Author's Note: Hey guys, I know it's been awhile, but it's been a seriously crazy past couple of weeks. It's probably gonna stay crazy for a little while. I'll fill you in on the details later… probably. Anywho, my boyfriend gave me an idea for this story. Like, I'm talking: he was spazzing because he was SO excited to tell me about it. Lol. He's awesome. Anyways, here's a new chapter for ya.

I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.
Music Credit: "Who You Are" by Jessie J, "Everybody Got Their Something" by Nikki Costa

Chapter Ten:

~*.*~
'I stare at my reflection in the mirror.
Why am I doing this to myself?
Losing my mind on a tiny error –
I nearly left the real me on the shelf.
No, no, no, no, no

Don't lose it all on the blur of the stars.
Seeing is deceiving – dreaming is believing.
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.

Tears don't mean you're losing.
Everybody's bruising.
Just be true to who you are.'
~*.*~

I spent the day relaxing in my room. I feel like I'm slowly becoming more and more antisocial. Time to myself is just so… freeing. It lets me wallow in my thoughts and soaking in a bubble bath is nothing to frown at either. I think I'm entitled to a spa day… or four.

I conditioned my hair like five times, but who's counting? I dried myself off and lathered on lotion. I feel like I'm floating on air. It's definitely a good mood day. I turned on the music and started dancing as I straightened my hair.

'My face to the sky,
Dreaming about just how high,
I could go and if I'll know
When I finally get there.'

My brush doubled as a microphone. I have no shame today. I shook my ass and wiggled my body to my happy music. I danced to my closet to pick out some clothes. I want comfortable and happy. That's my whole goal for today.

'Taking off my glasses –
Sun pokes through my lashes.
And I somehow I know
There's a time for every star to shine.'

I grabbed a pair of dark yellow studio pants and a black mid-sleeve shirt with a few small splashes with red and grey. I put on matching bra, panties and socks. I danced back to the bathroom to put some makeup on.

'Everybody got their something.
Make you smile, like an itty, bitty child.
Everybody got their something.
Everybody got their something.'

I put on my clothes and enjoyed the rest of the song before turning off the music. It's only noon but it feels like I've been in my room all day, already. I pulled on my sock monkey slippers and headed downstairs. I really need to eat something. I grabbed some leftover pizza from the fridge. I started munching on a piece before sitting on the kitchen counter.

"You must be the infamous Bonnie." A feminine voice said behind me. I jumped and started to slide off the counter. She rushed over and steadied me with vampire speed. "I'm Lexi. Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

"Wow, you're pretty." I told her. The words spilled from my mouth before I could stop them. I'm so socially awkward. I don't know how I survive high school, sometimes. I cringed, inwardly. She smiled.

"I'm not the only pretty one in the room." She grabbed my hand, gingerly. "Come on, let's take a walk. Some fresh air will do you some good." She helped me down from the counter. I see why Stefan is such good friends with her. She just makes you want to smile. I ditched my slippers for a pair of converse, grabbed a jacket and followed Lexi out of the house.

"Where are we going?" I asked her. She linked her arm with mine.

"Just around town, I figured you could use some girl bonding. Damon's gotta be getting on your nerves at least a little bit, by now." She made a knowing face. I giggled. She reminds me of a mix between Caroline and Stefan. I love it.

"You're definitely right about the need for female bonding." I told her.

"Stefan told me what happened to you, Bonnie. I hope that's okay." She told me. It caught me off guard. I shrugged. "I didn't have a great childhood, either. I had a sick mom and an uncle that loved to take advance. Let's just say that our situations weren't so different. With time, I managed to put it behind me and it made me a better person. I didn't have someone who could help me through it. Think of me as your Yoda… You're much hotter, less green Yoda."

We had a full on girls' day. We went to the salon and got manicures, pedicures, and facials. I feel pampered and happy.

"Have you ever done this before?" She asked. I shook my head.

"I've gotten pedicures before with my adoptive mom but it was never like this." I told her. She grinned.

"Then I've got a lot to teach you. Next stop: shopping." She led me out of the salon happily.

"I think that's something you and Damon have in common." I told her, chuckling.

"He may not have much but the boy knows fashion." She agreed. I laughed.

"Can I ask you something?"Lexi asked. I nodded. "You haven't really seen much of your other friends since the incident, have you?" She asked. I shook my head.

"I don't know what to say or how to face them."

"I get it. But, I think the sooner you do, the better you'll feel. You've got to be missing them a little bit." She tried.

"I have. I've been missing Caroline like crazy. You remind me of her a little bit. I just don't know what to tell her. She's gonna hate me for keeping all of this for her. I mean, her mom found out before she did. I don't even know what to tell Matt. He's been calling me but I haven't had the nerve to talk to him. I mean, he saw him r…" I took a deep breath and forced myself to say it. "Raping me," I finished. "How is he gonna look at me now?" I can't see the way that he looks at me. I don't want his sympathy.

