Zuko was hesitant to include Katara's personal message in his letter to Hakoda. Partly because he didn't think it was necessary—her father knew she loved him, and she didn't need to apologize. And partly because he didn't want it to be necessary—she would see her father again and could tell him these things in person. Right?
But he'd promised her, and therefore added those lines at the end of the letter like a devoted boyfriend should. Boyfriend? Fiancé? Zuko wished they'd had a proper conversation about what happened in Ba Sing Se. Truth be told, with everything they'd been through together combined with the prophecy, they both knew they would get married someday. Zuko had wanted to make it more official—more special—than that, though.
There was another conversation he wanted to have, too. He wasn't sure of the Water Tribe customs on the matter. He didn't even know how such things worked in the Fire Nation. King Kuei had been the one to spark the question in his mind when he told him about going to Song's village to ask her mother for her hand in marriage. Zuko's immediate reaction to that had been, "But why would you need to do that? You're the king. You can take whomever you want for a wife."
Zuko would never forget Kuei's words. "People are not property for the taking, Fire Lord Zuko. I asked her mother to honor their relationship and to seek her blessing for ours."
Zuko's quill hovered over the parchment. He wanted to ask Hakoda. He wanted nothing more than the Water Tribe Chief's favor and blessing. But what if he doesn't…
No, not in a letter, he decided. He would do it in person when they visit the South Pole.
He stared down at the words, watching them blur together as he lost himself in his thoughts. He knew so little about his parents' marriage other than his recent discovery of the abuse his father inflicted upon his mother, and he figured he didn't even know the half of that. Ursa had told him that their marriage wasn't arranged, but more like engineered. Yet he wasn't entirely sure what that meant, either.
Unexpectedly, the next thought hit him with a wave of emotion. He missed her. She should not have stayed in Ba Sing Se. He should have insisted that she come home. What if she never comes back? Oh Agni, I've lost her… again.
He rolled up the letter to Hakoda and started searching for his seal. He'd be damned if Katara lost her only living parent, too. As he searched through desk drawers, opening them with force and then slamming them shut again, the boiling sensation in his blood was building, his bridled temper rearing for release.
"Where is it!?" He started pulling things out of drawers at this point. Clean parchment. Ink wells. Quills. Some time keeping device his uncle had given him. A few packets of tea leaves. A half-eaten bag of fireflakes. Scraps of paper with scribbled notes on them. Some more official-looking documents that probably needed to be filed somewhere. Dr. Wang's journal…
He hesitated. No, I need the seal to send the letter.
He finally found it in the last drawer along with something else he'd lost track of in recent weeks—the letters his mother had given him for his birthday. His aching heart skipped a beat. He missed her so much then… like he missed her now. If only he'd had these letters… if only he had known she was out there somewhere, alive and well... for the most part.
Zuko quickly sealed the scroll for Hakoda and handed it off to the guard who stood post at his office door. He poured a shot of whiskey, set a fire in the hearth, and settled down in his plush chair with the bundle of letters in his lap. He took a deep breath, a long sip, and then read the first one.
Zuko, my love,
First of all, I want you to know that I am okay. I don't know when I'll be able to see you again, but I need you to be strong. You have always been a fighter, but I think some of your hardest fights are yet to come.
When I left, I told you to never forget who you are. What I mean is that you can be who you choose to be. Not what someone else chooses for you. Destiny is a funny thing. I never thought mine would lead me here, and there are so many things I wish I would have done differently. But where you are concerned, Zuko, I have no regrets. Everything I have done, I've done to protect you.
I didn't want to have to warn you in a letter, but you cannot trust your father. He does not have your best interest at heart. In fact, he is no father to you at all. I hated having to leave you with him, but when you need advice, go find Uncle Iroh. He has helped me over the years, in more ways than one, and he will help you, too.
I honestly don't know if this letter will ever find its way to you, but it gives me comfort just writing it. I think about you every day, and I wish for more than anything in the world that we could be together again. I love you.
-Mom
Well, that was interesting. Zuko wondered what he would have thought about it back then as opposed to now. Would his eleven-year-old self heed her words if he'd somehow been able to receive her letters? Would it have made a difference? He decided to open the second letter in the bunch.
Dearest Zuko,
I just want you to know that I am settled now and working. It helps give me a sense of purpose, although the greatest sense of purpose I ever felt was being a mother. Someday I hope to explain the circumstances under which I had to leave, because I would never ever choose to not be your mother anymore. I hope that if we see each other again, you will remember the times we had together, not this time that we were forced apart.
