Gravity
Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone from The Vampire Diaries.
March 16th 2017
Thursday 6.30pm
Mystic Falls
It didn't take me long to realize that Damon was avoiding me.
We both fell asleep that night in the woods and when I woke up, I was wrapped tightly in Damon's arms, our legs tangled together in the muddy grass.
For a moment I forgot the last four years had even happened. We were just camping out in front of the stars like we had many times before during our summer as fugitives.
However reality soon started to sink in from the numerous missed calls and unanswered text messages flashing on my phone.
"People are worried about you." Damon remarked once he woke up. It was strange being around him. Everything felt the same but everything felt completely different.
He offered to drive me home but I didn't think I would have been able to handle a car ride with him. I was shaking, trembling, but I was doing my best to hide it. He seemed to understand, in fact, he actually looked a little relieved.
When I arrived home I was greeted with a mixture of worry, relief and anger. I ignored it all and went upstairs to take a shower.
I soon realized that I didn't have a phone number for Damon, nor did he have a number for me. I didn't even know if he had a phone. So, I text Klaus asking to give my number to Damon in the hope of forming some sort of contact. Klaus had soon replied to say he had followed my instruction but I was still to hear anything from Damon himself.
It hadn't escaped me that I was due to go back to Whitmore in two days.
Every day and night my eyes would automatically scan around The Grill, or the Town Square, or the Grocery Store. Everywhere I went, I was subconsciously looking for Damon.
"You're doing it again." Caroline blurts out in somewhat annoyance. I jump back from my thoughts and see both her and Bonnie staring at me across the table at The Grill.
"Sorry," I murmur distractedly before picking up a fry.
Caroline rolls her eyes but Bonnie at least looks sympathetic. "You okay?"
"Yeah." I nod while forcing a smile. "I'm fine."
She nods slowly but I can tell that she doesn't believe me. That's okay, I didn't particular want her too anyway.
"Well, I'm sorry to say ladies but this has officially been the most boring Spring Break of our entire college experience." Caroline states in frustration.
I roll my eyes but Bonnie replies first.
"Well I for one have had a fun time." She shrugs casually. "I don't think I could have taken another year lumbered between sweaty creepy drunk assholes with sand in my shoes."
Caroline huffs but doesn't say anything so I decide to speak up. "I happen to think that this has been the best spring break ever." I state, putting it out there.
"Are you kidding? You've been miserable."
"Damon's out of prison." I reply back with a hint of disbelief in my voice because I still can't believe it. "Best spring break, ever."
"He's also been avoiding you." Caroline replies bluntly. "You know he's gone camping with Stefan and Klaus, right?" I look at her with wide eyes.
So that's why I haven't seen him!
"So you can stop looking around for him every place we go because he's not even in town."
"Caroline!" Bonnie scolds her in shock.
I clench my jaw. "What exactly is your problem, Caroline?" I snap at her coldly. "You shouldn't have a problem with Damon anymore if you are sleeping with his brother."
"Just because I have a thing with Stefan doesn't make me have to like Damon. I don't like him, I've never liked him."
"Wow, tell me how you really feel?"
"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy he's out of prison. I'm happy for you and I'm happy for Stefan but that doesn't make him any less of an asshole. He broke your heart, or did you forget about that part? He left you in the middle of some Hicksville across the country from your home. He refused to see you when you were desperate to even just hear his voice." She continues much to my building irritation. "You didn't have to be around you during our senior year of High School. You were a broken shell, you were heartbroken and devastated and depressed and I honestly didn't believe that you would even make it to graduation. Damon did that you. So I'm sorry that I'm not all googly eyes over his return like you seem to be."
I scowl at her furiously. "It wasn't that simple, Caroline! You don't know what happened! You don't know what he went through, what we both went through. I don't blame him, I can't blame him. You may hate him but I don't. I don't hate him. He's spent the last three and a half years in prison over something that he didn't do. You think that I'll resent him just because he refused to see me? I don't."
"What about Liam?" she challenges me.
"What about him?" I snap defensively.
"You know he called me, right?" she raises her eyebrows and I look at her taken aback.
"What?"
"He called me last night – he wanted to know if you were okay. Apparently you were barely answering his calls, and when you did you were distant. Different." She shakes her head. "I'm guessing he has no idea that Damon's back."
"It's not exactly something that I want to tell him about over the phone."
"Well good job since you don't call him anyway! What exactly are you going to say him? Oh hey Liam thanks for being such a great understanding boyfriend for the last seven months but oh hey, Damon's out now so we can break up?"
"Caroline…" Bonnie mumbles in a warning tone.
"Is that what you think I'd do?" I ask offended.
"I don't know what you'd do when it comes to Damon, Elena. That's the point. You've come so far these last few years; I don't want that all to go to waste."
"To waste? Do you think I should regret my time with Damon?"
