Chapter 12

Finn POV

Everything on the surface looked normal. He was lying in his own bed with the moonlight draped across his feet. He could smell perfume wafting through the bedroom, the scent he had missed so much while on the road. Rachel's bare arm stretched across his chest as she made soft cooing sounds while she slept beside him. It was perfect and everything he had stayed up at night dreaming about while he was on the road. Everything looked and felt normal.

But it wasn't normal. Something wasn't right. He knew Rachel was keeping something from him and had been for weeks now. Everything had changed after Tennessee. He just wished he knew what had gone wrong.

Rachel seemed so happy to see him, yet so reserved and distant that night. Even when they made love on the couch, he could feel that she was holding back a part of herself. A part she usually gave so freely and lovingly. But tonight, it was like she was with him but somewhere else.

What did he do? He had spent countless hours on the bus ride home going over every conversation they had on the phone and over Skype for the last month. Nothing stood out. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe something was wrong with Rachel. Maybe she was seeing someone else. He grunted and blew a strand of Rachel's hair from his face as he pushed that thought aside. He knew Rachel would never cheat on him. They had their issues in the past, but he and Rachel were strong. He never doubted her.

It had to be something else. Maybe it was one of her dad's, or the play, or….It struck him suddenly and he almost rolled off the bed. What if Rachel was sick? What if it was something really bad? What if she was dying and didn't know how to tell him. Finn was starting to feel sick to his own stomach as he pondered the thought of losing Rachel. He didn't know what he would do without her. She was his rock, his heart and soul. Rachel had always been the one driving him to become a better person. She believed in him when no one else did.

He felt her stir beside him. He stared down at her soft bangs, her eyes pinched shut as she lay lost in her own dreams. He couldn't lose her. He would get to the bottom of this tomorrow and that was the end of the story. He and Rachel didn't keep things from each other, no matter how much the truth hurt them. When they woke up he would ask her immediately.

He lay there in the darkness going over what he was going to say to her for what felt like hours as he stared at the ceiling. He drifted in and out of consciousness, his mind racing with all the terrible ideas of sickness and death surrounding his thoughts. At 3:30 he awoke with a start when he thought he heard crying coming from the closet, then soft whispers that sounded like his name being heralded by the voice of a mad woman. April was never far from his dreams. Even when his mind was occupied she found a way in through the cracks.

He rolled over to look on Rachel's face, something that would calm his thoughts, when he realized she wasn't in the bed. He sat up quickly and surveyed the room. He heard noises coming from the direction of the closet but then quickly realized the noise was past that toward the bathroom. He saw a faint light on and realized that the sound he heard before was definitely crying. He crept slowly toward the door, lightly tapping against the wood. "Rach, is everything alright?"

He heard a clattering sound, some sniffles, paper being crumpled, and the sound of Rachel's voice. "Um, yes Finn. I'm fine. Just had a…a stomach ache."

She paused long enough for Finn to notice that Rachel was lying to him. "Rach." He said accusingly.

"Finn, its fine, go back to bed."

"Rachel Barbara Hudson, I'm not leaving this door until you come out here." He demanded.

"Finn Christopher Hudson, don't you dare use my full name in that tone." She whispered back icily.

He leaned against the door and slid down until he was sitting against it. "Look, I know you're lying to me. And I understand. But we can get through this. Whatever it is! Cancer, Alzheimer's, polio, it doesn't matter."

He fell backwards as his head slammed against the tile and Rachel stood over him, the light from the bathroom making a halo around her brown hair. "Polio? Seriously Finn what are you talking about?"

"You're dying right?" He asked quizzically.

"No. Worse." She said as the tears started to fall onto her cheeks, dripping onto his face. "I'm pregnant."

Finn felt his world start spinning around him. Rachel was pregnant?

He sat up and looked at the floor around Rachel's feet. It looked like a pharmacy exploded in their bathroom. There were open pregnancy tests everywhere. Boxes were upturned, little plastic sticks were lying face down in the carpet. "What the hell? Did you take all of these?"

She sniffled hard and then fell to her knees, scooping up the boxes around them. "No I haven't taken any of them."

Finn was so confused. "Ok so you haven't taken any of the tests, but you are pregnant."

Rachel spun on him, smacking him on the arm. "I'm late. I'm never late."

Finn sighed. "Ok so you're late. It's normal to be a day late I think. I mean, that's what I've read." He gave her a puzzled look.

