LESSONS LEARNED

Legion, 3011

This time, Clark found himself in a sterile white room similar to the hospital room they'd just vacated. As soon as he could make out the surroundings, his vision blurred, he stumbled and would have lost his footing if Kara hadn't supported him.

"What happened?" Rokk's voice sounded far away.

Clark could hear explain but he ignored her words in favor of fighting against the urge to vomit. He was still feeling sweaty and disoriented.

"Why is he sick?" Kara asked. "Time travel never affected me that way."

"Did he run into… anyone in particular?"

"Yes," Kara answered, her arm slowly walking Clark across the room. She helped to ease him into a chair. "He heard shouting and wanted to help." Kara put a cool hand to Clark's forehead. "I'm afraid he saw Lois and himself… his future self."

"There wasn't contact, was there?" Rokk demanded anxiously.

"No, I warned him about the risk of destroying time."

"Still, it's disorienting to see versions of yourself in the future," Rokk's voice sounded almost relieved. "I think he was more affected than most." The man stepped away, "You ready, Garth?"

"Yes, the devices are ready and the two of them prepared."

Still disoriented but less nauseous, Clark grabbed his cousin's hand and pulled it away from his forehead. "Was that," he swallowed, keeping his eyes closed. "Was what we saw… was that the future?"

"The future is always changing, Kal-El," Kara told him. "That is one possible future based on the events that have transpired up to now."

Leaning his head back, Clark concentrated on taking deep breaths.

"What's going on?" Kara stepped away.

"We have to remove the protections," Garth responded. "We're going to return the memories to their… uhm, rightful owner and withdraw Brainiac from there."

Kara's voice was stunned. "Is that…?"

"Yeah, freaky, huh?" Garth commented.

Kara's silence frightened Clark more than anything and so he opened his eyes, directing them automatically to the woman on the table. His vision seemed clear, so he took another deep breath and cautiously stood, noticing the presence of another bed and another person-

No, it couldn't be.

It looked just like Lois only with darker and shorter hair. Disturbed by the view, he moved forward on shaky legs, trying to categorize the differences between the two women. First, he noticed that the other Lois appeared older and then he saw the scars. His breath caught as he remembered his Lois reaching up absentmindedly to rub her neck. It was one of her recent mannerisms. He wondered what had happened to her and why there were two of Lois to begin with.

Was he hallucinating?

At the thought, he was hit with another wave of nausea and sweating. He reached out for his cousin but his vision blurred and he missed her shoulder, falling forward on his knees. He heard his cousin call his name right before he lost consciousness.

When he came to, he was seated again and he could hear the others talking about the procedure so he must not have been out for long. He blinked and realized his vision was still burry. Closing his eyes, he simply listened as the conversation around him became clearer.

"The particles are electro-magnetic," Rokk was explaining. "I think Garth can neutralize the electricity while I extract the Nanites. Imra will monitor both women to make sure we're not doing any damage."

After a few seconds of nothing but electronic noise, Rokk spoke, "Let's do this."

"Hey, Lois… and Lois," Garth said, and Clark instinctively knew that his friend would like this kid. "No more Reasoning Interval Repeating Cylinder, you'll be happy to know. We've modified the ring so it does all the work-"

"Get in position," Imra interrupted, sounding urgent. "Brainiac is taking over."

Clark tried to open his eyes when he heard the urgency in her voice but the white light forced them closed again. He could hear footsteps and more electronic beeping and buzzing. He had barely tried opening his eyes, when Imra announced, "It's done."

Now Clark could feel the electricity in the air. He opened his eyes wider and watched Rokk extend his hands over the older Lois, directing the gray particles that were separating themselves from her body. When Imra nodded Rokk used his hands- without touching the particles- to shape them into a ball about the size of a baseball.

"It worked. We've removed Brainiac," Imra told Kara with a relieved sigh, watching as Rokk directed the gray mass into a clear container. "Now we need to wait."

"Why?" Clark croaked impatiently from the sidelines. He'd been waiting for a week for Lois to wake up. He was tired of waiting.

Four sets of eyes looked over as if they'd forgotten he was there. Rokk answered. "We've come a long way in the fields of science and medicine but we still don't know everything about the human brain, Kal-El," he said calmly. "This procedure removed Brainiac but we don't know what damage could have been done in the process."

At the words, Clark turned his now wide-open eyes to Kara, who seemed to recognize his fears. "She will wake up, Kal-El."

Garth chuckled, studying the beds with a grin on his face. "They both will."

Legion, same day

Clark sat in the sterile white room, so similar to the one in 2008, and waited for his Lois to regain consciousness.