She shrugs. "I'm just saying that he hasn't exactly made your life easy. You're lucky that your Dad is a detective or you probably would have gone to prison too because of him. Bye bye college, bye bye future."
"Well my Dad is a detective and I did go to college and I do have a future. I have all of that with or without Liam; I have all of that with or without Damon." I glare at her. "I'm sorry that you feel this way, I don't know why but I'm sorry that you do. I won't apologize to you. I don't have to sit here and listen to this. I have enough problems going on without you adding them, but thank you so much Caroline for being such a supportive friend." I gather up my things quickly, ignoring Bonnie's protests to get me to stay.
I storm out of The Grill furiously. Who does Caroline think she is? She knows nothing about Damon; she knows nothing about our relationship!
I wipe an angry tear from my eye. I refuse to cry over this. I'm so sick of crying. I am so sick of feeling like this.
I'm halfway home when my phone starts ringing. I pull it out in annoyance, knowing that it's probably Bonnie trying to get me to come back.
"What?!" I snap angrily into the phone.
"Uh…Elena?"
My heart stops. "Damon." I stutter out and immediately curse myself for not checking caller ID, not that I even had Damon's number stored anyway. "Shit…sorry."
"It's okay," he chuckles. "Rough night?"
"Yeah." I run my hand down my face, coming to a standstill by the gates of the cemetery, leaning back against the fence. "Better now though." The words escape my lips before I can stop them. "You've been avoiding me."
"I have." he admits bluntly much to my surprise. "I've also been camping in the middle of nowhere with barely any cell service."
"So I heard." I muse. "I'm assuming from this phone call that you're back in town?"
"Yup. Just got back actually."
"What are you doing right now?" I question nervously, praying that he won't knock me back.
"Right now, right now? Right now I'm watching Klaus struggle to unlock his apartment door while carrying all our things." He sounds amused and I smile.
"Want to ditch the unpacking and come meet me for a drink?" I ask him nervously.
He pauses for a moment and I go to take the offer back, cringing at myself for being so forward but he speaks just before I can open my mouth. "Sure. I know just the place."
I smile before hanging up and calling a cab.
I find Damon at the bar where we first met with two beers resting on the bar in front of him. My hand automatically finds his shoulder as I slide onto the stool beside him. I realize the mistake and quickly remove my hand but Damon doesn't seem phased by it either way.
"I thought you may have ditched me." He slides the beer along to me and I smile gratefully before taking a large swig. Wow, I needed that. I try to push back the argument with Caroline to the back of my mind.
"Sorry, the cab took a while to pick me up." I explain and I watch as he finishes his beer before ordering another. "You haven't been waiting too long have you?" I comment, noting the now two empty bottles on the bar beside him.
He shrugs casually and shakes his head. "No, not that long."
We fall into a strange silence. Damon seems comfortable enough just sitting at the bar drinking beer. I struggle to think of where to start.
"So, when do you go back to college?" he breaks the silence before I can and I play with the label on my beer bottle.
"Saturday." I answer, feeling slightly guilty but I can't explain why. "That's when the fun starts before our end of year exams. Lots of deadline and even more studying." I blow out a breath just thinking about it. I hate this time of year.
He nods slowly "But it will all be worth it in the end, right?"
"Yeah." I reply with a small smile. "I suppose it will be."
"And do you have any plans for the summer?" he questions me and I wonder how we got here – small pleasant conversation. It feels like we are merely two strangers chatting in a bar.
It makes me feel nauseous.
"No plans." I shake my head, answering his polite questions anyway.
"No vacations with your boyfriend?"
I freeze. God, just that word leaving Damon's lips makes me feel very uncomfortable. I take a big chug from my beer. "No." I reply meekly. "No plans."
We fall back into silence and I finally swallow my nerves.
"When are we ever going to talk about it?" I ask him seriously while trying to hide the desperation in my voice.
"There's nothing left to talk about, Elena."
"Yes there is!" I argue in frustration. "Damon, this isn't like you…I need you to be mad at me. I need you to…just…be you." I feel tears building in my eyes again and I curse myself under my breath.
I need to stop being so weak.
Damon runs his hand down his face tiredly. "I have so much shit I need to figure out in my life right now, Elena. I've just…I've just gotten out of prison where I believed to be serving a life sentence. I didn't think I would ever be back in this…normal…life ever again. I have no plans. I literally have nothing. I have nowhere to live and I don't have a job. I have to rely on my best friend who earns minimum wage and my college student little brother to help me out financially. I don't know where to start to even think about rebuilding my life right now, Elena. So I'm sorry that I'm not being who you need me to be."
I wipe away a tear. "Damon…I didn't mean it like that…I'm sorry I just…" I shake my head in frustration. This is all coming out wrong. "I just don't know what to do." My voice shakes.