"I'm two weeks late, Finn." She stood up, her small frame looking down at him.

"Oh." He frowned. "So, this is why you haven't been talking to me?"

"It's a perfectly good reason. I did ruin our lives after all." She crossed her arms and tapped her toe on the floor in front of him.

"Ok." He scrunched up his nose and looked at her. "But shouldn't you actually like take one of these before you start buying diapers and stuff?"

Her eyes widened, "You thought you got Quinn pregnant just being in a hot tub with her, I don't think you should be the one acting all judgmental now."

He shrugged. "I guess I'm just not understanding the problem right now."

"I'm pregnant, our lives as we know it, our hopes, our dreams, everything we every thought about since we were two years old, is over. We are going to be stuck with a screaming child that will demand everything from us and we will never be able to do anything we want ever again. A baby, Finn."

Finn stared at her. Yeah a baby was going to put a bit of a crimp in their plans. He'd have to talk about taking time off from the band, Rachel would have to take maternity leave from theater, and sure things would be complicated with the apartment and a baby and…..ok so things weren't ideal. But he wasn't sure it was the end-of-the-world-Armageddon that Rachel was going on about. Puck and Quinn were going through the same thing and she was supportive of them, wasn't she?

Rachel was standing in front of him looking lost and forlorn. "You told Puck and Quinn that having a baby was going to be a good thing." He stated.

"For them!" She exclaimed. "I mean Quinn already ruined her life with one baby back in high school. What's the difference if she does it twice?"

Finn was quiet. He never realized how much Rachel was against children. Did they not talk about this before? He was trying to remember all the conversations they had back in high school when he thought he had knocked up Quinn. Rachel seemed supportive and always told him he would be fine with a kid, but then she had that weird crazy crush on him back then so he's pretty sure she would have said anything to make him smile.

Either way, Finn Hudson wasn't exactly dad material, now was he? He toured in a rock band, he was on the road 8 or 9 months out of the year, he had secret anxiety attacks from being tortured and almost killed from a stalker fan, and he couldn't cook anything besides kick ass mac-n-cheese to save his life. What the hell was he going to do with a baby?

Suddenly he had horror filled nightmares of a baby crawling around on stage crying while girls were screaming and he was pounding away on his drums. Maybe Rachel had a point. They had just gotten everything they had wanted from life. He moved away from Ohio and was a drummer in a kick ass band. Rachel had finally made it to Broadway in New York City and they were happy in their tiny apartment. Just Finn and Rachel. Rachel and Finn.

What did they know about raising a kid? He was barely an adult himself. He wasn't ready to be a father.

"Finn, did you hear anything I said?" Rachel's eyes were almost crossed as she pushed a plastic stick in his face.

"Huh?"

"I said, how am I supposed to pee on this without peeing on my own hand. That's completely gross."

Finn looked down at the pink stick in his hand. "How am I supposed to know? Quinn didn't involve me in this part of things, she just brought me in for the crying, screaming, and responsibility and shit."

Rachel stomped her foot. "Well you hold it then!" She demanded.

"Eww no, I'm not going to let you pee on my hand. I've never even had a wet dream about that. Gross." Finn pushed the pink stick back toward her. "Didn't you read the directions?"

Her eyes narrowed. "Of course I read them! Oh forget it; just get out of the bathroom." She pushed him through the door and slammed it behind her.

"What is going on in here?" Kurt stuck his head through the bedroom door. "It's 4 in the morning."

Finn rolled his eyes and shrugged. Kurt looked down at the box in his hands and froze. "Oh she told you."

"Great, you knew before me! Of course you did." He sat back on the bed as Kurt approached him.

The both looked toward the door as they heard Rachel make a retching sound from the bathroom.

"She's upset about the peeing on herself part." Finn started to get up from the bed when Kurt jumped toward the bathroom.

"Rachel you aren't supposed to actually pee on yourself." Kurt said through the door.

"Kurt get in here right now, I can't do this." Rachel pleaded.

Finn fell back on the bed and grunted. A baby. Dammit.

A little tiny thing that was going to demand all of his time and never let him have sex again . A little tiny small creature that was going to want to be held and fed and loved. A small tiny baby that would have Rachel's big brown eyes and maybe his crooked smile. A little tiny baby that was theirs. He smiled slightly. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.