Chapter 15

Rachel POV

It wasn't that Rachel hated babies. She really wished Finn would stop acting like she thought babies had the plague or something. She wasn't against babies and in the future she would love to have a baby with Finn. Back in high school when she thought Finn was having a baby with Quinn she was jealous that it wasn't her. And now she had the chance to have his children. But she wanted that after she was done doing everything she ever dreamed of on Broadway. After she was fulfilled and had checked off all the boxes on her life list, then she would be ready to think about babies.

It wasn't the idea of a baby that made her feel like vomiting. It was the idea of a baby taking away everything she was trying to accomplish. Was it so wrong to be angry about that?

Finn didn't say more than 2 words to her on the walk to the office. Honestly, she wouldn't have known what to say to him if he had tried. She was confused and upset and lost in her own thoughts and world. She didn't feel like having Finn invade her thoughts right now. As much as she loved her husband, she wasn't ready to talk to him yet.

"Mrs. Hudson, how nice to see you today." Rachel smiled at Julie Jones, the nurse attendant at the front desk of her Doctor's office. They were always so nice to her when she came in. Many of them had been to her show more than once, and Rachel had to admit she liked being recognized for her work. She liked feeling appreciated for what she did. "My son went to see the show last week. He said you were phenomenal, as usual." She said with a wink.

"Oh, that's very nice." She whispered through the small window by the desk.

"So you are here for some tests." She was looking over her chart and then looked up with a sly grin. "Oh."

Rachel put her head down, trying to keep others from hearing their conversation. "Yes, tests."

"Well give me a few minutes and we will get that set up for you." She stood up from her desk and took her chart to a man in a blue set of scrubs. Rachel walked back to her chair and took the one next to Finn. Finn did not look up from his magazine, but Rachel knew he wasn't reading it. She tried not to chuckle as she looked at the cover of the magazine. Women's Health.

Finn glanced up at her with a confused look on his face. "What?"

Rachel smiled, "Bikini Body Now!" Rachel read the article he had opened on his lap. "How to get a high, tight tush with just 3 simple exercises." She glanced up at Finn's face as he his cheeks reddened. "Gonna finally get into that two piece this year are you?"

Finn quickly shut the magazine. "Who says I couldn't."

Rachel laughed loudly. The release felt amazing. It was like for just a moment she forgot why she was here. The last few weeks melted away from her mind. Finn's eyes met hers for a moment and you could tell he had similar thoughts.

"Rachel Hudson." Rachel turned away and glanced toward the door as their private moment was interrupted by the man in the blue scrubs who was standing with her chart in his hand, motioning for her to follow him. She stood up and touched Finn's shoulder.

"I'll be right back."

Rachel slipped behind the door in the waiting room and was led into a tiny bathroom. "There are cups back there. Please leave your deposit in the small window by the toilet and then let me know when you are done. We will draw your blood sample once that is completed."

Rachel quietly closed the door behind her and examined the small cup. Great! Wasn't she trying to avoid peeing on herself in the first place by coming here?

She finished the task at hand, grimacing and wincing before rushing to the sink to wash her hands. After the third and final scrub with soap and hot water, she sat the small cup into the window and closed the metal door in front of it. Slipping out of the bathroom she saw the man in the blue scrubs and quickly walked toward the room he was sitting in.

She pinched her eyes shut as he withdrew a vial of her blood and then wrapped her arm with a bright pink bandage. "The doctor will get in touch with you once the results are in. Please make sure your contact information is updated at the front desk so that they can reach you."

She nodded and walked down the hallway to the exit doors that lead to the waiting room. She confirmed her cell phone number was on file with the office.

"Do you know how long this takes?" Rachel asked through the window.

"It depends. The doctor goes to lunch at noon and the lab shuts down during that time. We might be able to get the results back to you by tomorrow morning."

Rachel bit her lip and shifted onto her other foot. "Oh."

The lady leaned toward her as she noticed Rachel's uncomforting shift, "Let me see if I can put a rush on this."

Rachel smiled. "Thank you so much. I really appreciate that."

"We will be in touch by end of day."

Rachel nodded and then turned back toward her husband who was sitting in the corner, surrounded by two blonde girls. One appeared to be around three or four and the other was probably six. Finn was leaning over a pile of pink bricks and picked up the smallest one to place at the top of a tower that had been built on the floor. The smallest girl clapped her hands and squealed. Finn laughed and looked up, almost as if he felt Rachel's stare. He leaned over and said something to the girls on the floor who looked disappointed as he stood up; he patted them both on the top of their blonde heads and walked toward Rachel.

