He waited until the cover of darkness to return. Out in the wilderness, wherever it was he had been, he had not needed to worry about being spotted. But if anyone had seen him, he knew that he would have inspired terror at the very least. He did not relish the idea of looking down the open barrel of a hunter's gun. He did not know exactly what he hoped to find when he returned, but there was nothing for him in the wild. In this form, he did not know if there would be anything for him on the reservation, but he would live off his memories in the place they were created.
He did not know what time it was, but she was in her room when he approached. The lights were off, but she was still awake. He knew because he could hear her crying, and it felt like he was stuck in the same moment he was in before he left. He wondered if she had stopped crying to do anything other than sleep. She must have believed he was dead.
How he wanted to go to her, to tell her he was right there, so close, watching her. Aching for her. Wanting to climb to her window and wrap her in his arms, never to let her go. He needed her as much as he ever had, every bit as much as he did when he was a small, frightened child, and she was his refuge. Maybe more. Because as frightening as his father had been, as terrifying as the world seemed to be, he had never been so afraid of himself. Of who he was. Of his own brain and body and his failings. It was a terrible thing to be afraid of one's father; it was infinitely worse to be frightened of one's self.
He didn't know how to approach her. One way or another, he would show himself to her. It was the only thing left to do. He had no idea how she would react, how she could possibly know who he was, but he had to try. She would probably reject him, yes, might run screaming in fear, but there was a small chance she would not. He grasped onto that chance tightly. She had always known him better than he had known himself, after all.
But how would he get her attention? Howl until she came out to investigate? That would surely result in Harry or Sue coming out the door with Harry's rifle. Should he just jump up to the roof? He had tested his abilities, and he was fairly certain he could easily scale the distance in one leap. But what then? She was certain to be frightened of him under any circumstance, but having his monstrous face appear in her second-story window in the dead of night was almost as bad as biting her to get her attention.
He would have to be patient, then. He would wait until she came outside alone for some reason, and then he would just show himself. It would probably take days, weeks for her to figure out that he didn't mean her any harm, but he would be persistent and patient. What else did he have to do? He might even be able to write a message in the dirt with his paw. It seemed ridiculous, but if he had to, he would scrape divots in the backyard spelling out the words, "I'm Sam" and then just stand behind them. He actually barked aloud in laughter when he came up with the solution.
By the time he figured it out, she had fallen asleep. Her quiet weeping had changed to even, slow breathing. Oh, how he wanted to watch her sleep. She was always beautiful, and she looked so peaceful in her rest, the opposite of the despair he had so recently heard. He remembered what it was like to lie next to her when they were children, when he first became fascinated with the way her eyes moved under her lids as she dreamed, or how her mouth gradually relaxed and her pretty lips eventually parted in rest, or how after she fell asleep with his hand tightly clasped in hers, her fingers would loosen their grip but never really let him go.
He loved the sensation of her skin against his, back when his skin was still smooth and covered with a fine sprinkling of thin hair instead of thick fur. He remembered the way her lips felt against his human mouth, so soft and inviting. He thought about how well she fit into his arms, the way her legs twined with his after they made love, or the sensation of her long hair spilling over his bare chest as she rested her head in the crook of his arm. He had never missed his own body as much as he did in that moment.
She began to whimper again, this time in her sleep. He couldn't stand the sound. He couldn't stay away any longer. He crept forward and leapt to the roof in one easy bound, landing silently, and he looked in the window. She was curled on her side clutching her pillow in her sleep. A crease marred her brow, and her beautiful mouth was turned down in a little frown. She was upset, heartbroken, even in her dreams. Leah Clearwater, his LeeLee, his sweet girl, she should never be so sad. Especially not because of him. He had to fix it. He had to wrap her in his arms and whisper in her ear that everything would be alright. He had to envelop her body against his, tucking his legs behind hers and holding her around the waist. He had to get close so that he could tell her he loved her and would never leave her. He had to kiss her tears away with human lips.
He thought about the body he needed in order to do these things, and then he found himself shrinking. He pulled back into himself, morphing into the form he had feared was lost forever. He felt the scratchy shingles beneath his hands and knees. He held his arm out in front of his face, and he saw a hand. A human hand. His hand. He looked into the window, and between himself and her body he could barely make out the reflection of a man-shaped shadow in the glass.
