Found and Lost

by Zoe1078

Sam Uley loves Leah Clearwater, and he doesn't know how to stop. Not when he is the first of his generation to turn into a monster, nor when she is the second only weeks later. Not even after the spirits choose for him another. AU. Now complete.

12. Body and Soul

That very night, Sam and Leah shared their third kiss. And their fourth, fifth, sixth... He lost count at a dozen, and it also became difficult to count when one kiss ended and the next began.

Oddly, the kiss didn't happen in front of the school or during the walk home. At first Sam couldn't loosen his arms enough to be able to kiss her lips. He had spent so much of the summer trying to find excuses to touch her that now that he was able, he couldn't let go. He only released her when she laughingly told him that she had to get back to her house to take care of Seth, who had probably gotten home already. And she was supposed to be babysitting Collin Littlesea, whom Seth had hopefully walked back to their house. He reluctantly put her back on her feet and thanked her for waiting for him, but his disappointment at having to release her was short-lived because she immediately took his hand in hers.

It was far from the first time this had happened, although it had been years, but it felt completely different and exactly the same. It felt perfect. Sam didn't say anything all on the way back to her house. He just looked at her now that he didn't have to try not to stare at the joy in her eyes, the way her hair swished over her shoulders, at her gentle curves. And best of all, her adorable dimples kept showing themselves. It was a rare occurrence these days, actually, since she was losing the baby fat in her cheeks. He couldn't bring himself to be sad about the changes in her body since so many of them simply entranced him, but it was harder to bring her dimples out of hiding. So now that they were there, he couldn't stop looking.

Because of that, he tripped three separate times. It made her laugh, and when she laughed she was even prettier than usual, so he grinned stupidly at her, and she grinned back. But even though she was looking at him almost as much as he was looking at her, she didn't make a single misstep, and her tight grip actually kept him from falling down when he stumbled. He felt like an idiot. A really happy idiot.

They were giggling as they approached the house. Just before she placed her foot on the first step, he said her name. He didn't have something to say, or rather, didn't know how to tell her how he felt, so instead he just said, "LeeLee." She looked at him, wondering what was coming next.

He didn't stop to think. He did what felt natural. He twisted her around and closed the gap between them, pulling her toward him and bringing her in, flush to his front.

Ooh. He was grabbing her hips. Was he allowed to do that? It was too soon, right? Way too soon. He tightened his fingers involuntarily before swiftly releasing her. "You don't have to let go," she said softly.

How did she always know?

"Not ever?"

"Not ever." She put her arms around his neck. Standing on the step, she was exactly his height. "What took you so long, anyway?" she asked. "Too busy checking out all the other girls?" She was aiming for humor, but he heard the note of insecurity underneath. Ridiculous. What could she possibly be insecure about?

"Not once." He shook his head. "Never. Just you. I'm just kind of slow, you know that." She laughed. "But I figured it out eventually, right?"

"Took you long enough." Her voice was warm and free of bitterness.

It was the perfect moment. Even he could tell, and as he had just pointed out to her, he was not normally so quick on the uptake. He looked at her pretty lips, and there was no point in trying to resist them anymore. He tilted his head toward her.

The door opened with a bang. "Leah?" Collin's excited voice called out.

She chuckled. "Maybe you have to let go occasionally."

He rested his forehead against hers for a second before he let go of her, and she went inside to fix them snacks.

The rest of the afternoon was pretty normal except for the fact that Sam and Collin were both mooning over Leah. Sam wondered if his expression while looking at the beautiful girl was always as goofy as Collin's, and he decided that yes, it probably was. She set plates of pretzels and apple slices in front of them and Collin thanked her as if she had given him chocolate dipped in edible gold. For once Sam thought this was funny instead of getting jealous. After all, he knew she was his now, and it didn't hurt that Collin was only eight.

After that she sat across from him and just smiled at him. He smiled right back. There were so many things he wanted to tell her, but even if the boys weren't interrupting them, he didn't have the words.

Seth picked up on their unusually good mood, because they weren't getting anything done at all. They did have moments like these, but one or the other of them would insist that they really, seriously had to finish at least one assignment before Sue got home. Not today.

As they burst into a round of giggles while staring at each other over their incomplete algebra homework, Seth finally asked, "What's with you guys?"

"We're happy," Leah explained.

And she was right.

Sammy couldn't remember the last time he was so happy. Nothing could bring him down from his high, not even when he realized he could have had this, this pure perfection, months or even years ago. When Seth and Collin left the kitchen table to watch television, Sam nervously asked, "LeeLee, I was wondering. When would you have..."

And as always, she knew exactly what he meant. "When wouldn't I have?"

He didn't quite believe it. It was too good to be true. "Honestly? Me?"

"You goof," she laughed. "Who else?"

