Laughter filled the palace dining hall, and Zuko momentarily forgot the heaviness of the past few days. Jin and Katara got along extremely well and seemed to have teamed up as surrogate big sisters to Arik who protested at their constant teasing. Zuko could already tell that the eleven-year-old had built a rapport with his uncle based on the winks and nods that were shared between the two. Ursa laughed so hard at everyone else's antics that she nearly choked on her rice wine. Zuko couldn't remember the last time he'd seen her so… happy. So this is what family feels like.
Except someone was missing.
"Hey, where's Toph?" Zuko had noticed her absence earlier, but this was his first chance to inquire as to her whereabouts.
Iroh cleared his throat. "She's decided to stay in Two Rivers for the time being."
That would have been a completely sufficient answer for Zuko. He would definitely miss Toph and had come to think of her as family, too, but he'd also seen that she'd been a bit mopey around the palace lately. A change of scenery would be good for her. Sokka and Suki would take good care of her, no doubt. It was Arik's reaction that surprised him, however.
"Ugh, I can't believe her," the boy mumbled under his breath.
"What? Was she being an insufferable brat again?" Katara's smirk quickly disappeared when she saw the look of hurt on Arik's face.
"Arik, what happened? Did Toph do something to you?" Zuko couldn't imagine what, but sometimes she lacked tact, he had to admit.
Arik slumped down in his chair. "No, not really, I guess. She's just… the best earthbender ever, that's all."
Jin quirked her brow in confusion. "And this is a problem because—"
"She's teaching my sister to metalbend, alright?" Arik snapped. "And my parents are soooooo excited about it. My stupid prodigy sister learning from the best. So Toph is living with them now. In MY room."
Oh. Zuko knew all about prodigy sisters who won their parents' favor. "Hey, man. You can have Toph's room here if you want it. Fair and square."
"No way! It probably smells like stinky feet!" Arik crinkled his nose in disgust.
Iroh laughed. "How about you take Zuko's old room here in the palace then?"
"Good idea," Katara interjected. "Then Jin can have Toph's old room in the villa. She shouldn't be all alone in the Earth Kingdom Embassy. That way, we can hang out more."
"That's a good idea in theory, Katara," Jin agreed. "But you're hardly ever there yourself. Either you're working or spending time with Zuko. And we all know you don't sleep there."
Katara blushed. Zuko noticed his mother was looking at her and then him with pressed lips and narrowed eyes. He'd already received the "being careful" talk from her more than once and shortly before Arik's family came to visit for the Solstice, she had given him the "keeping proper appearances" lecture.
Iroh broke the awkward silence. "Arik, I really wish you'd reconsider moving to the villa. Otherwise, I end up in a house with three women."
A sly grin crept across Ursa's face. With a flick of her fingers, she effectively charred Iroh's komodo chicken. Both uncle and nephew gaped at her while the girls tried to suppress their giggles.
"That's a cool trick!" Arik exclaimed. "Lady Ursa, will you teach me to do that?"
"Yes, Arik, we'll begin your lessons mid-morning tomorrow. I have an… appointment first thing, but I'll come get you afterward, OK?" Ursa smiled warmly.
Arik nodded excitedly, but then his eyes went wide. "Lady Ursa, your…"
Ursa shrieked as her soup started to boil over the sides of the bowl. Before it had a chance to drip off the table and onto her lap, Katara managed to freeze the broth in its tracks. Then they both glared at Iroh who was caught in a fit of silent laughter.
Ursa downed her wine in one gulp. "Oh, you are gonna get it now, General!"
Zuko had never seen this carefree and playful side of his mother. Or well, he had vague memories of when she used to tickle him, but he felt like a lot of his happy childhood memories had been overshadowed by the not-so-happy ones. He watched in a sort of dazed stupor as a food fight broke out around him. But when Katara splashed him in the face with soy sauce, he readily joined in on the fun.
When dinner was over and the laughter had faded, Zuko found himself alone in his office with his troubled thoughts and piles of paperwork. He shuffled through the stacks on his desk, but knew the recent days' events were too heavy and the current hour too late for him to get any real work done. He rummaged through the liquor cabinet before settling on his usual, an Earth Kingdom whiskey. It was funny how the innkeeper had pegged him on it. Old people just seemed to have a sense of these things. Life, love, liquor…
For the meantime, he'd pushed the words of the gardener out of his mind. His father was best left to rot in prison, Dr. Jung was away in Ba Sing Se, and his mother remained blissfully ignorant of such secrets as far as he could tell. He wasn't sure what to do with the information, and it certainly didn't make him feel better or worse, so it seemed best not to dwell on it either way.