Despite what Kara said, he was worried. Sure, the Legion seemed certain but what if she didn't wake up? What if something else happened? She was having episodes before Brainiac infected her.

He rested his arms on his knees and felt his legs bounce uncontrollably. Kara had finally left him to wait, promising to return later. She was working on something with the League but she couldn't- or wouldn't- say what it was. He'd overheard the words "night" and "alive" but he didn't know what they meant.

He was nervous now, wondering what would happen when Lois woke up. Would she remember? Would she still be angry? What should he say?

Abruptly he stood and started to pace. It was after his third turn around the room that he saw her eyes start to flutter. In an instant he was by her side, taking her hand in his, so relieved to see her moving that he didn't care who said what. Unexpected tears filled his eyes she opened hers.

"Lois?" His voice sounded scratchy and so he cleared it, blinking away the moisture from his eyes. "Lois, can you hear me?"

Her answer was weak. "Smallville?"

"I'm here," he told her, watching as her eyes tried to focus. It took a couple of seconds before they rested on his face.

"Where am I?"

"Hospital," Clark told her, not wanting to go into great detail at the moment. There would be time to talk about time travel and other oddities later. He was really looking forward to a full explanation.

She breathed out with a little chuckle. "Of course."

At the sound of her laugh, Clark thought his heart would burst. Randomly, his mind wondered if one of her smiles would kill him. He grinned at the thought and noticed how strange the expression felt.

"What are you doing here?" Lois asked him, trying to sit up. "And where have you been for the last month. I was worried-"

Breaking off abruptly, her gaze landed on her hand in his own. Very slowly she tried to pull her hand away, gasping under her breath when he refused to release it. Her eyes slammed into his and he could see the confusion.

"Clark, what… where have you been?"

"I've been right here, the whole time… with you," he told her, growing confused when she continued to subtly pull at her hand.

"No, I mean …" She shook her head lightly. "You've been gone for over a month now." Her other hand rose to her mouth and Clark found his eyes focused there. He watched as her eyes grew wide and another gasp escaped her lips. "God, I've got to get out of here," she told him suddenly, trying to move her legs from the bed.

"Lois, no… what are you doing?" Gently Clark pushed her legs back on the bed. "You just regained consciousness. You can't leave," he told her firmly, feeling his brows gather with his confusion.

"I have to find Chloe," she told him. "She's been missing- longer than you have, actually." For a minute he could see the hurt in her eyes but then it was replaced with anger. "Just like that damn Lex to have her arrested and then disappear." Her brows gathered over her nose in concentration. "I'm close to finding her. I know it," she continued. "She's at some facility-"

Clark felt his stomach drop to his feet as he processed her words. "Lois," he interrupted, waiting until her eyes met his. "What month is it?"

"What?" she sputtered. "Now is not the time for twenty questions," she told him exasperatedly. When he just continued to watch her, she huffed. "Fine, it's June 2008, okay? Now, did I pass the test?"

Clark felt his heart and his stomach drop to his feet.

She didn't remember.

Legion, one hour later

Clark was still waiting for Lois to wake up but this time it was a different Lois in a very different room, more of an apartment really- in yellows, blues and reds. Normally, he'd appreciate the color choices but right now he was too worked up to enjoy them. He paced around the room wanting answers, needing them.

He'd left his Lois after Imra administered a sedative. Seems they didn't want his Lois wandering the halls. Right now the Legion was working to return her to a time immediately following their departure from the hospital. Everyone agreed that things should be kept normal and that meant no mention of anything she didn't remember, at least not right now.

Clark clenched his fists in frustration. He wasn't sure he could ignore what happened in the last few months.

He stopped when the woman stirred, focusing his eyes on her face.

Her hazel eyes found Clark's and he saw the recognition in them along with a hint of fear. As she studied him, the fear was replaced by warmth, turning her eyes more brown than green. Clark looked away. He didn't deserve the welcome in her gaze.

You need me, Smallville.

Had those words come from this Lois or the other one?

His hands ran through his hair at the thought. The concept was too confusing for him right now. What mattered was that this Lois was the one who sent her thoughts, or memories, back in time. Now he needed to know why.

From his peripheral vision he could see the woman push herself up on the bed and look around. Her voice, when she spoke, sounded rough, like it had been damaged along with her throat. "Well, at least they had enough sense to put me in a decent room."

She smirked and Clark's mind was flooded with memories. For a minute, he was speechless. What should he say to this woman who was so much like his Lois but wasn't? Overwhelmed by memories of the past six months, he reached out but at the last minute stopped his hand, pushing it into his pocket. He needed to focus on his questions. Unconsciously he rocked back on his heels.