"You should've said something!" After all, she had always led, and he had always followed. "You should've told me!"

She tilted her head. "You said I was like your sister! Like, dozens of times."

"That was to the guys, never to you. I tell them all sorts of things that don't mean anything."

She was chewing on her bottom lip, and it entranced him. "What about Lily and Liv and Megan?"

"What about them?" he shrugged. Who cared about them when his LeeLee was there all along?

She shook her head incredulously. "You're into them. They're pretty and everything. Lily's older than us, but I thought for sure you and Liv were going to go out. She likes you too, you know."

Now he actually laughed. "Too?" It was strange. He was so used to her just knowing. Apparently this time he had to actually say it out loud. "No. I've never... I've never liked her that way. I've never liked anybody but you that way, LeeLee." The smile that she gave him was definitely worth the effort it took to say. He'd have to remember that. "And you really, you really would have said yes if I'd asked you before?"

"Of course! I've always..." She dropped her eyes to her notebook, but he could see that she was still smiling. "I've always had a crush on you, Sammy."

His heart was racing in his chest. "Always?" He wanted to hear her say it again.

She looked up at him and her eyes were wide and bright. "Always. Um, mmm... How, um..."

It wasn't like her to stammer. So he knew what she was asking. "Oh. Same for me. Always." Her dimples reappeared, and he wanted to leap across the table and kiss them both. He would have, too, if Collin hasn't run back into the room asking for a glass of milk. Sam didn't even think he was thirsty. He just wanted an excuse to see Leah. It was frustrating, but he couldn't exactly blame the kid.

So his chance didn't come again until later that night. Between Seth, Collin, Harry, Sue, the furniture, and his own hesitancy, he was only able to obsess about her lips from across the room. It drove him crazy. He wasn't sure why it felt so much more intense than it had before. After all, he had been thinking about stealing kisses ever since they were six years old. He supposed it was because his fear was now gone. He was always worried that kissing her would mean losing her for some reason, and now that he knew she actually wanted him to, it was all he could think about.

That night during dinner, his mother picked up on his distraction. "Sam. Sam. Hello son. Earth to Sam! Hey!" She finally waved her hand right in front of his face.

"Huh? Oh, what?"

"I was asking you if you want seconds. But now I'm asking if you're okay. What's going on?"

"Uh, seconds are great. Everything's great!" He felt like keeping it to himself. She wouldn't be upset, he didn't think, since she absolutely loved Leah. But he recalled the humiliating sex talk he had endured the last time he had slept in Leah's bed, and he wasn't looking forward to an encore. Especially tonight. He was really hoping he'd be able to sneak over there tonight. Not for sex, of course... Unless... Unless...

"Sam?" Thank goodness she had interrupted him again. He really shouldn't be thinking about sex and Leah and... Wow. Sex and Leah. or even... Sex with Leah. Wow.

"Sammy, seriously. Are you okay?"

Hastily he closed his mouth. Dammit, was he drooling again? Even though she wasn't even around? He was so dead. "Yeah. Yeah. I just didn't sleep that well last night."

"Maybe you should go to bed a little early."

Oh, that was perfect! Apparently his Leah-befuddled brain accidentally did him a favor.

After he did the dishes and took his shower, he stood in the middle of his room bouncing on the balls of his feet. It was still very light outside, much too early for sleeping. He wanted to rush back to Leah's house immediately, but he was worried his mother would peek in on him. And while she wouldn't object to him going over, she'd also then expect him back before long, and he really, really wanted to stay the night.

He was getting aroused just thinking about it.

Then again, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to sleep in her bed. He was fairly sure she'd let him kiss her, but unconsciously dry humping her while he slept probably wouldn't be so welcome. Would it? He had no idea how to find out. So he settled for sneaking over for goodnight kisses.

It was definitely a good move. She was waiting for him when he got there. The sun had set and her room was dark, but there was just enough light left in the sky to reveal her outline in her window. He couldn't remember ever being quite so excited to see her, which was saying a lot. Unfortunately, Harry and Sue were seated at the kitchen table drinking tea and chatting with one another, and if he tried climbing to the roof, they would inevitably see or hear him.

She started to slide her window open, but he quieted her with a finger against his lips, pointing at her parents beneath her. She nodded and mimed zipping her mouth shut. He carefully crept up the rope ladder to the treehouse, and from the little window in the side, held a silent conversation with her via a series of dramatic gestures and pantomimes. From this angle, Harry and Sue couldn't see him, so he turned on the flashlight they kept in the corner and made a spotlight for himself. She shook with quiet laughter as he demonstrated all the ways that her father would kill him if he found him in her room.

