Antonio paused, his finger hovering over the button. Finally he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and stabbed the button with all his might, only opening his eyes and exhaling once he heard the dialing tone.
"Hello? Toni? You there?" Emma's familiar voice poured out of the speaker and Antonio could feel himself relax, the words he had rehearsed so many times now seemed easy and insignificant.
"Hey. I'm here."
"Antonio? What's up? Did something happen?"
"No, nothing happened. I just want to see you. Can we meet tonight at 7?" he asked.
"Yeah, probably. Minelli's? We went there last time."
"Sounds good. See you then, I gotta go now."
"'Kay. Bye." She hung up.
"Hey, Ems," Antonio greeted his girlfriend at the door and she smiled back warmly. They sat down and perused the menu for a minute before Emma spoke up.
"So what did you need to talk about?" she asked, looking concerned. "Are you breaking up with me?"
"No!" Antonio said so quickly he surprised himself. "Of course not! I just- I need to tell you something."
"Okay," she said, straightening herself in her chair, steeling herself. "What is it?"
Antonio took a deep breath. "So I met this g-"
"You're cheating on me?!" she burst out, then clapped a hand over her mouth, embarrassed for her loudness.
"No- no, God no. Why would you even think that?!"
"I don't know," she said, quieting, "I'm sorry."
"No, no, I'm sorry," Antonio apologized, shaking his head. "I should have been clearer. I just wanted to tell you that I met this guy, this coffee barista- anyway, I've been spending a lot of time with him." He saw her slight confusion and realized his explanation had been less than satisfactory.
"I mean," he clarified, "I went to get coffee, and I met this new barista, and somehow we got into a conversation. He- He's cold, but he's really a nice guy, and he-"
"Let me guess," she said, smiling slightly, "He's got a lot of problems and you want to help him out."
"Exactly!" Antonio said, surprised. "How did you know?"
"Because you always do this," she laughed. "In high school you befriended that janitor- Mr. Davis, wasn't it- and helped him get back custody of his kids. Last year you met that drug addict and helped her through rehab. Even when you were twelve, you discovered that the turtles in the local pond were getting hunted and brought them all to your house but your mom didn't let you keep them, so you hid them under your bed, remember?"
"Oh yeah," Antonio grinned, starting to laugh as well. "I guess I'm a sucker for a sob story, huh?"
"You're too nice for your own good," Emma said, leaning back in her chair, a playful grin on her face. "That's what I keep telling you."
"You're probably right. Anyway, the reason I wanted to tell you this was so that you didn't get the wrong idea and think I was cheating on you or something. But it seems you already know the whole story," said Antonio.
"Yeah, I know the spiel. I've known you your whole life, how could I not?"
"You know me better than I know myself," Antonio admitted. "That's why I love you."
Antonio was caught up in such a frenzy of studying and reviewing notes that he didn't return until several days later, much to Lovino's chagrin.
"Where were you?" he demanded as the bell clanged against the closing door, signaling Antonio's tardy arrival.
"I'm sorry, I was just-" Antonio broke off, yawning. "-studying," he finished.
"I missed y-" Lovino cut himself off, his face turning slightly pink as he realized what he had almost said, and hurried to cover up his tracks, "I missed your business," he concluded lamely.
"Yeah, I know, I-" Antonio paused to yawn again, covering his gaping mouth with his hand. "Finals," he explained.
"Right."
"Anyway, can I have a mocha- three shots of espresso, please, I can't seem to stay awake, I-" Antonio struggled to suppress another yawn. He dug around in his pocket and brought out a crumpled five dollar bill and dropped it on the counter. Lovino gave him his change and then set to work on his coffee.
While Lovino's back was turned, Antonio slipped another ten dollar bill into the tip jar. Since he had learned that Lovino was mainly living off the tips, he had taken to leaving fives, tens, even twenties sometimes in the tip jar, hoping it would maybe take the edge off Lovino's perpetual hunger and maybe be able to buy him a coat as the winter temperatures started to drop even lower. He figured he could go without a few luxuries for a while. Lovino needed the money more than him.
Slowly Antonio unpacked his bag, placing his textbooks and notes on the table with a loud thump. He really didn't want to study, but he knew he had no choice. Lovino laid his coffee on the table, lingering a moment to peruse Antonio's notes and textbook. As Lovino examined his papers curiously, Antonio got an idea.
"Hey," he suggested, "Can you quiz me?"
Lovino frowned. "Quiz you?"
"You know, test me on this stuff. You can look at my notes- I've underlined the terms in blue. You can just ask me what stuff means and I can respond!"