"All done?" He asked.

"Yeah, they should call with the results by the end of today."

He held open the door and Rachel looked back at the two small girls who were now building a new tower next to the tall one that Finn had helped construct. Rachel sighed. Something about seeing Finn with the little girls caused her heart to hurt.

"You hungry?" Finn's voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she turned toward him.

"Um. Not really. If you don't mind, I need to be somewhere." Finn looked surprised.

"Oh. Do you want me to walk you there?"

"No. I'll be fine."

Finn stood in the middle of the side walk, hesitating. "Are you sure?"

"Finn, I'm fine. I think I can get around New York on my own."

Finn looked down at his feet. "Ok. I guess I'll go get some food. Are they going to call you?"

"Yeah. I'll text you when the results are in." Rachel started to turn toward the street and paused, turning back toward Finn and wrapping her arms around him. Her hands went into the back of his hair as she ran her fingers against the skin on his neck. She pulled him toward her and breathed into his ear. "I love you very much." She kissed his cheek and then pulled away as she turned toward the road and hailed a cab, leaving him on the sidewalk behind her.

Rachel stared at the store fronts along the road as she was ushered to her destination. She loved New York. She loved the bustle of the streets, the lights, and the people. New York was a dream come true.

"Excuse me?"

Rachel heard the driver speaking to her. "Huh, sorry."

"Did you want to go somewhere else or did you plan to get out here?" The driver was in a hurry, as was every taxi driver in New York City. Rachel peered out the window and realized she was at her destination.

"Oh Sorry, yes, I'm getting out." She pushed a hand full of dollars through the small window and pulled herself out of the cab. She stared up at the theater in front of her and walked through the front doors. She could hear singing in the background and then a voice echoing in the empty auditorium, "No no no. Try that again."

Rachel slipped into the theater, taking a seat near the back as she watched the girl on stage start her song over, hitting her note the second time through with a chorus of clapping heard through the void.

"That was perfect Josie, let's take a break and start on the second verse when we get back." The girl on stage nodded and then skipped off stage left. Rachel stood up from her spot in the darkness and made her way down the far aisle toward the woman sitting in the front.

"Mom?" Rachel said tentatively.

The woman looked up. "Rachel, what a wonderful surprise." Shelby stood up and then glanced suspiciously at Rachel. "What's wrong?"

Rachel started to say something and then burst into tears. "No I'm fine." She tried to manage.

Rachel was wrapped into Shelby's arms and pulled down toward the chairs in the front row. Rachel released all of her tears into her shoulder, letting weeks of tension flow through her. Her mother said nothing as she held her. Only stopping to run her fingers through her hair or pat her on the back. When Rachel finally stopped crying, she pulled back and looked into her mother's eyes.

"I'm sorry, really I am. I didn't know where else to go."

Shelby smiled. "Rachel, you can always come to me, no matter what. Is it Finn; is everything ok with you two?"

Rachel shook her head. "No, I mean, we are ok but…Oh mom, I think I'm pregnant." Rachel blurted out.

Shelby's face brightened for a moment. "Rachel that's wonderful."

Rachel pulled back, "No it's not. I'm not ready to be pregnant."

Shelby sat back in her chair. "You are never ready for a baby, that's for sure. But Rachel, tell me, what's really wrong?"

Rachel thought about it before responding, "When you had me. Did you feel like if you kept me, it would ruin your career?"

Shelby stared at her hands. "I'm probably not the right person to ask."

Rachel reached for her mother's hands. "It's ok, you can't hurt my feelings. We're past that."

"Rachel, you were never a thought until Hiram and Leroy offered me money to have you. I needed the money in order to survive in New York and they were very sweet to me. I only really thought about keeping you once. And that was the first time you moved inside me." She paused. "But that was fleeting. I didn't want a child. I wanted the bright lights and the stage."

Rachel saw the shame in her mother's eyes. "I get it."

"No you don't. If I could take it back. I would. After watching Beth grow all these years, I think about all the things I missed in your life and I would trade every moment I had on stage just for one single minute of that time back. To be able to see your first steps or hear you utter your first word. Rachel, I would have loved to see the first time you performed."

Rachel was confused. "But this is your dream? Wouldn't you regret giving that up?"

Shelby squeezed her hand, "There are many things in my life I have regrets about. You will never be one of them. But not being a part of your life for so long, that is something I will regret forever."

Rachel sighed. Maybe she didn't know everything after all.