I am grateful for your uncle's connections that have allowed me to find a new life and new opportunities. I hope that Uncle Iroh is doing well especially after the loss of his son. He promised me he would look out for you, but maybe you should look out for him, too.
Can you also look out for Azula? At times, it will seem like she has it all together, but I assure you, she doesn't. And it will definitely seem like she has your father's favor, but I assure you, this is not in her best interest. You've always been protective of her. So, just be who you are. Loyal and loving and long-suffering. Your time will come, Zuko. It's in your blood. And by that, I don't mean royal blood.
Stay true. I love you.
-Mom
Given what Zuko knew now, he could read between the lines and make certain connections he hadn't before. So, apparently Iroh knew Dr. Jung long before they interviewed him for the position of Azula's doctor. Also, his mother must have been referring to the prophecy about Roku's bloodline, and bitterness welled up inside him at the fact that everyone seemed to know about it except him. He also felt a twinge of guilt for having neglected Azula lately. He really should go visit her soon. He thumbed through the stack of letters, suspecting there was maybe about thirty in all. He poured himself another glass of whiskey before opening the third one.
But then he stopped. His mother's words about his uncle also struck him. Something about connections and promises. He knew he felt better that they were in Ba Sing Se together right now, but he had never known that they had been so close. He crossed over to his desk and picked up Dr. Wang's journal from the pile he'd created in his frenzied search for his seal. He threw back the rest of his whiskey in one swallow and settled back down for another read.
Interviews with Iroh
By Dr. Wang
Session 3
General Iroh serves jasmine tea today and says it is his favorite. I am still unsure as to whether I am fascinated or appalled with this man, but as long as he is willing to speak to me, I am willing to listen. Today, he wants to talk about love.
"After my impromptu Agni Kai with my father and brother, relations between the three of us became strained at best. Ozai continued his political song and dance in trying to gain our father's favor, but meanwhile, I became quite invested elsewhere. It was my first taste of true love. And oh, how sweet it was. Giya swept me off my feet from the moment I saw her, but she wouldn't let me win her heart so easily. The day I married her was better than all the Agni Kai victories in all the world. I would take Ba Sing Se in her name a hundred times over if I could.
I reconciled with my father on the day that I lost Giya in childbirth. He didn't come out and say it, but he knew that kind of pain, and he wouldn't have wished it on anyone, especially his own son. Meanwhile, I knew the kind of pain he had inflicted on Ozai in the wake of our mother's death, and I would never wish that for my own son. I would choose the "higher path," which is what his name means. Lu Ten is my life. He is currently training to join the military and will soon be serving by my side.
Then came the prophecy. One of the Fire Sages had contact with Roku on the Winter Solstice and told my father that our family would be promised great power through the Avatar's bloodline. My father began his search for Roku's descendants, and I didn't know how serious he was until he presented a woman to me to become my new betrothed. She was Lady Ursa of Hira'a, daughter of Jinzuk and Rina, and granddaughter of Roku and Ta Min. Don't get me wrong, she was beautiful and all, but I just wasn't ready.
My hesitancy infuriated my father. He threatened to take away my birthright if I wouldn't marry her. Ozai must have known this, because he began pursuing Ursa. He was much younger than me and very charming, so she fell for him. It was too sickening for me to watch as the events unfolded before my eyes. I stayed until the wedding was over, and then promptly went back to war.
It was my success on the battlefont that regained my father's favor this time. He seemed to have forgotten his threat in regard to my birthright and meanwhile expressed extreme disapproval of Ozai. I had no idea why until I had taken leave and discovered just how terrible my brother treated his wife. I knew then that I should have married her instead. I could have protected her from this. Not a day goes by that I don't regret what happened. I was too scared at the time, but I could have promised her a better life. And her children—I'd give my life before I let anything happen to them."
Zuko slammed the book shut and let it drop to the floor. The blood boiling sensation was raging now, his pattern of breathing matching it. His uncle's words reminded him of something, of someone… Dr. Jung. He had said something so eerily similar about his mother back in Ba Sing Se. And his mother's own words disturbed him, too. How his uncle had helped her in more ways than one. How he had connections. How they made promises to each other. How they were betrothed once.
"FUCK!" Zuko threw his drink against the wall. Glass shattered and so did his trust of the only two people in his family he thought he knew. I am so fucking tired of all the family secrets!
Were his mother and uncle really supposed to be together?
Were they ever actually together?
Are they together now?
It all sounded crazy, but that was just it. His family was CRAZY. And Zuko thought he was about to go crazy from all the craziness.