The older woman's sharp gaze took it all in. "All right, Smallville, spill-" she said, her smirk fading. "What has your boxers in a bunch?"

He shook his head and looked away from her penetrating gaze, still searching for the right words. Before he could speak, she gasped and he turned to see her panicked face. "Did something happen… to her? God, we didn't lose my younger self, did we?"

When Clark shook his head in the negative, Lois leaned back against the headboard in relief. Then she rolled her eyes at him and muttered, "Great, I'm talking about myself in the third person. This time travel stuff is really messed up."

Clark couldn't stop the smile that played around his lips at her words. Lois was the same in any time, it seemed. He watched as she tried to get comfortable and knew instinctively that she was waiting for him to make the next move.

Her expression didn't change and so he let his eyes wander. "Nice room," he remarked.

She shrugged, expression noncommittal, and waited. Evidently Lois from the future was more patient than the one from the past.

Clark sighed. She really knew him too well. "It's just that she doesn't remember…" he told her, his eyes making their way back to her face. "Why did you send your memories back?"

"You know I can't answer that."

Reflexively, he rocked forward and then back. "I don't need to know what the memories were," he told her earnestly. "I just need to know your reason for sending them back." He tried to match her calm tone but he could hear the urgency in his own voice.

"Why?"

Clark looked at this older version of Lois and repeated himself. "She doesn't remember the past six months."

He could almost see the wheels turning as she considered his words. Finally when he was ready to expound on the problem, she spoke. "Well, that's not really life-threatening, is it?"

Another move back onto his heels and he responded, "Well, no but she doesn't remember what happened-"

"But you do," Lois interrupted. "Right?"

"Sure, but how does that help?"

Lois blew her bangs out her eyes in frustration. "Clark, I can't tell you about the future but I can tell you I sent my memories back for a reason." She paused and her look told Clark she was trying to choose her words carefully. "Obviously, things have changed; otherwise you wouldn't be here," she waved her hand in his direction. "Your Lois' actions will continue to have repercussions whether she remembers them or not, as long as others do." When her eyes locked onto his, Clark could swear that she was looking directly into his heart. "Make sure you remember and everything will be all right."

Clark nodded mechanically but inside he was an emotional wreck. Nothing was going to be all right; Lois didn't remember, and if she didn't remember what happened in the past six months, then she didn't remember them.

If she didn't remember them…

Oh, God; he was going to be sick. Back on the heels he went, feeling his jaw clench in response.

"Clark!" The older woman said sharply and he found himself focusing on hazel eyes snapping with irritation. "Make sure you remember and that'll be enough," she said firmly as she searched his eyes. Again, it was as if she'd looked right into his heart. Her features softened, "Besides, I can tell you that even now, even without the memories, she cares for you."

At his surprised look, she smiled softly. "She needs you, too, Smallville."

An hour later, those words were still ringing in his ears while he stood uncertainly in the hallway. The Legion was working with his Lois, so he'd stayed with the one from the future, making sure she could get around by herself and eating a light meal with her while she complained about the food. Finally, she'd accused him of hovering and thrown him out.

Now, he wasn't sure what he was waiting for. He'd gotten all the information out of future Lois he was going to. Still, there was something nagging at him, a feeling that he wasn't finished here. He was convinced that there was more to see and learn.

Movement down the hall caught his attention and he ducked into one of the nearby alcoves, seeking to avoid lectures from the older Lois. As he watched, the figure of a man, walking very slowly and dressed all in black, came into view. When he was halfway down the hall, Clark felt his earlier pain, dizziness and nausea return, and then he recognized the man as another version of himself.

As this one walked closer Clark could see that he was completely different from the man he'd seen at the hospital. This version moved like an old man, with slow, halting steps and he was slumped over like he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulder. Clark had never seen himself look this thin either; the man was almost gaunt, with sickly, sallow-looking skin. This version stopped at Lois' door and hesitated. With a deep breath he straightened his shoulders and looked up; what Clark saw in his face almost dropped him to his knees.

Emotions blazed from the blue depths of his eyes with an intensity that Clark could not remember seeing in himself. This man radiated pain and guilt and fear. It was almost too much for Clark to see and he wondered how this version of himself managed not to shatter under the pressure.

Then the man knocked on Lois' door with a shaky hand.

By the time it flew open, the older woman was mid-sentence, "… nothing more I can tell you-" Her words ended abruptly when she saw who was standing on the other side.

From his vantage point Clark could see that this woman looked as close to breaking down as he'd ever seen. Just as when he was in the hospital in 2010, the look of pain on her face made him want to reach out to her. He moved forward but her next words stopped him.

