Chapter 26

Separation

Severus Snape was conscious of a pleasurable feeling of satisfaction as he analysed the events of the last few hours. It had been quite amusing to watch Devlin McFarland's discomfiture when Patience had innocently pointed out a small error in one of his charts. It was true that she had failed brilliantly to perform even simple calculations and had been completely unable to respond intelligently to any of the theoretical questions during her examination. However, Patience had made no errors on any of the predictions she was asked to make or when she created the series of charts that was required, which were usually something that the applicant would take home to complete due to the time required. In fact, McFarland, who had initially been inclined to treat Patience with a mixture of condescension and amusement, had requested to watch her create her final chart because he had been unable to believe that it was possible to finish plotting so quickly.

Snape felt the light pressure of his wife's arm in his as they walked down the dark London street and thought about how ironic it was that this was the first time that he had taken her with him anywhere. It would have to be the last time, as well. Whilst his wife had undergone her examination, he had ample time to consider what next had to be done. No matter what his intentions had been when he left Hogwarts, he now considered that it would be foolish to completely break from her immediately. He would have to begin a charade that lead up to the eventual separation. Snape was not ignoring that this plan afforded him some temporary relief, but he thought that an impartial mind would agree that he should wait several weeks.

Snape looked down at his wife and was surprised to see her smiling up at him. Her eyes were aglow with happiness, which he realised was merely due to her gratefulness to him for recognising her one skill and encouraging her. Just before they had entered the Palladian structure that housed the Royal Astrocartographic Society, she had squeezed his arm to get his attention. What she had then whispered still rung in his ears. "No one has ever cared what I could do before, Severus. Thank you."

He had not considered what she might really want from him, what he might be able to give her that would earn her gratitude. He had assumed that what she most wanted was a release from the marriage. However, he now knew what could have been the key to a relationship with her—she wanted to be recognised for something real. She wanted to be important to someone. Now when he could never hope to use it, he had been handed a piece of information that might have got him what he wanted so badly that he was unable to even think of it without pain.

"Are we going home?"

Snape worked to control his voice as he said roughly, "We are. We will eat and then we will discuss other matters."

"Are you displeased? I didn't think you would be so unhappy."

Snape felt the almost impossible struggle within him rage out of control, so he did not respond as he pulled her into the entrance to a closed bank. "We should be able to Disapparate from here. You will go ahead and I shall follow you. Can you go directly to the street in front of our house?"

"I think so. Let me concentrate on it, please. I need to think about it."

Snape watched his wife scrunch up her face in concentration as he still fought the desperation and helplessness inside of him. He stood silently waiting, until Patience said, "I think I am ready."

"Go ahead. I shall follow you."

Patience set her jaw and stepped forward with her wand outstretched before spinning round and then disappearing with a crackling pop. Snape immediately swirled and Disapparated to where Patience was supposed to be waiting and was surprised to see her exactly where she should be. Without speaking, Snape pressed her up the stairs and began the complex series of charms that would allow them to enter the house and bypass the Protection Spells. Snape then followed his wife inside and started the process of returning all of the guards and wards to the door of their home.

"You did not answer my question, Severus. May we discuss this now, instead of after dinner? I really need to know what you are thinking."

Snape nodded and said wearily, "We will go into the drawing room."

Patience trailed after him down the corridor and waited for him to open the door to the room. Snape followed her inside and pointed his finger at the fireplace, watching her carefully. She removed her cloak and seated herself on the bench near the now comfortably blazing fire.

As he draped his cloak over the back of a tall wooden chair and reached to take hers, Snape begun, "I am not unhappy that we are having a child." He looked back at his wife and continued to speak as he carefully folded her dark blue, fur-lined cape, "I am not angry or unhappy, Patience. I am merely concerned now about your security and about the safety of the child."

Snape knew that she would not understand why their child might be in any danger, so he was not surprised by her question. "Why would someone want to hurt a baby? I do not really understand why you are so worried that someone is going to hurt me either. I'm not anyone important; I am not a threat to anyone."

Snape seated himself in the chair closest to her as he replied gravely, "You are not a threat to anyone, but I am. I think that it is time that I explain some things to you, Patience. I am going to have to ask you to do some things that you will not like, however it will be for the safety of the child, so I am sure that you will agree it is necessary once I explain."

He watched his wife's face as she thought about what he said. She finally nodded her head, saying, "I am listening."

"You are aware that I joined the Death Eaters when I was young—that I supported the Dark Lord during the last war."

He could see her eyes widen and heard her breathy answer, "Yes."

"You know what happened at the end of the last school year, during the Triwizard Tournament?"

Patience sat forward in her chair. "Yes, poor Cedric. I liked him very much, you know. He was so nice to me. What happened was horrible. But Father said that the Headmaster was wrong."

