A/N: To the astute readers who noticed that Sam and Leah didn't use barrier protection in the last chapter: they absolutely should have; agreed. However, Sue took Leah to get on the depo provera birth control shot in chapter 13, so they aren't going to get pregnant.
X-x-x-x-X
The rest of the summer was a heady blur. He saw his friends, went surfing when he could, and spent every possible second with his LeeLee. She was as good on her board as he was, and she was more daring than most of the guys. They even took a short trip a couple hours south to Westport to participate in a surfing competition. Neither humiliated themselves, although neither placed, either. Their old habit of jogging together provided a good cover for more intimate activities, although she refused to fool around in the forest after a few twigs ventured into places they had no business going. But they discovered a cave in the less frequented Third Beach, and they even started to revisit her old tree house if they couldn't find somewhere more private to go. And only two weeks after their visit to the cabin, they christened his new truck for the first time. He decided it was the best purchase he ever made. He had to work hard to replenish his depleted savings. But Marty gave him a raise, and he was confident that by next summer's end, he would have enough money for a ring. He just didn't know how to buy one or when to give it to her.
Junior year was easier then sophomore, if only because Grandma was doing much better. He was able to rejoin the soccer league in the fall, while Leah started volunteering at the local nursing home and expanded her after-school tutoring beyond just Collin. She was becoming more interested in being a teacher, although Sue was still trying to convince her to teach at the University level rather than primary or secondary school. Harry said she should just do whatever made her happy. Sue retorted that it was sometimes hard to stay happy if one was struggling to pay their bills, and she pointed out that public school teachers often worked much harder than their paychecks might indicate. Sam quietly piped up and said that he'd make sure Leah wouldn't have to struggle over anything. Sue gave him an appraising and somewhat skeptical glance, but Harry just smiled at him. Then Leah threw her arms around his neck and said he was the sweetest boyfriend ever, while Seth shielded his eyes and called them gross.
Harry later pulled him aside and asked him if he had anything in particular in mind for his future. Sam panicked while he tried to figure out if he was supposed to ask Harry's permission to propose to Leah. Wasn't it too soon? He wouldn't have enough money for the ring until the following summer, and even then he'd still only be seventeen. Wouldn't Harry want him to wait until they were both eighteen?
His mouth opened and closed like a fish until Harry said something about college. Thank god. "Oh. Yeah. That. Marty told me about a construction management degree. WSU and UDub both have them."
"You like the work you do with him, huh?"
"Yeah. Better than mowing lawns, anyway. It's nice to stop at the end of the day and look at something concrete I've just finished, you know? We mostly do patching and repair work, but sometimes we do the roofs on new houses, and I liked knowing I helped make them."
"I can see that. You still getting a little work now that the school year has started?"
"Some. I'm cleaning out some gutters and raking leaves. It isn't as much fun as roofing, but now I can pay for my car insurance."
"Mm. Why construction management and not just a construction job? You want to be the boss?"
Sam shook his head. "Not exactly. I mean, I don't want to do it just so I don't have to report to someone else. Everybody's got a boss, right?"
Harry chuckled, glancing into the kitchen where Sue was directing Leah and Seth how to help her prepare their dinner. "You know who mine is." He looked back at Sam, who was staring at Leah. "And I think I know who yours is too."
Sam felt his cheeks burning and hoped his blush didn't show through his dark skin. "She, uh, she deserves just... everything."
Harry smiled at him. "I agree. And you're not so bad yourself, kid."
X-x-x-x-X
He did feel bad, though, when Leah slipped on a patch of ice outside the high school, crashing down the steps and breaking her fibula. He was standing only a few feet away from her when she fell, and he felt he should have been able to catch her. Every time she winced, he wished he could take her injury into himself to spare her the pain. The only good news was that she could still hobble along in a walking cast instead of using crutches, but it definitely put a damper on their physical relationship. Even though it was winter, they frequently jogged outside together (sometimes only as far as his empty house, though, where they had a different kind of work out), and she obviously couldn't do that now. Nor was she able to maneuver her awkward boot inside the cab of his truck very easily, so the truck was relegated to transportation duties only. He silently endured an increasingly uncomfortable case of blue balls, relieved only in an unsatisfying manner with his right hand, but he also pulled himself out of the fog of lust he had been lost in for most of the past year, and he was reminded of the things he had always loved about her. They spent more time with Seth, who had always thought of Sam as his big brother, and Emily spent two weekends visiting.
He watched the girls laughing together and realized he should be more thankful for her cousin's place in her life. Emily's visits always put Leah in a good mood. He once jokingly asked Emily if they talked about him when he wasn't around. She didn't look him directly in the eye when she responded, which left him wondering, but she insisted that Leah only had good things to say. He told her that Leah absolutely loved her. He left out Leah's low opinions of her relationships, of course, particularly since the last he had heard, she had once again reconciled with Mark. He wasn't sure if they were still together, though, since their status seemed to change as often as the temperature, and he was frankly afraid to ask.
Thankfully, he was finally comfortable with her after years of exposure. Considering how long they had known each other, it was odd that they weren't friends. He didn't count her as such; she was part of Leah's circle, not his, but he had finally forced himself to get over his discomfort for Leah's sake. She had seemed to do the same. She actually talked to him a little bit, going so far as to initiate a few conversations with him. Leah was thrilled about it. Not only had she always wanted them to get along, but she told each of them separately that they were missing out by not appreciating the wonderful qualities of the other.
Leah had gone so far as to suggest setting Emily up with Bobby. She said he was cute (causing Sam's jealousy to flare until she said that he was just plain hot while Bobby was stuck at cute), and the couple times Bobby and Emily had met, Bobby was able to strike up a conversation with Emily pretty easily. Better yet, he was a genuinely nice guy, unlike Mark and the other guys she had dated. Emily said he was too young for her, he was too baby-faced, and he didn't seem to act half as grown up as Sam did, who was the same age. Leah insisted that if Emily wanted to meet a guy more like Sam (which caused both Emily and Sam to blush deeply enough for the other to see), she should stop going out with guys like Mark and try something different. The next time she broke up with Mark (or got dumped, Sam was never clear on that point), Emily finally agreed.