It was unbelievable, and he had no idea what had happened. Could it possibly be true? Or was this just another hallucination? There was only one way to find out. He reached for the window frame and tugged up. His human fingers were dexterous enough for the movement, unlike his huge claws. The scent of his lover reached his nose, and he inhaled her in as he climbed through the opening.
And then he was fulfilling his deepest wish. He was sliding in beside her, gathering her into his arms, and whispering soft words of reassurance into her ear. He brushed her hair from her face with filthy fingers and pressed gentle kisses onto her cheek with chapped lips. He tucked her against his naked form and told her he would never leave her again, that he was here with her, and that he was never letting her go.
She gradually came to awareness. At first she thought she was still dreaming. His heart broke when she looked at him and asked him not to come to her in her sleep if he would just leave her again once the morning came. He reassured her that this was not a dream, that this was real, and that he would stay with her forever if she would have him.
She frowned, taking in his appearance, and then her eyes widened. She realized he was really there, and she choked on a sob. "Sammy?"
"LeeLee," he answered. "It's me. It's me."
She threw her arms around his neck and held on as tightly as she could. "You're back? You're here?"
He crushed her to him, sinking his nose into her neck. "I'm here," he muttered against her skin.
"Do you promise? It's really you?" She was shaking, but she still managed to wrap her legs around his waist. She needed him to be as close as possible, and he needed it too. He fell between the juncture of her thighs.
"It's me. I promise."
"Are you okay? Are you hurt?"
He shook his head. "I'm not hurt. And I'm okay as long as I'm here with you."
They clung to each other for long moments, neither knowing what to say. He was probably crushing her, but he couldn't bring himself to move away. There was no way he would do something as foolish as letting her go. Eventually their mutual terror and sorrow began to give way to relief. For her this meant quiet tears and hitching breaths, her thin hold on her fear having snapped to release her emotions. Her body was trembling against him, while his relief allowed his body to respond to hers.
She was so soft beneath him. Her thin pajamas were caught between them, and he wanted badly to pull them away. He needed her in a desperate way that he had never felt before, in a way that was primal and base. The man in him needed her comfort and her love, but the animal felt an enticing female against him and wanted something else.
This wasn't the time, of course. He knew that. Surely she wanted some kind of explanation, one that he had no idea how to give. Or his comfort, at least. The simple presence of his solid form against hers. She could not possibly want his body, reeking with his musk, covered in dirt, his hair probably tangled with twigs, the way he wanted hers. He tried to shift his erection away from her, to bury it into the mattress instead of pressing it into her heat, but she held fast.
"Where are you going?" she asked, alarmed.
"Nowhere," he promised. "I'm never leaving you."
"But you did," she despaired. "What happened? Where were you?"
He told her the only truth he could. "I don't know, LeeLee. I don't know what happened. But I'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere. I've got you now, and I'm not letting go."
"I thought you were dead!"
She tightened her grip on him, and it moved his heavy length against her core. He could feel her heat seeping through her thin clothing, and he couldn't stop himself from grinding into it. "I'm sorry," he groaned as he rutted against her. He felt like he had no control over his body. He needed her too badly.
"Don't be sorry, just be here with me!" she begged.
He couldn't stop himself. He looked down at her, at the beautiful girl that he had fallen in love with so long ago, offering herself as completely as she always had, and his response was instinctual. He kissed the salt from her lips. It was not the gentle caress he would have intended had he any restraint over his traitorous body. It was insistent, passionate, and possessive.
She responded in kind. She clung to him, digging her fingers into his flesh and opening her mouth to allow him entry. He drank of her. She was impossibly sweet, heady and intoxicating, indescribably, perfectly her. He was certain he would never get his fill of her. Every taste of her left him wanting only more. So he began to deliberately push himself into her. His length shoved the seam of her shorts into the little nub that gave her so much pleasure, and she whimpered and cooed her body's answer to his unspoken demand.
