Emily ceases to be able breathe the second her lips touch Paige's for the first time in four years. She wasn't planning on kissing Paige; she wanted to be faithful to Stephanie, but her curiosity and the tension between them took over. Paige's lips are even sweeter then she remembers as she lets herself get lost in the other's embrace. Emily had almost forgotten how amazing of a kisser Paige is. The soldier could somehow always manage to pour every ounce of love and compassion that she has in just one kiss. Emily's emotions and her body go crazy when Paige pulls her closer not only returning the kiss but deepening it, sending electric pulses down Emily's spine. The brunette's kiss is eager and hungry, wanting as much of Emily as she can possibly get with one kiss. If Emily had any doubt to whether or not Paige still loved her, it was now melting away with each small movement of Paige's lips against hers as well as the grip the brunette had on her back as they stood in the water. The soldier was holding on to Emily as though the swim coach would evaporate into thin air if she loosened her grip at all. This moment is all Paige had dreamed about while stuck in the dark but even more perfect. The connection between the pair in this moment is magnetic and beautiful, reminding them of the love they once had together. Reluctantly, they break the kiss as the need for oxygen becomes too strong to ignore any longer. They rest their heads together not wanting to move too far apart. The moment is perfect.
"I love you Emily," Paige whispers, her words full of compassion. She's been waiting to say those words since the day she got back. Those four words have been on the tip of her tongue, longing to be able to leave her mouth every time she saw the beautiful girl now in her arms. With their faces inches apart and their bodies pressed tightly together, there could not be a more perfect time to express to Emily how much she still loves her. But, Emily can't say anything in return. She stands there frozen in Paige's words, happy but yet terrified to hear them. Of course she loves Paige, she'll never stop loving Paige, but can she just give Stephanie up? Can she just break her heart like that? Why is she so conflicted? She's frustrated she can't make up her mind even though a part of her heart seems to be tugging her in a certain direction.
"Paige... I... I ca...n't..." She manages to choke out. Her heart hurts. All the love she's every felt for the girl standing in front of her, had suddenly come rushing back. It's overwhelming especially with the added feelings for her current fiancé. She takes a step back after feeling Paige's arms release her back suddenly and looks at the brunette standing before her with a look of confusion and hurt forming on the girl's face.
"I don't understand," the soldier mutters her shoulders dropping. "If you don't love me back... If you don't feel this connection between us that's always been there, then why did you just kiss me?" Paige can't believe what she's hearing. How could Emily just deny what just happened between them? Did she not feel what Paige just felt? To Paige, the kiss they just shared was almost as magical as the kiss that finally got them together all those years ago on the edge of another pool. Everything she remembered and dreamed of to keep herself alive while being beaten and bruised, was wrapped up in one simple but beautiful and passionate kiss. Yet now, Paige felt her heart breaking again as she stared at the speechless woman.
"I don't know... I just, I couldn't help it, I guess... I'm just so confused," Emily answers, trying to keep her voice calm and collected.
"What's there to be confused about Emily?" Paige challenges raising her voice a little. She extends her arms to her side under the water and hunches her shoulders forward, visibly asking for an answer. She feels herself beginning to get angry. She didn't push Emily, in fact she had told herself she'd let Emily live her life with Stephanie but Emily had kissed her. If she didn't love her or want to be with her then why taunt her with a kiss? When she doesn't get an answer, Paige turns around and pulls herself out of the pool.
"Paige... Wait..." Emily pleads, hoping the girl will turn around. She wasn't expecting this to happen. Paige slowly turns around on her heels and looks at Emily in the water below her.
"No, Emily. I'm not doing this. It's not that hard of a decision, at least it doesn't have to be. Either you love her more or you love me more... You want her or me... Not both." Paige starts to turn around but stops to look at Emily again. "You know how I feel Em... I feel stronger for you than when I left. You kept me alive over there," she says starting to get choked up, a lump forming in her throat. The statement makes Emily look up, not sure what the soldier means. She opens her mouth to say something, when Paige speaks up again.
"The thought of you... the memories of us... The hope that maybe, just maybe we'd have a moment like we just did... It kept me alive... Kept me sane. It made me want to fight to stay alive despite waking up EVERY morning wishing I was dead." The brunette's voice is breaking and she could feel wetness forming in her eyes. All Emily can do is stand in the water and watch her former soldier beginning to break down. She wants to comfort and hold her, but Emily knows it might only make things worse. So she stands there motionless, looking into Paige's now wet eyes.
"I wanted to marry you; spend the rest of our lives together! I understand you moved on, I get that. I wanted that for you. I want you to be happy. When I found out you were engaged, I told myself I'd let you live your new life; I wouldn't interfere. But now you go and do this?" The tears are freely flowing down her face now. She hates each of them, every tear signaling her hurt and weakness for Emily. "Why tease me like that, Emily? Why give me false hope?" She stands there several moments staring at Emily, silently challenging her to answer. When Emily doesn't so much as move, Paige turns around, picks up her stuff and heads for the door, leaving Emily alone in the water.