He couldn't see the kitchen window, but he did see the light from the room spilling onto porch and grass below. So as soon as it turned off, he gestured for her to get into bed and switched off his own flashlight. He ducked out of sight just as she slid under her sheets and Harry opened her door. Her father kissed her on the forehead as she looped her arms around his neck in a brief hug, and then she was alone. For a few seconds, at least. He scaled the trellis in record time, and then she was right there, leaning out her window. Warm and sweet and soft and beautiful and smiling and all his.

He never even made it through the window.

"I'm so glad you're..." she began to whisper.

But now that those lips were his, and he couldn't stay away from them any longer, not even to hear whatever she had to say. He gripped the sill tightly as he tilted toward her, and he cut her off with a kiss. And the most amazing sensation flooded his body. He couldn't get enough.

The first few kisses were chaste and fleeting, gentle soft brushes that only made him want more. He realized he was holding his breath and inhaled deeply and smelled the scent of her, of home, and he immediately had to know what she tasted like. So he followed his instincts and reached tentatively into the window and threaded his fingers through her hair and along her scalp. She melted against him, and he chanced a taste.

Her lips still tasted like bubblegum, just like he remembered, and she was so, so soft, and so sweet. And then her arms were around his shoulders and her hands were pressing into his back, and she was sighing against him.

And he was suddenly glad that there was a layer of siding, studs, and insulation between his hips and hers, because he was suddenly hard. The protection gave him the courage to wrap his other arm around her waist to draw her as close as he could, and to slip his tongue between her parted lips.

Oh wow. That was... She was... It was... so, so good.

He did it again. And again and again and again. He felt his brain melting inside his skull while his blood pooled between his legs. He sank his fingers into the giving flesh of her waist, and he slowly lost his mind.

But then a creak sounded from the floorboards just outside her room, and he released her and dropped to the scratchy shingles. She dove under her covers and they held still, just inches apart. The footsteps passed, but only moments later they heard low voices from the hallway that they couldn't understand. Footsteps returned to the door, and Sam stopped breathing.

When they finally moved away, he straightened from his crouch and peeked in the window. Her sparkling eyes were just visible above the edge of her comforter, which she had pulled up past her nose. The sheets were shaking as she tried to silence her quiet laughter. He leaned in just far enough to reach for the cover and pull it back, and he saw that she had her hands clamped over her mouth. He couldn't resist. He had to kiss some part of her, and if he didn't want to fall in with a crash and alert her parents, her hand was all he could reach. He steadied himself with a fist braced on the bed, and with his other he pulled one hand toward him. Then he kissed each one of her fingertips, reached for the other hand, and did the same.

By the time he was done, her laughter had faded into the loveliest smile.

Reluctantly, he said, "I think I'd better go before I get caught."

She nodded and sat up. "I'm so glad you came."

"I'm so glad..." he started.

"I've got you," they finished together.

She reached around his neck and brought him in for one final, perfect kiss.

And then he was sliding off her roof and jogging away. He could barely see her in the dark, but he knew she was leaning out her window waving at him. He waved back, looking over his shoulder, and he saw her blowing a kiss at him. She hissed his name and pointed, but he didn't know what she was gesturing at.

Then he crashed into a tree.

Her laughter rang out behind him, and it was such a happy sound that he thought maybe he'd do stupid things like that on purpose just to hear it again.

X-x-x-x-X

The next morning he walked her to school. He wanted to hold her hand, but he needed both of them to steer his bike since he was going to ride to Forks for soccer practice while she babysat Collin. To his delight, she simply wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked. He garnered envious stares from at least a dozen boys at school, Johnny and Bobby both gave him huge thumbs up signs when Leah had her back turned to them, and as soon as they were alone ragged him for insisting he didn't have a crush on her. Austin and Roy glared at him.

But their dirty looks were nothing compared to the Black twins'. Rebecca came right up to him and poked a finger into his chest and demanded an oath from him that he would never, ever hurt Leah again. Rachel moved to shield Leah from him and had a quiet conversation with her, frequently glancing over her shoulder to look at him appraisingly. They were a little too far away for him to hear what they were saying, but from Leah's expression, he thought she was probably defending him. Then she dropped her eyes to her own shoes and he could swear she was blushing, and a little smile appeared at the corner of her mouth. When that part of the conversation finished, Rachel smiled, tugged her twin away and whispered something in her ear, and Rebecca turned back to him. Very matter of factly, she said, "You treat her right, you got that, Uley?"

Forget Austin and Roy, Brian Lincoln, or even Harry and his rifle. The Black girls were scary. "I will, I promise," he solemnly reassured her. Then Leah joined their two lunch tables.