"No; it's not possible!" She took a step back and Clark took another step forward. He stopped when future Lois launched herself at his future self, raging against him, beating against his chest and arms.

"Damn you … how did you get here … what … I thought you were dead … God, I was the one … I killed you … you bastard … how could you …" On and on it went until she was spent, holding onto the front of the black shirt with tears streaming down her face.

Through it all his future self remained unmoving, his face revealing a myriad of emotions in rapid succession … guilt, sorrow, hurt, and fear. When he spoke, his voice was rusty and filled with pain. "You … you didn't kill me, Lois," he said, searching for eyes that had darted up in surprise with his first word. "You. Saved. Me."

The dark-haired woman was able to release a gasp before Clark's future self crushed her against his chest and seemed to devour her lips with his. In seconds she was kissing him back just as desperately. As he watched- a large part of him embarrassed by the passion they displayed- he knew that this was what he'd waited to see…

When they pulled away, Clark found himself in awe of the look of wonder and joy on Lois' face and the expression of peace on his counterpart.

As the older woman started to pull the man into the apartment, her gaze traveled to Clark's and her eyes widened when she spotted him standing in the alcove. Just like in the hospital, when their eyes met he was filled with an understanding of what he's seen. He glanced at the man holding her hand and knew that in her future- the one she had saved them from- this Clark let his feelings take over. Somehow this man's overwhelming emotions had lead him away from Lois into something dark and dangerous.

You need me, Smallville.

Again, he didn't need to hear the words. They were in the hazel depths of her eyes. They were written in the expression of the man she was holding. This time, however, he could see something else, something more, just as clearly.

She needs you, too.

Daily Planet, December 29, 2008

Forget the roller coaster; Clark was going round and round on his own emotional carousel from hell. Lois Lane, the object of his affections- the object of his desires- was sitting across from him completely oblivious to his feelings.

His eyes drank her in, from the dark brown of her hair to the teeth chewing on the end of her pencil, to the green blouse that brought out the green in her eyes, and below the desk to her long legs, currently encased in black pants, down further to the high-heeled boots on her feet. Everything about her was beautiful to him and he wanted her.

More than that, he needed her…

If he was going to have a future, any kind of future, he had to tell her how he felt. He was desperate to tell her everything and he was circling around the idea of doing just that.

What you told me- that was a gift, Clark, your gift.

The problem was that it was too soon, and he cared too much to dump everything on her all at once. Lois was still adjusting to losing her memories from the past six months and there had been a lot to understand. First, there was Chloe's wedding. Lois had been shocked, to say the least, by the fact that her cousin was engaged- to Jimmy Olsen of all people. At least she didn't have to scramble to plan the ceremony. By mutual agreement, Chloe and Jimmy had decided to postpone their nuptials until the spring.

Then, there was school. Although she had been surprised to find herself in class, she'd taken to her continuing education with great enthusiasm, much more enthusiasm that she'd shown for living at the farm. Even with Kara there, she kept dropping hints about getting her own place. It was making Clark crazy.

Work was another issue. His partner had been surprised to find herself working across from him and she'd made her thoughts known about it in pretty short order.

"Good grief, Smallville, we're practically on top of each other… when do we each get some personal space?"

With his gut clenching, he forced out a chuckle and leaned back in his chair. "We're friends, Lois. We like spending time together."

"Right," she drawled out, giving him one of her insightful looks as she suddenly leaned forward on her desk. "Clark, is there something I should know? Maybe something from the past six months…?"

"Uhm, nothing important, Lois," he told her calmly.

Her eyes stayed locked on his and, for a minute, he was sure she wasn't going to let it go, but then Jimmy interrupted.

"Lois… hey!" The photographer was out of breath. "Here are those photos of the Blur you asked me for."

She snatched them from Jimmy's hands and Clark knew he'd lost her. He sighed, confused and frustrated by the fact that their relationship wasn't the only thing Lois had forgotten. Now he needed to make the decision all over again about how to handle the Blur. The entire thing was beyond frustrating especially because, while the woman wanted to keep her distance from Clark, she apparently wanted to get closer to Metropolis' new hero.

He took his eyes off her and shook his head, trying to focus on his own work. He had a meeting soon. Grabbing his jacket from the back of the chair, he shot up and caught Lois staring contemplatively in his direction. He paused for a minute and watched as her face flushed.

"Is there a fire?" She asked sarcastically, making Clark question whether he'd really seen the contemplative warmth in her gaze.

"No, I have a meeting with J'onn," he told her as he walked by. "I'm late."