So on a wet day in July, the four of them went on a double date: dinner at the Lodge. It would have been excruciating if it weren't for Leah. She could practically hold a conversation by herself. Bobby made a valiant effort and chatted Emily up about movies, books, and music. She answered monosyllabically and pushed her food around her plate. Leah jumped in, cracking jokes and telling entertaining anecdotes. She told stories about herself and Sam from their childhood that she should have been embarrassed about, wanting to make fun of herself to ease the others' discomfort. For a while, Sam even forgot Bobby and Emily were there. His LeeLee's eyes shone, her dimples kept popping up, and she looked incredibly pretty. Everyone laughed uproariously at her stories except Emily, who chuckled politely. Sam figured she had probably heard most of the stories before. Afterward they went to see a movie. Sam missed half the plot trying to steal kisses from Leah, who kept giggling and pushing him away. Emily and Bobby sat stiffly on her other side and didn't touch, but at least they didn't have to try to talk to each other.
Afterward, Bobby told Sam that Emily was pretty but dull (Sam insisted she was just shy). Emily told Leah that Bobby wasn't her type, and Leah said she'd stop matchmaking since it made her so uncomfortable. Emily told her to keep her eye out for someone more passionate, and maybe she'd be willing to try again. Leah wasn't sure what she meant, but Emily wasn't able to explain.
When she left for Neah Bay the next day, Sam was at the Clearwater house waiting to take Leah out. He arrived before Emily was gone, and he took her bag to her car. She bent into the hatchback, and he thought she was searching for something. He didn't wait for her, rushing back to Leah, who was standing on the porch. He picked her up by her waist and told her that she owed him for spoiling their last date by taking other people along, and he asked her to make it up to him. She coughed and squirmed instead of answering, so he set her on her feet before turning around to see Emily standing right behind him and looking blankly at the front door. He immediately felt regretful. He hadn't meant for her to hear that he didn't want her around. He mumbled an apology while Leah hugged her and told her to ignore Sam. Then she whispered something in Emily's ear that made the other girl blush and giggle, but they refused to tell him what it was. Leah stayed on the porch waving at Emily as she drove off, while Sam stood behind her with one arm around her waist and the other pulling her hair aside so he could kiss the back of her neck. He kept her firmly pressed against him, not very subtly pushing his hips into her backside, while she laughed and wriggled, half-heartedly trying to get away. When Emily's car was finally out of sight, she finally twisted around to return his kiss. "You're supposed to behave around Em," she chided.
"She's gone." He tried to kiss her again, but she turned slightly so she could keep talking, so he peppered them over her cheek instead.
Laughing, she answered, "But she wasn't until just now. Couldn't you wait just a few more seconds?"
"Nuh uh." He nuzzled his nose into her neck. "It's been too long, LeeLee. It's been, like, a week. You had me all worked up yesterday in the theater, too. You've been teasing me."
"I'm not teasing you! We just haven't been alone for a week." He could hear the smile in her voice, so he knew she wasn't mad.
He kissed the spot under her ear and she moaned a little. "But we're alone now. She's gone."
But he felt her hands pushing at his chest. "We're not alone, silly! We're practically in public, and my entire family is right inside!"
"Why?" he whined, dropping his head to her shoulder. "Make them go away."
"How?" she laughed, draping her arms around him.
"I don't care. I just need to get you alone. Can't you tell?" He grabbed her by the hips and pushed his erection into her stomach.
She snorted. "Everyone can tell."
"Who's everyone? Am I so horny that everyone can see it from inside? Actually yeah. It feels that way."
"I'm pretty sure Em could tell."
"Was that what you were whispering about? Were you making fun of me? Tormenting me and then laughing about it?"
"Tormenting you? No. Making fun of you? Maybe."
He ground into her a little. "Make it up to me."
She undulated against him. He was certain it was deliberate. "Okay," she whispered.
Huh. Did his whining actually work? He pulled back to look at her. "Okay?"
She smiled seductively up at him. "Okay. Let's, um, go for a picnic."
"A 'picnic'?" He put his fingers up in air quotes.
"A real picnic. With food. And a nice blanket to spread on the ground. In that little clearing in the woods where nobody ever goes." Her eyes gleamed, and she licked her lips.
He gulped. "Good idea."
They were packing their food when they got a call. Emily's car had blown a flat tire before she made it out of town. Sam smacked his head against her kitchen cabinet in frustration before driving Leah to her cousin in his pick-up. Together they changed the tire, employing the skill that Harry had taught them both, while Emily shuffled her feet and apologized for ruining their date. Sam scowled and didn't forgive her for the interruption, but Leah insisted it was no big deal, and they were happy to help. Emily wanted to know what she could do to return the favor, and all Sam could think was that he wanted her to turn back time and not show up at all. Of course, he was smart enough not to say so.
An hour later, after Emily was on her way and they had finally arrived at their intended destination, Leah told him he was a wonderful boyfriend for helping her cousin. He would have done it with or without the gratitude, of course, but when she dropped to her knees in front of him and said she he deserved "a special thanks", suddenly he wasn't so annoyed.
The next time he saw Emily, she again asked him what she could do to return the favor. Beside her, Leah winked at him, and he knew she was thinking of the long and blissful afternoon that had followed. He mumbled that it was nothing, thinking that Leah had paid him back in full, but Emily said that she owed him one anyway. Several months later, he cashed in the favor.
X-x-x-x-X
Just as expected, by the end of the summer Sam had enough money to buy a ring. He thought he might even have enough left over to pay for the road trip that he and Leah still wanted to take after graduation. But when he started to look at the selection, he got completely lost. He had absolutely no idea what styles to consider. There only appeared to be two colors, gold and silver, but there were three kinds of metals, regular gold, white gold, and platinum. What exactly was the difference? Was one of them obviously better than the others? And although there were many kinds of gems, engagement rings only seemed to be made of diamonds. Why was that? Did Leah even like diamonds? She rarely wore jewelry other than the locket he had given her, and when she did wear something else, it had more color than a diamond. Would she like a diamond anyway? Should he give her something different, or would she not even know what it was? And if there was only one kind of acceptable rock and two colors of bands, how could this possibly be so complicated? Then he looked at prices, and he was floored. How could two rings that looked almost identical to him be astronomically different in price? What on earth was the difference?
He got so confused that he stopped thinking about proposing for months. It was far too soon anyway. He was certain that Harry wouldn't stand for an engagement before Leah turned eighteen (and even then he would probably balk at the idea), and that was months away. He would probably have even better luck if he waited until after graduation, and that was another month after her birthday. He just wasn't sure he could wait that long.