He turns on his stool and looks at me sadly. "You need to go back to college and continue living the life you built for yourself when I was gone."
I shake my head defiantly. "No. You know that I can't do that. I messed up, Damon. I messed up really bad the second I gave up on you and there won't be a day that goes by where I won't regret it. I can't change that." I swallow the lump in my throat. "I will have to live with that for the rest of my life but please…please don't shut me out again. I'm here." I bravely reach my hand out and clutch his own in mine. A wave of relief washes over me when he doesn't pull away and it encourages me to go further. "I don't have the answers either. I don't know how to help you but please just let me try. I can help you look for a job…I can help you find a place to stay…if you just want to come sit here in silence or talk about the freaking weather then I'm here. But please, Damon, please don't push me away again. I've just gotten you back…I…I don't think I could handle losing you again."
He squeezes my hand. "I'm not the same guy, Elena. I've changed."
"I don't care." I move my other hand and cup his chin. "You're you. You'll always be special to me, Damon. No matter what else happens, I need you to believe me when I tell you that."
"I do." He breathes out shakily. He squeezes my hand again before slowly untangling it from mine. "But Elena, I've done enough damage to your life."
"No!" I plead with him desperately because I feel a sense of déjà vu coming on and I really don't like it. "Damon…I won't be able to live my life happy knowing that you're out and okay but want nothing to do with me."
"Elena," he snaps almost angrily and I blink in shock. "You have a whole new life that's completely separate to mine. You go to college…you have new friends…you have a fucking…fuck." He groans in frustration. "You have a boyfriend."
I blink back tears, tears of sadness but mostly guilt. "I'm sorry."
"You don't need to apologize!" he tells me sternly. "I wanted this for you! When will you start to get that? Everything I do, I do it because it's what's best for you!"
"And what about what's best for you?" I accuse him. "When will you stop being so selfless and put yourself first?"
He doesn't answer; instead he downs the rest of his beer and orders another. I shake my head sadly and finish mine off.
Maybe tonight was a mistake. Maybe this was too soon. I just knew that I needed to see him. I needed to hear his voice and to just…be around him. I should have thought this through. I have so much that I need to say but no idea how to say it.
"I'm gonna go." I whisper quietly, wiping a fallen tear from my eye. "But I'm not going to give up on you, Damon. I don't need to spend hours around you to know that you're not okay. I made a mistake two years ago when I let you go. I should never have given up on you but I did and it's too late to change that. Let me be here for you now. I don't care how… just let me be your friend. I know it won't be easy. I know that I'm with Liam and…" I trail off, unsure how to explain this but I know that he needs the truth. "Seven months ago…I met Liam and he was the first guy that made me want to move on. I saw a perfect life in front of me…college…marriage…kids…it was everything that everybody wanted for me, including you." I bravely place my hand on his forearm. "But that doesn't change what we had. What we had was real. You and I, we're messy and complicated but we're real."
"And really bad for each other," he stresses to me irritated. "Did you forget that part?"
I stutter on a reply but I can only nod my head. He's right. He's always right. "Yeah but…" I swallow the lump in my throat. "I still need you in my life."
"As friends, right?"
I blink and suck in a breath. This is the first time he has sounded bitter and I don't like it.
He shakes his head and moves my hand away from his arm. "No Elena, I can't be your friend. It's too damn hard." He pushes himself up to his feet, sliding his stool away behind him as he moves to leave the bar.
"Damon," I reach out to grab his arm but he flinches away from my touch and swings around angrily.
"No I'm serious, Elena! I can't see you anymore! I don't want to hear your voice. I don't want to talk to you. I don't even want to look at you! And I sure as hell don't want to be your friend."
I blink shocked. My heart feels like it's shattering into a million pieces. Damon looks so defeated and I feel completely helpless.
This is all my fault.
"I…I uh…" I stutter while holding back my tears. "If that's what you want."
He nods slowly, his jaw clenched tight. "That's what I want."
I hold back a sob and nod slowly, swallowing the never ending lump in my throat. "Okay. Yeah…" I nod guiltily and take a step back. "I'm sorry; I should never have called you tonight. I'm sorry." I quickly turn on my heel and leave the bar as fast as I possibly can without looking back.
My eyes are blurry with tears, my vision unclear and I don't even remember how I got home that night.
I crash down onto my bed and finally let go of the sobs I was holding back as I cry myself to sleep.
I clench my eyes shut trying to ignore the image of Elena's heartbroken face before she ran out of the bar.
I hate that I've made her cry – that was never my intention. However I don't regret rejecting her offer of friendship. How could I possibly be just friends with Elena Gilbert?
She's…Elena.
I order another beer, ignoring the fact that I already feel rather drunk and my wallet is running tight on cash right now.
Elena just doesn't get it. She has a completely different life now, a life that I'm not a part of and will most likely never be able to be again.