She stopped him with a hand on his arm. The heat from her hand moved to the rest of his body, rooting him to place. For a second, they both seemed fixated on the sight of her hand on his arm. "Uhm, tell your source I said 'hi.'"

He grinned, relishing the feel of her small hand. "You're not going to steal him away from me with your charm, Lane."

Lois raised her brow in challenge, "You sure about that? I hear I'm pretty charming." To Clark's surprise she moved her hand slowly up his arm.

He sighed and stepped away with a tight smile. "Uhm, I'll be sure to let him know," he told her, turning away when he saw the confusion in her eyes. He knew she didn't understand how much she affected him, how much he wanted to pull her out the chair and take her somewhere private so he could tell her...

Slowly.

An hour later, he was sure that he was still feeling her hand. He strolled into the Bullpen and looked around while straightening his tie. She wasn't at her desk and his super hearing didn't pick up the sound of her voice. Taking off his jacket, he placed it on the back of his chair and thought about the end of his conversation with his "source."

"I'll be careful," he said, considering J'onn's warning about this new group of vigilante cops. "Oh, by the way, Lois says 'hi,'" Clark told him, handing back the papers.

"How is she?" J'onn had a wistful look on his face.

"She's healthy," Clark told him, hesitating at the end. "She's doing well."

"So, she still doesn't remember?"

"No; nothing from the past six months." He looked closely at his friend. "Or from the future."

J'onn's sharp gaze said it all and then he smiled ruefully at his own reaction.

"You know, don't you?" Clark asked. "You've seen the future?"

"I don't know anything more than you, Kal-El."

Frustrated, Clark ran a hand through his hair. "Why does everyone keep telling me that? I don't know anything."

"So, you don't know how much you need her?" J'onn's look was disbelieving.

The surprise was clear on Clark's face.

"That's what the future tells us, Kal-E," he said with a small smile. "Remember that and everything will be okay."

The words triggered his memory of future Lois' words, Make sure you remember and that'll be enough.

Her voice echoed in his head as he sat down and looked at his notes. Maybe he needed to stop pushing and let things progress naturally. He was considering the idea when his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the object of his affections walking briskly back to her desk. She had her phone to her ear and Clark didn't need super hearing to listen to her side of the conversation. His head shot up and he felt his teeth grind together.

"Davis … wait," Lois chuckled. "I didn't say I could go…"

She paused to listen.

"I don't know," she said, biting her bottom lip. "I really have a lot of school work to catch up on."

Clark could see her considering the offer.

"What time on New Year's Eve?" There was another pause.

"Hmm, I would like to…" Her voice was warm and considerate.

The tone of her voice took Clark back to the day after Thanksgiving and the parking lot outside the hospital. He felt his jealousy swell at the memory.

"Don't worry," she said, her voice sounding unusually husky and warm. "I think you have the magic touch."

He stopped and looked to see her sitting at the back of the ambulance with Davis standing across from her too close for Clark's comfort. At her words, Davis' hand squeezed her shoulder and Clark watched as he leaned forward and said softly, "What is it about you?"

Frozen in place by the scene playing out in front of him, he could only watch while with his mind screamed at Lois to pull away and his heart screamed, "No!" Still, he did nothing, and for his hesitancy he was punished- watching another man kiss the woman he loved…

At the thought of history repeating itself, something snapped. Pushing his chair back, moving at almost super speed, he stepped over to Lois and grabbed her phone. "She'll have to get back to you," he told Davis, eyes burning into hers.

"I need to talk to you," he told her quietly, watching her eyes widen with surprise. "Uhm, something's come up."

Her eyes narrowed before she snatched her phone from his hand. "I'm sorry, Davis, looks like this is important. I'll call you later…"

Before Lois could disconnect, Clark was leading her around their co-workers and into the copy room. When he allowed her to enter first, he heard her mutter, "This better be important." She snapped the phone closed and turned to face him.

Clark winced, his thoughts churning. What was he doing? What was he going to say?

Luckily, Lois didn't wait for him to say anything. "What was that all about?" She waved her arms toward the Bullpen. "This better be good, Clark, because I was ready to… I mean, that was personal and important. Davis asked me-"

The more she rambled, the more frightened Clark became. He sighed. He was just so sick of being afraid. When he started this job, he was scared of failing; when he started helping people here in the city, he was scared of being caught; and when Lois started showing an interest in him, he was scared of losing her friendship. He'd persevered, though, and now he almost had the life he wanted, and all that was missing was the most important piece.

As his thoughts churned, he continued to watch her rant, her eyes bright and her body energetic. …You need her. Last time he'd waited too long.

"I mean, couldn't you pick another- umph."