But what truly undid him was the scent of her arousal. It was addictive and maddening, and it fueled his need to uncontrollable levels. With one hand he braced himself over her so that he might keep kissing her, and with the other he began to work her shorts and panties down her legs. When they were off, he slid his cock along her soft lips until they were both panting, and he lowered his mouth to her clavicle. He had always loved to kiss along the sensitive ridge, but now he needed to nip at it with his teeth. She gasped, and he hoped that it signaled pleasure instead of pain, because he could not stop himself. He only separated long enough to rip her shirt from neckline to hem and expose her beautiful breasts. She looked up at him in shock, but he descended to devour her nipples before she could say anything. Her response was an extended moan. He swiftly covered her mouth with his hand to muffle the sound. He would not allow them to be interrupted tonight.
When he had her squirming and panting, he pinned her hands together over her head and shoved her legs apart with his knees. "I need you," he said thickly, uncertain what he would do if she refused. He didn't think he had the restraint to hold back.
Thankfully, she responded, "And I need you." He knew she meant much more than his body. She meant the same thing he did.
He kept her wrists restrained with one hand, and with the other he guided himself into her, and he lost himself in her bliss.
The act was feral. He was unable to build slowly or gently, to coax sweet sensations from her in his usual measured way. This time his lust nearly blinded him. He had to struggle to keep his eyes open, but there was no way he would look away from her writhing, sensual body under him.
He pistoned into her open heat, hard, until he realized what a racket they were making between her cries and the squeaking bed. He secured her legs around his waist, roughly lifted her by her hips, and without ever leaving her body, moved them to the floor. There they built an inferno between them, and he feared it would incinerate them both.
Her response to his desperate fucking was better than he could have dreamed. Her hips undulated in time with the movement of his cock, she braced her feet on the floor so she could meet his thrusts, and she was whimpering her pleasure. Her sounds were almost as arousing as her pussy gripping him so perfectly, tight enough to set every nerve ending humming, wet enough that every motion was smooth. He wanted nothing more than to hear her scream his name. But she was going to get them caught.
He clamped his hand over her mouth. And then sensation ruled. Instead of hearing her passionate responses, he felt them in the vibrations from her mouth and core. He wanted to slow, to savor her, to relish the way she felt, to watch carefully for the emotions playing across her face, to memorize how alluring her curves looked in this moment, to extend the ecstasy as long as possible.
But it was too much. She was too much. He couldn't hold back. He was racing inevitably toward his conclusion, and for once, he wasn't certain she would get there first. He wanted to push her over the edge, to hold off his own release until he felt her shudder all around him, because nothing made him feel as powerful as he did when he made her come. He would normally press his fingers between them for just a little extra stimulation, or curl over her to draw her nipple into his mouth, or slow and change the angle of his thrusts until he found the perfect spot inside her.
Tonight, though, he would do something different. Tonight he would be selfish. He slowed just long enough to whisper in her ear, "Touch yourself, LeeLee. Touch yourself while I fuck you. Make yourself come."
Her eyes widened in surprise. He had never asked her to do such a thing before. But he couldn't imagine a sight more erotic than her own fingers bringing her pleasure, stroking at herself, right at the juncture where he plunged into her.
He sat back on his heels and drew her round ass onto his thighs, and then he hooked his arms under her legs to keep her spread wide. He resumed his thrusts, hard, fierce, and barely controlled, and had to force himself not to growl aloud in satisfaction when she complied with his order. She grabbed one of his arms to steady herself against his assault, and with her other hand she rubbed frantically at her clit.
It wasn't a moment too soon. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever known, and he had been desperate for her since the very last moment he had left her comforting presence. He felt like a god when he merged his body with hers. The picture she made, wanton and wild for him, in addition to the delicious waves washing over his body, combined with the love he had always felt, and it was his undoing. The ecstasy of release rocketed through him only moments before he felt her clamp down on his cock. Her body arched off the floor as she locked her ankles around his back, and she followed him into a perfect abyss.
X-x-x-x-X
It wasn't until the next morning that he realized what a sight he was. They hadn't bothered to climb back into her bed; he had basically passed out, and she hadn't been able to rouse him off the floor. So she simply yanked the blanket off her bed and curled up against him, unwilling to sleep anywhere except at his side. When he awoke, light was filtering through the window and she was propped up on her elbows examining him. His joy at waking up to the lovely sight of her was tempered by the sight of a little furrow on her brow. "What's wrong?" he asked as he reached out to cup her cheek in his palm.
