Dear Readers, please read this chapter, this is a revision of "The Last and The First Time." I changed the title of the chapter and made a few changes - especially in the third section. I apologize to anyone who really liked what I originally wrote in this chapter but after some time had pass, I started feeling unsatisfied with the piece, but this revision I have a feeling is a better fit for Elsa's and Jack's development. So please reread this one and you can skip to the third section where the main changers are if you want. And as always, ENJOY!

Chapter 43-To Change, To Be Brave

Once night had fallen Jack snuck inside the castle with care, not wanting anyone to see him; making his way silently towards Elsa's room. Reaching the turn at the end of the hall, Jack poked his head out slightly to see if there as anyone heading in his direction. There were no guards or staffs to be seen, though to his current displeasure, Jack found Rapunzel standing right outside Elsa's door with her gaze turn down at her feet.

If Rapunzel was there, Jack knew that most likely something had happen and she was either waiting for him or Elsa. Needing to see the Snow Queen himself Jack saw no point in hiding any further. So with a short grunt, Jack floated out from behind the turn and made his way to his friend. He stopped himself right in front of her with his arms crossed. She in return looked up with a small smile.

"You don't look very happy to see me." Rapunzel said in soft humor.

"And you look like you've been waiting for me," Jack replied in plain. Rapunzel nodded her head but didn't say anything more. "Do you have anything to say to me?" Jack asked.

"Not really," was simply her answer. "I guess you can say I'm just the messenger for now." Jack raised a brow in confusion as to what Rapunzel could mean by that. "If you're looking for Elsa, she's in her study."

Surprised, Jack asked, "Did Elsa told you to tell me that?"

"No. I saw her heading into the study."

More confused, Jack asked, "So why are you here then?"

"I thought it might be about time for you to come looking for her again."

"And what makes you say that?" But then a possible answer stuck him, and Jack answered in unison with Rapunzel 'A feeling.' "What now?" Jack asked instead, wearingly. "Did Elsa's emotion change again?"

"Yes. It looks like she's feeling a lot better now, though her pain towards you is still there."

"Were you the one who made her feel better?"

Rapunzel shook her head and rubbed her left shoulder. "Not me, Hiccup did."

"Hiccup?!—never mind, I'll find out sooner or later." Jack began to float again, "So you said she was in her study right?"

Rapunzel nodded her head. But before Jack could take off, he felt a firm grip took hold of his sleeve. He tuned to look back at Rapunzel. There was only a bit of light shining through the window; still, it was too dark to tell the condition of his friend's health, but Jack assumed that her pale hand wasn't the result of her sickness. "You're not going to hurt her, are you Jack?" Rapunzel asked with such fragile in her voice. "If you do, then I swear I'll come after you."

Jack chuckled lightly. "Somehow I think I'll be in bigger trouble if Anna were to find out and come after me than you." But Rapunzel made no reply, her hold still binding. He placed his hand over her hold and gently tries to remove her grip. "Which would you rather have me do? Tell Elsa the truth of how I feel? Or should I lie?"

"That depends," Rapunzel replied sternly, voluntarily removing her own hold. "How do you feel about Elsa?"

"…I rather discuss that between her and myself for now if you don't mind."

Rapunzel narrowed her eyes for a moment, but then they soften once more. "I'll find out eventually," she said with exhaustion. She then rubbed Jack's arm, the area in which she had grasped him so firmly in before. "Elsa is my dear cousin and I don't want her to be hurt anymore. But you are also my dear friend Jack; and I don't want you to hurt yourself over someone else—whom you have no power to control their life or their feelings towards you. Just promise me that no matter what happens tonight, you and Elsa will try to keep the damage to a minimum. There are just some things I can't heal with my magic or with my presence, even if I wanted to."

Jack nodded and looked straight into Rapunzel's eyes. "I promise," he said with confident. Before leaving he asked his friend if she needed a quick lift back to her room. But she said no, saying she has to go and make a quick trip to meet with Tooth and Sandy.

"It would be quicker to hear about the moving progress on their end then having to wait for a message from a scout."

"But what about your health?"

"It's only a quick check-up and then I'll be back before you know it."

"Let Merida or Hiccup do that, it would only take them a few minutes."

"They got their hands full already and you have your own problem to deal with. Don't worry, it won't take me long either." Not allowing any further protest from Jack, Rapunzel started pushing him with playful force and Jack eventually went on his way, letting Rapunzel to go about her own business.

