Marissa collapsed back against the pillow as she fought to catch her breath. Bianca wasn't finished though; Marissa let out a moan as Bianca's moist lips trailed a path along her collar bone. Somehow the tension between them was making this night together even more intense.

Bianca's warm mouth found hers and Marissa returned the kiss hungrily…

…

Eventually, with a happy sigh, Bianca collapsed beside her, her head nestled in the crock of Marissa's neck. Marissa stroked her fingers down Bianca's bare back and pulled her lover closer .

"There is just one problem with all the sex…" she mumbled, her heart beat slowly settling as she kissed her girlfriend's brow

Bianca stopped and looked up at Marissa with an amused smirk,

"There's a problem with the sex?" she asked playfully, her eyebrow raise in mock confusion.

Marissa grinned back but her point was serious

"Yeah. It means we aren't talking."

Bianca's smirk vanished and she rolled onto her back, away from Marissa's arms, and stared up at the ceiling.

"What did you want to talk about?" Bianca asked her voice suddenly flat, her tone nervous.

Marissa turned onto her side to look at her. Reaching out she lightly stroked along Bianca's arm with her fingertips as she watched her girlfriend's expression closely. She didn't want to lose the contact between them.

"What you don't want to talk about?" she said softly.

Bianca turned to look at her but didn't speak; it looked like she didn't trust herself to say the words without the anger coming back.

Marissa took a deep breath, it was time to lay her cards on the table and see if her suspicions were correct.

"I think I know why you are pushing me away… You like to be in control and now you're not. Your leg is making you feel helpless and I know you hate to be helpless. I always thought all through your medical treatment that you have been incredible… you just kept pushing yourself to recover quickly to get your life back to normal… only now you are starting to realise your life won't be the 'normal' it once was."

Bianca's eyes looked so wide and sad as she stared back at Marissa.

"Is it selfish…?" Bianca whispered, "Selfish to want all of my old life back? I know that me, as I am now, is a miracle enough; that I should be in pain or paralysed or… or… or worse. But I always had a hope that there would be a cure. That David's miracle drug would give everything back to me. That the shooting would be just one more trauma I'd overcome and put behind me. But it won't go away… and I want my old life back."

Bianca was crying now.

Marissa wiped the tears from Bianca's cheek.

"Shh," Marissa whispered, pulling closer to take Bianca in her arms again.

"I just want run and dance and play with my girls!" sobbed Bianca. "I can't even walk with them and hold them by the hand. It upsetting and frustrating… I just want to be their mom again."

"You will always be there mom." sighed Marissa, planting soft comforting kisses on Bianca's brow. "And you just need to get your strength back and then…"

"No," said Bianca firmly, "I'll never hold their hand. Even if I get more agile on my feet, if I don't use both crutches I risk ruining my hip and then I would be stuck in a wheelchair."

Marissa closed her eyes and sighed, tracing more kisses along Bianca's hairline, not sure what else to say to comfort her.

"I sorry." said Bianca embarrassed by her tears.

"Don't be sorry." said Marissa. "I don't know what I can say to help you. You are strong Bianca and I know you will find a way to cope with this… but please… please don't push me away. If you need help, you will always have me to help you… and that is not something that you should find embarrassing or be uncomfortable with. I'm afraid you are going to have to accept it as a fact of life. If you need me I will be there… forevermore."

Marissa could feel Bianca's smile against her shoulder.

"You're playing the 'forevermore' card?" said Bianca, her voice lighter. "Then I guess I can't argue with that."

"Damn straight." said Marissa.

Bianca looked up at Marissa, her dark eyes shining with guilt.

"I'm sorry I've been such a mess."

"For the millionth time, you don't have to be sorry for having a hard time with this… it's hard!" said Marissa.

"I do love you so very much." said Bianca fervently.

Marissa was about to respond in kind but Bianca silenced her with a fierce, passionate kiss.

…