Chp 12 A/N: Sorry for the wait on this guys. RL seems to love kicking my but lately. Thank you for being patient.
I feel I need to address something. Yeah, there is a typo in earlier chapters about 12 years when it should be 14, I'll fix that. As for the never meeting before line in the prologue, I meant that as way of Edward saying that it didn't matter if you never met a fandom friend, you still cared just the same for them. Not that he had never met Bella before. Make sense, or did I confuse you guys more?
As always, thank you to Kyla713 for looking this over, and to my girls for taking the time to pre-read for me.
So, I'll just leave you to it.
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Bella's pain increased after surgery, which was pretty much a given. The only problem was that she hated having to admit when she needed more medicine. It pained me to see her try to move and her face would scrunch up in pain. I wanted to take it all from her, experience it for her, because I knew that this wouldn't be the end of her pain. She still had the port and chemo to go through, not to mention endless tests, waiting and stress.
Currently, she was sleeping. I stood next to her bed and just watched her. Which, I admit, was a bit creepy, but it was the first time in over twelve hours since her surgery that I didn't see her in pain. She looked peaceful.
I gently brushed my fingers across her forehead, brushing the hair from her face as I looked down at her and smiled. All I wanted to do in that moment was lean down and kiss her, silently give her whatever strength she needed.
"You know... I used to watch her sleep when she was a baby. At times, I'm sure I was worse than Renee when it came to checking up on her as she slept. I'd go into her nursery and gently place my hand on her chest to make sure she was still breathing." I lifted my head up as I looked up at Charlie as he made his way into the room, his eyes trained on Bella as he spoke. "It was an irrational fear, I know, but I couldn't help it. I find that now, with her going through what she is, that I have the same fear. Only this time, my fear is that I won't be there, that I won't notice if her breathing has stopped. It scares the ever loving shit out of me, Edward."
I stood there, my eyes wandering back and forth between Bella and her father, and I wondered what comfort I could bring him. What reassurance could I give her father, when I could barely give myself any? The future was so up in the air, even with positive plans and thoughts from the doctors. Those could only go so far, though.
"I think we share the same fear, Charlie. I can't imagine what is going through your head. She's your baby, after all. But to me... to me, she's everything. And if I lose her..." My vision blurred as I looked at Charlie as I tried to keep my emotions at bay. "But I-we can't think about that. She's strong."
Charlie walked closer to the bed and grabbed Bella's hand as his fingers softly moved across her. He bent down and kissed her cheek softly before looking back up at me. "I want to believe that she'll beat this, but I'm scared. A parent should never have to see their child suffer like this, and she's barely into her fight." Tears fell from Charlie's eyes, and I knew it was most likely a rare occurrence, but with each tear, it showed just how much all of this was impacting him.
"I think she'll surprise us, Charlie, even at her weakest moments," I told him, secretly wiping a tear of my own.
Charlie was about to say something else, but his phone interrupted him, and from the look on his face, I knew instantly who it was.
"Well, hello, Renee. How nice of you to call," Charlie said, the annoyance dripping from his voice.
"You'd know how well your daughter was doing if you took the time to be here with her." Charlie's voice rose a bit as he walked toward the window, the phone pushed against his ear.
"Renee, this isn't some common cold that medicine will make her feel better the next day. You need to get it into your head that your daughter is facing a major battle for her life. Her life, Renee! She has just had a major surgery to remove tumors. You'd know that if you cared enough to be here with her. She faces chemo, and a life of possibly never bearing children if she makes it out of this. Did you think of that? Edward's family has been here more for her than you have." Charlie sighed and leaned his head against the window, no doubt fighting the urge to hang upon his ex-wife.
"She's not awake at the moment. The morphine drip they have her on right now pretty much guarantees that. Like I said, she's had a major operation." He shook his head against the glass of the window. "Do what you have to, Renee. All I know is, we'll be here for her since you won't." He then hung up the phone and sat down, exhaling loudly.