XxXxXx

Managing to find a window that open, Jack decided it would be quicker to go to Elsa's study if he was flying outside, instead of having to hide and sneak around so much inside the castle. To add to his advantage, Manny was in a crescent shape tonight, offering more dark shades for Jack to hide himself in if needed to. No sooner did Jack come to the familiar window he would use to enter Elsa's study, but he hesitated to make his presence known quite yet. Instead, upon nearing, Jack slowed himself down and only allowed the line of his eyes and above to be visible, as he peeks through the window to see if Elsa was there.

To Jack's relieve she was there and she hadn't notice him yet. Elsa was just standing in the center of the room with her back just slightly facing the two windows. Jack could see that Elsa was doing something with her snow: she was practicing or experimenting with her new abilities maybe. But Jack still had to wonder though what she was really doing. It was interesting to watch the way how the bits of scattered snow continue a pattern of surrounds her in one moment, before instantly gathering to be reformed into something else in the palm of her hands a second later. Jack also thought that Elsa has been in her study for quite some time now, seeing how there were frosts and ice heavily covering a small area of where she stood.

After some time had passed, Jack knew that he shouldn't wait any longer; otherwise he'll lose his convection and just leave. If that were to happen, then the next time he tries to talk to her, it would become harder and harder for him. So with one last breath, deeply inhaling through his mouth, and exhaling through his nose, Jack lightly knocks on the glass.

XxXxXx

The tiny icy bunny was cute but Elsa quickly decided against using the little creature, realizing instantly that the animal just wouldn't do. She then tried for an owl but the bird didn't fit either. Elsa tried creating other animals but eventually decided that animals were not suited for what she wanted. Changing plans, Elsa went through hundreds of designs of images on small clothing items, but that idea was also changed to items and objects that she thought would make for a good jewelry. After two hours had passed, she settled for a simple small dew drop shape; its color was of deep cerulean blue with an icicle pattern in a lighter tone on top of the dew, and the bottom had an icy texture like frost in a lighter tone of blue than the other two. But she left the middle of the dew untouched, save for the tiny snowflake in the dew's core. Overall the dew was smooth and round, and it was small enough to be covered with just her thumb and two fingers alone, but it was firm and hard to break. Despite the time it took for her to come up with a decent idea and the design, she was satisfied with herself as well as proud.

As Elsa was pondering on a design for the lace, she heard a knocking on her window. Startled, Elsa nearly dropped the dew. She caught it with both hands; holding it more tightly than she needed to. Looking over her shoulder, Elsa was surprised to find Jack on the other side of her window. The corners of his lips pulled slightly back, resulting in what seemed to be an uncertain smile. He tapped faintly on the glass this time and then pointed in the direction of the latch.

Without a word Elsa straightened herself and calmly went towards the window, while carefully sliding the dew into her left hand. When near, she undid the lock by its hook and opened the window, but Jack still didn't enter.

Jack made a gesture with his hand, asking if he could really come in. And Elsa, still with no word, nodded as a reply and opened the window wider as Jack came in. Elsa made to close the window and Jack made to do same, with his hand placed higher on the frame than hers. When the window was closed and they heard the latch clicked back to its place, neither of them moved from where they were, both keeping their gaze looking beyond the glass for some time.

"You surprised me Jack," Elsa said quietly.

"I surprised myself to be honest," Jack replied in the same volume. "It's pretty late. I guess the maid had already brought you your food and cleaned up."

Shaking her head Elsa and said, "No, I had dinner earlier with Anna and Kristoff. We tried to get Eugene and Rapunzel to join us but they said they had already eaten with Lukas and his brothers." Turning to face Jack, Elsa carefully held the dew in her hand as naturally as possible, trying not to draw attention to it.

"And how was it?" Jack asked.

"How was what?"

"The food—I mean how was the food?"

"F-Fine, just fine…What's the matter Jack? You don't seem like yourself."

Jack raised a brow and softly grins and said "Really?" in a playful challenge. Elsa recognized by now the patterns and methods Jack would use to set her up for something, usually to help her feel better whenever she's down. But this time it's different; it didn't feel as though Jack was trying to fool her, but more so trying to fool himself.

Taking her left hand Elsa touched it against the glass of the window, and covered it all in frost. And with a finger, she rested it lightly against the glass at the ready. "Any request?" Elsa asked with a smile.

Both of Jack's brows lowered in level and his grin faded. He looked first at the glass and then at her, a moment later Jack shrugged. "Anything is fine I guess."

Elsa thought for a few seconds before she started tracing the outlines of a school of fish.

"…Is that a crab?" Jack asked.

Elsa hesitated to continue drawing, and so slowed down. "No, this one's a sea turtle, the one over here is the crab."

"—Oh—alright…So is this one here a seahorse?"

"…No," Elsa said with some disappointment, "That's supposed to be a dauphin."

"Oh then this one here is the seahorse."