She nuzzled against it. "You look different, Sammy. What happened? I was so worried! We were so worried!" He was saved from trying to come up with an answer, at least for a few more seconds, when she pushed herself off the ground. "Oh gosh! Your mom! Does she know you're here?"
He shook his head. "No, I came right here."
"We have to call her! She's been going crazy worrying about you. Everybody has."
She stood to retrieve her phone, and he couldn't help but react to the way her nude body looked. He involuntarily reached out to stroke her ankle and calf in his large hand. She looked down at him. "What is it?"
"Nothing," he shook his head. "I just wanted to touch you. I don't want to let go."
She smiled sadly at him and knelt down, the phone temporarily forgotten. "I don't want you to let go either. Not ever. What happened, Sammy?"
He sighed, releasing her and dropping flat onto his back. What on earth was he supposed to tell her? Was any of it even real? It was impossible. "I don't honestly know. Really."
She straddled his hips and braced her arms on either side of his head. Her long hair brushed against his skin. She frowned again and began, "You still have a crazy fever. Are you still sick? You don't look it, though, not like before. But you're bigger." Her eyes flicked down. "Everywhere. You look older. Your hair looks like it got attacked by a tree. You're covered in dirt. Your fingernails are, like, weapons or something, and they're even more filthy than the rest of you." She stopped, although she wrinkled her nose, and he knew he smelled like he hadn't bathed in weeks. Because he hadn't. "And do you have any clothes?" He shook his head. Her eyes widened. "So you've been wandering around naked?"
"Yeah," he answered, not sure what else to say.
"Did someone do something to you? Were you kidnapped or something?"
"I don't think so. I was alone."
She looked at him in confusion. "What were you doing?"
He really didn't know what to tell her, so he continued with partial-truths. "I was lost in the woods. I was really confused and disoriented."
"You were so sick when you left. But you're still really hot. Are you feeling any better? You look good. I mean," she gave him a tentative smile. "dirty, but good."
He reached up to feel his rat's nest of hair. He probably looked ridiculous. "I do feel better. I mean, I'm here with you, so how bad could things be? But maybe you can help clean me up?"
The innuendo worked, at least for a little while. She laughed and sent him to the shower while she called his mother. When he emerged from the water, Allison was right on the other side of the door. He barely managed to get a towel around his waist before she burst into the bathroom, throwing her arms around him and weeping in relief.
She had brought clothes for him to wear at Leah's urging, but even his own clothes were a little small. No matter. What he really needed was an explanation, and he could offer none. "I really don't know what happened," he told her. He was sitting on the Clearwaters' couch, Leah clutching his hand like she was afraid to let him go, and his mother was sitting just a foot away on the edge of the coffee table, Sue, Harry, and Seth hovering behind her. "All I remember is being in the woods."
She asked, "What's the last clear thing you remember?"
"Clear?" He thought back. His time in his wolf body was crystal clear. "Getting sick," he answered. "You were taking care of me."
"But what happened? Where did you go?" his mother insisted.
This much he was willing to say. "I was really confused, like I said. I remember hearing you guys talking about the hospital, and I guess I panicked."
"About what?" Leah asked.
"I don't know. The smells, the sounds, stuff like that."
Allison frowned. "So what, you ran away?"
He shrugged. "It made sense at the time. Kind of."
"Why didn't you come home sooner? It's been two weeks!" She was incredulous, and he felt Leah stiff beside him.
"I don't know," was all he had to say.
His mother kept pressing, and Sue probed for signs that he was still sick, concerned about his very high temperature. But Harry eventually put a stop to their line of questioning and his half-hearted, incomplete answers. At the first opportunity he pulled Sam aside. "As soon as you can," he whispered, "we need to talk. I know what happened."
Sam didn't believe him for a second. "I don't even know what happened."
Harry looked at him somberly. "Yes you do. You just don't understand."
His chance to speak with Harry came sooner than he expected. His mother was eager to have him home for obvious reasons, so they left. After spending the day with a very relieved Grandma, they headed back to their home. Allison proudly showed him a letter that had come while he was gone: a sizable scholarship. She cried again when she showed him, but they were purely happy tears. After, she tried once again to get a coherent explanation out of him, but he still had none to give. Exhausted, she went to bed. He had no intention of sleeping there, of course. Not wanting to worry her, he left a note on his pillow saying he was with Leah.