He saw the way other guys looked at her, and it made him want to cover her in a burlap sack. It irritated her to no end, partly because she still didn't seem to recognize how others saw her.
At seventeen, it was an agreed-upon objective fact that she was the most beautiful girl on the reservation. She was too gorgeous for her own good. He occasionally heard boys talking crudely about her body, and Bobby or Johnny had to restrain him from pummeling some poor soul into the ground on more than one occasion. And now that he was six foot two and had filled out with muscles after years of manual labor, he could probably do some real damage. It was odd, because he was normally very even-tempered. He had been hearing such things about her for years (although now that her body had developed to the point of, as he once overheard, "pure sin", it was undoubtedly worse), and he used to feel a flush of male pride that she was his. So long as no one harassed his LeeLee, he let it slide. But now he was getting the urge to blind anyone who looked at her the wrong way. Damn. She made him a little crazy.
He hoped that an engagement ring on her finger would mark her as taken and would fend them away. He knew it was possessive of him, and he felt a little bad about it. On the other hand, if she wanted to mark him as hers too, that was more than fine with him. Heck. He should just make them matching tee shirts. Hers would say "Property of Sam Uley", and his, "Property of Leah Clearwater". It would certainly be cheaper than a diamond ring. He'd get it tattooed across his neck if she wanted.
Eventually he went to Emily for advice. He was too worried about his mother's reaction to ask her, and he couldn't think of anyone else. Plus wouldn't Emily know the kind of style that Leah liked?
He ended up surreptitiously stealing her number out of Leah's phone. He had tried to pull her aside when she visited over the holidays, but he didn't get the chance. And now that Emily was enrolled in community college and also working at a bakery on the side, she didn't have as much time to come to La Push. Leah missed her cousin's frequent visits, which had really picked up over the summer, but Sam was thrilled to get her alone more often. If only he could get her away from the twins (whom he was certain would not help him buy a ring), he'd have her to himself.
She sounded bewildered when she picked up her phone and he was on the other end of the line. "Sam? Is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me. How are you?"
"Uh, uh," she stuttered, "I guess I'm fine. Is Leah okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. She's great. Better than great."
There was a long, uncomfortable pause. "Then what can I do for you?"
He felt like an idiot. He supposed he should just jump in. "Well, the reason I'm calling is…" But he really didn't know what to say.
"Yes?"
"I want to get married." He just blurted it out.
She sounded like she was choking. "Excuse me? You what?"
"To Leah!" he practically yelled before clearing his throat and lowering his volume. "I'm thinking of proposing. I don't know when, or how, not yet obviously, but now I'm looking at rings. I have no idea what I'm doing. Can you help me? I want it to be perfect and I know it won't be if I don't get some help."
There was another pause on the other end. "I think you'll probably do great," she finally answered quietly.
"But I want her to love it. I want it to be perfect. I mean, every time she looks at her hand for the entire rest of her life, it's gonna be there. So I want her to really love it. But there are too many choices, and I don't know what to get."
"She'll love it because you're giving it to her."
Damn. Was she not going to help him? He supposed it was a rather bold request from someone she wasn't particularly close to. "Okay. Well, then, sorry for bothering you. Can you, um, not tell her anything at least? I want it to be a surprise."
"Oh!" She quickly backtracked. "You're not bothering me. I'll help. And I won't say anything."
Thank god. Or rather, thank Emily. So he did. They decided to go to Port Angeles, where she said he'd have a better selection.
It wasn't until after they hung up that he realized he sounded presumptuous. Every time she looks at her hand for the rest of her life? He was assuming a lot. But as nervous as he was about picking the right time to ask, the right place to ask, setting up the most romantic date during which to ask, and the right ring with which to ask, there was not one question in his mind about who to ask. Nor did he have any serious doubt that she'd say yes. Of course she would. They belonged together.
It actually took another month to go to Port Angeles with Emily. If she was free, she tended to visit Leah anyway, or she was too busy with work or a date, or Sam himself already had plans with Leah and didn't want to cancel them. But today Leah was tutoring Paul Lahote, which Sam wasn't happy about because the little punk didn't bother to hide that he spent more time trying to look down Leah's shirt than listening to what she was trying to teach him. Of course, Leah was the only reason he was no longer failing out of physics and algebra II, so he must have been paying some attention. Later that evening, she was going to sleep over at the twins' house, and he was most definitely not invited. He figured he'd take the opportunity to see Bobby and Johnny, but first he would make a detour to Port Angeles.
He picked Emily up on the way. She had offered to meet him there, but it was a solid hour and a half away, and she was doing him a favor. They didn't really know what to say to one another. He asked her about her classes, which were apparently all online, and her new job. She had more to say about the job than her courses, which wasn't saying much. They kept up a stilted conversation until he turned the radio up to fill the silence.
Finally she spoke up, but so quietly that he almost missed her talking altogether. "Sam? I was wondering."
"Huh? What was that?" He knew she had spoken, but not what she had said.
"I was wondering," she spoke up slightly, "how you know."
"Know? Know what?"
"You seem so sure, is all. About Leah."
"Oh, that." What was he supposed to say? The truth, he supposed. "I guess I am. Sure, I mean."
"But how? You're still kind of a kid. No offense, but it's true. Most guys I know, they're all older than you, and they can't even decide if they want to go on a date a month from now. But you want to get married."
"It's not about getting married, Em. It's about getting married to Leah. It's… I… She's so… She's my best friend. She's been my best friend forever, and I want her to keep on being… It's just so obvious that we should." Well, he had better work on his proposal speech. That wasn't going to cut it. Although he was certain that even with no preparation, entirely off the cuff, he'd be able to come up with something better to say to Leah. But the girl sitting next to him wasn't his LeeLee, it was her second cousin, and he didn't know what to tell her about how he felt about her best friend. He wasn't proposing to her, after all. He chuckled nervously and continued, "I'll bet those guys you know, if they had Leah standing in front of them, smiling at them the way she does? They'd make a date a month away."
Her voice hardened. "You think?"
Out of the corner of his eye he saw her frown, and he realized he had stuck his foot firmly in his mouth. He tried to backpedal. "I mean, that's how I feel when she looks at me. Like I'd just do anything to make her smile. But I'm smart enough to know a good thing when I see it. I know lots of guys aren't."