"I haven't drawn any seahorses yet Jack." Out of the corner of her eyes Elsa saw Jack froze, she wanted to giggle but fought the urge to. Elsa then stopped drawing completely and faced Jack, wearing an expression of uncertainty. "Is there any chance you are just teasing me about how bad my drawings are?"

Jack looked at her for a second and then back at the pictures. "Maybe plants are more your style."

Elsa used her right hand to rub the side of her left shoulder. "I'm not any good with plants, that's why I went with animals instead." Jack couldn't say anything back. "It's alright to be honest and tell me that I'm not good with drawings Jack."

"—No-no-no…Maaayybeee you're good with shapes?"

"…Shapes?" Elsa repeated, while leaning most of her wait onto one leg.

"—You know like pattern wise? Geometric pattern wise?" To top off her performance, Elsa crossed her arms and raised a brow, hoping to show she was unimpressed. Jack sighed and scratched the back of his head. "You're not going to make this easy for me are you?"

Elsa smiled wickedly. "Well I'm not the one digging my own grave am I?"

"Is there any way I can climb out of it?"

Elsa raised both of her brows, making a show of looking surprised. "I said you were digging your own grave, I didn't think you are already lying in it."

Jack chuckled, and Elsa was even happier because the volume of his chuckled was louder than what she'd expected. When Jack was finished, he looks back at the pictures she drew. He waved his hand over them and they all came to life, manifesting into the right shapes and form of the animals Elsa intended them to be. The animals swam around the two of them, engulfing them in their own aquatic world.

"You know," Jack started, "I'm usually the one who does this; I'm supposed to be the one to do this."

"Do what Jack?"

"I'm supposed to make your feel better whenever you're down, not the other way around."

Elsa took Jack's free hand and held it within her right hand. "Jack, we're supposed to take care of each other. I know what you promised me in your Pact to me and Anna, but don't forget what Anna and I have promised to you and the others to. So Jack, what is wrong?"

Jack smiled an honest smile and shook his head. "You've changed, you know that?"

"All because of you and the others," Elsa replied shyly.

Jack nodded, and after a minute, said. "I just needed to talk to you."

Elsa could feel her heart tightening but she made no move show it. She already knew that a second round of this talk was going to come. She had even wanted it. "About?"

"…What we talked about back at your ice castle."

Elsa removed her hand from his and even took a few steps back. Resting a hand on her desk, she steadied herself. "Is there anything more to talk about, I thought we were we done with that dissociation."

"I know," Jack replied in an apologetic tone. Without either of them realizing it, but the fishes dancing around them was beginning to slow down. "But I have to honest with you now, because all this time, you've been completely honest with yourself and with me about your feelings. Meanwhile, all I've been doing was lying to myself and you. I've been unfair to you."

No longer able to hold his gaze up, Jack lowered his eyes and stared at his freed hand. From there he started forming little dancing flakes, twirling them around his fingers as he continued to speak. "Ever since I learned what was hurting you, I was baffled and I hated myself for making you feel the way you do. But then I started feeling guilty and ashamed, because I couldn't see how things were going to work out between us; too many things just stand as obstacles between us…but then I realized that those were just excuses in a sense. Good reasons but still excuses."

Elsa hesitated to ask, feeling the lump in her throat becoming dry the more she thought about what Jack's feelings could be. "Then how do you really feel about me jack?" Elsa asked softly. "About us?"

Without turning away or lowering his gaze, Jack leaned his staff against the wall and took a step closer towards Elsa while also taking her hands into both of his. With a slight panic Elsa quickly snugged the dew between the bases of her thumb, and held it there without too much force, still hidden from sight. She could only pray that Jack doesn't notice; and if he hasn't yet, then he doesn't move his hand any higher from where he held hers.

Jack stopped lifting their hands once they were leveled with the line of his lips. With his thumbs he began to softly massage her fingers. "You seem awfully calm for what I'm about to say as a replay to your questions." Jack noted in light humor, and Elsa smiled shyly in return. She gently squeezed Jack's hands. "At this point, what will be will be," Elsa said quietly. "I accepted that not too long ago. So no matter what I will face the results after tonight. And it is my choice. Do you understand that, Jack?"

Jack closed his eyes for a second and squeezed gently back at her hands, before reopening his eyes. "Your choice," Jack agreed solemnly. "You really have change."

"And I don't regret the changes in me."

"…It's heavy sometime you know," he resumed anew, with his voice quiet and low. "At times my heart feels heavy, while other times it tightens to the point where it hurts, making it hard for me to even breathe. And there are even times when my heart feels like it's swelling, almost like it could burst. There was only one other time in my entire life, where I have ever had these feelings with my heart. And that was a very long time ago. Back when I was alive with Elisa." The corners of Jack's lips started pulling into a small smile, revealing a thin line of his white teeth. "The thing is Elsa; you are making feel something I haven't felt in a really really long time. I'm not saying you and Elisa are the same—you two are far from being the same, and I wouldn't have it any other way…It feels really good. This feeling, this love, it reminds me of who I was and how I became the Jack Frost I am today."