But it was Harry, not Leah, who was waiting for him when he got there. Harry sat on a chair on the back porch. "She'll wait a little longer for you, son," he began.
"Harry?" Sam towered over Harry now, but it didn't stop him from feeling like a chastised child for trying to sneak into her bedroom.
"We need to talk. I have some answers for you, and a lot of questions. But first I have to know one thing."
Sam glanced up at Leah's window. He saw her peering down at him, wondering what was going on. "What's that?"
"Let's take a little drive and talk." Harry stepped off the porch and onto the lawn where his daughter peered down at them in surprise. "Don't wait up for us, okay sweetheart? We might be a while."
She slid up the sill. "What's going on?"
"Sam and I have to talk."
"Now? Can't it wait until morning?"
"'Fraid not. We'll be back, though."
She hesitated, looking at him with fear in her eyes. "Promise?" She was terrified he would disappear again.
"Promise," Sam and Harry said in unison. Then Harry looked between them and cleared his throat awkwardly. "And when we get back, door stays open, okay?"
Harry led Sam around front, where they climbed into his car. There Harry pulled out his phone, dialed it, and said, "We're on our way." He hung up and turned back to Sam. "It's time to see the chief. He's going to remind you of some things you knew but forgot, plus some things you never believed, but should. And we'll answer any questions that we can."
"But first you had something you wanted to ask me?" Sam was petrified. Whatever it was couldn't possibly be good.
Harry nodded. "When, um, when you saw my daughter after you got back, when you looked at her, how did you feel? Did anything happen?" Sam blushed furiously. Really? Harry wanted to know if he'd had sex with Leah last night? Harry noticed him gaping and cleared his throat awkwardly. "What I mean is, do you feel anything different for her now than you did before?"
"Like what?"
"Anything stronger? More intense?"
Sam frowned in confusion. What was Harry talking about? "There isn't anything stronger than how I feel for her. Not possible."
Harry chuckled and nodded. "Okay. That's... Okay."
After a long stretch of silence, Sam decided it was time to probe. "So, what's this all about? Why can't you just tell me what's going on?"
"We know what happened."
Sam actually scoffed at that. "I seriously doubt that."
Harry shrugged. "Not the details, I guess. But the big picture. You're not the first one, you know. Just the first in years. In a few generations."
"There are others?" Sam blurted out hopefully.
Harry shook his head grimly. "Not yet. Not now. But there will be."
Before he could ask anything more, they had apparently arrived at their destination: the council hall. A black pickup was in the parking lot.
Billy Black was seated in his wheelchair by the great fireplace, a blanket tossed over his knees. He hadn't troubled himself to build a fire, but Billy was staring into the hearth as if flames were leaping out of it. He reached out to shake Sam's hand and gestured for him to sit. "I'm glad you're here," he smiled reassuringly.
"Yeah. I... I don't even know where to start. I don't know what to tell you."
Harry instructed, "Then just listen for now, okay?"
Billy cleared his throat. And then he began to tell a story that Sam had heard a dozen times before but never paid heed to. This time was different, though. This time Sam actually listened, and gradually he understood. He stayed quiet through the retelling of the legend of Taha Aki, through the story of the Third Wife, through the story of their sons. He absorbed what his chief told him, and his mind reeled with the implications. He learned that a legend wasn't just a legend, but a truth. His truth. He learned that he was not just a boy, not just a man, but a warrior as well. He learned that he had vicious enemies. He learned that nightmares could be real, not just for him, but for his people. He learned that his body was not his own, and he realized that his future would not be what he expected.
Finally they paused and looked at him. He realized they were waiting for him to speak. "Why now? Why me?"
Harry answered somberly, "Because the Cold Ones have returned."
"Vampires?" Sam couldn't believe it. "There are vampires here?"
Billy nodded. "A coven used to live here. My grandfather made a treaty with them years ago. They claimed they hunted animals, not humans. So the last pack agreed not to fight them as long as they didn't come on our land and left humans alone. They moved away for years, and no vampire activity occurred again. So no one else phased because it wasn't needed."
