Author's Note: I know I said there were only 2 more chapters, but this one got kind of long, and I didn't want to jump from one big discussion to another without anything between, and I figured we were all due some fluff after all that angst … so this chapter got cut in half, and the rest will be in the next chapter. Only 2 more chapters to go, and this time I mean it!

Chapter 17
Staying Together

Dan ended up staying a few days longer than originally planned, probably a few days longer than were strictly medically necessary, because Phil couldn't stand to have him leave so quickly when they were finally sharing a flat together again, even if it was really too small for the both of them. Phil kept sleeping on the sofa, insisting that the injured Dan keep the bed, even once it was clear that Dan was probably no longer suffering from anything more than a slightly tender spot on his head.

So Phil made him hot chocolate and brought him blankets and ran to the shops to buy him his favorite cereal and just generally treated him like something precious, which he was. And Dan asked Louise to stop by his own flat and bring him a few things, and then clearly just basked in Phil's attention. Louise's knowing face when she brought Dan his clothes and a few toiletries bothered Phil, because it wasn't like that. Dan didn't feel like that. Yes, he was allowing Phil to dote on him a little bit, but that was just because Dan was a total attention whore when he let himself be, and Phil was one of the few people who knew how to bring it out in him, knowing exactly how he liked his coffee, and exactly what anime or films to put on when he needed coddling, exactly how much to slouch so Dan could comfortably rest his head on Phil's shoulder while they watched tv.

And Dan did rest his head on Phil's shoulder—several times over the course of those few days—and the intimacy did nothing whatsoever to rid Phil of his unwanted feelings. But at least he had Dan as his friend again—they'd talked enough to make that clear enough. There would be no going back to the estrangement that had been so painful. But this closeness was painful in its own way, as well.

Yes, Dan had admitted to being bisexual. But he hadn't shown any of that sort of interest in Phil in years. And he'd had plenty of opportunities.

So every time Phil caught himself letting his gaze linger a little too long on that beloved face, he would abruptly look away and chastise himself. He wasn't going to mess up their newly redeveloping friendship because of a crush.

Yes, he knew it was more than just a crush, but using that word in his own mind helped. It made it sound like something frivolous he would get over in a couple weeks. And he couldn't imagine living with this feeling permanently.

"I'm thinking about doing a video on transphobia. What do you think?" Dan's voice interrupted Phil's angsty reverie. They were sitting side-by-side on the couch, both huddled under the blue and green duvet with their laptops on their laps. Phil hadn't been really looking at his, but Dan was typing quickly even as he spoke to Phil.

"I thought maybe I could contact Jake Edwards and Alex Bertie about doing a collab. Doing a video about transphobia when I'm not transgender seems kind of … inappropriate?"

Phil brushed his fringe out of his eyes and thought a moment. "Is it an issue that matters to you?"

Dan nodded emphatically, stopping his typing. "Especially with the attacks that have been happening in London lately. I feel like it's an issue of general human compassion and empathy, not something specific to any one community. But I'm not sure if that way of looking at it is offensive. To trans people, I mean."

Phil shrugged. "DM Alex and Jake and see what they think about a collab. Maybe tell them some of what you're thinking, let them know you're open to their point of view and want to present it in your video."

Dan typed something else, then stopped again and looked at Phil. Their faces weren't that far apart, and Phil hated that he noticed. "You don't think it would be weird for me to do a collab with people who have so many fewer subscribers than me? I mean, I usually collab with people like you and PJ and Tyler. Jake and Alex only have a few thousand subscribers each. Will people think it's weird?"

Phil laughed. "I definitely encourage you to work with up-and-coming young YouTubers. Look what it did for my life!" And Dan blushed a bit, looking away and laughing with him, bumping their shoulders together.

"Hey, when you're done working on that, want to watch TATINOF?" Phil asked on a whim. Dan looked at him like he was crazy. "I just thought it might be fun to remember what it was like, creating the show together. We could watch the documentary instead, if you want." Phil was deflating slightly. "Or just … never mind. Stupid idea."