Emily stands in the water for several minutes confounded at what she just heard. She had been all that for Paige? She couldn't even imagine what that was like to only have your thoughts to get you through every day as they complied into years. She suddenly feels small and guilty for thinking her decisions, her struggles, were difficult when in comparison to Paige's, they are nothing. Yet, she still can't make up her mind. Why can't her heart just make up its mind? The feeling of being cold and wet eventually enters into her mind, reminding her she has to coach practice in a half hour.
"Shit, I didn't bring extra clothes," she mutters to herself holding her arms out and shaking them before pulling herself out of the pool. Emily knows she doesn't have time to run home herself. She'll have to call someone to bring her clothes. Grabbing a towel and her phone, she sits on the bench and starts scrolling through her phone: Hanna... No, too chatty; Aria... No, she'd get the strangest outfit in her closet; Steph... Definitely not; ah Spencer...
She dials the phone hoping Spencer picks up even though it's early.
"Can I help you?" Spencer gripes into the phone with a yawn. 'Well she hasn't had her coffee this morning... Great,' Emily thinks to herself, pinching the bridge of her nose. Just what she needed to add to this 'fantastic' morning: a grumpy Spencer.
"Spence, I'm sorry to disturb you before your morning coffee, but I need your help."
"Ok... What do you need?" Spencer yawns out again, the sound of the coffee pot whirring in the background.
"I need a change of clothes... I… umm… fell in the pool," she replies, eliciting an amused scoff followed by giggling.
"I don't even know if I want to ask how you managed that," the girl on the other end of the phone manages to say between giggles. "But you have certainly made my morning. I think you left some of your clothes here the other day. Be there in like fifteen."
The two girls hang up the phone so Spencer can grab what she needs and come to Emily's rescue. The coach hangs her head, placing it in her hands and wonders how she managed to screw all this up. Why was it so difficult for her to just choose? Emily's head is whirring with thoughts of Paige as they battle with thoughts of Stephanie. She just wants her mind to shut up because the sheer amount of thought in her mind is beginning to make her head pound. She sits in silence feeling guilty about what just happened until Spencer finally walks through the door.
"So I've been picturing this in my head the entire way over here...but this," Spencer says pointing a circling finger at Emily. "...is even better."
"Shut up Spencer," Emily spats with anger behind her words, giving the other girl an intense glare. She basically rips her clothes out of the other girl's hands causing Spencer to throw both of them in the air defensively as Emily stomps off to her office.
"Whoa there cranky pants, I was just kidding," Spencer remarks before following her friend. "Emily, seriously what happened?" She gives the coach a concerned look as she enters Emily's office and closes the door so the girl can change. The statement earns a short angry laugh and eye roll.
"I thought you weren't going to ask?" the swimmer scoffs, pulling her dry pair of pants on.
"I wasn't, but I know something is wrong and I know you need to talk about it, so spill," Spencer says sitting in the chair across from Emily's desk, crossing her arms. Pulling on her new shirt, Emily sits in the chair next to Spencer and sighs.
"Spence... I… I kissed Paige," Emily sighs out returning her head to her hands not believing she's saying it out loud. She doesn't see it, but Spencer turns to face her fully with her mouth hanging open.
"I'm sorry, what?" The wide-eyed girl asks not one-hundred percent sure she heard correctly. Emily looks up at her friend seeing the shock on her face.
"I kissed Paige," she repeats, this time plainly earning a gasp from the other. Emily doesn't know whether it's out of disgust, delight or both.
"Wait...Didn't you like just move in with your fiancé?" Spencer says adding extra emphasis on the last word. "Like a week ago? And isn't said fiancé not Paige? Also, that doesn't explain how you ended up in the pool fully clothed." Spencer looks into her friend's to eyes see the same hurt and confusion she's been seeing ever since Paige returned. She hates seeing her friend like this. Her world has been turned upside down twice now in her short lifetime; something she doesn't deserve, but neither does Paige. Her life had been a literal hell for over three years only to come back to find the woman she loves more than anything taken by someone else. Spencer feels for Paige. She wishes Emily would make up her mind too; neither Stephanie nor Paige deserve the limbo they are being put through. But, Spencer also realizes that the girl sitting in front of her is hurting as well and doesn't know what to do.
"I snuck up on her when she was swimming and she ninja'd me into the water," Emily says with embarrassment starting to show on her face. Looking back, she realizes how stupid it was to sneak up on a combat trained solider. Looking up, she sees Spencer trying her damnedest not to bust out laughing.
"Oh my God, Spencer!" she exclaims.
"Sorry, sorry," the laughing girl replies, shaking her hands in front of her and straightening her face. "Please continue."
"Well... So we raced and she fucking cheated, then when I caught her again we ended up horsing around and then I just... I kissed her," she says defeated, slouching forward. "Then she said I love you and I said I can't. Which is why she isn't here right now."
"You said 'I can't'? Really?" Spencer replies with a raised eyebrow. "So what are you going to do?"
"I don't know..."
"Well you should probably figure that out before you lose one or even both of them for good," Spencer says leaning forward in her chair to hold Emily's hand. "Just follow your heart ok?" Emily nods, wishing with all her heart that it was really was just that easy.