So, he did. He lost it. Fire shot from his fists across the room leaving blackened streaks on the bare wall, the one he'd been meaning to decorate for some time now. The plush velvet chairs were singed and smoking, but they had not caught fire, yet. He could smell burning wood coming from the direction of his desk, but it didn't appear to be ablaze, either. He let out a cry of frustration, flames escaping his mouth as he did. He picked up Dr. Wang's journal in one hand and his mother's bundle of letters in the other. He surveyed the fire in the hearth with intensity, preparing to throw them in when he heard a knock at the door.
"NOT NOW," he growled.
"But sir," the guard implored. "There's a Miss Lin here to see you. She says it's urgent."
Lin? Who the hell is… oh, fuck.
It was the reality check that he needed. He quickly crossed over to his desk, shoved the journal, letters, and other contents back into the drawers as best he could, and then extinguished any and all fire in the room. He took several deep breaths to try and calm himself. He hoped that Lee wasn't with her. "OK, show her in."
As expected, Lin gave the room the same wary look she did when she had been here before, and Zuko felt his stomach lurch into his throat at the sight of her. He thought he understood her fear, but now that he had some idea of what his mother had endured, he knew he could only imagine. But Lin quickly regained her composure and made eye contact with him which was something she hadn't done before.
"Fire Lord Zuko, I need your help," she said.
"Of course. I gave you my word. Anything," he replied.
"It's Lee." She hesitated. "He's—"
"Oh Agni, is everything okay? He's not still sick, is he? We have the best doctors here at the royal hospital. Katara is a healer, and Dr. Yang… she's saved my life loads of times…well, not loads of times, but sometimes…I mean, I don't want to worry you too much, but he'll be in good hands, and—"
"Stop. He doesn't need a doctor." She swallowed hard. "It's just… he had a temper tantrum this morning. And he firebended."
"Oh."
Lin's eyes passed over Zuko's angry marks he'd made on the wall. "I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have come here. I just don't know what to do. The fire, it—"
"I know. It's okay." It's not okay. Why is fire always associated with fear?
"So, what now?" Lin bit her bottom lip and wrapped her arms tightly around herself.
"Well, he needs training. An untrained firebender is a dangerous firebender."
"Okay."
"And he'll need to learn to control his temper. An angry firebender is a dangerous firebender."
"Right."
"But other than that, a firebender is just a firebender. There's nothing to be afraid of." He shrugged. Why can't it be that simple?
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Except that you're a trained firebender, and it looks like you just threw a temper tantrum, too."
Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. "Umm, yeah. So, I had a bad day…" Or a bad life, however you want to look at it.
Her expression softened. "It's okay. I'm just kidding. At least you take your anger out on walls, and not…"
Zuko looked away from her and at his charcoal handiwork so as to avoid acknowledging the implication about other ways to take out one's anger. "Yeah, I've been meaning to redecorate in here anyway."
She laughed. "Seems like appropriate decor to me... for a Fire Lord."
He looked down at his fists, the ones that had been flaming hot mere minutes ago. Yeah, but totally inappropriate behavior.
She cleared her throat. "So, you can find someone to train Lee?"
"Of course." Although he had no clue who. It had already been a struggle to find a teacher for Arik.
"Would you mind talking to him? He's waiting in the garden with Katara. I think it really scared him when it happened."
"He's with Katara? She's awake?" He was suddenly filled with a combination of joy, hope, and relief. So, it was one of those full range of emotions kind of days. He had them more often than not.
Throughout their conversation, Lin had remained surprisingly steady despite her own painful past and her protectiveness of Lee. "Yeah. Katara said some really helpful things, but it might be best coming from you. Since you're a firebender and all."
"So… he still doesn't know…"
"No."
"Hey, Lee. How are you doing?" Seeing the boy and Katara together further fueled that same sense of hope Zuko had felt just a few minutes before.
"I'm good. Miss Katara told me a story about the Avatar. Did you know he can do fire, water, earth, and air?"
"I did know that. He's a friend of mine, actually."
Lee's eyes widened. "B-b-because you're the Fire Lord. Mommy told me." The boy then caught his mother's expectant look, collected himself, and gave Zuko a well-rehearsed traditional bow.
Zuko smiled and nodded. "So, I can do fire only. What about you?"
Lee shrugged and looked away.
Zuko perceived that Lin was about to scold her son, so he quickly continued. "The first time I found out I was a firebender, I was in this very garden. And I accidentally set a bed of snapdragons on fire. I was so upset because I had burned the beautiful flowers, but my mother told me not to worry, that new flowers would grow up from their ashes."
"Mommy doesn't like the fire." Lee glanced sideways at Lin.