"She is pretty great, isn't she," Emily admitted with a little sigh.
Considering the favor she was doing for him, he could stand to be nicer. He flashed her a smile, the one that Leah said was "panty dropping". "She's not the only great one."
She blinked at him before looking at her lap, but her lips had turned upward at the corners. "Not sure anyone else agrees with you on that one," she murmured.
"Leah agrees."
"Yeah, well, she's my best friend. She has to think that. And she's related to me, and a girl, and it really doesn't count if she thinks so." He tried to figure out what to say. What would Leah say to Emily if she was here?
He gave it his best shot. "But she's right. She doesn't have to think that, she only does because you're pretty and kind and fun to be around." Or Leah seemed to think so, anyway.
Her head popped up. "You really think so?"
"Of course! You're letting me take up your whole day just to make sure I don't screw up and give your best friend a terrible ring. Not everybody would go through all that trouble. And just because Mark is too much of an idiot to see how great you are, doesn't mean it's not true. One of these days you'll meet someone better than him, someone with an ounce of sense, someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated."
The conversation settled after that, and when he glanced at her she seemed to be smiling a little. They listened to music for the rest of the ride, and then they arrived downtown.
But after they entered the first jewelry store, things got awkward again. They were peering into a case of diamond rings when a clerk appeared in front of them. "You two make such a lovely couple. Are congratulations in order?" she beamed at them.
Sam and Emily both froze like deer in headlights. The clerk saw their matching, startled expressions and apologized. "I'm sorry. I'm totally getting ahead of myself. How can I help you?"
"R-Rings," was all Sam came up with. "I'm looking at rings." He mentally chided himself. Obviously she had already figured that out since they were staring at a case full of them.
"Yes, of course." She nodded. "Anything in particular catching your eye? Is there a particular occasion?"
"Engagement rings," he clarified.
She smiled warmly at them. "So I wasn't too far off the mark. What strikes your fancy, dear?" She looked at Emily. Why hadn't he said they were for Emily's cousin? It would have been so simple.
"Um, something simple, I think. Not too gaudy. Classic."
The clerk removed a tray of rings from the case. "Do you like anything in here?"
"Yes, but I'm not sure..."
"Well, let's narrow it down a bit, shall we?" She pulled out a few rings, and Emily rapidly weeded the selection down to a few solitaires with slightly different cuts and settings. The clerk nodded in approval. "Classic, like you said. Now, what kind of size are you looking at? And keep in mind the budget." She finally looked at Sam again. "Or is that a subject for another day?"
Another awkward conversation followed, during which they finally explained that they were not shopping for Emily, but her best friend, and that he had enough money to buy a decent ring. The saleswoman laughingly apologized for the misunderstanding, then gave Sam a lesson on how to select a diamond. After that it only took a little time to find what Emily thought was the perfect ring. He was about to buy it, his head suddenly swimming with visions of how he could propose, but Emily convinced him to shop around a little to see if he could get a better price.
They walked two blocks away to Port Angeles' other downtown jewelry store. This time they were clearer on who Emily was and whom the ring was for. They got the same lesson from a different clerk but saw more rings for slightly better prices. Sam walked out with a princess cut solitaire set on a raised white gold band shoved deep into his pocket.
He took Emily out for an early dinner to thank her for her help. They went to a little seafood restaurant on the waterfront, where they were again mistaken for a newly-engaged couple by their waitress when Sam handed Emily the ring to look at one more time. After correcting the young woman's mistake, she sighed and gave the ring back. "I do hope I get one of these someday."
"Of course you will. Hopefully not from Mark, though."
She shook her head. "I'd say Mark might give me a ring pop, but that could actually be romantic depending on the circumstances. So even that would never happen."
Sam leaned back in his chair and took an objective look at Emily. She was nice, pretty, and seemed reasonably smart. So what was she still doing with Mark? "Do you actually want him to?"
She looked surprised. "What, propose? No." It was a definitive answer.
"Do you even like the guy? Because it's honestly hard to tell."
"Well..." She didn't seem to have much of an answer.
He shook his head in confusion. "So why keep getting back together with him? What's the point?"
She kept her eyes firmly planted on her plate. "He's not much, but he's better than being alone."
Sam finally asked the question Leah had brought up every time they spoke of it. "What's wrong with being alone?"
Emily actually snorted. "Asks the guy who hasn't been single for a minute of his natural life."
"Hey," he protested. "We've only been dating since freshman year!"
"Are you trying to tell me you weren't in love with Leah from the time you were in diapers?" When he didn't respond, she chuckled. "Right. You know, you could stand to maybe tell her."
He was totally confused. "Tell her what?" She looked him steadily in the eye, appraising him. "Seriously. What?"
Very quietly, Emily responded, "That you love her. She says you've never actually said the words."
Sam was floored. He gaped at her like a fish. He was appalled that Leah would tell Emily something so private, while he simultaneously felt guilty, because it was the truth. She said she loved him, and he said, "I do too." But he had never actually spoken the words. "Does she actually think... I mean... I mean, isn't it obvious how I feel?"
"Yeah," Emily sighed. "I think it is. Even if I hadn't been there the night in that storm when you climbed up and made that crazy speech, I'd have known. But it would mean a lot to her if you did. She's insecure just like any other girl."
He quickly protested, "But that's just it. She isn't just like any other girl. She's special. More than special. She's amazing. She's got not one thing to be insecure about."
Then Emily shook her head. "See, how can you say things like that, but not those three little words? I mean, you're ready to ask her to marry you. How could it be harder than that? You do, don't you?"
He didn't answer her directly. If he was going to finally say those all-important words, it certainly wasn't going to be to Emily. It would be to Leah herself. "She's everything. You know that, I know that, she knows that."
"Maybe she thinks she's your everything just because she's been there forever, not because you're truly in love. Maybe she thinks you love her, but she isn't sure if you're in love with her."
After that the awkward silence between became exponentially worse. On the drive back to Neah Bay, he couldn't think of anything to say. He kept his eyes straight ahead but felt her peeking at him out of the corner of her eye from time to time.
He pondered her questions as he drove home. He wasn't sure what to make of Emily's theories. Were they Leah's thoughts or Emily's? Surely Leah couldn't doubt him the way Emily did. He decided that her cousin was probably just being protective of her. And even if she wasn't, and Leah wasn't confident of his feelings for her, he would make them crystal clear when he gave her the ring. Men who loved their girlfriends but weren't in love would never propose without prompting.
