After just one more week, Jared was ready to go back to school, and Leah was out of her splint. Sam was wary of allowing him so close to vulnerable humans, but Jared was easygoing enough that it was harder for him to phase into his wolf than it was for him to phase back. Melissa also refused to let him miss any more school than was absolutely necessary. Sam decided to keep watch by the school in case anything happened, while Leah explored the boundaries of their territory. He watched the scenery pass through her eyes, ready to join her at a moment's notice, but they had seen no more signs of Victoria.
Billy had shown her the old treaty map that Dr. Cullen had originally signed with Ephraim Black. As she ran, she realized that the development of the town had overrun the old borders. Part of Forks was now inside Quileute territory, but most belonged to the Cullens. She had a vague recollection of the Swan house, and she noted that it was too far east for the wolves to watch. She worried idly about Bella. She didn't know the girl very well. When they had played together as children, shyness seemed to be her most prominent characteristic. But anyone who was under the influence of a coven of vampires was going to get into trouble, and if Victoria was any indication, already had.
Sam was still sitting in the woods behind the Tribal School when the bell ran mid-afternoon and students began spilling out of the building. He stood up, waiting for Jared. Paul emerged first. The boy towered over everyone else, and his frame had filled out to match his height. It was only a matter of time until he joined the pack. As he came down the steps, a younger boy tripped slightly, banging his backpack against Paul's arm. Paul didn't hesitate to retaliate. He grabbed the freshman in a headlock as books and papers scattered away. Sam nearly intervened, but a teacher appeared behind Paul and immediately sent him to detention. What was Sam going to do with him when he became a wolf? He had a feeling he would be using his Alpha orders liberally in order to protect the populace from Paul's temper.
Jared emerged just seconds later. Sam phased back to his human body and pulled on his clothes to meet him. He waved as he approached, but he soon realized that Jared wasn't paying attention. His eyes were locked on the girl next to him. Sam recognized Kim Connweller, an unassuming, quiet girl that he had never spoken with before. He knew from Jared's memories that Kim had barely been a blip on Jared's radar. But not anymore. He was practically drooling while he stared at the top of her head. Kim was fumbling with her books, clearly flustered by his attention. She dropped her history text directly onto Jared's right foot, then started to apologize profusely. Jared didn't just tell her he was fine. He actually thanked her for the accident and picked it up, then took all her things from her and offered to carry them home for her.
Sam interrupted and reminded him that he was due back at the house. Kim stammered that Jared seemed busy and that she didn't need any help, but Jared still hadn't realized Sam was there. He babbled about how light her things were, how light she looked, and then made a joke about carrying her home on his back. Kim looked at Jared like he had lost his mind, then broke out into giggles. A blissful look spread across Jared's face at her smile, and that was when Sam realized what had happened.
Crap. Was that how he looked at Emily?
No, he was much, much worse. He had seen his own imprinting experience in Leah's brain, and he looked like an absolute fool. At least Jared was unattached. He had dated his fair share of girls, but no one steadily, and he had never been in a serious relationship. He didn't kiss and tell, and he mostly dated girls from Forks, which kept him from building a reputation as a sleazy player on the reservation. He had never fallen in love, and he was smart enough to avoid dating girls that he thought felt more for him than he did them. In town, however, he had a reputation as a fun-loving, good date, and Sam knew for a fact that he had bedded several girls who went to Forks High. Other guys with the same habits were thought of as snobs who thought they were too good for reservation girls, but never turning his dates into girlfriends and staying discreet about his habits had served him well.
Sam also knew that he had never noticed Kim before. She simply wasn't this type. He went for bubbly, outgoing blondes. Kim was basically the opposite. Prior to the imprint, she meant even less to Jared than Emily had meant to Sam. But at least Jared looked like a normal, lovestruck teenager mooning at Kim on the steps of the school. Sam had looked like a complete asshole fawning over Emily at his fiancee's father's funeral.
Sam somehow managed to pry Jared away from Kim, and they found Leah. Jared had seen in both their minds that imprinting with a possibility, so they did not have to explain any of it to him. He knew what had happened immediately. As Jared prattled on and on about how perfect and amazing Kim was, Sam carefully read Leah's expression. She was trying hard to be supportive, but it was difficult. It did help, though, that Jared wouldn't break anyone's heart.
Eventually Sam sent Jared back to his house. Now that he had returned to school, his sister would have been suspicious if he did not first return home. His mood was also indescribably good after the imprint, artificial though it may have been, and there was little justification in keeping him isolated.
