I DON'T OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.
Music Credit: "My Song Knows What You Did In The Dark (Light 'Em Up)" – Fall Out Boy

Chapter Twenty-One:

~*.*~
'Be careful making wishes in the dark.
Can't be sure when they've hit their mark.
Besides, in the meantime, I'm just dreaming of tearing you apart.
I'm in the details with the devil.
So now, the world can never get me on my level.
I just got you out of the cage.
I'm a young lover's rage –
Gonna need a spark to ignite.'
~*.*~

What should I do? I love Damon, but should I stay with him while I'm trying to figure myself out. I know he's got more than enough going on with Stefan, but he's the one person I want to talk about this. On the other hand, I don't want to make him fly off the handle like Stefan did. Goddess. Sometimes I hate being a girl.

I punched my pillow and pulled out my phone. I dialed Lexi's number. She'll know what to do.

"Hey Witchy, what's up? I haven't talked to you in forever." She sighed.

"I fucking miss you." I told her. She laughed. "I… have no idea where my head's at. I've accepted things with Stefan. But, things with Damon… I don't know. He's great, but everything going on is messing with my head. I don't know what's up anymore." I told her.

"Girl, do you love Damon? And I don't completely agree about Stefan. He's acting like a child but I can understand your decision." She told me.

"Of course I do, but I'm not sure if it's that simple. I don't know when I'll be able to come back to Mystic Falls. Knowing Klaus, it could be years. And, things aren't so black and white here. They're not as evil as we assumed they were. Yeah, they've got their quirks, but… I don't know Lexi. What do I do?" I asked her.

"When it's real, you can't walk away. I've been around long enough to know that much. You're starting to get feelings for them, aren't you?" She asked. I didn't say anything for a minute. I couldn't.

"I'm trying not to, but it's happening. That's what scares me, Lexi. Elijah is a good guy. He's a legitmately great guy. He reminds me a lot of how Stefan used to be. I wish you were here." I couldn't help crying. The tears were coming down before I realized I was wetting the phone.

"Bonnie, honey, don't do this to yourself. Don't make any rash decisions. Okay? It's okay to feel things for more than one person. Just think on it before you decide anything. In all my years, I've never seen Damon act like he does when he's with you. And I've known him almost as long as I've known Stefan. But, babe, this is something you gotta think about." She told me.

"Alright. Thanks for this. Can we, um, keep this between us, please?" I asked her.

"Of course. If you need anything else, just call. And, don't shut Damon out. He's worried about you."

"I won't. I'll call him in a bit." I told her, hanging up."

Lexi's POV

Wow. I can't say I didn't see that conversation with Bonnie coming, but I didn't think it'd be so soon. Stefan hasn't been cooperating at all. I don't think he cares about getting better. Do I wait for him to hit rock bottom or throw him towards it?

I went down into the dungeon and saw Stefan staring at me through the door.

"You can't change me back." He challenged me. I rolled my eyes.

"Been there, don't that."

"Are you doing it again?" He asked, creeping closer.

"Why don't you want to be saved?" I asked him.

"What makes you think I deserve it? Just let me be Lexi." He smirked. "I like it like this. It's my choice, not yours."

"You're right, but if you get out of hand, Damon and I are going to be there to stop you. Remember that. Damon'll decide when you can come out."

"Saw that one coming. He better enjoy Bonnie while he has her."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You'll see."

Bonnie's POV

Klaus is supposed to head out sometime today. Elijah and I are supposed to head to New Orleans later today. When it's actually later than midnight, that is. I sighed and mopped off my face. I changed out of my clothes and put on a tank top and some sleep shorts and knocked on Elijah's bedroom door. He opened the door and held out his arms. I all but fell into him.

"What's upsetting you?" He whispered. I shook my head.

"Nothing that I want to talk about. Can I just stay with you? I know I impose a lot…" I told him.

"I enjoy your company. It's not imposing." He insisted. "I'll make some tea. Why don't you lie down?" He suggested. I nodded. I'm getting so close with Elijah and I'm letting myself. I can't decide if it's a good thing or bad. I watched him while he made tea. He kept looking back at me. We had a few comfortable minutes in silence just watching each other.

"What is this?" I asked him after he laid down. He didn't answer me.

"Truthfully, I don't know. You know how I feel about you." He told me, pulling me close to him. I bit my lip. I mentally slapped myself. I want him to kiss me. I shouldn't want him to kiss me. This is so much so sudden. Damon and I had an open relationship with Stefan I have no idea what he'll think about this. I got off the bed and pace his room. I know what I have to do. I went back to my room and called Damon.