He'd almost indulged the idea of having a brother, though, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't grieving the loss of someone he barely knew. There was something about the innocent, perfect face of Lee combined with the sadness in the boy's voice that made Zuko want to protect him, to show him that he really didn't need a father to be whole. It had to be true, otherwise, all hope was lost… for the both of them.
Then, there was Arik. Another fighter against the odds. And in all honestly, Zuko saw himself more in that boy than his look-a-like half-brother anyway. Conversations at dinner confirmed that the eleven-year-old felt at ease among his family and friends. For this, Zuko was grateful. The food fight eventually gave way to a sparring session, and Zuko could tell that Arik was so eager to learn. He was unsure of how to define it, but he already cherished their budding relationship.
Zuko sipped the last of his whiskey when he heard a faint knock on his office door.
"Arik, it's late. What are you doing here?"
"I c-c-can't sleep. The guard said I'd find you here."
"OK, fine. Come in, then."
Arik gave the room a cursory glance, then plopped down in a chair. "So this is where you do all your Fire Lording stuff?"
"I guess."
"It's not a very exciting place."
"Fire Lording is not a very exciting job."
"It's not?"
"Look, Arik. I don't know anything about appropriate bedtimes for kids your age, but shouldn't you be sleeping?"
"I told you. I can't."
"Right. And why not?"
"It's uhhh…"
Arik's eyes darted around nervously as if avoiding the question. Zuko panicked at the possible explanation. I can't help you if you've had a nightmare.
"The room," Arik said. "It's too big… or something. Or just different. I dunno."
"I think I know what you mean." Zuko breathed a sigh of relief. "It used to be my room when I was your age. Sometimes I couldn't sleep, either."
"Really?"
"You know, my friend, Aang just stayed in there recently. Have you met him? The Avatar?"
"I did, yes. He came to Two Rivers."
"I think I have an idea for something that will help you, then. Something Aang gave me to help me sleep better."
Zuko instructed the guard to take Arik back to his room. A few minutes later, he met the boy there with a set of wind chimes. He didn't necessarily want to give up his birthday gift from Aang, but they weren't helping with his nightmares anyway. And if they could help Arik, then he knew his friend would approve. Zuko opened the window, hung the wind chimes, and stood back to listen to their music.
"It sounds nice, but won't I catch cold with the window open?" Arik asked.
"Seriously? You're a firebender. You don't get cold."
"Wow. My mom would never say that."
"Arik, I'm not your mother. Now, go to sleep."
"She would say that."
Zuko laughed and waved a hand to extinguish the lanterns in the room. When he got to the doorway, though, a thought struck him. "Arik, do you miss her?"
"Huh?"
"Your mother."
"No. Why?"
"Oh. I just thought maybe…. Nevermind. Goodnight."
Zuko had been exactly Arik's age when his mother left him, and he remembered missing her so much that it ached. Perhaps Arik wasn't that close to his mother. Or maybe the fact that he could see her if he wanted to made it better. Zuko then decided that since his own mother was here now, he would cherish their time together. Even though the secrets the gardener had revealed seemed devastating, embittering, even, he didn't want to hold any of that against her. He wanted to see her smile and laugh more. He wished she could live simple carefree days filled with walks in the garden, talks by the turtleduck pond, and… food fights at dinner… if that's what made her happy.
Happiness for Ursa, however, was limited to such fleeting moments. Zuko saw a completely different side of her when he stopped by to observe Arik's lesson the next morning. As soon as he made eye contact with the young firebender, he could tell something was wrong. She was leading him through simple breathing exercises, but her own breathing was erratic and her voice kept wavering. Ursa hadn't noticed Zuko, yet, so he stood back and watched despite Arik's silent pleas for him to intervene.
So the boy decided to take matters into his own hands. "Lady Ursa, are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she snapped. "Now, concentrate!"
"If you're not… feeling up to… then we can…?" Arik shrugged.
"Don't lift your shoulders like that! Posture is key to optimal breathing!"
Arik rolled his eyes. Zuko winced. He knew she hated that.
"Ungrateful child," she grumbled. "Don't you see that I tried to be there for you? I did the best I could considering the circumstances."
Zuko then realized that she was not talking to or about Arik anymore. He took a few steps toward her, but she still didn't acknowledge him.
"Umm, Lady Ursa?" Arik shot Zuko a combined look of worry and fear. With her last statement, she had started shaking.
"How could I teach you if you wouldn't listen!?" she wailed. "How can you possibly blame me for what he did to you!?"