Sam and Leah walked back to the cabin in silence. He knew that she didn't want him in her mind at that moment, so he did not suggest that they phase. Just before opening the front door, she mumbled, "Well, that didn't take long, did it? Is it always going to be so fast for everyone?"
She was right. Sam and Jared had both found their imprints very quickly after initially phasing. Would she be next? The thought horrified him. It was bad enough that he had to fight his own impulses to keep her. What would he do if she imprinted on someone else? He couldn't stand it. If something like that happened, he wasn't sure he would be able to keep himself from murdering a rival. Jared had already learned not to touch Leah, not even in a platonic, casual gesture. And Sam had once almost attacked him for glancing at Leah when she undressed to phase but had not moved fully behind a tree.
Sam followed Leah into the cabin. She was peering into the refrigerator trying to decide what to make for dinner. He pulled her back by her hips, twisted her around, lifted her onto the island, and proceeded to drown his worries in the taste of her lips and the soft sensation of her skin against his.
X-x-x-x-X
Between school and seeing Kim, Jared wasn't around nearly as often. But his presence in the school was invaluable, because he knew the instant Paul Lahote got sick. It was during their lunch period that Paul became dizzy and feverish. He dropped his tray on the floor between the hot food line and his table. Jared was at his side in a matter of seconds. He watched his future packmate whenever he was able to pry his gaze away from Kim, and Paul looked flushed all morning long. When Paul started to sway, he grabbed him beneath his elbow and pulled him to the office. The school wasn't wealthy enough to keep a nurse on staff, but the secretary checked his temperature, found it to be 103, and promptly sent him home. Jared followed, saying that he wanted to make sure Paul got there safely. The secretary told him to be back by the next period, but Jared knew that he wouldn't be.
As soon as they were out of the building, Paul glanced at Jared and said, "Gonna play hooky?" He assumed that Jared was just using him as an excuse to leave. Jared wasn't sure what to do. He nodded, and they parted ways. He immediately left to find Sam, who was working on the cabin. It was habitable but had been neglected for a long time, and there were dozens of small projects and many large ones to keep him busy. Although Sam wanted to return to work with Marty, due to the number of emergencies that had cropped up recently, he decided not to attempt working until he thought he would actually be able to keep to a regular schedule. Leah, on the other hand, was able to go back to work at the community center; the elders covered for any irregularity in her availability.
Sam was glad Leah was at work. Paul was the very last person he wanted sniffing around his fiancee. As he and Jared approached Paul's house, he counteracted his anger about Paul's lechery by remembering Leah's creative use of Tabasco sauce. He had no doubt that sharing the pack mind with Paul would be vile and disgusting, but at the same time, he was looking forward to the moment Paul discovered his new form. He had wanted to pummel the little punk ever since he found out how Paul thought of Leah, but he had had to keep his fists to himself. There was simply no contest between a wolf and a human. Once they were on equal footing, though, he would have no reservations about tearing into him.
Paul looked even worse than he had just an hour before. He had ugly circles under his bloodshot eyes, his hair was matted to his scalp with sweat, and he was shaking violently with chills. Sam almost felt bad for him. Almost. Paul frowned at Jared. "What are you doing, man, stalking me? And who the hell knocks like that? I thought you were going to break the damn door with that pounding."
Sam ignored the question. "How high's your fever?"
"What? Who cares? What the fuck are you guys doing here?"
"We're here to help you," Jared said in a calming voice. His tone only made Paul more angry.
"Help? I don't need your help. Seriously, what the fuck do you want?"
Knowing he wasn't going to get any useful answers, Sam reached out to touch Paul's arm. His skin was on fire. There was no way it was a normal fever. As Paul yanked himself out of Sam's grasp, he sighed, "Unfortunately he's right. We're here to help you."
He walked further into the house, intending to sit down on the couch. However, he spotted the television first, which brought back unpleasant memories of Paul's choice of pornography, and then the stale smell of sweat and sex smacked him in the face. He almost gagged from it. Based on the scent of the cushions, Paul had defiled it with a number of women, although thankfully, not that recently. He sat down at the kitchen table instead. There was something unpleasant in the kitchen, too, but he would rather tolerate the smells of old food rather than whatever had happened in the family room.
Paul followed him unsteadily. "What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Did you hallucinate an invitation? Get out of my house!"
"No," Sam answered steadily. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Have a seat, or don't. But we need to talk."
"The hell we do!" A tremor overtook Paul's body, and he nearly fell over.
Jared steadied him. "You okay, man?"