"But now?"
Harry continued. "They've moved back. They're immortal. They don't die unless they're killed, and the only thing strong enough to kill a vampire is another vampire."
"And you," Billy added.
Sam couldn't breathe. "I'm supposed to kill them? Kill the vampires that just came back?"
Harry and Billy looked at each other. Billy shook his head. "No, Sam. Our grandfathers made a treaty with them that we wouldn't kill them as long as they don't feed from humans and they stay off our land," he repeated.
"So what? I'm like the police for the vampires? I wait for them to do something stupid, and then I make my move? How many are there?"
Billy frowned deeply. "Seven. They call themselves the Cullens. They moved into a place in Forks."
"What, a house? What for? What are they doing here?"
"We don't know," Harry answered. "The head of the coven is a doctor. He's works in the ER. Sue knows him."
Sam's jaw dropped open. "A vampire doctor? Surrounded by blood? Are you kidding? What the hell do the rest of them do? Work at the blood bank?"
Billy snorted. "They go to high school. Forks High."
Sam stood abruptly, knocking over his chair. It was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "What? What the hell for? Are teenagers really tasty or something?"
"I have no idea," Billy shook his head. "They claim not to feed from humans. And so far, no teenagers have gone missing, and as far as we can tell, none have been turned."
Sam shook with rage thinking of all the people blithely sitting in class or the hospital, believing they were safe, right next to their predators. "Does the doctor steal blood from the hospital or something?" he spat. "Or suck off some already-dying victims? Chew on used gauze?"
Billy and Harry started backing away. "Sam, calm down. It's okay."
"It's not okay!" he yelled. "They're monsters, and they've made me a monster, and why are they here? What the hell are they doing here?" He barely finished his sentence before he exploded again. The chair he had been sitting on flew ten feet backward with the force of it. He growled and shook and turned from the terrified men before he realized there was nowhere to go. The door was closed, and his only way out was to crash through the window. He paced in the room, which had felt large but was now claustrophobic, while Billy wheeled himself into the farthest corner.
Then he heard Harry's voice. "Sam, Sam, it's going to be all right. You're going to be okay. You're not alone, okay? We're here. I'm here. Just hold still for a minute." He turned to Harry with a growl, but then he stopped moving. Tentatively, Harry stepped forward, his hands out in a placating gesture.
Billy tried to stop him. "Harry, what are you doing? Talk to him from back here for god's sake! It's not safe! He's not in control of himself!"
Harry shook his head, never taking his eyes off Sam. "It's just Sam, Billy. I've changed his diapers, for crying out loud. He practically lives in my house. He put a ring on my daughter's finger. He's family." He made sure Sam knew he was talking to him now. "You're family, okay? We take care of our own. I'm not leaving you alone this time. Do you understand?"
Sam found himself nodding and caught a glimpse of his own reflection in the huge mirror above the fireplace. He was gigantic, even bigger than he had realized. He sat down in surprise, and he realized he looked ridiculous nodding at Harry. So he stopped moving.
"Good," Harry sighed in relief. "Good. You're exactly who you always were, okay? You just didn't know this part of yourself. Do you know how to change back?" Sam shook his head. "And that's why it took you so long to come home?" He nodded. "Well, I've never done it, but I'm not leaving your side until you do, okay?"
Sam felt slightly better, and he let his shoulders slump. But he still felt constricted inside the building, and he looked at the door. Billy understood. "Do you want to go outside? Not too comfortable in here?"
Sam started to say yes, but out came a bark. He felt like an idiot. Harry thought it was a perfectly reasonable answer, though. "But you have to promise me you're not going to run off again. We promised Leah we'd be back tonight, right?" He barked another yes. "So we'll go outside until you figure out how to change back, okay? But you have to stay with me."
When he was certain Sam would comply, Harry opened the door, checked for prying eyes, and stepped aside. He barely fit through the opening, but then he was outside. He bounded to the woods without thinking, but stopped when he heard Billy and Harry yelling for him. He stayed within the cover of the trees and the darkness, but he went no further. Harry pushed Billy onto a relatively well-maintained path cut into the forest, and Sam met them there. Billy did what he did best: he launched into another story. This one he told with a smile on his face. He told Sam about being a small boy watching his grandfather transform into a wiry old wolf and race into the woods with Levi Uley and Quil Ateara, Jr. It helped calm Sam, but it didn't help him figure out how to change back.