Elsa's heart sore and she could feel her face was warming up, starting from the bottom of her stomach, burning strongly in her chest, and moving its way up. She couldn't stop herself from smiling softly, but Elsa knew there was more to hear. So she quickly reins in her emotion the best she could. Jack had taken noticed of her reaction but he still continued on, taking a breath to also prepare himself for what was to come.

He released her left hand and with his freed right hand, he lifted it up to cup her left cheek. "Elsa, this feeling, I never want to let go of it." Lowering her right hand just a bit, Jack placed her hand over his heart. Despite the thick fabrics of Jack's clothes, Elsa could softly feel his beating heart. "But when I think about us, I keep thinking that one day followed by many mornings and nights and hours and minutes, I will be reminded that you are no longer there while I will still be here, years and years after…Everyone just kept saying how I'm the lucky one; how I have gone through years spared from the burden of memories of my human life; spared from the pain of having to watch someone so close—someone I've connected in heart and mind, touched and hold in flesh. I never saw it as that way before but now with you…"

Jack moved in closer, so close that their foreheads were now touching, causing Elsa's heart to beat faster. "What I'm trying to say is that all this time, I'm the one who's afraid of getting hurt, and I still am. I'm also afraid of how long it'll going to take for me to come to peace with the pain of losing you. There's even the chance that I may never will, especially when I look at my friends…Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

"I do," Elsa said softly. She parted away from their touch at the head, and buried herself into the side of Jack's neck. "But wouldn't the pain to come will be worth it because of the time we have together—what we will have together, if we booth choose to stay together?"

"Even if you can no longer see me?"

"Even then," Elsa stated firmly. She could feel Jack biting down hard on his teeth, and possibly even feel the lump in his throat.

"I don't know," Jack finally said. "My head is telling me one thing after another—it's confusing! I want to be with you but I know that it won't be the same as a real relationship."

"What about your heart? What does it say?"

Jack released a heavy breath. "It's saying too many things for me to express just with words. It's frustrating: it's telling me to keep hold of you, ignore the pain to come, it's also where my fear is coming from—my heart doesn't want to get hurt, it also doesn't want you to get hurt—to ruin your human life…Elsa…I don't think I can…"

She inhaled quietly deep; even with direct contact to the skin, she still found no scent from him, just cold air. "I suppose this means you have made your choice, and I have made mine." Jack made no reply. Elsa had moved the dew to the center of her palm and was now squeezing it tight in her hand, resting it silently against Jack's heart. "Then let this be the last time we talk about this and move on." Elsa thought she felt Jack's body stiffen, but dismissed the idea; she needed to get away from Jack before she starts to cry. But before so, she wanted to do one last thing before they leave each other for good. Elsa lifted her head but hesitated for a few seconds. She moved forward again but stopped once more, this time because Jack had turned his head to face her.

"Jack?" Elsa whispered quietly. He was looking too far into her eyes, scaring her a little. While his eyes was expressing a mix of sadness and pain, but they remained clear and open. Elsa made to take a step back but Jack responded fast in taking a step forward, suddenly embracing her in full with both arms wrapped around her. Jack held Elsa so tight, that he almost hurt her.

Realizing his strength, Jack quickly loosened his hold, but kept their eyes locked together. This time though, he was mirroring the surprise reflected in Elsa's own eyes. "…I-I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I'm sorry." His hold was becoming gentler.

"It's alright Jack," Elsa replied, as she moved her right hand up to gently touch the side of Jack's jaw, hoping to calm him. "It's alright."

Elsa wasn't sure who moved first; she remembered she had moved to stand on her toes, but she had also felt one of Jack's hands moving up to the back of her neck and pulling her forward. They had both turned their heads and closed their eyes.

Elsa also remembered how surprised she felt; his lips being softer than she would have thought, but that feeling only lasted a few seconds before her mind went elsewhere. She remembered how they were moving slow, just testing, trying, even teasing one another. The teasing was the best maybe, because it wasn't to cause the other one to laugh or to tempt. Elsa thought they teased one another as a way for them to whisper 'I love you,' as many times as they wanted without the restraints of words. Their kiss became a leisure game that let allowed them to learn more of the other; not with passionate force, but a kindling of enticing. And lastly, Elsa wasn't too sure, but she thought she heard something dropping to the ground, but that thought only lasted a few seconds also before he mind went elsewhere again.