Bobby and Johnny pretended that this was a huge drag, but when the girls took a trip to the bathroom together, they thanked him for getting them "in" with the twins. Bobby declared that he'd take Rachel and Johnny could have Rebecca, so Sam smacked him upside the head and reminded him that he still couldn't even figure out which twin was which. Johnny and Bobby debated which one was wearing the purple shirt and which one red. They were wrong, and it provided entertainment for the remainder of the lunch hour.

After that, his relationships with Leah and his friends just got better and better. Freshman year was one fantastic blur. Sam saw LeeLee every day in school, at lunch, and went to her house either right after school or after dinner on evenings when he played soccer. On Saturday they usually ate breakfast together at either his house or hers, and she continued to join him at Grandma Uley's house for waffle brunch on Sunday. Harry started teaching him to drive when he turned fifteen in November, and he showed both of them how to change a flat tire. Weekend afternoons or evenings they'd split up for a bit so that he could see his friends and she could see hers, or for time with their families.

Of course, Allison didn't have that much time to spare. She had taken on a second job as as the daytime, weekend receptionist at the resort, since daycare didn't exactly pay well, and the first several years after Joshua left had been very difficult. He hadn't sent word of his destination, let alone a penny of child support. She managed to keep the roof over their head and food on the table, but there was absolutely no money left over, and she saw her only son's potential and dreamed of sending him to college. Every cent she earned at her second job went into his education fund.

Sam knew that she hoped for a bigger, better life for him than the one she had led. He didn't have a very specific vision of what he wanted for his life, but he wanted to make her and his grandmother proud. He had daydreams of running into Joshua someday and shoving his successes in his father's face. Because as he grew older, he saw more and more of his father in himself. It was unavoidable, because each time he looked in them mirror, a younger version of Joshua stared right back at him. His mother saw it too, although she knew better than to say anything of the sort. But Grandma Uley wasn't so restrained. She might have despised many things about her son, but she couldn't stop herself from pointing out the good traits he had inherited from Joshua: his good looks, his build, his athleticism, his intelligence, his charm. If only those things hadn't been overruled by his vices and addictions, by his cruelty and his weaknesses. Sam certainly couldn't think of his father without remembering that every positive trait had been overwhelmed by a negative one, and every time Grandma pointed out a similarity between them, he swore to himself that he wasn't going to be anything like his father.

Then he looked at his LeeLee and knew that as long as she was by his side, he had a very important reason to be the best version of himself that he could be. He wouldn't touch a drop of alcohol, he wouldn't try anything that could possibly be labeled a drug. He would work his hardest in school, get good grades, get into a good school.

After all, he had to get into whatever college she wanted to go to, and with or without his mother's second job, he'd need to earn a scholarship to be able to afford to go. Because she was going to college; there was no question. Sue and Harry's children weren't going to stop at high school diplomas or GEDs. No, they were going to college. The only question was where and to do what. Leah had once mentioned being a nurse like her mother, and Sue had actually scoffed. Why be a nurse when Leah could be a doctor? Leah mentioned she might follow in Harry's footsteps and become an accountant. Sue said she should aim for CFO. Leah laughed and said that she really wanted to be a secondary school teacher, and there was nothing wrong with that. Sue said she should be a college professor.

Sam didn't know what she would want to do, or where she'd want to do it. But he would be by her side. His LeeLee was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and he wanted to be worthy of her.

X-x-x-x-X

So he strove to be the best boyfriend, friend, and student possible. But he had stiff competition. Leah was already at the top of their class (although if he ever mentioned this to her, she would point out that it wasn't that hard to be at the top of a class of a twelve), and she had always been a better friend to him than he had been to her (but other than his remote period of "jackassiness", Becca's description, she told him he was just about perfect). However, there was no way she could be a better boyfriend than he could.

And it wasn't just because she was a girl. He knew her almost as well as he knew himself, and he put that knowledge to good use. After all, he had been paying close attention for their entire lives. He knew what she liked and what she hated, what made her happy and what made her sad, what made her laugh and what made her roll her eyes. He might not have had any money to buy her things or a car to take her places, but he knew how to treat her. He had learned the hard way. He had once done things wrong and had been lucky enough to be blessed with her forgiveness, and well before she agreed to be his girlfriend, he had sworn to himself that from then on he would only ever do right by her.

He hated to admit it, but Joshua had taught him one important lesson before he left. He knew that his actions spoke much louder than his words. So he strove to demonstrate how much she meant to him with every single gesture, great or small.

Grandma Uley was a great source of instruction on the finer points on how to "treat a lady". She told him to open doors for not only Leah, but also her friends. She instructed him where to find the prettiest wildflowers to give her, but that he should always tell her how much prettier she was than the flowers. She taught him to offer to carry her books for her, but not to be offended if she didn't let him. She made sure he understood that he should not only ask her about day, but really care about the answer. She helped him find the line between defending her honor when other boys disrespected her, but stepping behind her when she was defending herself.