He hadn't honestly thought about any of it for months. His illogical reasoning still held true: the words still didn't mean enough. They were words that continued to be misused and abused by people who didn't even know what love was. Guys like Mark probably used them in empty speeches to girls like Emily, and worse yet, men like Joshua manipulated women like Allison with them. As for Leah, he still hadn't figured out the language to explain to her how he felt, so he did what he thought best. He kept trying to show her. Plus the longer he was with her, and the longer he didn't say it, the harder it became.
Grandma called him just as he arrived home. The drain under her kitchen sink had sprung a vigorous leak. He rushed over just as his mother was returning home from her shift at the resort, yelling an explanation over his shoulder.
Grandma thanked him profusely when he arrived. She had already cleared out the cabinet and brought up her tools. He dutifully lay on his back and slid in. It only took him a few minutes of exploring to figure out that he needed to replace the drain trap, but the hardware store in Forks had closed at five. He turned off the water to the sink and scooted out from under the drain. That was when Grandma bent over and picked something off the ground. "You dropped this, dear." Sam stood up as she realized what she was holding. "What's this? A little something for your Strawberry Girl?"
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, yeah. It's for her."
"May I?" she asked.
He didn't really want to let her, but he wasn't sure how to say no without raising suspicion. "Okay, yeah." Apparently everyone was going to know about his proposal before Leah.
Her eyes widened when she opened the box. "Sammy! Is this what I think it is?" He just nodded while she stared. "It's beautiful." Then she frowned, and he wondered if he was going to get a speech about how they were both too young to get married. "Is she pregnant?"
"What? No! I just want to marry her!" Great. Everyone was going to think that, weren't they? At least until her belly failed to grow.
Then Grandma smiled. "I can hardly blame you for that. She's a lovely young woman, and she already feels like family. Might as well make it official, mm? And snatch her up before someone else does."
"Yeah."
Something must have shown on his expression, because she reassured him, "Darling, that girl adores you. She's going to say yes."
He couldn't help but smile. "I know."
"Rather confident, are we?" she teased. "Oh, of course you are. She loves you as much as much as you love her. But how will you break the news to Harry?"
"Um, by starting with the fact she isn't pregnant?"
Grandma laughed heartily. "Good idea. But have you considered asking his permission?"
He absolutely had not. The thought terrified him far more than the prospect of asking Leah. After all, he was pretty sure she'd say yes. Harry, on the other hand... "He'll kill me."
She laughed again. "He's a lot more likely to kill you if you haven't asked him first."
"But he'll say no!"
"Then wait a while and ask again. He'll say yes eventually."
"What, when we're thirty?"
"I don't think it will take that long. In all seriousness, though, he's a lot more likely to accept it if you give him a chance to speak his mind without his daughter standing in front of him. Plus he's a good man, and he deserves your respect."
Sam pondered this. She was probably right, but he wasn't sure what he'd do when Harry said no.
His grandmother interrupted him again. She held up the ring. "May I ask how you afforded this?"
"From work. How else?"
"Do you have anything left over?"
"A little. Not that much. But I'm still working."
"I thought that money was for college?"
He looked at his feet. "It's for Leah. It was always for Leah. For that," he pointed at the ring, "and maybe a little something else."
She closed the little box and handed it back to him, craning her neck to look at him. "What, new clothes? How tall are you now? You're still shooting up like a weed. Much taller than your father, even."
"A late growth spurt, I guess. Last I checked I was six four. But I think I'm taller than that now."
"You're eating your mother out of house and home to keep up that growth. It's ridiculous."
"I'm happy to stop, but not really sure how to make it happen."
"I guess it's really not up to you, is it?" She smiled at him. "But maybe you should think about saving some of your money for clothes and school."
"I already bought the ring, Grandma," he frowned. "And I really want to marry her."
Her face softened. "Being able to go to school can be for her too, you know. So you should think about this." She held out her left hand and looked at her own engagement ring nested against her wedding ring. "I've worn this every day for fifty three years. Unfortunately only thirty two of them with your grandfather by my side." She gently worked it off her finger and held it out to him. It was a round solitaire, a bit larger than the one he had picked out, and on a band slightly more slender. "It would mean a lot to me if you gave this to your Leah. If it stayed in the family, you know?"
He breathed, "I can't take this from you. It's yours!"
She smiled. "It's not actually the original. I'm keeping the original." She pulled a pendant from under her shirt. It was a black gem in a silver circle. He had seen it a hundred times but never thought about it before. "Your grandfather was a good man. He didn't have a lot of formal education; he had to quit school so that he could support the family, and he started on a fishing boat when he was fourteen. He never made it to high school, but he had brains aplenty to make up for it. He didn't have enough money for a normal diamond when he gave this to me. So this black diamond originally sat in that setting. I didn't need a new one, but once he saved enough, he had it reset with the white diamond. But I wasn't willing to give up the one we got engaged with, so we put it on this pendant. This one stays with me."
Sam stared at the ring in his hand. "It's just so much, Grandma."
"If you don't like it, or if you want something that's just your own, you're not going to offend me."
"No, no! It's wonderful. She'll love it."
"And she's a practical girl. She'll also love that you can cover a few months' rent with the money you saved."
He stared at the ring in his hand. "Thank you. Thank you so much." He hugged her tightly. "She'll love it even more because of where it came from. She loves you, you know."
"I love her too, Sammy. But you know that already. I wouldn't be giving that to her if I didn't, would I?"
He laughed. "Giving it to her or to me?"
"Both of you. To both of you."
X-x-x-x-X
Sam returned the store-bought ring the following weekend. He garnered pitying looks from the saleswoman until he explained that he couldn't turn down his grandmother's offer, and then he tried to figure out how to propose to Leah. But first he had to get past Harry.
He waited for the right moment, namely, after college acceptance letters went out at the beginning of April. He and Leah had applied to all the same schools, the public universities in state as well as a few smaller colleges and community colleges as backup. They had received emails from all the smaller schools already, more acceptances than rejections. But they were awaiting real letters from all three University of Washington campuses, including their mutual first choice in Seattle. On April 4 he got home for dinner after basketball practice and retrieved the mail from the box. He didn't notice Leah waiting in the shadows of the porch because he was too busy pulling a thick letter out of the pile.