Harry asked him, "Do you remember what you did to change back last time? Obviously you can do it, so that's good. It's not like you're stuck like this. Do you remember?"
Sam wracked his brain. What had he done? He had been listening to LeeLee. He had been thinking of her. But that couldn't have been it. He had thought about her the entire time he was gone. He heard a pathetic whine and was chagrined when he realized it was coming from him as Billy and Harry grinned at him. "Just a big old puppy, huh?" Harry gently teased. He tentatively reached out a hand, and when Sam didn't move, stroked him behind one huge ear. Sam found himself pushing his head into Harry's hand.
Billy sighed. "You know, when I was your age, I dreamed of a vamp coming through the rez and triggering me to phase. Thought I'd be a superhero or something. Reality isn't quite so glamorous, though, is it?"
Harry smiled. "Reality's kind of shaggy," he said, tugging at Sam's unruly fur. "I think you need a haircut."
And that was when Sam figured out what to do. He had been thinking about his human body. It had been terrible listening to his LeeLee cry, but being close to her made him calm as well. But more importantly, he had been thinking of his human form.
It took him a solid fifteen minutes. He backed away from Harry and Billy to give himself room. He kept getting calm and focused, but then panicking that he was about to lose his grip on his body, and then it would be gone. He thought he managed the feat a good half dozen times before he'd get anxious and morph into the wolf again, which gave Harry and Billy the strangest view of him expanding and retracting between his two forms.
But finally he was back, naked on the ground, and Harry threw Billy's blanket around his shoulders. "Got it this time, kid?"
"I think so," he nodded, exhausted.
"We've got a lot more to talk about, but I'm not sure now's the best time. Maybe you should go get some rest."
But he didn't want rest nearly as much as he wanted answers. "No. Just tell me. Tell me everything."
They didn't know everything, but they did know a little more. They told what they knew about the coven, and that it had grown since the Cold Ones had last resided in Forks. He learned about their strange eyes. They told him what they knew about his enemy. They explained that should he need to kill a vampire, he would have to burn it to ensure its true death. He learned of his new abilities, that he would not age while he regularly phased, but that he would eventually be able to stop, and that he not only had great speed, but strength and rapid healing as well.
Eventually he asked a question they had obviously been dreading. "What about college? Mom just told me I got a big scholarship. Most of it's covered."
Billy and Harry looked at each other. Harry sighed again. "We really don't know. We don't know what it means for you in the long run."
"Are you asking me to stay here? What are you saying?"
"This isn't just about you," Billy said. "There are going to be others. What happened you is going to happen to other boys. It would probably be better for them if they didn't go through it alone. Don't you think?"
Sam didn't answer for a long time. What did that have to do with him? Why was that his problem? "So I give up my scholarship to stay here as a guard dog, and wait for more puppies to show up? And do what, keep mowing lawns in my spare time?" The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. His future was slipping away from him whether or not Harry and Billy had the balls to say it. He started to shake. He wanted to punish the creatures who had done this to him, who were ruining his life.
"We don't know yet," Billy answered honestly.
"Why don't you know anything useful!" Sam snapped, and then he exploded again. He found himself towering over the other men again as they scrambled away from him. He hated this. He had no control over himself. He was a monster. He wanted to run. So he turned and leapt away, but Harry's voice stopped him. "Don't do this to Leah again! You promised her you'd be back tonight. I promised her I'd bring you home!"
It stopped him in his tracks, but it changed his anger into despair. The future he wanted was to become the man his LeeLee deserved. Now what was he? A freak. She'd never want him this way.
Harry approached from behind and placed a hand on his trembling flank. Very gently he continued, "This isn't just a matter of an obligation, son. We don't honestly know what this means for you or the rest of the pack when they phase. Trust us when we say we don't want this for our sons. But it's our reality, and we have to face it. But we'll do that together, do you understand?"
This time it only took Sam five minutes to return to his human form. He hadn't shredded the blanket, so Harry tossed it over him again. He sat miserably on the ground. "I don't know about college," Harry said as he knelt. "But this ability is new to you, and you don't have control over it yet. Do you think you're ready to move into a city, surrounded by people, like this right now?"
