Chapter 18

Finn POV

Rachel was positively joyful at the news that she wasn't pregnant. Finn wasn't so sure how he felt. He was happy that they didn't have to deal with the issue anymore, but there was something else….disappointment.

He was pretty sure he wasn't ready for a baby. But a part of him wanted one. He wanted to share himself with Rachel in every way, including creating life together. He didn't realize how much he wanted that until now. He knew it was inconvenient and completely not what they needed right now, but he also knew now that more than anything, he did want to be a father.

Finn watched Rachel come out of the kitchen carrying a basket full of the "Nipple beer bottles" that Kurt had created. He stared at her intently, watching the way she moved around the room. She laughed with the guests, handed out goodies, and was a gracious host. He loved her more than anything in this world.

She caught his eye from across the room and smiled at him. It was like the room lit up. Finn knew that it didn't matter what they were going through, all she had to do was smile and he knew everything would be alright.

"So you dodged the bullet huh?" Finn felt the couch dip beside him as Puck took a seat.

"I guess so." He nodded.

"It will happen one day." He whispered.

Finn tried to brush him off. "What? Who needs a kid? Always crying, taking priority over everything you do. Nah."

"Yeah, they suck." He chuckled as his voice trailed off and his eyes found his wife across the room. Finn understood the way Puck looked at Quinn. It was familiar to him in the way he looked at his own wife.

"When do you leave for Ohio?" Finn asked, changing the subject off of the touchy subject of babies.

"Tomorrow morning. I guess I'm actually looking forward to it."

"Yeah, I wouldn't mind going back to see mom." Finn missed his mom and Burt. He hadn't been back to Ohio in a few years.

"Who would have thought after all the years we tried to get out of that place that we would want to go back so bad." Puck laughed.

Puck took a drink from his beer "bottle" and Finn couldn't help but laugh loudly. "You look ridiculous!"

"Hey don't knock it til you try it!" He grinned as he took another gulp from the nipple. "Not as good as from the tap though." He grabbed Quinn around the waist and pulled her down to his lap.

"You pervert!" Quinn slapped his shoulder. "You love me." Puck quipped before Quinn leaned down to kiss him deeply.

Finn watched as his ex-girlfriend who he thought he had impregnated in high school sat kissing his best friend who actually DID impregnate her in high school, made out on his couch. "Get a room." He scoffed as he tossed a throw pillow at the couple before abandoning the couch to find his wife.

"Have you seen Rachel?" Finn asked Kurt.

"Not in a few minutes or so. Check the kitchen." He nodded toward the back room.

"Rachel?" He asked toward Blaine who shook his head.

He wandered through the kitchen, he checked the bathroom, made another sweep of the living room but Rachel was nowhere to be found.

Finn stuck his head through their bedroom door. "Rachel? You in here?"

The bathroom door was open and the lights were out. Finn started to close the bedroom door and continue his search of the house when he heard horns honking from the street below and realized the door to the balcony was open. The white sheer curtains were blowing with the breeze.

He stepped out through the door and into the cool air. Rachel was staring out into the void in the corner of the balcony. "Penny for your thoughts?" He joked.

She jumped slightly and then turned toward him. Her face was lit by the street glow but he could tell that she seemed sad. "Oh Finn, you scared me."

"Sorry." He walked toward her, concerned. "You alright?"

"Oh, yes of course." She stumbled through the sentence with no believability.

"You do know you are talking to me right?" He laughed uneasily. "I can see right through the talented act even when you are at your best."

She sighed. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

Finn stood beside her, brushed her hair from her face, and leaned down to brush his lips against hers.

"Oh Finn." Rachel squeaked. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for how I have behaved."

Finn pulled back and looked down at his wife. Tears were welling up in her eyes. "Rach, it's okay. I understand that you were scared and…."

"No I don't deserve your understanding. Finn, I'm awful. All I was thinking about was myself. I didn't even give either one of us the chance to really think about what it would mean for us."

"Well it doesn't matter now. Everything worked out for the best."

"Did it? I mean, it did. But…." Rachel looked toward the streets below them. "Why do I feel so sad?"

"You do?" Finn stared at her intently.

"I feel like I lost something, but how is that possible when I didn't have anything to begin with?" Tears were falling down her cheeks.

"I thought you were happy about it?" Finn questioned.

"I am. I mean I was. Or, I still am I just…." Rachel blew a puff of air from her mouth. "I don't know how I feel. I didn't want a baby right now. It's not a good time for it. But…what if there is never a right time? What if I never feel ready?"

Finn laughed. "I don't think we will ever be ready for that. It's a baby."

"So you don't want to have a baby, ever?"

"I didn't say that. I just said I don't think we will ever be ready for it." He wrapped his large hands around each of her shoulders and brought his eyes to hers. "But together, we can do anything."

She swallowed her tears and smiled. "I love you so much Finn."

He wrapped her into a hug and squeezed, feeling her warm against his chest. "I love you Rachel. I will always love you. And I thought that meant I would never love anyone else. But one day, I will love our child just as much as I love you."

"Oh Finn." She stirred beneath him, her arms hugging him tightly around his waist.

He pulled back and looked down at her. "When the time is right, we will know."

She stood on top of her toes and met him for a kiss that made his knees weak and his mind swirl.

"You know…I might need a lot of practice before I'm good enough to make a baby." Finn winked.

"Is that so?" Rachel's eye brow rose.

"Yeah, LOTS of practice, for sure." Finn pulled her toward the door.

"Finn Hudson, we have guests!" Rachel insisted.

"It's not even our party. They can survive without us." Finn was tugging at her shirt as they entered the bedroom.

"I have to host." She complained, but allowed her shirt to be tugged upward and off of her body.

"Kurt can host. Besides, he has nipple beer; no one will care if we are missing!" Finn yanked his own shirt over his head and began unzipping the back of Rachel's skirt.

"Practice, huh?" She cooed.

Finn nodded, "Lots."

The rest of their clothes came off in a whirl of fury as they fell together onto the bed. Their lips touching every piece of skin they came in contact with. Their bodies met in an explosion of emotion that was nothing like Finn had experienced before.

As they lay together, their bodies soaked in sweat, Rachel's fingertips tracing the scar left behind by April's blade, Finn realized that they didn't need to have everything figured out right now. What was meant to be had always found a way with them.

All the years that they were broken up, then dating, only to break up again. Technically he was on borrowed time; he knew he could have died after the stabbing. Everything he had now was a gift. And everything happened for a reason.

There were so many reasons that Rachel had to leave and even more for Finn not to stay. But they always found their way home to each other. And one day they would open up their lives and their home to their child. And whether they planned the time or it just happened for them, they would be ready.