"Is that what I think it is?" she asked.
He jumped back two feet, yelling, "Crap!" and threw the mail in the air. "I didn't know you were there!"
She managed to look guilty as she covered her mouth and laughed. "Oh my gosh, I'm sorry! I wasn't trying to scare you!"
"Why were you hiding, then?"
"I wasn't! You just weren't looking."
He chuckled. "You think I ever miss it when you're anywhere nearby?"
"Yeah, when you're holding that in your hand." She pointed at the envelope on the ground. "Where's it from?"
He grinned at her. "Where do you think?"
She bent to her backpack sitting on the floor of the porch and pulled out an identical envelope. "Maybe the same place this is from."
He peered at the logo. A purple "W". "Which one?"
"I don't know." She shook her head. "I've been too nervous to look that closely. But wherever they're from, they're huge, so that can only be good news, right?"
"Yeah. It doesn't take this much paper to say 'We regret to inform you...'"
"Good. So I didn't look at the details yet. I don't know if it's Seattle or not. I wanted to do it together. I hoped you'd gotten yours too."
"Okay. Should we look at the postmarks or open them?"
"Rip 'em! On the count of three, okay?"
He snatched his off the ground.
She took a deep breath. "One, two, three!" And after a huge tear, she screamed, "Oh my god! I got in!"
"No kidding," he snorted as she threw her arms around his neck, nearly tackling him off the porch. "Me too. Didn't we figure that out already? Which one, for god's sake? Seattle?"
"Not just Seattle. The Honors program!" She dropped back to the floor before he had actually let her go, which sent him toppling into her. They ended up a tangled heap. But she wouldn't let him get up. Instead she snatched his letter out from under them. "Yes! Seattle! We're moving to Seattle!" she squealed.
He started to tell her how happy he was, but she yanked him down for a kiss, and then they were making out in true teenager fashion on his front porch. He hadn't even taken off his backpack, which actually helped disguise what they were doing when his mother pulled up the driveway. He hastily told her they'd tripped, and she actually seemed to believe them since their mail was scattered everywhere. And even if she didn't, she was so happy she started to cry, because not only would her Sam would be the first person in their family to go to college, he would do so at one of the best universities in the country.
Allison wasn't willing to let either of them go yet, so Leah agreed to let her take them out to a celebratory dinner, a rare treat on their tight budget. They went to the resort's restaurant that overlooked the water. She was more animated than either of them had seen her in years. She knew all the staff, of course, and proudly gushed to everyone that her baby was going to college. Then she looked at Leah and said that she had helped raised her too, so she was going to take credit for both of them. From then on she said that both her babies were going to college together.
After dinner Sam walked Leah home through a light drizzle. Harry and Sue were waiting impatiently for their daughter's return; she had left before either of them had returned from work, although she had left a note saying where she was going. They too had been waiting for the admissions letters to arrive in the mail, and they had gotten Seth worked up to the point that he yanked the bag off Leah's shoulder and started rooting through it before she even said hello.
When Leah announced her acceptance to the Honors program, Sue didn't say anything at all. She just grabbed her daughter and didn't let go. Harry awkwardly hugged them both, but when he realized he couldn't pry his wife off his daughter, he decided to let them be. Seth laughed and joined their group hug. Sam decided that now was as good a time as any; Harry could only be in so bad of a mood while congratulating them both. His hands began to sweat and his heart started to pound, but he took a deep breath and decided to man up. He asked Harry to step outside with him, and they went to the porch.
Harry immediately saw the look on Sam's face and made a quick assumption. "Oh, Sam. I'm sorry. I know you were hoping to go to the same school. But I know you already got into some really good programs. In Seattle, even. But remember son, you need to make the best choice for yourself, for you future, not just based on proximity to Le..."
Sam realized Harry wasn't going to stop anytime soon, so he interrupted him. "No, no. I got in. I got in too. We were just out celebrating with my mom. That's what took us so long."
"Oh! Then congratulations, son!" Harry reached in for a hug, clapping him on the back firmly. "You're going to do great! But why the long face? Thinking about the tuition bill already?" He laughed, but it was a bit forced. Sam knew that Harry was concerned about his mother's limited ability to finance his education, and because scholarships were not awarded until much later in the season, they'd all be nervous until they could figure out how to pay the cost of school.
"No, no," Sam chuckled uncomfortably. "That's not it. I... I have something else to ask you."
"To ask me?" Harry looked at him blankly.
"About Leah."
Harry squared his shoulders and frowned, and Sam realized that he wasn't talking to the man who had been his most consistent father figure since he was small. He wasn't even speaking to Harry the elder. He was speaking to an overprotective father about his precious baby girl. "Go on."
"You know how I feel about her."
Harry answered him warily. "I suppose."
"I want her to be happy. It's more important to me than anything. And I think I've done an okay job at that. I think I mostly make her happy. She's been my best friend forever, and I've tried to be good to her too." Harry just silently stared at him, so he plowed forward. He could probably turn back now, but he didn't want to. "You know that she's the most important part of my life. That if I've ever done anything good, if I've worked hard or dedicated myself, that if I've ever succeeded at work or school or anything, it's for her. To prove myself to her. To be good enough for her." Harry's scowl deepened, and he folded his arms over his chest, but still he said nothing. "I don't know if I could ever do enough, be enough, to be worthy of her. But I want to try. And I want to try for the rest of my life. I want to be there for her. I know I can take care of her, almost as well as she takes care of me. Everywhere I go, everything I do, I want to do it with her, because everything's better when she's there."
"What are you saying, son?" Harry didn't look like he actually wanted to know the answer.
Sam took a deep breath and made sure to look Harry in the eye. He towered over him now, like he towered over everyone, but he might as well have been three feet tall. "I want to marry her. I want to make her happy, and take care of her, every day for the rest of our lives. So I guess... I was hoping to get your approval. Your blessing. You know," he faltered when Harry didn't answer, and he remembered his grandmother's advice. "She's, uh, not pregnant or anything, so don't worry about that. That's not why." Harry somehow managed to look appalled, shocked, and relieved all at once. "I just want to marry her. So, uh, I guess I'm asking... What do they call it? Asking you for her hand."