"If I can get myself under control before the semester starts," Sam asked carefully, "Is there a chance I can still go?"
Harry glanced at Billy, but didn't wait for an answer. "We're all ridiculously proud of you, Sam. We'd never try to stop you from pursuing that dream."
It seemed impossible, especially considering that he had involuntarily phased twice in the span of half an hour. But Harry's words registered. "Who's we?"
"The Council of Elders," Billy answered.
He nodded. "Who else knows?"
"No one. And they can't know," Billy said sternly.
His head snapped up. "What about my mom? What about Leah? They deserve to know the truth!" He started to choke up. "Leah deserves to know why I was gone. Why I hurt her by running off. Why I might… Why I might not go with her to Seattle."
Harry frowned at this. "She deserves to go to college, Sam. Don't you think she'll try to stay with you if she knows what's going on?"
"I… I don't know. I don't want her to miss out on Seattle because of me."
"Good." Harry nodded. "She earned her spot in the Honor's college. Just like you earned your scholarship. But both of you shouldn't stop your lives for this. And it's not just about her future. It's about your safety."
Sam snorted at that. "I think you just told me I'm supposed to fight immortal monsters to the death. Safety seems low on the priority list."
"They're not the only danger out there," Billy answered.
Sam's eyes bugged out. "There are more? What else is there?"
"No, not monsters. Not that we know of. Sam, this has to say secret. What do you think would happen to you if people found out about you? About what you can do?"
"I don't know. I hadn't thought about it," he admitted.
"You'd be locked up. Treated like a lab rat. Tested and poked and prodded," Billy warned him.
"You really think so?"
"This government? The one that shoved us onto this little plot of land? Bought and sold black people like cattle? That rounded up all the Japanese folks in World War II and tossed them into internment camps?" Billy warned.
"Yeah, but those were all a long time ago."
Billy rolled closer. "Those things they did to regular humans. What do you think they'll call you? Call us? Yeah, a little time has passed. Does that give you enough peace of mind? Because I'm pretty sure they could just classify us as a different species and say we have no rights since we're not human."
"What do you mean by 'we'?" he asked. He thought he was the only one who could change into a wolf.
"You're the only one who can phase right now, yes. But you got the gene from your father. The same one that Harry and I carry and have passed onto our sons," Billy explained.
Sam breathed, "Jacob? Little Seth?"
"The descendants of the last pack," Harry nodded somberly. "We need to be on the lookout for Jared Cameron, Paul Lahote, Quil Ateara. Jacob, most definitely. Depending on what happens, maybe even some of the younger ones. Maybe Seth."
Sam bristled at the thought of Paul phasing alongside him. The punk drove him crazy. But before he could get too worked up, Billy added, "There's something you should know about Jacob. As the descendant of the last Alpha, the head of last wolfpack, my grandfather, he will most likely be the next Alpha."
"What, he'll be my boss?"
"Something like that." Billy shrugged. "But not for a while. He hasn't shown any signs of phasing yet. Maybe the older kids… They'll need guidance, Sam. You went through this alone, and I hope you won't ask these boys, these children, to go through what you went through without any assistance."
"So I have to stay here and wait for them to change?" Sam felt his future slipping through his fingers like so many grains of sand.
Harry and Billy looked at each other again. Billy answered, "We don't know exactly how this will happen, or even how it should. We don't know what the best thing is here. But we're definitely going to need your help. You're a protector, Sam. Fair or not, it's the truth. We're asking you to help us protect your brothers. One way or another."
Sam was silent for a long time. They hadn't asked him to give up college, his scholarship, his life. Not in so many words, anyway. But he could read between the lines. He finally said, "I really want to talk to LeeLee about all this. It's not like she's going to run and tell the government about all this. She's not going to get me locked in a lab. Plus, it could happen to Seth. I think she deserves to know."
Harry didn't forbid it. Instead, he said, "Sam, I know how you feel about her. And I know how she feels about you. You're right that she'd never tell the secret. But don't you wish someone could have protected you from all this? Don't you want to protect her from it too?"
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A/N: Thanks again to Babs81410, who is simply invaluable.