Paul pulled away. "Don't touch me. Are you a couple of fags or something? Quit touching me!" Jared ignored the outburst and started searching for the source of the unpleasant smells in the kitchen. Not only would Paul be less nauseated, but it would be easier for him and for Sam as well. Paul, of course, did not see it that way. "Get out of my fridge! What's wrong with you?"
Jared dropped a bag of greying lunchmeat, an old carton of eggs, and some ancient cheese into the trash before tying it up. "Trust me. It's better this way. Or you could just come to our place. There are no nasty smells there."
Now Paul was just confused. "What?"
"The smells make you feel sick, right?" Sam answered. "And when we knocked, even though it was a normal knock, it sounded like someone chopping wood right next to your head. You're half naked because your temperature is so high that you should be dead right now, and you're only in your boxers because even cotton feels like sandpaper on your skin. You can hear the cockroaches in the walls, you can see every single speck of dust individually across the room, and you feel weirder than you've ever felt before."
Paul gaped at him. "How'd you know?"
"Because it happened to us," Jared answered. Over the course of the next few hours, Sam and Jared explained. Paul thought they had both lost their minds until they brought him into the woods and proved themselves, and then he promptly fainted. It was probably due to the intensity of his fever and severe dehydration more than the shock, but Sam decided it was also evidence of Paul's inherent weakness, and he tossed him over his shoulders in a fireman's carry and brought him back to the cabin. They put him in the spare bedroom that Jared had recently vacated (he and Leah had taken over the master) and waited for him to wake up. Sam tried to send Leah home against her protests; Paul would undoubtedly be a volatile werewolf, and no matter how impressive her healing abilities, there was no way he would allow her nearby when he might explode at any moment. She gave him a withering look at the word "allow", but he shifted his features into a very convincing puppy dog face and said he couldn't bear the idea of her getting hurt again. He pouted and asked her to indulge him. She rolled her eyes and pointed out that Jared had school the next day, so he should go home and get some sleep. She insisted that he would need backup and that she was the obvious choice. They compromised by sending Jared home while Leah stayed in their bedroom. Sam would sit with Paul by himself.
Of course, Sam fell asleep propped up in the chair. Leah lay awake listening to Sam's breathing become even and slow. When Sam slept through Paul's feverish moaning, she brought wet towels to cool his skin and slipped a pillow under Sam's head. She fell asleep curled up on the floor, and when Sam awoke in the early hours of the morning, he carried her back to bed.
Paul didn't phase the next day, but his fever climbed higher. His father didn't even notice he was missing, so they didn't tell him anything. They tried to make him as comfortable as possible, but his sweat soaked the sheets faster than they could change them, he kept throwing Leah's cool towels across the room before begging to have them back, he whined about the flavor of the broth they tried to feed him, and he generally drove them crazy. When Sue came to check on him after her hospital shift, she bent over him with a scowl. "I know your type, Paul Lahote. You think you have it bad? My daughter is trying to take care of you. If you don't show a little gratitude, we'll switch places, and then you'll have me. I won't hesitate to inject tranquilizers straight into your ungrateful little behind, you'll be lucky if you get bread and water, and you can forget about those nice cooling towels and dry sheets. I'll just leave you here to stew in your own juices and I'll lock the door. You can suffer in here by yourself."
Leah was afraid that Sue was going to anger him so much that he would phase, and her mother would be trapped with an angry wolf. Instead, Paul croaked out, "I'm sorry ma'am. I'll be better. I promise."
"Darn right, you will," Sue sniffed.
Paul didn't give them any more trouble until he phased the next evening, moments after they received a startling call from Carlisle. He explained that the coven was leaving and had no plans to return for at least a few generations. He gave little explanation except to say that the tribe would be safer with their absence, that Victoria would follow them away and that they would take care of the threat she posed, and after hearing of Paul's imminent transformation, apologized that their departure was not soon enough to prevent it. Sam didn't know what to think, nor did he have the chance to ask any questions, because he heard yelling from Paul's room.
Sam was actually surprised it took him that long. His fever hadn't caught up with his temper until then. Sue had asked that they keep track of how high their temperatures rose, as they all seemed to peak around 108 or 109 degrees. When Leah approached him to get one more reading, and he reacted with terrible tremors and an audible snarl, Sam immediately yanked him outside and tossed him into the yard.
He exploded into his wolf the second he hit the ground, and he wasn't pleased at Sam's manhandling. As soon as he righted himself and figured out how to stand on four legs rather than two, he sprang at Sam. Luckily Sam hadn't hesitated for a second. He destroyed another outfit, but he planted his body firmly between Leah, who had followed them out, and the volatile new wolf.