Harry stared at him for what felt like ten straight minutes, but was probably only a matter of seconds. Then he turned away, opened the door, and went inside. Sam gaped at him. He had expected to be yelled at, at the very least. Punched, maybe. He had dared to hope for a yes. He hadn't expected to be told nothing at all. He peered inside and saw Harry embracing Leah. Then her father turned and went down the hallway to his study and shut the door.
Sam didn't know what to do. Was Harry loading his rifle? Should he run? Or was he crying? Should he just grab a bottle of whiskey from the liquor cabinet, set it by the door with a glass of ice, knock, and walk away?
He entered the house, where Sue and Leah were staring after Harry. "What's he doing, mom?"
Sue tilted her head. "It's a little hard watching your baby girl grow up into a young woman, sweetheart, even if she is an amazing one."
Leah turned to him. "What's going on, Sam? What did you guys say to each other?"
A part of him felt like blurting out his proposal then and there. But it really wasn't the time. He didn't have the ring, and he needed to give Harry a little time to process his request. After all, he had asked. He ought to wait for some kind of answer, right? "I think he just needs a minute. Or a few."
Sue pulled them into the kitchen. "Well, I think it's the right time for a little celebration. What do you think?"
She retrieved a bottle of champagne and a corkscrew. "I was saving this for a special occasion, and this definitely counts." She smirked at them. "You don't need to tell me this is your first time drinking, either. You both know better than to drink to excess anyway."
"But it is!" Sam protested. After seeing the effects of alcohol on his father, he had no interest in touching the stuff. Leah had tried beer at a couple parties, but she didn't particularly care for the taste and didn't bother having more. She had gotten tipsy on Jell-O shots once, but generally his sobriety encouraged hers. "I've never had a drop."
Sue paused as she twisted the corkscrew, thinking of Joshua too. "Oh, and you certainly don't need to right now. I'm sorry. Maybe we should have something else. I've got some fancy chocolates around here somewhere." She began to root around her pantry.
Sam ended up graciously accepting a small glass of champagne, and they all had too much chocolate. Eventually Harry made his way out of his study. He kissed Leah on her cheek, apologized for running off, and downed three glasses of champagne in rapid succession. He didn't look at Sam at all, and eventually Sam left to escape the tension. He didn't get a chance to give Leah a proper goodbye, so he snuck back later in the night for a goodnight kiss at her window, but he didn't climb in or stay the night due to fear that her father was on alert.
X-x-x-x-X
Harry made him sweat it out for a week and a half. He didn't say a single word to Sam the entire time. It was the longest they had gone without speaking for years. But the older man called him at home after ten days. He had very little to say. "She hasn't broken any more news to me or to her mother. Why is that?"
Sam was glad he wasn't standing in front of Harry right now, because he had to sit down, and he tripped while he did so. "Because I haven't asked her yet. I was waiting to hear what you'd say."
There was an extended pause. "What happens if I say no?"
"Grandma told me to keep asking, and eventually you'd get used to it and say yes."
"You talked to your grandma about all this?"
"Yeah."
"And you listened to her?"
Sam shuffled his feet and stared at the ceiling. "I guess? I mean, she gives good advice. And once she gave me her ring to give to Leah, well, I figured I ought to follow it."
More silence. Then, "She gave you her engagement ring?"
"Yeah. I returned the one I bought since hers will mean more... Uh, I mean, would mean, to Leah."
"Oh. I see." Then Harry hung up.
Sam stared at the phone in his hand blankly. Was that an answer? An acceptance? A rejection? He willed the phone to ring again, but it didn't. He frowned as he realized it was more of the same. No answer at all.
He tried to be patient. He hadn't asked Harry as a formality, not exactly. He really wanted his blessing. So he could stand to wait for it a little longer. But it was driving him crazy. His temper grew short. He started to snap at his mother or even Leah over small offenses. And it didn't help that he was hungry all the time, which also put him in a bad mood, or that he had growing pains deep in his bones that never seemed to relent.
But a few days after that, Harry finally pulled him aside. He was at Leah's for breakfast on a Saturday morning. Sue kept peeking at him, which made him incredibly nervous. Harry had slept in a bit, and he stumbled down the stairs looking disoriented and rumpled. He froze when he saw Sam at his kitchen table. Sam nodded hello, unable to bring himself to say anything more, and stuffed some bacon into his mouth. It was his eighth strip, he had already eaten a huge stack of pancakes, and he was still hungry.
Harry straightened, rolled back his shoulders, and narrowed his eyes at Sam. He looked far more intimidating than anyone wearing old pajamas and ratty slippers had any right to be. Sam swallowed, sat up on his chair, and returned Harry's gaze as evenly as he was able. They stared at each other for one of the longest moments of Sam's life. Finally Harry walked to him, clapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Okay, son. Okay."
Leah and Seth asked their father what was going on, but he just stepped to the stove and fixed himself a plate of food. He bid everyone a good morning and sat down to eat, while Sue looked between them. The conversation moved on from there, Leah and Seth taking over easily. When Sam left half an hour later, Harry murmured, "For the sake of my old heart, just wait until she's eighteen, okay? I know there's no real difference, but it feels a little easier."
And then Sam decided. He would propose on her birthday.
X-x-x-x-X
Since Harry and Sue were in on the secret, they agreed to give him a hand. Sue even provided him with Leah's ring size so he could get Grandma's refitted in anticipation. A month later she would turn eighteen. The days passed so agonizingly slowly that he wanted to tear his hair out. He was increasingly agitated, irritable, and terrified. His mother asked him if anything was going on. His basketball teammates wanted to know why he was suddenly fouling more, particularly since he was able to do real damage inadvertently due to his size and strength. Bobby and Johnny called him out on his general crankiness, although they also chalked it up to the pressures of keeping up his grades and studying for his finals and AP course examinations. Everyone else had developed serious cases of senioritis, but he was trying desperately to keep up his performance to increase the chances of winning scholarships. Luckily, his mother, Harry, and Sue all knew what was eating at him, and they cut him slack, although Harry would not be convinced to let him propose any earlier.
The only person who didn't say anything was Leah, because when he was around her, he was more calm and happy (or excited in a good way, and physically fulfilled). After all, he wasn't nervous about her, or even whether she would say yes. He was worried about exactly what he would say and if he could make it as perfect as he wanted it to be for her. So his moods swung wildly between aggressive irritability and blissful happiness.
