that he never had done before, which suddenly made her nervous and uncomfortable. She pulled her shawl closer round and noticed that the bottle of Black Aquavit on the table beside him was almost empty.
He spoke in an unusually heavy voice, "Go on then. The kitchen door is behind there."
Patience looked in the direction of his gesture and saw a cord dangling from a silver hook, but no door. "But where is the door?"
Snape closed his eyes, squinted as if in pain, and he slurred, "Pull the cord."
Patience stood still for a moment as she wondered what could possibly have happened to cause Snape, who she had thought was a very cautious sort of wizard, to sit alone drinking heavily in the middle of the night. She then pulled herself together and noticed that he was watching her closely with an expression of interest that she did not like. "Oh. Thank you."
Patience snapped her fingers for her Crup to come to her, but the animal was leaning back on its haunches, staring at Snape's feet with clear intent. Patience said sharply, "Biter, come!"
At that moment, Snape stood and walked across the floor in Patience's direction. She nervously clutched her arms together over her chest, but he passed her and yanked the cord to open the kitchen door.
Patience bent to snatch up her Crup, which had followed Snape into the kitchen, and said nervously, "Thank you." After an awkward pause, Patience slipped past Snape where he leant against the doorway with one hand on the wall to steady himself. The room into which she walked was completely dark and filled with a stale aroma of smoke. Patience held up her wand, which she was surprised to see was still lit, and looked round. Long, elf-high work surfaces surrounded her and the mouth of a large fireplace gaped openly on the far wall. She had not had any idea that Wicket still had to cook in such an archaic kitchen. It would have been outdated in the 18th century. Where did one find the food in here?
"The cold cupboard is behind you. There is also a larder through that arch."
Patience turned round to face her husband, who had followed her into the room. She did not move to find either the cold cupboard or the larder, but tensely stood watching to see what he would do.
Snape lifted his hand, snapped, and then stepped closer to her as the sconces on the walls burst into light. He spoke in a low, biting growl, "Are you unable to get your own food?"
"D-did you w-want some, as well?" She knew that he had not followed her into the kitchens for food, but she did not know what to say otherwise.
"No." Snape raised his wand and a plate appeared on the long wooden worktable, filled with a pile of almond biscuits.
Patience sat down at the stool by the table and picked up one of the biscuits to eat. As she slowly chewed the somewhat dry biscuit, a goblet full of her favourite blackcurrant juice appeared at her elbow. "Thank you, sir."
"I have already spoken to you about that, Patience."
Patience swallowed a second mouthful of almond biscuit and murmured, "Sorry."
She tried to ignore the way in which he was staring as she continued to eat, but it was nearly impossible to do. Patience could smell the liquor on him and she could see from the way in which he gripped the table as he watched her eat that he was not too steady on his feet. She had dreaded the moment when he finally decided that he would take more notice that he had a wife than to issue orders and toss her money. She had always known it would come to this. It always did—her grandmother had always said that men had no control in those matters. She had hardly been able to believe her luck so far, nor had Eva.
Patience could feel the tears burning her eyes as she chewed the last mouthful. However, she was not going to show weakness to him of all people. She would be brave. There was nothing that she could do really. Her grandmother had also told her that thousands of witches had suffered through marriages to nasty, ugly wizards in the past and even managed to find a decent life despite said nasty, ugly wizards. As she set down the now empty goblet and turned to face her husband, Patience told herself that she must find a way to manage, because there was no good alternative.
"Are you finished?"
"Yes."
"Then come."
Patience stood and walked toward Snape, who pointed a long, bony finger at the fireplace causing a large fire burst up in the grate. She then found herself being grasped tightly and pulled with him into the flames. She was so overwhelmed at being so close to her husband that she almost did not notice the sudden bitter cold, but as she tried to take a breath, her chest felt as like it was going to explode. There was no air; she could not breathe. However, just as panic started to take over her senses, she was shoved forward out of a fireplace grate and into a very dark room.
Patience knew where she must be. Although she had never seen his bedroom, this must be it. The lamp beside a large dark bed that was hung with heavy blue curtains was now brightly lit, so Patience looked round the room briefly before turning back to watch him warily. He had turned from her for a moment when they had exited the grate, but was now looking at her intently and walking forward. Patience clenched her fists and bit back a sob as she told herself that he was not evil. He had shown that he cared for her well-being. He had given her Biter. Besides, it could not really be all that bad, could it?