"Bonnie, you didn't do anything wrong. He's still the same guy you were friends with before. He knows you. He probably knows you better than you think he does. Give him some credit. Just meet for a coffee and see how it goes." She offered. "And if it sucks we can veg out over girl movies and cookie dough when you get home."

"I can't say no to you, can I?"

"Not a chance."

"That's what I thought."

I fidgeted with my fingers anxiously. I don't know how he's going to act when he gets here. I asked him to meet me at the little coffee shop that Stefan took me to. I don't see him yet. I hate surprises.

"Bonnie," Matt smiled at me and pulled me up for a hug. "I've been so worried about you. You can't just drop off the face of the earth and expect a guy not to freak out." He squeezed me tighter. I laughed.

"I was nervous. It's stupid." I told him, pulling away.

"Nothing you feel is stupid, Bonnie. I just…" He touched my face. I flinched away, slightly. Hurt flashed across his eyes. "I just wish that you would have been able to come to me about it. I mean, I know you would have if you could. It's just hard seeing you hurting like this. I love you, Bon. You and Caroline are my best girls." He hugged me again. I smiled into his chest.

"You don't love Vicki anymore?" I asked him. Laughter vibrated his chest.

"Of course I love my sister, smart-ass." He told me. We sat down and Matt got his coffee. I got my tea and we caught up. "So, what's your deal with Stefan?" He asked. I shrugged.

"I honestly don't know. We're friends right now. That's all." I told him. He rolled his eyes.

"Riiight. Friends that wanna suck each other's face," he countered. I stuck my tongue out at him.

"No, we're seriously just friends. We went out on one date. Life got in the way after that. He's become a really good friend."

"But you still feel more," Matt said knowingly.

"Of course I do, but I'm not ready for anything. I'm not even on the same continent as almost ready. Too much happened. I don't think that getting to know him first would be a bad thing, either. I want things to happen the right way. I don't want to mess living with the Salvatores up, either. I finally have a stable place. You know? And eventually I have college."

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Stefan asked me, leaning in my doorway.

"Just thinking about things," I told him.

"What kind of things?"

"Just life. I mean, would we have dated if I had normal parents? Would I have been a different person if I had different upbringing? Will I be scarred for life? Will I ever be able to be intimate with a guy without a blowing a gasket? You know, just things." I told him. He sighed.

"Bonnie, you're capable of anything. I don't think you could ever be a bad person. Scars aren't a bad thing. They remind you of where you came from and what you've overcome. They don't hinder you, they better you. When the time is right and you find the guy, I think you'll be able to make love with him." He sat down next to me. "And as for us, we'll never know if we would have dated under different circumstances. And if you decide that you still want to date, I'm still interested." Stefan told me, quietly. I felt a blush burning my cheeks. I can feel him watching me. It's like he can peer into my soul. He cupped my cheek. "You're what I want in a woman." He whispered.

I looked away from him. How can I be what he wants? I'm damaged goods. He leaned in a captured my lips with his. As soon as our lips touched I couldn't think of anything else. I lost myself in the moment. I moved my lips against his. I moved closer to him and he put a hand on my back. He moved his hand to the back of my head. I jumped and broke the kiss.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." The words fell out of my mouth. Stefan looked concerned. I couldn't match his eyes. I'm such a freak.

"Hey, hey, you have nothing to apologize for." He rubbed soft circles on my back.

"It was too much too fast. Sometimes I just can't be touched…" I whispered. It's just Stefan. I'm being ridiculous.

"Bonnie, I shouldn't have taken it there. I'm sorry. I should be the one apologizing, not you." He told me. "Hey, look at me."

"Okay," I looked up at him. He smiled.

"We don't have to do this. We're still getting to know each other, right?" He asked. I nodded. "Then let's just focus on that. How was your day with Lexi?" He asked. I smiled. "She's been walking on Cloud 9 since she got back. It's been a long while since she's had a good female friend. She really likes you." He told me. I started telling him about my day. For the first time in a long time, I felt like things might just work out for me.

~*.*~
'Tears don't mean you're losing.
Everybody's bruising.
Just be true to who you are.

Yes, no's, egos, fake shows, like boom
Just go and leave me alone.
Real talk, real life, good luck, good night
With a smile, that's my home, that's my home, no.
No, no, no, no, no

Don't lose it all on the blur of the stars.
Seeing is deceiving – dreaming is believing.
It's okay not to be okay.
Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart.'
~*.*~

Author's Note: Alright, I know it's been a little while. I'm sorry. :( It's been a crazy time. Pregnancy scare, other serious craziness. Anyways, reviews would be awesome. Someone makes an unexpected visit to Mystic Falls next chapter as well as the hearing for David.

Xo Xo
Anneryn