Zuko made it over to her just in time to catch her fall. She collapsed into his arms while her whole body convulsed with her sobbing. At first Zuko thought maybe she had gone to see his father again. But then he remembered. She was scheduled to have sessions with Azula in Dr. Jung's absence. It must not have gone well.
"Arik, go get…" Who? Uncle? Katara? Dr. Yang? "Jin. Can you find Jin for me?"
Zuko instructed Jin to make a mild sun poppy tea for Ursa. Not something to knock her out, just something to calm her nerves. In the meantime, he held his mother tightly while she cried and kept saying over and over, "It's all my fault."
"It's not your fault, Mom," he said. "You were right to blame him. It's his fault."
She shook her head. "Azula," she choked. "I f-failed Azula."
"No, Mom. He failed Azula. She can't see it, yet, because she's still caught up in his lies."
"I should have shown her the truth."
"Mom, she was nine when you left. We weren't old enough to handle the truth."
Ursa shuddered at her next confession. "I should have never left."
Zuko didn't know exactly what to say to that because he never fully understood why she had to leave. But he had promised himself to let that resentment go, so he said, "But you came back."
Jin brought back the tea and shortly after drinking it, Ursa fell asleep. Jin shrugged. "Whoops. I guess I made it too strong?"
Zuko had forgotten about his Uncle Cheng, but the Colonel had appointed himself as Ursa's personal guard. The man came back from his morning break, received the report about what happened, expressed his grave concern on the matter, and then carried the sleeping woman back to her room. Then Zuko remembered that Arik had returned with Jin and was simply standing idly nearby.
"Oh, hey, sorry kid. Your lesson kinda got cut short." Zuko supposed he would need to find a new teacher for Arik. He hadn't realized how unstable his mother had become. "So, uhh, I have swordfighting lessons in an hour if you'd like to join. Then later I take firebending lessons myself. We can ask Master Jeong Jeong if he can teach you, too."
Arik just stared at him with the same wide-eyed expression he'd held since Ursa had lost it.
"Arik, say something." Zuko waved a hand in front of the boy's face.
"Your mom… is she… broken?"
Oh spirits, kid, why? Zuko fought back tears. He'd done so well to keep it together until now. "Umm, yeah, you could say that. But the important thing is that she's home now."
"My mom says home is not about the place, it's about the people," Arik said.
"Makes sense." Zuko wiped his eyes on the back of his sleeve in an attempt to at least appear strong in front of the kid.
"Not to me," Arik continued. "It doesn't seem to be about either. I don't know where I belong, Earth Kingdom or Fire Nation or who I belong with, really. My family never made me feel at home."
"Then maybe you haven't found your people, yet." Zuko remembered the words Hakoda had said to him about finding new people. And looking out for each other. He may not know how to fix his mother's brokenness, but they were each other's people, this was their home, and he would hold her while she cried for as long as she needed him to—because this is where he belonged.
The boy shrugged again. He did that a lot, Zuko noticed.
"And when you find your people, Arik, then you'll be home."
"We're almost out of Roaring Panda!" Katara pouted as she eyed the contents of the bottle.
"We? You're the only one who drinks it." Zuko pushed a pile of paperwork to the corner of his desk. And go ahead and drink up. Because I am done with work for today and ready to work you.
Katara couldn't exactly read his thoughts from the simple smirk he gave her. The act of rearranging things on his desk didn't quite serve as the cue he had intended.
"Whose is it anyway?" If Katara hadn't already been feeling a little tipsy from her wine at dinner, she might have known better than to ask that question. Even still, Zuko was always calling it a "girl's drink," so it was hard for her to imagine Ozai partaking in it.
Mood killer. Zuko frowned at her, picked up a quill, and began writing a letter to Nobleman Qi in the Shingzong Province. Back to work, I guess.
Katara then realized her mistake. She retrieved shot glasses from the liquor cabinet to finish off the bottle with two final pours. She brought one over to Zuko. "What I meant to say was, 'where do I get some more?'"
Zuko personally didn't like the way the liquor tasted, but he knew he would need its assistance after entertaining the notion that his father—or perhaps it was his mother—had once enjoyed the drink and its promised after-effects.
He swallowed. At first it just burned the back of his throat, but it wasn't long before he felt the burning sensation all over. He remembered now another reason why he didn't like the Roaring Panda. It intensified the fieriness that he often felt when he was frustrated or angry. He feared it would make him lose control. At this thought, a whole new set of unbidden ideas about what could have happened between his mother and father surfaced. He tried to steady his breathing as he considered what might be written in his mother's dream journal which he had stowed away in a bottom drawer for the time being.