Snape had not considered that she would have known Diggory well, but realised that it should have been obvious. Diggory had been the same year and house as his wife, and was a very popular student.

"Yes, I am speaking of Diggory's death. However, the Headmaster was not wrong. The Dark Lord has risen again."

He could see Patience's face whiten with fear and waited until she asked, "He…but we haven't heard anything. If he were alive then wouldn't he be out killing people like before?"

"Patience, consider that I might be one of the people who would definitely know."

Patience's hand flew to her mouth as she realised what he was implying. Snape waited again for her to speak. "You are still a Death Eater?"

Snape did not look her in the eye, as the explanation of his complicated loyalties over the years and how he had got to where he was now were not things he wished to explain fully. "One does not leave, Patience." He drew back his sleeve so that she could see his forearm as he spoke, "I have told you that there are events going on of which you are not aware. I am intimately concerned, Patience. What I am doing is beyond personal involvement, so my family is touched by what I do."

Patience drew back slightly from him and Snape could see her look at his arm where the Dark Mark was clearly imprinted. "Do you want to be a Death Eater, Severus? Do you believe in what He-who-must-not-be-named wants?"

Snape scowled. "I am what I am, Patience. I am not going to explain myself to you. Perhaps nothing is as simple as it appears, however, I can tell you that I am working for what I believe."

Patience shivered as his hand touched her arm briefly, so Snape stood up quickly and began to pace the floor in front of her. "What I am doing is extremely risky, Patience. I am working both with and against wizards who are every bit as dedicated and dangerous as I am. I have managed to protect myself thus far and have not been forced to openly declare my position. However, neither my fellow Death Eaters nor the Ministry nor those…the rest of the wizarding world fully trust me. Therefore, most of the witches and wizards round me would like to know my vulnerabilities."

Patience got up from her chair and moved to stand in front of him. "I am your vulnerability?"

Snape nodded. "You are. Your experience with Fleming was nothing in comparison with what would happen if certain persons, one in particular especially, truly understood how important you are to me, Patience. I can only protect you if you follow my rules. Some of the people that I know would not kill you quickly."

Patience asked in a tiny voice, "Having the baby makes me more of a liability?"

Snape looked down into her face and replied in a low growl, "Yes. I cannot pretend not to care about the safety of my child."

Patience almost whispered as she placed her hand lightly on his arm in an appeal, "So what do we do?"

Snape took a deep breath as he said, "We separate. I make it evident that I am bored of you. I can indicate that I consider you important only as the mother of my child, and of course that interference in my affairs is unwelcome, but that I am not attached to you emotionally in any way."

"You have been planning this. This is why you told me that you might have to go away, isn't it?"

Snape scowled again as he answered, "I was referring then to the possibility. I do not know what I will have to do for my…work. Therefore, it is entirely possible that I will have to leave my position at Hogwarts to covertly pursue some task. It may be that the Ministry would try to seize my property, which is why I have settled that it goes to you."

"But we have to separate? Is that the only choice?"

Snape closed his eyes as he said, "Yes. We will have to appear to have no contact whatsoever, since I must maintain the image that I am uninterested in a relationship with you. I can still openly be in communication with Luther, since I would reasonably want to know about the health of the child."

"But I won't see you?"

Snape opened his eyes, looked down at his wife, and managed a strangled reply. "No."

"No one has to know that you had Flooed in. They wouldn't see you enter the house."

Snape was aware that all attempts to keep his emotions from playing across his face were now futile. She wanted to see him and this was almost enough to break his resolve. "The Floo Network is monitored, Patience. However, we will not make our separation effective today. It must seem to come naturally. You will become interested in your new career and I shall make it known that I disapprove."

Patience pulled away from him suddenly, "You set up the appointment with the RAS so that you had an excuse to separate from me!"

Snape, although this had been part of his plan, realised if he allowed her to believe the truth that he would be breaking her fragile trust in him, so he responded, "Myra Morehead came to me, Patience. I did not seek her out. She had heard from Professor Sinistra about your abilities and wanted to know if it were true. I informed her that you are quite skilled at star plotting and arranged with her for the appointment."

"She came to you?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Then I am sorry that I said that. I did not expect you to do anything for me. You haven't seemed to think that I was terribly capable of much before."

Snape was unable to stop himself from taking his opportunity. He placed a hand on the small of her back and said, "I do not flatter, Patience. I say what I think and only recognise talent that I can see. You did not display much intelligence or skill in my class. However I am pleased that I and your other teachers underestimated you."

Snape saw that his wife was staring up at him and that she looked as if she were afraid to believe him. "You really do want a child?"

"I want this child."

"I do not want to separate, Severus. I would rather stay with you."

"Would you put your baby at risk, Patience?"

Snape watched his wife's face carefully and saw before she spoke that she was going to do what he asked. "No. If you are certain that there is no other way, then I will do what you say."