Zuko took the boy's hand and walked away from the other two women, nodding back at them for reassurance. In a hushed voice, he asked, "Do you think that if you do the fire, that means your mother won't like you?"
Lee slowly nodded his head and whispered, "Does fire make me a bad person?"
"No. Fire by itself can be helpful and beautiful. It can also be dangerous and destructive. It doesn't make you into the person you are. The person you choose to be will determine how you use the fire. Does that make sense?"
"No."
"Okay, well, it will make more sense when you're older, I guess. Lee, you can be a good person and a firebender. You just have to work hard at it. Can you do that?"
"I think so. So, I'm not a bad person?"
Zuko now understood the purpose Dr. Yang's little exercise. Even though it had actually helped him, he had initially considered it more appropriate for three-year-olds. Well, here's a three-year-old. And here goes nothing. "No. Okay, repeat after me. I am a good person."
"I am a good person."
"I am a firebender."
"I am a firebender."
"I am a good person AND a firebender."
"I am a good person AND a firebender."
"Good. Now all you need are some lessons. I'll make the arrangements with your mom, okay?"
Lin and Lee ended up staying for dinner. Lee acted a little wary of Zuko presumably because he now knew of his Fire Lord status. Zuko wished it didn't have to be that way, but he was grateful for a chance to see the boy again all the same. Lee absolutely adored Jin, though, and Zuko enjoyed just sitting back and watching their antics—the young firebender's contagious laughter, Lin's rare but genuine smile, and Katara—Spirits, I love her. Even though a few people were missing, Zuko knew that if he filled his dinner table—and his life—with these types of people, he would feel at home. They were an odd sort—war-worn, broken, and lost—but they were his family.
He couldn't convince Lin to stay and take the open gardener's position. So, he sent a guard to escort them back home to the harbor village and promised to send word once he'd found a firebending teacher for Lee. Then, with darkness falling, he and Katara took a walk in the gardens.
Zuko cupped his hand over where her arm was hooked around his elbow. "I'm actually surprised Dr. Yang let you leave. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Of course, I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, let's see... there was the whole stunt with the tides… and the bloodbending…"
"So what you mean to say is… I'm more than okay. I'm pretty amazing."
"Yes, Katara. You're amazing. And hella stubborn, too."
She smirked at him, grabbed his hand, and began pulling him in a certain direction. He could tell exactly where they were headed, and the fact the she knew his favorite spot on the palace grounds—that was pretty amazing, too. And after a day like today, he needed this, and she knew that. It was one of the many things he loved about her.
Once they were settled next to each other on the ground near the turtleduck pond, he leaned over for a quick kiss. "Katara, I owe you my life."
She laughed softly. "What was it you said? That seems to be a thing with us?"
"Katara, you are my life."
"Mmm." She kissed him back.
Then, because it was Zuko, he began his usual dance of doubt. "When I said that I needed you, I didn't want you to think… it's not fair for me to ask so much… I would understand if—"
"Hey. I need you, too."
It was like music to his ears. "Really?"
"I do."
There were those words again. They really should stop dancing around the subject.
"Katara, I would give you the world if I could. You deserve so much more than—"
"How about you start by giving me a nation?"
"Even if it's full of close-minded pricks like Satoru?"
"We'll just have to find a way to silence them—uhh, I mean, change their mind."
"Even if it gets bloody hot in the summer and never snows?"
"If it's surrounded by water, then I'll be okay."
"What if there's this hothead ruler with a fucked up family past?"
"Oh, I'm especially interested in the hot ruler."
Zuko saw the desire flash in her eyes and knew she was about to start moving to different beat. But he was still shuffling his feet. "Katara… every time I turn around, I find out some new secret."
"Mmm, okay, so I'm interested in the hot, mysterious ruler." She pushed his tunic off his shoulders. He hadn't noticed how she'd already managed to rid him of his sash.
"No, seriously. It's like bad stuff. I don't want to bring you into—ahhhhh." Dammit, woman, watch where you put your hands. I'm trying to make a point here.
"So you're telling me the hot, mysterious ruler is also bad?" She was undressing herself now, and Zuko was losing his ability to form coherent thought let alone actual words.
"But, Katara…"
"Shut up, Zuko." She then claimed his mouth with a kiss.
A few things went through Zuko's mind at that point. One, should they really be doing this near the turtleduck pond? What would his mother think? Then—who cares? Mom's not even here. Second, could they stay like this forever? He always wished he could freeze such moments in time. And lastly, he still felt like they were treating the marriage proposal as if it were a given, but he'd never properly asked, and she never technically answered.
He felt the cool grass underneath him as his vision filled with blue eyes, flowing hair, and bronze skin illuminated in the moonlight... fading moonlight... then reddish moonlight...What the fuck? "Katara?"