Paul slammed into Sam's shoulder, but Sam immediately threw him off with a twist of his torso, sending the silver wolf tumbling into the grass. I don't want to fight you, Sam tried to placate him. We're here to help.
But Paul was incensed, terrified, and confused. His brain was a jumble. He thought he was delirious; he hoped the past couple days had been a fever dream or a nightmare and not his new reality. And despite the warning that his pack had given him, he looked at the enormous black wolf in front of him, and his only instinct was to fight. He snarled at Sam.
Then Leah stepped out from behind Sam. Despite the fact that she was not phased, she easily read his fear, and she chose to remain in her vulnerable human body in an attempt to put him at ease. "Paul? Paul, it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay."
Through his mind flashed a dozen separate memories of Leah: her hand on his arm as she pointed out the solution to an equation, the sound of her laugh at something he said, the quirk of her mouth when she smiled at him, the comforting touch of her fingers pressing a cool cloth against his forehead, a glimpse of her flat belly as she yawned and stretched her arms above her head, the sight of her glistening skin when she walked through her kitchen dressed in nothing but a towel when he arrived at her house for a tutoring session half an hour early.
Sam saw red at the same moment Paul's feelings for Leah surfaced. He accidentally showed Paul the moment that he had phased, the disgusting things he heard through Paul's window, and for one second, Paul was ashamed. Not because Sam knew what he had done, but because he realized that Leah did, and soon she would see that his lust for her was complicated by much more tender emotions than he was willing to admit he possessed. Sam retaliated by displaying his most intimate moment with his mate: the moment he plunged his teeth into her neck while his cock was buried in her heat.
Paul went mad with envy, and once more he launched himself at Sam. But this time Sam was prepared. They clashed midair in a tangle of fur, teeth, and rage. The black wolf's bulk pushed Paul back, but as he fell, Paul snapped at Sam's forearm and managed to rip a gash into the flesh. Sam howled in pain as he fell off Paul, but Paul was too slow in righting himself. Sam's teeth sank into his shoulder.
Leah's panicked scream of his name stopped him from taking a chunk of flesh out of his new brother. "Stop it! You're going to kill each other!" Out of the corner of his eye he saw her whipping her shirt over her head.
Paul took advantage of his distraction to pull himself away, and Sam was barreled over as Paul crashed into his flank. They tumbled toward Leah, who dove out of the way. They snapped their jaws and swiped at each other with their front paws, but neither was able to properly plant their rear legs for leverage, so neither gained the advantage.
Sam shoved Paul completely off of him as Leah removed the last of her clothing, and Paul couldn't help but drink in the sight of her nude body in the second before tremors took over her body and she transformed into her wolf. Sam flew at him, and he reared up just in time to lock his front paws with Sam's. He tried to head-butt the larger wolf, but Sam sank his teeth into the back of his neck. His thick fur protected him from a deadly bite, but he could not move. He thrashed with his front legs.
Stop it! Leah yelled. She didn't know whether to try to push Sam off Paul or knock Paul out from underneath. What are you doing? We have to help each other! You're going to kill each other!
No! Sam roared. He will submit!
Leah shook her head, incredulous. Then just order him! He'll have to!
I will not! Paul snarled.
Sam's dark laughter rang through their minds. You will, and I will teach you your place. He opened his jaws suddenly, letting Paul fall. The furious new shifter tried to tackle him back, but he jumped out of the way, nearly knocking Leah over in the process.
What's wrong with you? she demanded to both of them. Just stop!
Not until he understands that you're mine! She fell back, startled that they were fighting over her. Not while there is any doubt in his mind.
This time his impact with Paul's front leg put a hairline fracture in the bone. Paul howled with pain, but he cut off the sound when he sank his teeth into Sam's shoulder. He had no qualms about tearing through the flesh. But Sam would not be deterred. He shoved himself harder into Paul, knocking him over, and he clawed at Paul's vulnerable belly until the smaller wolf opened his teeth. As soon as he could move, he rolled Paul underneath him, pinned him down, and wrapped his maw around Paul's carotid artery. Submit! It was still not an Alpha order. He wanted to prove his dominance with his physical prowess.
Paul was silent beneath him. They could see him trying to determine if there was a way to throw Sam off him without putting his own life at risk. He had plenty of fight left in him, and he didn't want to look weak in front of Leah. Sam growled low in his throat. Don't look at her, don't talk to her, don't think about her, nothing. She's mine!