"Do I have to?" Lovino complained, wrinkling his nose.
"Well, no, but it'd be a big help!"
"I have my own work to do. Like, actual work."
"Such as?"
"None of your business." Lovino turned sharply on his heel and stalked back behind the counter, pulling out a piece of paper from his apron pocket and smoothing it out on the flat surface. He bent over it, a red pen in hand, and read to himself, whispering the words.
"What is that?" Antonio asked, stretching his neck to try to see what it was. Lovino raised his middle finger at him and continued to read, not looking up. He circled something in red pen and then got out a calculator from the desk underneath, jabbing the buttons crudely. He chewed his lip nervously as the numbers added up, and then glanced at his paper, comparing the two figures.
Antonio watched him as his face fell and he buried his head in his hands, letting his face slide down until his palms were on his forehead, fingers tangled in his dark brown hair. He looked back at the calculator desperately and then, without warning or any small gesture or movement that might have indicated what he would do next, swore at the top of his lungs and flung the small hand-calculator across the room. He swore again, in Italian, ripping the paper up into little pieces and he was about to throw those too but Antonio grabbed his arm, preventing him from further destruction.
"What? What is it?" Antonio asked fervently.
"Three weeks," Lovino panted, breathing heavily from his tantrum. "Three fucking weeks and I'm out!"
"Out? From where?"
"The shelter!"
"They're just gonna kick you out?" said Antonio disbelievingly. "Doesn't that defeat the purpose of a shelter?"
"We each get 6 months, and I-" Lovino broke off.
"And you've used it up?" Antonio let go of Lovino's arm, letting it swing back down limply to his side. "But then- what are you going to do?" he asked.
"I don't know!" Lovino exploded, his face blotched red from anger. "I don't fucking know- the cheapest motel rent in town is $80 and I have $54- I can't stay with my brother- FUCK!" he screamed, turning and punching the wall.
"Whoa, hey, Lovi," Antonio implored, but Lovino just drew back his fist and punched the wall over and over, a dent in the plaster forming, his knuckles bloody and dusted with bits of plaster.
"Calm down!" Antonio ordered, assuming a role of false commando and composure, but Lovino continued to pound the wall mercilessly. Upon realizing that pleading and yelling and cajoling wouldn't do any good, Antonio put his arms around Lovino's waist and pulled him away with much difficulty.
"It'll be okay," he tried to reassure Lovino, but even he didn't believe it. "We'll figure something out."
Antonio waited outside the coffee shop the next evening. He didn't have any money to spend, and it was about to close. Besides, he had something else planned beside a light snack. He scrolled through the messages on his phone as Lovino swept the floor until the door swung open.
"Loitering is a crime, you know." Lovino's frosty voice rang through the torpid winter air, little puffs of air birthed from his lungs.
Antonio grinned and put his phone away, looking up. "I'm not loitering," he argued, "I'm waiting."
"Tell that to the judge." A corner of Lovino's mouth tugged upwards, a crude hint of a smile. "Anyway. What did you want?"
"To give you this." Antonio dug in his coat pocket, bringing out a crumpled envelope. He smoothed it out and brushed the lint off of it and then presented it ostentatiously to Lovino.
"What is it?" Lovino asked, reaching out a tentative hand but not taking it.
"40 dollars. It's all I could scrape together for now, but later I-"
"I can't take this," Lovino said sharply.
"This is no time for pride- winter is coming and you'll be without a place to live, you need this money!" Antonio thrust the envelope at Lovino.
"I found a place already," Lovino lied quickly.
Antonio blinked. "Really?"
"Yeah, really. I'm fine. Keep your money." Lovino pushed the envelope back towards Antonio and a little stunned, he stared at it for a moment before putting it back into his pocket.
"Anyway," Lovino mumbled, deliberately looking away from Antonio for he was afraid he would be able to sense the falsity in his eyes, "Is that all?"
"Uhh.." Antonio didn't have anything planned out- he had just assumed he would give Lovino the money and Lovino would be so grateful he would abstain from insulting Antonio for the evening.
Lovino rolled his eyes. "In that case, I'll go." He started to walk away but Antonio grabbed his arm and pulled him back.
"Wait!" he said, and then realized he had said it much louder than he had intended, practically yelling the word, so loud that Lovino jumped and a few people around them stopped and stared for a couple seconds before moving on. "Wait," he said again, much quieter, although he maintained his hold on Lovino's arm. "Why don't we go for dinner together?" he suggested.