One question gnawed at his brain until he finally blurted it out one day. Had Grandma Uley taught these lessons to her own son? If she had, how could he have done the things he had done? It would hurt Grandma too much to ask her directly. He finally spoke with the only person he could think to. He asked Harry, whose face fell. Leah's father sighed heavily and took off his reading glasses, setting them gently on the kitchen table between them. He peeked over his shoulder to see if he had any backup, but Sue was busy with the other kids in the living room.

"Son, your father learned the words without understanding their meaning."

And Sam knew that it was true.

After that, Harry made a point to set aside extra time for Sam. The boy already felt like his third child, and he had always taken him along for fishing, family picnics, and day trips. But he had always included him, not given him extra time. Now that changed. If he was able, he went to cheer for Sam at his soccer matches or basketball games, even when Leah wasn't free to come. He'd take Seth along to keep Sam from feeling too awkward, and then he'd buy them burgers at the diner in Forks. And he followed Grandma Uley's advice. Harry would ask him about his day and actually care about his answer.

One evening he overheard his mother thanking Harry for taking him under his wing. Harry just laughed and said, "Oh, it's all really selfish of me. Your boy holds my daughter's heart in his hands, and I've got to make sure he takes good care of it."

Sam knew this was partly true (and he felt his own heart pounding away in his chest at the thought of Leah's heart belonging to him), but he also knew that Harry held genuine affection for him. Because when he scored a goal or made a basket, Harry's cheers were just as loud as Leah's.

It was also Harry who gave him his first job. For twenty dollars a week, he mowed the Clearwaters' lawn, raked the leaves, cleared their gutters, and shoveled their driveway on the rare occasion that it snowed. That job led to doing the same for their next door neighbors on either side, and then he actually had some money to spend on Leah.

Mostly, though, she wouldn't let him. She wasn't against it, per se, but she had the same dreams he did, and she would rather he save his money so he could go to college with her. Plus, she had never needed baubles or trinkets to make her happy. She was clear that she just wanted his company.

He felt the same, only he didn't just want her company. He wanted her.

It was the one area in which he was completely unable to follow his grandmother's (or, to his absolute mortification, Harry's) advice. They told him in no uncertain terms that he was supposed to keep his mind out of the gutter and his hands off of his girl. He vowed to them that he would, knowing full well that he would not be able to fulfill the promise.

He obsessed about her body and her beauty. All night and all day, waking or sleeping, involuntary dreams or elaborate and deliberate fantasies. He conjured images of her dressed in her prettiest outfits and then he mentally undressed her. He kept a picture of her in his bedside drawer from the previous summer; she was laughing and making a sandcastle on the beach with her brother, and she was dressed in the blue bikini that he loved. He folded it over to get rid of Seth, and was relieved when the bottle of lotion he kept in the same drawer leaked onto Seth's face, giving him a reason to cut the picture at the seam and get rid of that half entirely. Thank goodness Leah's side was unharmed (although surely he had memorized the image by now; looking at it was a mere formality).

He congratulated himself for resisting the urge to jump her. Then he wondered what on earth he'd do with her if he actually worked up the nerve. Then he fantasized about what he'd do, or what she'd do, or what they'd do to each other, until he had to lock himself in his room or the shower and relieve the ache.

Dammit, she was pretty.

And she was his girlfriend. His. He still couldn't believe it most of the time.

For the rest of their freshman year of high school, he managed to keep his hands off her breasts and bottom by holding on to less forbidden parts of her. Harry and Grandma still wouldn't approve, particularly since he was often kissing whatever skin he had access to.

Which wasn't actually that much.

She liked kissing him, he was certain of that. But he was also sure she didn't like it quite as much as he did (not because she wasn't enthusiastic; he just liked it to the point of absolute absurdity). Moreover, he could tell that she thought kissing him was enough in and of itself. He, on the other hand, was left with exponential levels of lust each time her lips parted against his. He wanted more, so much more, but he was terrified that pushing her boundaries would mean pushing her away entirely.

So he limited himself to her lips, her cheeks, the back of her hands, and eventually the angle of her jaw. The day after Christmas, while they were hiding from a boring holiday party in Harry's study, he finally dared to explore the tender skin of her neck. Sam got the best present of the season when he discovered the little shiver that ran down her body if he found the right spot just below her ear. He nearly lost his mind when he dared to extend his tongue to taste the salt there, eliciting a broken, humming sigh that was, hands down, the sexiest thing he'd ever heard. He wanted to know what other sounds she might make, and under what circumstances.

