I sit on the cool, tiled deck of the pool surrounded by warm and stagnate air and I can hardly breathe. I don't know if it due to the warm, muggy, chlorine-filled air around me or the fact that I'm holding her in my arms. I'm half holding her up, while letting her lean against me. I knew this would be overwhelming for her but I hadn't expected her to pass out like she did. Her current stated worries me, so I plan to sit here as long as it takes, holding her tightly so she's safe. My gaze, when not transfixed on Emily, flirts now and then to a very anxious Spencer single-handedly creating a ditch into the hard deck. She had come out of the office to find Emily and me on the tiled floor. She's extremely concerned and visibly upset because as she paces back and forth on the deck. Her face is furrowed, indicating she's lost in deep thought. I'd like to know what she is thinking in all this. Spencer has always been one to come through with great advice and know-how but I think we might all be out of our league on this one, even the "Great Spencer Hastings". Knowing I'm not going to be able to break her out of her stupor without undergoing extreme consequences, I leave her and her thoughts be. Some things really never change. I decide instead to shift my attention to the person I've spent years thinking about to get myself through the days of captivity. She'll probably never be able to realize how she saved my life and my sanity. I look down at the unconscious girl in my arms. She's so beautiful even when she's as pale as if she'd just seen a ghost. To be fair though, she kind of had. I take in every detail, from the more mature look to her face to how tone her arms are. I didn't think it was possible for her to get more fit then she already was or more even more sexy for that matter. My gaze follows the ripped muscles of her arm down to her hand resting on my lap when something shiny catches my eye: something shiny on her left ring finger. My heart sinks as I admit the facts silently to myself: 'She's engaged. She's moved on and she's engaged'. I instantly find myself getting a jealous of this mystery woman who now has a part of Emily's heart only for it to be replaced even quicker by a deep paining guilt.
"I shouldn't have come," I say out loud, not caring if Spencer ripped my head off for interrupting her thoughts.
"You're joking right?" She softly exclaims, abruptly stopping her pacing fairly close to where I am on the floor. Her face is twisted and her eyes are wide. For a second, I fear for my life, until images of the last three and a half years and my current situation return to the forefront of the brain. Spencer can't do anything remotely close to any of that pain. I shake my head no.
"She's obviously engaged Spencer! She's moved on and I don't blame her. I shouldn't have come back and interrupted her life like this. It's selfish of me. She should be free to live her life in peace," I spill out making sure it's not too loud to wake the girl in my arms but loud enough to stress my point. I hang my head, defeated as tears start to fall from my face.
"You do realize that if you had come back and not told her you were alive, she'd hunt you down and kill you herself when she found out right?" Spencer replies plainly, not a hint of sarcasm in her voice. I know it's true and know that although Spencer killing me might not cause anywhere near the pain I've experienced, Emily could easily destroy me if she felt she had a reason to. I nod my head still unable to stop the unending flow of tears. Spencer acknowledges my acceptance of her statement and returns to her pacing knowing that's all she needed to say. I knew coming here that there was a good chance Emily was involved with someone else. I had told her I wanted her to move on and be happy but I hadn't anticipated the heartbreak that came upon seeing that ring resting on her finger. I immediately make a promise to myself to let her keep her promise to me. I'd be there for her in any way I could, just like I always have, but I'd let her continue to live her life in whatever way she needed, even if it meant never seeing her again. I can only silently pray and wish with every fiber of my being that will not be the case.
I begin to sense movement as the gorgeous, dark-haired woman in my arms starts to return to the real world. She slowly opens her eyes and at the same time brings her left hand up to touch my arm that's wrapped around her shoulder, realizing someone is holding her. My skin under her fingers burns, missing the feel of her touch. She eventually lifts her head to look me in the eyes her head fairly close to mine. I immediately forget my surroundings. I hear nothing but her breathing. I feel nothing but her touch on my skin. I see nothing but her big deep eyes, I never could help getting lost in, looking at me with intermingled joy and sadness. She moves her hand from my arm to lightly cup my cheek, leaning her forehead against mine. I can feel the band of her ring burning into the flesh of my cheek but I force the feeling out of my mind and instead focus on how good it feels to hold her so close again after so long.
"Paige," she barely whispers out with her head still leaning against mine. "You're here. You're a-a-alive." She's barely able to choke out the words as she begins to sob. I shift our weights around so that I can hold her face with both hands and look her in the eyes again.
"Hey, it's ok." I whisper out. "I'm here." She smiles a little but is obviously still overwhelmed. It takes every ounce of will power I have to fight the urge to pull her into me and crash our lips together. Instead, I pull her into a tight hug, holding her as close to me as I possibly can. I settle for kissing the top of her head as we both sit in each other's arms, unable to believe the other is actually there.
I have no idea how long we've been sitting here when I faintly hear a voice calling from the locker room. I don't think much of it, and continue to hold Emily with our foreheads resting against each other's once again.
"Emily?" a voice I don't recognize says, a pain clear in her voice. I realize this doesn't look good when both Emily and I turn to face her. The stranger begins to turn around after giving Spencer a glare, when Emily begins to stand up and call out after her.
"Stephanie, wait. Let me explain!" She yells out as I help her to her feet but the mystery girl is already in the locker room. Emily looks to me and I give her a look that tells her to go and that I'll still be here when she returns. With that, she turns to run after this Stephanie.
I look at Spencer who's standing across from me, completely stunned and obviously overwhelmed with everything that's transpired since the moment I walked through that coffee shop door. She makes eye contact with me before raising her left hand from where it's crossed with her right and slightly wiggles her finger. It clicks. That was Emily's fiancé.