Dan put his hand on Phil's forearm on top of the duvet and looked at him again. "Not a stupid idea. You're right. It would be good to remember the fun parts. And nobody needs to know we sat around watching ourselves." He looked embarrassed, and Phil realized that self-consciousness was the only thing that had been causing him to hesitate.

Phil mimed zipping his lips. "My lips are sealed." They grinned at each other.

"Just let me finish typing up these notes and send off some messages to Alex and Jake, and then we can start it up, okay?"

Even after Dan finally went back to his own flat, he was coming over every day to plan the videos for Spooky Week, and then they were filming. Phil's flat felt like theirs, and he hated it each day when Dan would leave for the night. Phil went to sleep in his bed with its string of fairy lights, and he didn't wash the sheets after Dan left, because he wanted to be able to smell the scent of Dan's skin on his pillow. He was pathetic.

Dan kept fretting that he wouldn't be able to do a proper gaming video because he was so out of practice at doing lighter content, but they picked some good scary games and Dan didn't have to pretend being frightened out of his wits, and Phil knew they'd be able to milk enough humor out of their fear to make the first video hilarious. He reassured Dan repeatedly, and it seemed to help a little. Dan slowly relaxed, bit by bit.

Normally, Dan liked to do the editing of the gaming videos himself, but he was oddly reticent this time, uncertain of his ability to edit for humorous effect after so long, so they edited the video together, sitting close in front of the computer monitor and making decisions collaboratively. It reminded Phil of how they'd created the TATINOF show, and he felt nostalgic and a little sad. They would probably never be that close again, not really. TABINOF and TATINOF had been the end of an era.

When they uploaded the first Spooky Week video to the gaming channel and announced it on social media to alert their fans, the subscribers went absolutely insane. The video had thousands of comments by the time Phil even logged on to look, and everyone was raving about how wonderful it was to see Dan and Phil together again, how funny the video was, how glad they all were to have them back. It seemed to bolster Dan's self-confidence, and he was a little more relaxed in each video they filmed, until in the final one he seemed pretty much back to his old self.

But when they'd filmed and edited the final video for Spooky Week, Dan had no more reasons to be lurking at Phil's flat every day, and Phil walked him to the door.

"So … uh … I guess I'll text you?" Dan stammered awkwardly.

Phil groaned inside, but pasted a bright smile on his face. "Yeah. Of course. We'll get together."

"More gaming videos, of course!" Dan smiled lamely, then smacked himself in the forehead, moaning, "Not that that's the only reason we'd get together!" He looked into Phil's eyes. "I really do want to be friends again. It's important to me."

Friends. "Me too," Phil pronounced firmly. He wondered if it would be weird if he gave Dan a hug, then decided to take the chance. He opened his arms and moved toward Dan, and Dan rushed to embrace him much more enthusiastically than he'd expected. He closed his eyes and relished the feel of Dan's arms around him, their arms around each other. But then Dan was pulling away, and his color looked a little high like he was embarrassed. Maybe the hug had been too much?

"Well, I'd better get going," Dan gestured toward the door and took a step backward toward it.

"Right. So … text me."

"Right. Will do." And then Dan was opening the door, and then he was gone, and the door closed behind him, and Phil was alone again. He rested his back against the door and let his face go blank. The flat was silent and empty around him.

It was a few hours later when Phil was pulled from a deep sleep by banging on his front door. He groped for his glasses and stumbled down the hallway to the door. He looked through the peep hole and was shocked to see Dan standing outside, his hair disheveled and his clothes askew. It looked like he was wearing … sweat pants? Had Dan come in his pyjamas?

Phil opened the door and saw that, indeed, Dan seemed to have thrown a coat over his sleepwear and slipped on some shoes and headed out into the night on some urgent errand that brought him to Phil's door in the wee hours.

"Dan! What's wrong?" Phil asked anxiously.

Dan looked harried. He ran his hands through his hair, which explained why it looked so disheveled. He stared into Phll's face with a determined expression and said, "Okay. The thing is … I've got some things I need to say."

Dazed and still sleep-befuddled, Phil figured the least he could do was invite him in. So he did.

Author's End Note: Sorry for the cliffhanger. I guess that's what happens when I chop a chapter in half. Next time, we'll hear what's on Dan's mind.