Without a word, Clark reached out, grabbed her shoulders and put his lips to hers, ending her tirade and finally, finally calming his own fears. At just the touch of her lips on his Clark felt achingly alive and more confident than he had in weeks. Desperate to taste her, he touched his tongue to hers and felt the fire. It was always this way.

Make sure you remember and that'll be enough.

Suddenly, he was flooded with memories… the surprise kiss in the Bullpen that absolutely set him on fire, capturing her lips with his at the engagement party, her passionate response when he kissed her in the kitchen, and the complete love and acceptance he felt from her kiss in the Fortress.

He ached for that love and acceptance now.

As his mind reveled in the past, his kiss changed from slow and soft to desperate. He deepened it, needing to feel her response, her acceptance. When she stiffened instead, his fear returned. What if she didn't feel the same way anymore?

Even if she didn't remember, Clark knew that this- the passion they shared- was always there. Not ready to accept defeat, he eased the pressure of his mouth on hers. Slowly, sensually, he slid his lips against hers, eventually taking her luscious lower lip into his mouth and moving his tongue against it. Searching his memory, he sucked on her bottom lip just a little and heard her whimper.

That was all it took. She pulled herself against him and started to kiss him back. At the feel of her enthusiastic response, his heart hammered in his chest. Her passion was everything he remembered and more. Again and again, her mouth slanted over his and his over hers. He couldn't get enough. His body started humming.

Just when he was thinking they would need air, Jerry barged in, complaining about having to make not only everyone else's coffee but everyone else's copies as well, and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Oops," he commented as they jumped away from one another.

Clark couldn't react; he could only stare at Lois' shocked expression. He watched as she raised her fingers to her lips and touched them tentatively. For a second he thought he saw a spark of awareness in her wide eyes before she ran out of the room, shoving Jerry out of her way.

"Going to have your hands full with that one, Kent," Jerry commented.

Pushing past his co-worker, Clark stopped at the door, eyes following Lois as she sped to her desk, took her purse out of the drawer and grabbed her coat. She was running to the elevator before he knew it.

She was leaving in a panic.

Clark stood tall, her reaction having erased some of his fears. At least she'd responded to him, and it had been better than he expected.

It will be enough. It has to be.

Kent Farm, next night

The Christmas lights were still twinkling inside when Clark blurred up to the farmhouse and stopped outside the kitchen door. While the decorations looked warm and welcoming, he wasn't sure about the woman inside.

She'd been avoiding him. Every time Clark tried to talk to her, she'd run away, muttering about meeting with some sources.

Now, Clark was on edge. He'd been so sure that their kiss would open some doors or at least start something. How could he have forgotten how good Lois was at avoiding anything resembling intimacy?

Because she wanted you before.

He stood at the door with his hand on the knob as the brutal truth hit him. The shoe was on the other foot now. He'd missed his chance before. Now he was going to have to step up to the plate and be honest with her about everything. Before he could wrap his head around what that might mean, before he could really think it through, his feet were carrying him away from the house and into to the barn. Pacing along the dirt floor, he thought about all of the mistakes he'd made in the past six months. He took a deep breath, "I'm the Blur," he mouthed into the cold night air. Shaking his head, he turned to the tractor and stopped, hit by the memory of his earlier reveal.

"Well, yeah… okay, but the point is I know you-" Lois was pacing back and forth in agitation.

"Do you?" Clark asked, suddenly focusing on the towel in his hands, terrified about what she'd seen, frustrated with keeping his secrets, with lying to the people he loved.

"Of course I do," she answered, her voice so decisive that he almost smiled. "Smallville, what is this about?"

"Me, Lois," he responded, unable to look at her. "You saw what I am, what I can do, what I've hidden from you."

I love you.

"I love you," he whispered, the memory of another missed opportunity almost bringing him to his knees. Automatically, he picked up his work gloves and wrench, his body needing an outlet for his frustration. He raised the hood of the tractor and bent down, looking for the ever-present problem.

"Hey, Smallville," Lois' voice greeted from the barn door. "Little late for chores, isn't it?"

He felt his body stiffen. It was too soon. He wasn't ready, memories of their earlier encounter too close to the surface. He cleared his throat and studied the engine. "Just working on the tractor."

"Okay, well, it's pretty cold out here," she paused and he could hear the hesitancy in her voice. "I thought you might want some hot chocolate." She passed behind him with a whisper of noise and he was hit with the smell of her leather jacket and shampoo as she placed the hot drink on the work table. His eyes closed at her familiar scent.

"Thanks, Lois," he told her, plastering a smile to his face as he turned to look at her. He knew what it meant- it was her way of opening the lines of communication. He opened his mouth, prepared to talk.