I looked over to Bella to make sure she hadn't woken up before turning back to Charlie. "Bella...as much as she probably wants her mom here with her, she doesn't need her. She has us, Charlie. Not to mention, countless friends that are rooting for her."
"I know. I know, but it just breaks my heart that her mother is being so selfish right now."
My mom chose that moment to walk in, not even noticing that Charlie and I were in the room. She walked over to Bella and kissed her forehead softly before setting a huge box and bag down on the chair next to her.
"I think I'll wash your hair tonight, so that you can feel somewhat clean, sweet girl. Sleep all you can. We're all here," my mom told a sleeping Bella.
My mom finally looked up and noticed Charlie and I sitting across the room near the window. "Oh! I didn't even see you guys when I came in. Everything okay?"
"Yeah, Mom." I stood up and went over to her to give her a hug. I was all the more glad after Charlie's phone call with Renee that Bella had my mom around and I didn't mind one bit sharing her. Bella needed her now more than I did.
"What about you Charlie? Can I get you some coffee?" my mom asked as she went over to Charlie and gave him a hug. Even though we all knew Charlie wasn't huge on affection, I think my mom knew that he just needed it.
Charlie let out a sigh as he hugged my mom back. "Yeah, I'm okay. Nothing like a phone call from the ex to brighten up my day. I'll take you up on that coffee, but I'll go get it for us. I think the walk could do me some good." He then stood up and walked over to Bella, promising that he would be back soon.
I eyed the box and bag my mom had brought with her, wondering just what they were, while I made a mental list of things I needed to get from the apartment.
"I hope you don't mind, but I picked up your mail and some clothes for you and fresh pajamas for Bella. It seems you guys have a package from friends."
My thoughts immediately went to Alice and her last email. I'd wait for Bella to wake up before I opened it.
"Thank you, Mom. I appreciate it." I gave her another hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Where is Dad?"
"He's downstairs talking to some old colleagues. I think he also said he was planning to stop by the gift shop for Bella, says she needs some flowers to brighten up this boring room of hers," my mom said, laughing.
I smiled and found myself thankful that my parents were so welcoming and loving toward Bella. Not that I ever thought they'd treat her any different, but it made my heart feel full.
Sometime later, Charlie showed back up, his arms full of coffee and a bottled smoothie. He set the coffees down before going back over to Bella and kissing her cheek, causing her to finally stir out of her med induced sleep.
I turned my gaze down toward her as she blinked the sleep from her eyes. "Hey, sweet girl. It's nice to see those beautiful eyes again."
She smiled and rubbed her eyes, grimacing in pain as she moved. "Drink?" Bella asked, her voice raspy from sleep.
Charlie opened her smoothie, placed a straw in it and helped Bella drink, which she did so greedily. We had to remind her to slow down.
Once she was more with us and awake, I walked around the side of the bed and grabbed the huge package, placing it near her legs.
"So, it seems our friends sent you a little something. Shall we open it now and see?" She smiled and her eyes lit up as she nodded.
I opened it, pulled back the flaps of the box and grabbed the letter that was on top of various things inside.
Dear Bella and Edward,
I hope you receive this before the surgery, and well before your chemo begins. I wanted you to have some comforts and things to keep your mind off everything that is sure to be going on. I've put in some head scarfs (a few fandom members made these and sent them to me for you), along with a blanket that I made. You will also find some books, each has a bookmark with something written on it from the fandom member that sent it. Jasper also included some crosswords and other puzzles, along with a recipe book of what will be good to eat while going through chemo. Jasper figured it would come in handy, seeing as he went through chemo and multiple surgeries two years ago after he was diagnosed. But I'll let him talk to you about that if and when we chat.
You will also find bath stuff in here to help you relax. I've also enclosed a few notebooks for you, so that, even if you can't get to a computer or feel like typing, you could write bits and pieces of your stories if you wanted to. Though, if I am honest, I hope that you will use these to craft something original for us. You have the talent, Bella.