Then he remembered the funny giggle, snort, squeal noise she had made when they were six, the one that sent him on his quest to kiss her dimple. He made his own snuffling noise against her skin from the memory, and she wanted to know what was so funny. He told her the whole story for the first time. She was delighted, so he decided to make a fool of himself by trying to replicate the sound. He failed, but the joyful and happy expression on her face as she laughed with him was so entrancing that he made himself stay a good several inches away from her so he could see it. It kept him from kissing her again, but it was definitely worth it.

He wanted to kiss more of her, but he was nervous about offending her with the onslaught of his hormones. His brain turned to mush from a glimpse of her skin, a casual touch of her hand, the scent of her shampoo, the quirk of her lips as she smiled. He was worried he would push her too far, too fast, in his haste to get as close to her as possible. So he held himself back and didn't ask for anything more than she offered.

It left him more than a little frustrated, physically at least. Other than that, he was more content than he could ever remember being. And if his house seemed a little too quiet, or if his mother seemed a bit lonely, he would smash down any thoughts of missing his absent father. He remembered the cost of Joshua's love all too well.

X-x-x-x-X

Leah's affections, on the other hand, were freely given. The only thing she demanded from him in return was his respect. Even if he had not returned her romantic feelings for him, he had no doubt that she would have continued to be his friend so long as he treated her with basic decency. And in retrospect, he could hardly believe that she hadn't figured out how he had always felt about her. He admitted to himself that he had been a bit of a coward; he was too afraid of rejection and of disrupting their friendship to pursue her until his uncontrollable jealousy pushed him over the edge. It was a side of himself that he wasn't proud of, just as he wasn't exactly proud of himself for retaliating against Brian with force when the older boy had knocked Leah into the lockers. He was certain he had inherited his jealousy and temper from Joshua, and he wished he could erase every trace of his father from himself. But he couldn't help but feel that fighting Brian had actually won him his LeeLee (although when he told her this, she laughed and said she had always been his anyway). Moreover, it cemented his reputation in the school as someone not to be trifled with.

It also kept other competition away, which suited Sam just fine. He knew that Leah was almost as appealing to other boys as she was to him, although he also contended that he knew her better than anyone else, so there was no way that anyone else's feelings for her could run as deep as his. Other boys knew she was nice, but no one else knew that she didn't just set aside batches of her cookies for him, but Grandma Uley as well. They knew she was funny and witty, but they didn't realize that she knew equally well when to crack a joke to cheer him up or when to offer her sympathies and let him sulk. They knew she was smart, but they didn't know that she was the only reason Becca passed Algebra. They knew she was pretty, but they hadn't touched her skin to know just how soft it was.

He felt guilty about it, but the truth was that he spent more time obsessing over her superficial beauty than the beauty of her soul. He couldn't help it. Harry said she was too pretty for her own good, and he was right. Sam found her completely distracting. When they did their homework together, he often found himself falling farther and farther behind just because he had spent too much time staring at her. Thank goodness Seth was usually there; otherwise he would probably climb over the table and kiss her breathless, rendering both of them unable to accomplish anything.

He didn't have the same kind of restraint around friends their own age, particularly after Johnny started dating Rachel. Bobby hoped that this would leave him paired with Becca, but she disagreed. She was perfectly happy to play his Xbox, however, and even happier to beat him at Call of Duty. The six of them started gathering in Bobby's basement on Saturday evenings. Becca and Bobby basically played video games the entire time, with some combination of the others coming and going. Sam and Leah never lasted long since he preferred to kiss her until her lips and cheeks were flushed. Video games were fun, but they had nothing on the way she tasted. It embarrassed her at first, but there was a little partitioned area of the basement that provided some privacy. And his friends knew better than to tease when Leah was in earshot (the twins felt differently, but she gave as good as she got).

Rachel and Rebecca gradually warmed to him. Leah didn't give them that much of a choice; she made it clear that she wasn't giving up her Sammy no matter what they said. And after he defended her from Brian, combined with his sincere attempts to win them over, they didn't have much argument against him any longer. Because he did follow Grandma Uley's advice. He opened doors for them as well as for Leah; he carried their books for them when they looked overloaded; he even pretended to be Becca's boyfriend when they were getting hit on by a couple persistent boys from Forks. When he finally admitted to them that he really appreciated how much he appreciated their protectiveness of Leah when he was hurting her, they finally admitted that they believed he truly cared for her.

Emily he wasn't so sure about. He didn't see her nearly as often, and she had never really been comfortable around him. He didn't think she was angry with him the way Becca and Rachel had been, since she hadn't been around during his period of neglect. He was certain she knew some of what had happened since Leah must have told her something, but he didn't know what. He did see her occasionally, because she continued visiting during holidays and the occasional weekend. She was nice enough, he supposed, and Leah absolutely adored her. So he liked her by proxy: anyone that Leah spoke so highly of couldn't be a bad person.