"Hey Judgy," he answered. He sounds irritated.

"We need to talk Damon." I told him. I need to stay strong. This isn't breaking up – it's talking.

"Those words never mean anything good." He sighed.

"I love you, Damon." I told him. He chuckled, bitterly.

"But? Someone else is always the better choice."

"It's not like that, Damon. Things are crazy here and they're crazy there. I don't know what to think about any of it." I told him, wishing I could talk to him in person. God, I miss him.

"Who is it?" He asked, quietly.

"It's you." I told him. He sighed.

"Who else?"

"Elijah." My voice broke. I heard something crash on the other end of the phone.

"Damn it, Bonnie. How can you do this to me?" He asked. I choked back a sob.

"What exactly do you think I'm doing?" I asked him.

"Are you breaking up with me?" He asked.

"No – I don't want to. I don't know. Originally, I thought maybe I just needed time alone, to mull things over. But, I don't want to lose you, Damon."

"What did you expect, Bennett?" He growled. "You just expect me to be okay sharing you? Again?" He spat.

"Damon, I –"

"Spare me the details, Bonnie. It sounds like you've already made your choice."

"No, I haven't. I just need to figure things out." I told him.

"And leave me to clean up the mess?" He asked.

"It's not my mess, Damon. I've been cleaning up after people my entire life. You think my life has been easy? My parents died and David raped me. Sharon got her kicks beating the crap out of me. I'm sorry that it's left me all kinds of confused. I just want to be loved. I can't help who I feel things for. I'm not used to it. Is that such a crime?" I'm sobbing and I can't stop. I'm an emotional wreck.

"Grow up, Bonnie. You know how relationships work."

"I grew up a lot faster than you did. And who says that I do? You know how I was raised. Who says there has to be rules?" I asked him. He was quiet.

"That's the way it is."

"It doesn't have to be."

"You want us both? You expect me to wait here and hope you come back one day while I remain true to you?"

"Yes and no. I don't. That's selfish. I don't expect you to wait. I expect to you live your life and be happy with whoever helps you get there. Whether you want to believe it or not, I'm coming back to you. I'm not walking away. I'm still here. It's just not how you want me to be." I told him. He was quiet for a few minutes. I sat down on my bed and listened.

"I'm sorry. I know you're not trying to hurt me. This is a lot to wrap my head around. I'm not crazy about having to share you. I said a bunch of shit that I didn't mean. I know I'm not perfect. Do what you gotta do, Witchy. I'll call you in a couple of days when I have my head on straight… I love you." He told me.

"I'm sorry." I told him.

"Don't be sorry for going after something you want. Never be sorry for that."

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

"Bonnie, don't."

"I love you. Call when you're ready." I hung up. I couldn't control my breathing after. I feel like I'm going to pass out. I have no idea what's up with me tonight. I can't get myself under control. Elijah came in.

"Bonnie, you need to calm down. You're having an anxiety attack. He told me. I doubled over, trying to stop. He held me and took my hands in his face. "Look at me. Focus on me." He repeated his mantra. Slowly, it worked. I stopped. I looked at him. He gave me a faint smile. Suddenly, something clicked.

"You heard everything." I whispered, my voice raw. He nodded, slowly.

"What do you feel for me, Bonnie?" He asked.

"I don't know. I know I feel something." I told him. He picked me up and carried me back to his room. As soon as my back hit the bed his lips were on mine. I felt it in my bones. The spark zipped through me. I groaned. Hands were everywhere. We went slow. I just wanted to feel him next to me.

"You don't know how long I've wanted you." He whispered. "You don't know how long it's been since I've felt what you make me feel?" He asked me. I looked into his eyes and I know he's telling me the truth.

"I'm damaged. What is it with men and damaged goods?" I asked, mostly myself.

"You're not damaged, just weathered." He silenced me with a kiss. Tonight everything hit the fan. Let's see what the morning will bring.

~*.*~
'All the writers keep writing what they write.
Somewhere another pretty vein just dies.
I've got the scars of tomorrow and I wish you could see,
That you're the antidote to everything except for me.
A constellation of tears on your lashes,
Burn everything you love;
Then burn the ashes.
In the end everything collides.
My childhood spat out the monster that you see.

My songs know what you did in the dark.
So, light 'em up, up, up.
I'm on fire!'
~*.*~

Author's Note: So, this is what came out when I started writing tonight. Love it? Hate it? Thoughts? Comments? Let me know.

Xo Xo
Anneryn