Lovino eyed him suspiciously. "I can't buy anything with.." he paused and rifled around in his pocket for a second, pulling out a wadded dollar and a couple coins. He laid them flat on his palm and counted the coins, whispering the numbers as he added. "..two dollars and seventy-eight cents."
Antonio frowned. "You can't possibly make that little in a whole day."
"I get a paycheck at the end of the week, which I have mailed directly to my granddad. I live off the tips."
"Seriously? Is that even possible?"
"No." Lovino laughed harshly.
"Jesus.." Antonio rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He didn't know what to say. While his family was by no means rich, they had a lot more money than Lovino had probably ever seen since he had come to America, and in a way Antonio was embarrassed by it. He so desperately wanted to get closer to Lovino, to understand him, to be his friend and confidant that to be so blatantly different in terms of socio-economic development and upbringing was practically a source of shame.
Yet Lovino seemed to be feeling as awkward as Antonio, staring at his shoes, his ears red.
"H-How about I pay?" Antonio asked, hoping his voice didn't show how out of place he felt. Lovino looked up as Antonio spoke, and then, embarrassed, looked back down at his feet again, biting his lower lip.
"I'll pay you back.." he mumbled, his voice tiny and barely audible over the noise of the traffic.
"Sure you will." As soon as the words dropped out, stewed in sarcasm, Antonio regretted it.
"Sorry," he said quickly, holding his hands up defensively, palms out. "I didn't mean-"
"Of course you didn't." Lovino's smile was forced, harsh, and gritty and Antonio could feel something rise up in the base of his throat sickeningly.
"I- " Antonio stammered.
"I think I'll go home," Lovino said, quietly but coldly, his voice piercing through Antonio, making him feel as if he had just taken an ice shower. He turned on his heel and started to leave.
"W-Wait!" Antonio called after his quickly retreating form, but Lovino didn't answer and continued walking. "I'm sorry!" he yelled, but his voice was lost in the freezing wind. "I'm…" He hung his head, ashamed. He couldn't believe he had said that- it had just come out- why did he always have to do this, why did he always have to fuck up…?
"For fuck's sake," a familiar, irritated voice sounded from right above his hung head, "you can't last a second without me, can you?"
"L-Lovi?" he sniffled, raising his head.
"Who else would I be?"
"I- I'm sorry!" Antonio wailed, suddenly throwing himself on Lovino and burying his face in Lovino's warm shoulder.
"H-Hey!" Lovino exclamated testily, but after a moment he softened a bit, even patting Antonio awkwardly on the back as he clutched Lovino's shirt like a child.
"I didn't mean it," Antonio moaned, his voice muffled. "I'm sorry."
"Shit, it's okay. Don't worry about it."
"I'm so-"
"Jesus, I said it was okay! Small deal."
Antonio looked up, confused, and wiped his nose. "Small deal?"
Lovino frowned. "It's what you say, right? 'No big deal;' 'small deal?'"
"No," Antonio said, starting to laugh. "No one says that."
"Oh." Lovino seemed to deflate slightly. "Oh," he said again, in a slightly smaller voice.
"Don't worry about it," Antonio said. He paused, feeling his stomach rumble. "Dinner?"
Antonio watched as Lovino dug through two servings of rice and a whole platter of sweet and sour chicken, practically pouring it down his throat. Antonio only stopped him when he started to use his fingers to mop up the leftover sauce.
"Do you want some more?" Antonio asked. Lovino shook his head quickly, looking down at his scoured plate. Antonio could tell he was probably still hungry, but too embarrassed to ask for more, so he decided to give Lovino a break and take initiative.
"'Scuse me," he called, waving his hand at the server. "I'm still hungry. Could I have another order of this chicken?" The waiter nodded curtly and within minutes another steaming plate was brought to their table. Antonio took a couple bites of the chicken and then leaned back in his chair, announcing theatrically:
"Wow, I'm so full," he articulated, looking pointedly at Lovino, who was fidgeting in his seat. "I don't know how I'll finish all this. Lovi, you'd better finish for me."
Lovino glared at him. "You're a terrible actor," he scowled.
"Who, me?" Antonio raised his eyebrows dramatically. He subtly pushed the plate of chicken towards Lovino. He turned his gaze towards the plate and, shooting Antonio one last angry look, picked up his fork and began to eat.
Antonio saw Lovino home, waving goodbye at the entrance of the shelter. As he turned to leave, he saw out the corner of his eye Lovino watching him. He grinned over his shoulder at him, his smile widening as Lovino flushed red and quickly hurried out of sight.
Antonio walked with a spring in his step all the way home.