"Zuko?" Katara coaxed him back to reality. "Are you OK? You look a little flush. Are you… feeling the drink already?" Her voice was low and heady when she said the last part. She took a long sip of her liquor, slipped a leg across his waist to straddle him right there in his chair, and then his mind went completely blank.
He liked it when Katara had her panda lily spirit. Because she blossomed above him, and he wilted beneath her.
"The Kit-n-Kindle," he managed in between hot desperate kisses.
"What?" She leaned back to look at him, and he took this opportunity to start working at the ties and fasteners of her clothes.
"It's a… sex shop. In the Caldera. It's where you buy the Roaring Panda."
"And how would you know about this place, Fire Lord?" she teased.
Another mood killer. "Uncle told me about it," he squeaked.
She sat there in his lap, half-dressed and lost in thought for a few minutes. Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose, wondering if they were done for the night.
"Can I just… go there?" she finally asked.
"Well, maybe not by yourself. It's not in the best part of town," Zuko replied. "And we can't go together… it won't… look good."
"I know, I know." She sighed. Just as she was about to redirect her attention to taking off his clothes, she lit up. "I'll take Jin!"
Zuko groaned. That idea sounded like trouble.
"What? It'll be fun!"
"But Jin doesn't even have a boyfriend to buy for." Zuko's initial feeling of guilt at this statement was followed by a very unexpected line of thinking. One that was definitely not a mood killer. Katara and Jin in a sex shop… Katara and Jin… sex… I'm not into that sort of thing, but how would a threesome...
"Zuko? Hello? Where'd you go?" Katara was used to him getting lost in thought like this, but she couldn't help but be curious this time. She'd felt his pants tighten in response to whatever it was.
"Uhh, sorry."
"I was saying… we need to get a wedding gift for King Kuei and Queen Song."
"Oh." Zuko tugged at the collar of his tunic. He was definitely feeling things now. "They wouldn't like the Roaring Panda I d-don't think. Besides Ba Sing Se has its own shop… it's even bigger… c-called the Bump-n-Grind… or something like that."
The look Katara gave him just then was reminiscent of the scolding one his mother had given him at dinner the night before. That would also be a mood killer if he wasn't already too far gone. If Katara was just going to talk and not initiate, then he needed to take matters into his own hands. He started by freeing himself from his own pants since they had become quite restricting.
"Did you know that Kuei and Song have never… well… you know?"
Yup, she's still talking. He skillfully removed her bindings. "No, I don't know what you're talking about."
"What would you get someone for their first time?"
Just shut up, Katara. She gasped when he took a nipple in his mouth, teasing with tongue and teeth.
"I mean, I thought the Roaring Panda would be good because it kinda helps you let go of your inhibitions."
Is that what this is? Zuko lifted her up from the chair, slammed her onto his desk, and started pounding into her hard and fast. Her eyes went wide at the forcefulness of it. He was usually so gentle. The only time he was rough was in response to her demands. It wasn't that she didn't like it. It was just so different. And unexpected.
"Are you done talking, Katara?" he panted.
"Mmm-mm."
"Good. Because now I want to hear you scream."
A/N: OK, there are a few different things going on in this last scene. First, it's me getting a little more bold? comfortable? explicit? in writing about such stuff. For you, probably not a big deal. For me, it kinda is. Also, guess who else is getting bold? OK, well, they both are, but the important thing about Zuko being a little more forceful here is that he's letting go of his fear of being like his father. Because before he would have been hesitant to give in to certain urges for fear of either losing control or hurting Katara.
She likes it, though. Giving it and taking it. Call it more growing pains in their relationship. And always consensual with Zutara.
However, you may notice that they're not exactly communicating effectively in this scene. Zuko is thinking things but not saying them, and Katara is talking without caring that he's not engaged. This is probably a typical scenario for the end of a long stressful day, so I'm just putting it out there as reality for any relationship. Communication is hard, but so essential.
Aaaaand speaking of reality, Zuko is an 18-year-old young man, and he just hired his ex-girlfriend (of sorts) to be his secretary. Umm, this could be a little compromising for him, eh? Katara is not jealous anymore because she's declared Jin as her new bestie. Zuko thinks this is cool since Katara likes having a girl her own age around, but seeing them together weirds him out sometimes. And thinking about them together... with him... and then...
No, there will not be any threesomes. And no, Zuko will not cheat on Katara with Jin. I'm not into character death, remember? This is just Zutara being authentic. They're not perfect. They will have vulnerabilities and misunderstandings. And then lots of hot make-up sex. Haha!