I saw your reviews and I hope this make you a little happier! REVIEW! Xox - lovemariska64
A night had pasted since he was gone. The only man she trusted with her life. The man she thought she'd never have to say goodbye to. She rolled to her side looking at his side of the bed, where he was supposed to be…where she needed him to be. She felt herself falling apart as the hours past her. He was the only thing that mattered to her. She kept going over the ways she could've saved him. This was her fault she thought to herself. She shook the thought of him out of her head as her phone rang.
"Benson." She said in a low harsh voice.
"You holding up okay?"
It was Cragen, she just wanted to say how close she was to putting her gun in her mouth and blowing her brains out. But she causally said "Fine."
She let out a heavy breath as he talked about the memories they had with Elliot. She just laid there and spaced out as he talked. She could care less about the past memoires, she just wanted him.
"Please stop talking." She said low. "What you're saying that hurts, that's what's making me fall apart. Sitting in this bedroom alone , thinking about everything. So please just stop." She felt that hot tears start to flow.
"I'm sorry Liv. I just…I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I just want to come to work. Please, I can't be in this room alone another night…just alone."
He didn't speak, it was silent. Finally he spoke up.
"Okay. But please don't make be regret this." He gave in.
She agreed and hung up. She slid out of bed and walked into the bathroom, doing her daily routine for work.
"We've got a case people. So let's go."
She stood up as she did he waved her down.
"Liv I can't put you in the field yet. I'm sorry I just can't risk that."
She rolled her eyes and sat back down at her desk. She didn't feel like arguing. She now just wanted to be home again, in her bed, crying, alone. She thought being distracted at work would help her, but it's made everything a little worse. She got up from her desk and walked out of the squad room. She wasn't sure she could ever return to such a cruel and disturbing place.
She walked into her apartment and dialed Elliot's number yet again. This was the 3rd time she had left him a message in the last night. But this time it was different this time she was going to confess everything in this message. She needed to talk to him and she needed him beside her.
"Hi it's me again. I needed to talk to you again. Well not really you...I just miss you El. I never thought this would happen, I mean I knew this could happen...with our work and everything. But it hurts more now. I just don't think I can go on without you. I love you to much to. I have had so many thoughts of just putting my gun to my head. But I just wanted to confess everything to someone or whatever. I love you El.." She cried hard into her hands. She slowly hit the end button.
Leaving him messages was only making things harder but she just didn't want to stop. She couldn't. This was the only part of him she had. She thought back to previous memories they had shared. The first time she kissed him the feelings she felt. The first time they made love was like no other feeling. He was the only man she had ever felt so comfortable with. He was not only her lover, partner, and boyfriend...he was her best friend. She wiped her face and stood from the couch walking into her room. She looked at the messy bed and memories flowed her brain yet again. She sighed and laid on her bed alone feeling, empty, broken, and like she had just been stabbed a thousand times in her heart. She closed her eyes hoping sleep would take over soon.
She woke up and looked at her phone dialing Elliot's number again, but this time it didn't ring or go to voice mail... It said 'we're sorry the number you are trying to reach as been disconnect.'
She dropped her phone to the floor and noticed the pattern that was happening...Kathy requested a closed casket and now his phone was disconnect which Olivia had total control of... He wasn't dead...