He hadn't seen it firsthand, but Leah told him that Emily was funny and sweet and kind. It was hard for him to tell, because her overriding quality seemed to be her shyness. Leah kept insisting that the more he and Emily got to know each other, the less he would feel that way. He nodded agreeably but didn't really believe her; he had known Emily for years, and if anything, her shyness got worse, not better.

At least he had managed to get over his childhood jealousy of the other girl. While he once felt like she took away from his time with his best friend, Sam now had enough other facets to his life not to feel like Leah was the only good part of it (although she was undoubtedly the best and most important). And better yet, he was confident of his place in Leah's life, and that she would not try to replace him with someone else.

If anything, Emily was the third wheel, not him.

Leah actually pointed this out to him one day in order to remedy the situation. They had continued their tendency to hold conversations that were meaningful to them but incomprehensible to anyone else. It had probably gotten worse. Around their parents it was a useful skill. Seth thought it was hilarious. The twins were just as bad as they were, and Bobby and Johnny hardly cared one way or the other. But around Emily, it made her feel left out. So Leah tried on her own to be less exclusionary. When he didn't cooperate with her, she sweetly asked him to try harder to include Emily in their conversations. He agreed, but when she asked him to stop kissing her in front of Emily, he did so very reluctantly.

Emily had apparently been dumped by Mark only a month into the school year, and Emily was suspicious that he had been sneaking around behind her back before the breakup due to his rapid turnaround with a new girlfriend. Apparently, watching Sam's romantic devotion to Leah both made her feel particularly left out, not to mention reminding her of what she didn't have. Leah thought her cousin was much better off without Mark and swore that Emily deserved someone genuinely loving and respectful, but Emily was still dejected. But Sam hardly noticed Emily's reaction. As Leah spoke of love, she was looking directly at him and he at her. He was too distracted by the soft look in Leah's eyes to notice that Emily was watching him too.

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They talked about the past sometimes, but more and more, their conversations turned to the future. The day after the senior class graduated, they went on a jog together. She was restless, and it was too cool and drizzly to go to the beach, and the waves were too turbulent to surf. So they ran to the cliffs. They were well matched. He was taller, as he had always been, and becoming wiry with muscle from all the sports he played as well as manual labor. But she was tall as well, and she ran because she simply felt the need to. They took a long, circuitous route to the cliffs, down the dirt road, through winding forest paths, and then up to the bluffs. Mostly he ran by her side, but whenever the path narrowed, he fell slightly back to let her lead. Just like always. Although now this also had the added benefit of allowing him to watch her unabashedly. Her outfit wasn't deliberately revealing; she wore gray knit shorts and a simple black tee shirt. But the light rain soon soaked her clothes, making them cling to her.

As they approached the fork in the path that would lead them to the cliffs, she asked him whether he minded doing an extra lap, and he gladly obliged. He would tolerate any kind of weather to have this peace with her. She stayed on the path to do another loop. They didn't talk much as they ran. They didn't need to.

Twenty minutes later they arrived at the cliffs. She glanced at him and without a word led him down along the edge. She was headed for the lower shelf where most of the teenagers jumped into the ocean, but they weren't going to do that in this weather. There was an outcropping in the wall that would be a perfect shelter from the rain, and he'd happily sit there with her for hours. If they went back to her house, Seth and his friends would be there, or if they went to his, Allison would be, and he wanted her to himself.

When the path widened enough that they could walk side by side, he fell into step beside her and reached for her hand. Soon they arrived at their chosen destination. She pulled him into a little nook carved into the rock wall, and they lowered themselves onto a flat, smooth rock. At first, he leaned back and slightly away from her so that he could look at her properly. She sat Indian style, watching water fall from the sky into the ocean. He watched her. Her long hair was pulled back into a ponytail, exposing her slender neck. A droplet of rain rolled down her her hairline and along her glistening skin, pooling in her collarbone. He was entranced. He wanted to lick it away.

Instead he looked at the way her wet clothes outlined her curves, and he limited himself to drawing circles on her palm. He waited until she started shivering as her body cooled, and then he pulled her in against his chest.

"Oh, you don't want to do that," she shook her head. "I'm all sweaty and gross and stuff."

"Me too. But the rain gave us a shower," he answered. "C'mere."

It didn't take much convincing; she liked to be as close to him as he did to her. So he wrapped his arms along hers and squeezed around her middle, and he extended his legs on either side of hers. She was so soft. He warmed her body with his, and she warmed his heart with hers, and he wished he didn't ever have to let her go.

He missed this at night sometimes. All his life she had been his most consistent source of affection and physical comfort. His mother loved him dearly, he knew, but years of abuse at Joshua's hand had left her protective of her personal space. LeeLee, on the other hand, had always been open and generous with her smiles, her hugs, her soft hands, and now her kisses. They hadn't been allowed to share the same sleeping bag or bed in years, but sleeping without her still seemed unnatural.