I want you to know that we're all thinking of you, sending prayers and good wishes your way. We know our Bella is strong and won't take this lying down, that you'll fight and you will kick cancer's ass. This fandom loves you, Bella. You've shared so much with us, now it's time for us to share with you and help you through a hard time, just as your stories helped us escape.
With love,
Alice
P.S. You have my number, please call if you need anything.
I looked up at Bella once I finished reading the letter and noticed tears flowing down her cheeks. I quickly got up to wipe them away and kissed her lips softly, not at all caring who saw.
"We have some pretty amazing friends, don't we?" I asked and smiled down at her.
"Yeah. And I think after that, we should definitely call Alice, and let her know we received it," Bella said, smiling.
I grabbed my cell phone and quickly dialed the number provided.
"Hello?" a shy voice answered.
"Alice?" I asked, placing the phone on speaker so that Bella could hear.
"Yes?"
"It's Edward and Bella. We were calling to say thank you. That we can't thank you enough for what you and others in the fandom sent."
"Oh, I'm so glad you guys got it. And really, it's no problem. Like I said, I have experience somewhat with what you're going through, Edward. And well, Jasper was a lot of help with what to get Bella."
"Still, Alice, you went above and beyond. Thank you so much," Bella said, unshed tears still shining in her eyes.
"It's really not a problem, Bella. How are you feeling? You had the surgery already?" Alice asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
"I'm good, Alice. In a bit of pain, but thank god for Morphine," Bella replied and laughed. "And yeah, I had the surgery. We're still waiting to hear from the doctor, but I think they removed what they could. Next up is the port insertion and chemo."
"Please keep me up to date, if you can. I can't help but worry about you. And both of you, don't hesitate to ask if you need anything, okay? Even if you need a break, Edward. Jasper and I will find a way to get up there and help."
"We appreciate that more than you know, Alice," I said. The urge to reach through the phone and hug her was strong.
"Hey, Alice?" Bella asked, her fingers poking at her bedding. "Would you mind maybe letting the others know? My mind is too scrambled right now to make a blog post or tweet."
"Of course, Bella, you don't need to ask. I'll get on that as soon as I'm off the phone to you."
We talked a bit longer to Alice, introducing her to Charlie and my parents, then saying goodbye shortly after. The phone call seemed to lift Bella's spirits a bit.
A knock on the door took us out of our happy haze as her doctor and a nurse walked in.
Dr. Doukas walked over to Bella's bedside and grasped her hand, squeezing it gently. "It's nice to see you awake. How are we feeling? Pain level?"
"I'm okay, trying not to move too much. I'd say the pain is about a seven right now. I'm handling it, morphine helps a bit," Bella told him, flashing a small smile.
"Well, I'd like you to get up after your oh, so fabulous liquid dinner tonight and walk around the floor. I'm hoping that you can walk at least half way around it. Now tomorrow, I have you signed up to go to the lab and get your port put in. You'll be put under again, but I figured since you are here, we should go ahead and get it done."
Bella looked uncertain and a bit scared as she nodded and let out a meek okay before her doctor said his goodbyes. He shook all of our hands and left us with the promise of seeing us bright and early the following morning for the port insertion.
Bella was quiet after that, her eyes focused on the window as she watched the sun go down.
"You okay?" I asked, my hands running through her hair. "Need anything?"
She shook her head and closed her eyes as a tear escaped. "It just keeps becoming more and more real, and I can't help but wonder if I am really strong enough to fight through this. I hate feeling constantly scared and worried. I want just one day where I can wake up and feel like my old self again. Carefree and with no worries about tomorrow."
Her saying that, vocalizing that fear of hers made my heart grow cold with worry. What could I say to make her feel better? Tell her that she's strong when I wasn't even sure myself about what the future held? Was it selfish of me to wonder what would happen to me if she didn't make it? How I would live without her?
I kissed the top of her head and whispered the only thing I could to her. "We'll make it, Bella."
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Thank you guys for sticking with me and reading. Thoughts?