The day finally arrived. Sue and Harry had planned a party in their home, hoping for a mild May that would be conducive to an outdoor celebration but planning for the usual rain. They rented tents in anticipation. For once the skies cooperated, and it was unseasonably warm. They invited Allison, Grandma Uley, Emily, and nearly every young person in La Push, and together they celebrated their daughter. It was a simple party, but the food was plentiful and good, the company was enthusiastic and in high spirits, and Leah had a wonderful time.
Sam saw Emily hovering around the edges. They hadn't seen each other since she helped him buy the ring, and he hadn't had an opportunity to tell her that he had returned it in favor for Grandma's. If all went well, though, she'd find out tonight.
He wasn't ready to talk to her again anyway. After their last interaction, he wasn't particularly interested in striking up a conversation. Whatever progress they had made over the years had been reversed during their dinner in Port Angeles. From time to time he'd feel her eyes on the back of his head again, and if he turned to look at her, she'd hastily look away.
Eventually he decided to pretend she wasn't there. After all, she was avoiding him, in all likelihood. Or maybe she was avoiding Bobby, who talked with him for much of the night. Leah was busy chatting happily with anyone who came her way, so he mostly watched her from afar. As he did so, he became increasingly nervous.
He was waiting for the right moment. It had seemed like such a good idea when he thought of it, but now he couldn't figure out why. Why had he chosen a time when they would be surrounded by people? It had the advantage of a celebratory atmosphere, of course. Seth and Harry had hung paper lanterns all around the yard, and the tents were strung with fairy lights and tulle. Leah looked stunning in a silver party dress, and he had put on a dress shirt and black slacks. His mother had even commented on their way out the door that he looked handsome and all grown up.
He didn't feel grown up. He felt like a wreck. Leah was busy talking to everyone else, the twins were annoyed with Johnny for something Sam didn't have the attention to comprehend, it was hard to keep avoiding Emily in the small space, his grandmother kept winking at him, and Harry wore a stoic mask that scared Sam as much as the silent treatment he had endured. The only distraction occurred when Quil Ateara body slammed Jacob Black into the beverage table while attempting to demonstrate a wrestling move.
Sam was contemplating asking her to come inside with him, or maybe go for a short walk in the woods, for a little bit of privacy. But before he could work up the nerve to ask, Sue began to usher everyone inside. She had bought a fancy cake covered in fondant and decorated like a present, and she didn't want to risk moving it outside. Instead she asked everyone to come inside to sing Happy Birthday around the cake. It was his best chance.
She took his embarrassingly sweaty hand as she headed inside, but he held her back and tugged her into the tent. She giggled and thought he was pulling her aside for a kiss, so she threw her arms around him and brought him down to her lips, and his anxiety faded away. He lost himself in the moment, in the sweetness of her lips and the softness of her body under his hands.
When she finally broke apart from him, turning to go inside, he held fast. "Wait. I want to give you your present." By the time she turned back to him, he was down on one knee. Her eyes widened as she took in his position.
His voice caught in his throat, so he cleared it. He had to look at her hand in his; he wasn't sure he'd get through the speech he had memorized if he looked her right in the eye. He took a deep breath and recited, "LeeLee, I know I'm young, and I know you're even younger, even though we're both technically adults today. But it doesn't matter. There's no way I could grow up, move on, explore the world, and ever find anybody better for me than you." Here he involuntarily looked up to meet her eyes, and they were filling with tears. He smiled at her because it was so natural to do so. "I could search the whole world. I could cross every path, climb every mountain, open every single door. I'd never find anyone that made me happier than you always have. You're not just kind, you're all heart, and you're willing to give it so openly. You're not just smart, you're brilliant. You're not just friendly, you light everything up everywhere you go."
She let out a little sob, murmuring, "Oh, Sammy." Her lip was trembling despite her sweet smile.
The smile gave him courage, so he continued. "And you've been my best friend since before I knew what a friend was. I could search everywhere, but I'd never find someone like you. Who could hold me together the way you have? Who could mend together the pieces of me into something whole? Who could lift me up, but still ground me to the earth? Who else knows everything about me, the good and the bad, the strong and the weak, the generous and the petty, and still love me anyway? Who else could make me happy the way you do? And I want to be that for you too. Everything you are for me, I want to be that for you. I want to do that every day for the rest of our lives. " He paused to pull Grandma's ring out of his pocket, but he fumbled the delicate jewelry and dropped it to the ground. As he bent to retrieve it, he muttered, "Oh man, this so much less smooth than I was…"
But she interrupted him, blurting, "Who cares? Just ask me!" He looked up at her as she realized what she had said. She clamped her hands over her mouth and squeaked, "I'm sorry! I didn't mean…"
Oh man. She was so adorable. He melted a little inside, and he started to laugh. That made her laugh too, and then they were sort of breaking down in hysterics together. He couldn't even get out the rest of his proposal, and his hands were shaking too much to get the ring on her finger. He even dropped it again. "Seriously?" he whined.
Then a loud, high pitched voice yelled out from behind him, "Just ask her already!" It caused uproarious laughter to erupt from the house and the spectators who had spilled out onto the lawn.
Leah yelled back, "He's getting to it, Seth!" Then more quietly, "You are, right?"
"Yeah. I am. I'm just slow, remember?" He took her hand back again and kissed it. "Will you please marry me?"
She nodded vigorously as tears streamed down her face and as cheers erupted. "Yes. Of course. Absolutely." He tried to slip the ring onto her fourth finger, but it got stuck at the knuckle, and they both broke into snorting, sniffling giggles as she tried and failed to help him, and he realized he was crying too. "Do you still want to marry me even though I have giant man hands?"
"You do not have man hands," he laughed. He placed her small palm against his huge one to illustrate. "I have man hands. See the difference?"
"You have mitts, not hands," she smiled, and straightened her finger, allowing the ring to finally slip on.
Then they were laughing and clinging to each other. He lifted her off the ground and spun her around and around as people surrounded them with congratulations. But he hardly heard them, because in his ear she was repeating, "I love you," over and over.
"Oh god, LeeLee. Me too, baby. I do too."
It was hours later, as he was dropping quietly from the roof by her room to the ground, Leah leaning out her window and blowing him kisses, that he realized he still hadn't told her he loved her.
X-x-x-x-X
A/N: Thanks again to Babs81410.