So holding her like this wasn't just a treat, it restored his natural sense of balance.

"What do you want to do?" he asked softly. He needed to know so he could plan for it. So he could grow into the person she deserved.

And like always, she knew what he meant. She didn't stop to ask if he meant how long they would stay in their shelter or what she wanted to do tomorrow. She hummed a little and stroked her fingertips along his forearms, causing goosebumps to rise. "Go to Seattle or maybe Portland. Live in a city for a while."

"For college? You want to stay kind of close to home?"

"I don't know. I mean, I want to see the world, you know? I'd love to go to Paris, Italy, Greece, maybe even Hong Kong or Tokyo, see the pyramids in Egypt or go on safari in Kenya. But my folks are here, your mom and your Gran are here. How far would you want to go?" He was heartened at her inclusion of his family alongside hers. Did it mean what he hoped? "And what about this?" She swept her arm out toward the Pacific Ocean. "How long do you think you could go without seeing this?"

Noncommittally he hummed, "Mmm. It is beautiful," but he was looking at her, not the scenery. "But LeeLee, if you want to see the world, you should see the world."

Softly, she said, "But you're here, Sammy. What fun would it be seeing the world by myself?"

He kissed her neck just below her ear, the spot that always made her shiver. "Don't you know that I'll follow you anywhere?"

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After that Sam worked even harder. He had already tried to make money in order to save for college, but now he envisioned even bigger and better things. He wondered what it would be like to go to college in New York instead of Seattle, or how he could manage to take her to Europe or Asia or Africa someday. Then he'd realize that he had never been farther east than Seattle, and he thought that maybe he should start by exploring the country with her. They wouldn't need much; a car to get from place to place, a few clothes, a toothbrush, and a little cash. They might not even need to spring for motels; they could zip a couple sleeping bags together and take Harry's tent, even sleep under the stars when the weather permitted.

A week later they were in her kitchen making a pizza to share with Seth and Collin, who were in the living room watching a movie. Sam had just finished mowing the lawns of two of his neighbors, and he was wondering how much he'd have saved up by the end of the summer. "You know how you told me you want to see the world someday?" he asked.

"Yeah. You've been thinking about that?"

"Mm." He nodded. "I was thinking maybe we'd start by seeing the country."

"Yeah?" She perked up. "You mean, like a road trip?"

He grinned at her. "That's exactly what I mean."

"You really want to?"

"Don't you? We should see the desert. And the Grand Canyon. Yellowstone and Yosemite and all that stuff. Maybe go to San Francisco on the way to Yosemite."

Her eyes shone as she thought about the possibilities. He knew that she wanted to see cities too, but it was the natural beauty of their home that meant the most to her. "That's a great idea!"

Subsequently one of their favorite activities became mapping out where they'd go and how they'd get there. Leah started researching all the quirky and odd things they could find, like the world's biggest bottle of ketchup in Collinsville, Illinois, which they had to see on their way to Chicago, or the Bigfoot Discovery Museum in Felton, where they'd stop in between San Francisco and Monterey. They came up with so many places to go that it would take them years, but that was fine, because as far as Sam was concerned, they had their whole lives to explore. After all, Leah had spent their entire childhood leading him by the hand and showing him the marvels all around them. Why should adulthood be any different?

He tried to figure out how soon they could take their first trip, but he came up empty. By next summer he'd have his driver's license, but even if he had saved enough money to buy a used car, which he doubted, he couldn't imagine that her parents would let her go away with him. He could probably get a car the year after that, but once again, Harry would sooner shoot him than let LeeLee go away with him.

After they graduated, though, he might have better luck. Leah agreed. If they couldn't convince Harry to let them take a vacation together, maybe they would take the scenic route to drive to wherever they'd go for college. Sam laughingly agreed that that meant they should go to school somewhere far away, because the scenic route to Seattle was still a pretty short trip.

It was after that conversation that Sam decided to ask his LeeLee to marry him. An idle thought passed through his brain that he didn't voice aloud, namely, Harry would protest less if he wanted to go take his fiancee on a trip instead of his girlfriend, right? It was far too soon to ask, of course. Leah had only just turned fifteen. Not to mention, he should probably have some kind of a plan for taking care of her that didn't involve living with their parents or mowing lawns for twenty dollars a pop. After all, she had always done an excellent job of taking care of him. He wanted nothing more than to do the same for her. Preferably forever.

But he had time to work out those details. For now he could work on achieving a couple specific goals. First, make enough money to buy a reliable used car to drive her across the country, and hopefully have enough left over to buy an engagement ring. Second, convince her that they hadn't just belonged to each other since they were small, but that they should belong to each other for the rest of their lives.

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