"Are you still talking?" She was already on him, around him, daring him to speak again with the sultry look in her eyes and the tantalizing thrust of her hips.
Zuko groaned. "B-b-but the moon. It's..." What is it, exactly?
She steadied herself, making sure to keep her position, while arching her back to look up at the sky. As she did this, she ran a hand slowly, seductively up one side her body. Zuko could now care less about the moon and its freakish color-changing disappearing act. Not when magic was happening right here in front of him.
"Oh. That's a blood moon," she said flatly.
Zuko shuddered. He had heard of it before, but he couldn't place it. Just that it didn't settle well with him for some reason.
She then leaned down to gently caress his face. "Don't look so worried. It's okay. The moon is just in the earth's shadow. It will pass soon. Besides, it just means the earth, the sun, and the moon are aligned right now."
With the gestures she made with her body, he understood her meaning. He just couldn't shake the feeling that it was a bad omen. Something is going to happen.
She could tell she'd lost him, so she pulled away and settled down next to him to watch the eclipse pass. In the South Pole, they used to call it the Fire Moon, and it signaled an impending enemy attack. Maybe the blood moon meant something equally ominous in the Fire Nation. She heard him let out a sigh, like he had been holding his breath all this time, so she propped herself up on her elbow to look at him. She was going to ask him about the meaning, but then he said, "Oh good, there's the silver lining."
She saw what he was talking about—the sliver of shimmery moonlight that was emerging from behind the earth's shadow. "What?"
"It means there's hope? Right?"
"That's on a cloud, you dork." But when he looked immediately crestfallen, she added, "Zuko, you know I am the power of the moon and the power over the blood, right? So you have nothing to worry—mmmmph."
He kissed her, deep and desperate. Because while the moon had been consumed by darkness in the sky, he had been consumed by his own thoughts. About letting go of fears. About making the most of every opportunity. And about how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. The prophecy made him a promise, but their love gave him hope. There was still a question he wanted to ask, but for now, he was done talking.
Sun and moon realigned once more. Fires of passion crashed into waves of pleasure. And when they peaked, it was powerful—like the spring tides that reach their highest under the command of the moon and the position of the sun. And no matter what remained unspoken between them, they both knew they were together as one.
A/N: The end! Ha! Remember when I said I might use the presidential quote, "A rising tide lifts all boats," as a political/economic reference? Well, given the current state of things (I'm posting this chapter on 11-11-16) I'm about fed up with politics, so instead I decided to end the fic with steamy goodness by the turtleduck pond plus interesting things I learned about the moon, tides, eclipses, etc.
In my headcanon, the blood moon is an Ozai reference. In Rising Tide, I presented how Iroh and Ozai's mother died during childbirth and how this created a rift between Azulon and Ozai. In my Urzai backstory, Burning Passion, I expand on this: Ozai doesn't like blood because he's repeatedly heard the story of how much blood there was when he was born. This is probably why he didn't join the military and why he chooses to rule by fear and manipulation rather than by force. (He really only fights children in canon if you notice.) There was also a blood moon on the night Ozai was born, and it was generally believed to be a bad omen in the Fire Nation (and in other cultures as well).
Here's another headcanon tidbit I'll throw in because I don't know if/when I can incorporate this into the storyline. So after the Winter Solstice, the one where Aang talks to Roku and the Fire Temple is destroyed, Zhao apprehends the Fire Sages and claims he's taking them back to the Fire Lord as prisoners. This is the same Solstice where Shyu receives the prophecy from Roku about "the power of the full moon" and "the power over the blood." (Rising Tide: Chapter 6, Full Moon Rising). So I imagine that in order to bargain for their freedom in the presence of Fire Lord Ozai—or perhaps he demands the information in exchange for their freedom or something like that—Shyu offers up a modified version of the prophecy to appease him. Ozai thinks he gets the message, something about power and blood and the moon. It must be talking about him, since he was born under the blood moon, right? Therein lies the origin of the Phoenix King as the idea starts to form in Ozai's mind.
Oh, and I should also clear up that I do not intend for Iroh and Ursa to have had or ever have a romantic relationship. Zuko, under the influence of his emotional instability and a couple of shots of whiskey, made that assumption on his own. Why did I include that in this chapter? Because Zuko was getting a little too touchy-feely for me, and I needed him to lash out. But not at anyone. Just a typical Zuko fit. You know what I'm talking about.
So, the third installment is called Beyond the Silver Lining, and the first chapter should be posted in 3...2...1...
As always, thanks again for coming along for the ride!