What he wasn't prepared for was the effect of the cold night air on her face, giving her cheeks a glow and her eyes a brightness that took his breath and forced his mouth closed. The effect of her beauty was like a punch in the gut and he swallowed, hard. Before he could say anything he was flooded with memories… her face flushed from the cold of the freezer as she pulled out her ice cream, her eyes cursing him because she couldn't speak. He saw her face flushed with excitement as she raved about the Blur in that same kitchen and the brightness of her eyes when she was revealing her destiny in the Fortress.

His expression must have looked dazed because Lois was snapping her fingers at him when his mind cleared. "Earth to Clark," she repeated, tilting her head to the side when she caught his eyes. "You zoned out there for a minute… you okay?"

Feeling flushed himself, he took a deep breath. "Lois, remember when you asked me if there was anything you should know about the past six months. I mean, anything I should tell you?"

"Yeah," she said hesitantly, searching his face.

Clark paused, the panic closing off his throat. What if she rejected him this time? What if she couldn't handle his alter ego? What if…

"Lana called," Lois blurted out, looking almost as surprised by her comment as Clark felt. "I, uhm, told her I'd give you the message."

His eyes widened. "Lana?"

"Yes, she wanted to talk to you," she told him, her hazel eyes turning speculative.

"Really?" he responded, fighting to keep his voice casual. He was as confused by Lana's call as Lois was, but he could see that the woman was looking for his reaction. Somehow he knew that he needed to play it cool if he didn't want to blow it-

"She said she wanted to say goodbye," Lois told him and the skepticism in her words interrupted his thoughts. "You didn't tell me she was leaving town."

Clark shrugged and nodded. "She's moving to Paris, I believe."

"You believe?" Lois asked, her eyes flashing.

"Where she goes is not really my concern," he responded, sighing to himself at the doubt he heard in her voice. He'd really waited too long to make his choice. Still, on his return from the future he'd taken the time to meet with his former girlfriend to gain some closure. By the time they were done, she'd made it sound like she was leaving him. He didn't care, just as long as she understood it was over.

Lois' low gasp drew him out of his thoughts. "So, she really is leaving?" She asked, her eyes studying his posture and his expression as if she could read the answers in them. "And you two?"

"We're not together, Lois," Clark told her earnestly. "And haven't been since she came back."

Lois nodded, her eyes darting away. "That's what everyone said-"

"But you didn't believe them," he interrupted, looking at her with a small smile.

She shook her head in the negative, shrugging her shoulders. "You've got to admit, Smallville, based on your past patterns…" Her voice trailed away meaningfully.

"I know, I know," Clark said, holding up his hands. When she grew silent, he shoved them into his jeans, frustrated with the entire conversation. He didn't want to think about Lana, what he really wanted was to grab the woman in front of him and-

"It's getting cold out here." Lois shivered. "I'm… I'm going to head back in." She gestured toward the farmhouse. "A slice of Mrs. K's apple pie is calling my name," she added with a smile before starting out of the barn.

Clark held out a hand to stop her. "Lois-"

"Seriously, Smallville," she interrupted, wrapping her arms around herself as she shuddered. "It's freezing out here. Can't we talk in the nice, warm kitchen?" She smiled to soften the sting of her words and Clark nodded.

Putting away his gloves and picking up his hot chocolate, he followed her into the house, setting his drink on the counter before pulling off his boots and hanging up his jacket just inside the door.

"Lois," he said, closing his eyes before turning around to look for her. "There's something I need to tell you."

She was already at the counter, reaching for the apple pie, a lustful look in her eyes.

"Lois!"

"What!" She shouted back, jumping guiltily. "No need to shout, Smallville. I told you I wanted some pie."

Clark ran his hand through his hair in frustration. This just wasn't starting out well. Before he knew it, he was pacing.

"Look, Lois, about the past six months…"

"Uh, huh…" she commented, putting a slice on her plate before taking a big bite.

Clark sighed, "Well, you and I… we were getting, uhm, pretty close… spending a lot of time together."

Lois swallowed her bite of pie when his voice trailed off. "Go on, Smallville."

"Well, I really didn't know what it all meant," he told her, shoving his hands into his pockets. He walked around the counter and waited for her to finish her second bite. His tone deepened with emotion. "I really missed you when you were in the hospital."

She dropped her fork, her eyes still focused on her plate. Placing his hands on her shoulders, wondering if she could feel them shaking, he slowly turned her around to face him.

"I realized something else, Lois," he said softly, using a hand to lift her chin when she didn't look up. "I realized I lov-"

"Don't say it, Clark," she interrupted, abruptly pulling away from him, her eyes darting around the room and away from him.