Too much has changed. I've changed. She's moved on.
She doesn't even live in Mystic Falls anymore.
She has a boyfriend.
I slam my bottle of beer down against the bar in frustration. I've been doing my best to keep my anger in check whenever I think of another man's hands touching my girl. The thought makes me sick to the stomach but the worst part is I can't even be mad at Elena for it.
I told her to move on. I ignored her phone calls and visitation requests. I brought this upon myself with the thought that I would never have to see it.
I would never have had to see Elena with another guy when I was in prison.
Except now I'm not.
I can't be Elena's friend. I wasn't lying when I said it was too damn hard.
I slam my last dollar notes against the bar and turn to leave. It's going to be a long walk home but I need it. I need to clear my head and regain my composure. I need to stop myself from calling her or sending her a text.
I'm doing the right thing.
I finally make it home, my tipsy state making the journey a little less mind numbing and I stumble slightly up a curb as I approach Klaus's apartment. I fiddle with my keys, trying to make sure that I have the right one in the dark.
"Damon."
I freeze; my eyebrows pressed together as I slowly turn around and squint my eyes in the darkness at the unfamiliar voice.
However a figure steps closer and I groan loudly.
"Detective Gilbert." I let out a loud breath. "I was wondering when you were going to pay me a visit."
"I figured I would give you a little chance to settle back into the real world." He takes another step forward. I lean against the railing by Klaus's building and light up a cigarette.
I inhale slowly before exhaling the smoke towards his face. "Look, I'm going to cut the bullshit." I cross my legs at my ankle. "Thank you for actually doing your job." I smirk slightly.
"Wow…I get you out of a life prison sentence and that's the best you can do?" he challenges me and I shrug.
"You were four years too late." I reply simply. I take another drag from my cigarette. "So, what is it that I can do for you? Shouldn't you be wrapped up in your dressing gown by now with a hot cup of cocoa?"
He takes another step closer and I see the anger in his eyes as he approaches me. "I have a daughter at home who has just cried herself to sleep."
I clench my jaw.
"I have a funny feeling you have something to do with that?" he questions me coldly. I stay silent and take another drag from my cigarette. "She was happy, you know? She had moved on with her life."
"Elena was the one who called me." I reply tensely.
"She's a sucker for a sob story – you should know that more than anyone."
I clamp my fist tightly by my side. "If you've come to warn me away from Elena then there's no need. She's going to go back to Whitmore soon and she'll probably never have to see me again."
He lets out a dry laugh. "Do you really think I'd believe that?"
"I don't care what you believe. I don't have time to listen to your bullshit empty threats. I'm not a kid anymore; I don't care if you're a Gilbert. I don't care who you are. Just leave me the hell alone." I turn around and head inside, slamming the door shut loudly behind me before he can even say another word.
I can't deal with him tonight.
I'm too damn exhausted.
"Go away!" I groan into my pillow tiredly. It's early, too early for visitors. I groan again when my bedroom door creaks open.
I let out a loud breath and remove my pillow from my face. I tense when I see a meek looking Caroline step into my bedroom with a small smile.
"Hi."
I bite my tongue and slowly sit up.
"I come waving a white flag." She offers nervously.
I refrain myself from rolling my eyes. "Who let you in?"
"You're Mom – she was on her way out. She said you were upset last night and I…I'm sorry, Elena. I was completely out of line."
"You were out of line." I agree bluntly.
"I have no right to comment on your relationship with Damon. I know how difficult things have been for you and I…I'm sorry. I just…" she rambles nervously and I frown when I see tears in her eyes. "I shouldn't have said what I said. Do you forgive me?"
I take in her appearance – she looks tired. I smile slightly. "I forgive you." I watch as her shoulders drop in relief. I pull myself up to my feet and Caroline wraps her arms around me quickly before letting go.
"Oh thank God. I just…I haven't been myself lately and I just don't want you to hate me for making stupid comments and…" she rambles off and I look at her questionably as she takes a step back from me while biting on her bottom lip.
Something she does when she's nervous.
"Are you okay, Care?" I ask curiously with a hint of worry.
"No." her eyes fill up with tears again and she shakes her head. "I'm not okay."
I take a concerned step towards her. "What is it?"
She swallows audibly as a tear falls from her eye. "Oh god," a sob falls from her lips and her hand shoots to her mouth. "I…I…this is…" she shakes her head and I wait silently, patiently, for her to continue. I place my hand on her arm gently.
"Caroline, you know you can tell me anything." She nods, more tears falling silently from her eyes. "Care…"
She lets out a shaky breath and looks at me dead in the eye.
"I think I'm pregnant."
Uh oh!
There'll be more Damon/Grayson interaction to come as well as some Damon/Zach! That part of the story isn't over just yet!
I don't feel like this was my best chapter but I hope you all still enjoyed it.
Thanks again for reading, until next time!