"What?" Clark asked, his arms automatically reaching for her and dropping when she continued moving away. "Why not?"

"Because Lana just called and because so much has happened…everything has changed," she told him, and Clark could see the concern in her eyes when she finally looked at him.

"I don't care," he told her, grabbing her arms while fighting the urge to shake some sense into her. She looked up in surprise at the force of his tone. "It doesn't change how I feel. All that's happened has convinced me of it even more. We can't change the past, Lois…" Clark searched for the words, the ones that would make her understand. "I just know that, whatever else happens, I want you in my future."

Her eyes were wide. "Clark, I…" she started but her voice trailed off, her eyes moving away from his uncertainly.

"Look, I don't expect anything from you right now," he told her. "You've been through a lot and I understand that. Just, just think about what I've said. We can take things slow, if you want," his voice shook a little. "I don't want to make this painful-"

"Love shouldn't be painful," she whispered.

Clark was so happy to get an acknowledgement from her that he smiled as she walked away. After a second, he blinked in surprise and turned to see her at the base of the stairs.

"What did you say?" He was just realizing he'd heard those words before.

She stopped in her tracks but didn't turn around and didn't look at him. In a flash he was standing next to her, facing her, not caring if he used super speed. She gasped in surprise before his gaze slammed into hers. Her eyes went wide.

Quickly, a little too quickly, she lowered her eyes, and tried to push past him, clearing her throat a little. "Nothing; that's just what I've heard-"

Before she could take a step, Clark had his arm around her waist and was pulling her close. "I've heard that, too," he told her huskily, his voice deepening in response to what he saw in her eyes.

"Really?" Her voice was breathless but her wide eyes were daring him. She reached up and placed her hand on his chest- starting to push him away- but then her fingers curled into his shirt.

"Someone told me that in this very kitchen," he said softly, keeping his eyes on hers as he dipped his head and stopped. He could hear her shallow breathing and the rapid beating of her heart as his mouth remained just inches away. "Do you know what I said?"

"Wh… what?"

"I agreed," Clark told her, bringing his mouth even closer to hers while he watched her eyes darken. His desire to touch her and keep touching her was so strong that he almost forgot the next words, needing to punctuate them with kisses. "Love is just… like… this."

It took a second or two but he knew the minute his words registered with Lois. She uncurled her fingers and tried to push him away, pulling her lips from his. "You did not! You didn't say anything."

Her words trailed off when she saw his slow smile.

Make sure you remember and that'll be enough.

Fascinated, he watched the expressions that crossed her face, disbelief that he'd caught her, guilt that she hadn't told him, and concern about his reaction. Before he could ask her, before he could react, her eyes turned fiery. With a small cry, she jumped on him and pressed her lips to his.

She remembers… she remembers…

The words were playing over and over in his head, and Clark thought his heart would burst. He crushed her in his arms, and felt her fingers in his hair. His body seemed to come to life. Just like in the Fortress, he could feel her acceptance and gloried in it.

Reluctantly, he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers, trying to catch his breath, while his eyes searched each one of hers in turn. "When?"

She pulled back to study his face, her own breathing unsteady. "Yesterday," she told him, leaning forward to nibble on his jaw line.

"How?" Clark choked out, her kisses almost keeping him from his questions.

She paused for a minute, waiting until he opened his eyes. "I remembered when you kissed me."

"What, exactly, do you remember?"

Lois told him in a breathless voice, "I remember us."

"Why didn't you-"

When she placed her fingers on his lips, her smile was both teasing and sad. "I wanted to hear you say it. I just wanted, this once, to be…" her voice trailed away, followed by her eyes.

"My choice, my first choice?" Clark asked softly, understanding dawning.

She nodded uncertainly and Clark drew in a deep breath. "You may not be my first love, Lois, but something tells me that you will be my last."

The surprise was clear in her eyes when they returned to his. With a smile, she reached up with trembling hands to touch each side of his face with delicate fingers. More green than brown, the hazel of her eyes sparkled. "Well, my destiny is to love you, and you know." She smiled. "You can't fight destiny."

Nodding in agreement, Clark raised his own hand, placing it softly along her jaw, using his thumb to stroke her cheek. With the same hand he pulled her closer. He was never going to let her go.

"And I'll tell you what I should have told you at the Fortress," he responded huskily. "If this is part of my destiny, it's a part I don't want to fight."

As he pulled her in for another searing kiss, Clark accepted the truth of his own words. It may have taken six months and two glimpses of the future, but he knew what he wanted. There was only one woman for him, no matter what the future may hold.