Leah rolled her eyes beside them and decided not to wait for them to stop posturing at one another. Boys are so stupid! Paul, he won. He's the Alpha, he's more experienced than you, he's bigger than you… Sam gloatingly envisioned her small hand wrapped around his substantial erection, and Leah had enough. She bit into his sensitive ear, making him howl so that he released Paul's throat. Then she slammed into his side, freeing the new wolf. Oh my god, are you guys actually going to measure your dicks? Get that image out of your brain! It's nobody's business. Grow up, both of you! Sam, he just phased! The most fucking terrifying moment of his whole damn life, and you fight him instead of getting him to calm down? You could have killed him!
Paul stood and unwisely answered Sam's last thought instead of Leah's. You think you can satisfy her with that thing? The image of her nude body from moments earlier appeared in his brain. I'll show her what a real man can…
You moronic asshole! I'm trying to help you here, you pervert! Control yourself, or next time, I'm using a funnel to pour Tabasco straight into that dick you're so proud of!
Sam might have pinned Paul down to help Leah make good on her threat, but Jared suddenly appeared in the pack mind. Hey guys, I need to tell you… Whoa. What's going on? Paul, is that you?
Paul actually stumbled to the side, his equilibrium confused by suddenly seeing through a fourth set of eyes. Jared was running toward them through the forest. Jared? Paul closed his eyes in an attempt to center himself, but he saw himself through both Leah's and Sam's eyes, which didn't help orient him at all. Fuck. This is fucking weird.
They saw flashes of Jared's memories: Billy Black with a concerned scowl on his face, Jacob standing up so quickly he knocked his chair over, Sue shaking her head. Jared, what is it?
It's Bella Swan. She went for a hike with that undead boyfriend of hers, and now she's missing.
After realizing that Jared knew nothing else, Sam tried to call Dr. Cullen without success. He dialed every number he had, but no one picked up at any location. His mind swirled with possibilities. Had they murdered the girl, spurring them to flee? Had they kidnapped her? Were they attempting to turn her? He left Jared with Paul and finally ran to their mansion, finding it cold and sterile.
It was Leah who found Bella curled up on the forest floor. Later that night, she showed Sam everything while Jared stayed in the cabin with Paul. He had gone to the hospital to look for Dr. Cullen, only to find that he had resigned with one day's notice, leaving three months of planned ER shifts uncovered, including that very evening. The harried physician who was pulling a double shift in his wake could tell Sam nothing. It only made him more worried about Bella; it was conspicuous enough that the "children" would be pulled from school so abruptly, but at least they had no responsibilities. His coworkers at Forks General were alternately worried for his well-being or angry at having to cover his shifts.
He returned to the woods to phase, finding Leah already hot on Bella's trail. She was tracking both her scent and the vampire's. The trails diverged, with the scent of decay moving off in a straight line to the east, while Bella appeared to wander in directionless circles. Leah was relieved to find no evidence of blood. But what had happened out here?
She found Bella curled into a ball, shivering on the forest floor with an empty look in her eye. Leah promptly phased out while Sam tracked Edward's trail east. It ended in a parking lot, and he had no way to follow. He returned to patrol the borders, hating the idea of Leah in the woods with a defenseless human. He would make certain nothing disturbed them.
Upon finding Bella, Leah immediately checked her over for bites or injuries, and was shocked to find a single, healed scar on her wrist. The skin was hard and cold, it smelled of death and decay, even more strongly than the scent that Cullen had left behind, and it could only mean one thing: a vampire attack. Was it from Edward? James? Victoria? But why hadn't Bella turned? "Where did you get this? When? Are you okay? You have to tell me what happened!"
But Bella was unresponsive. After another minute of useless prodding, she switched tactics. At first she was worried that Bella had succumbed to exposure, but once she had rubbed some warmth into her fingers and shared her body heat by wrapping her arms around the stiff and unmoving girl, she felt Bella begin to relax. She spoke with her gently and carefully but still got no answer. It was as if Bella wasn't even there.
It wasn't until she finally picked Bella up, cradling her like an overgrown child, that Bella finally came to her senses. "I can… I can walk." Leah kept the smaller girl tucked under her arm in an attempt to warm her up. Between that and the physical activity, Bella gradually warmed.
"Did he hurt you?" Leah asked.
"No. Yes. I… He… he's gone. He left me." Bella obviously did not know what to say.
Leah finally touched the scar and asked, "I mean this. Did he do this to you?"
For some reason, the question unleashed Bella's tears. Through her tears she said, "He saved me." Then her voice became very small. "But why would he save me only to leave me now? What was the point?" She was so quiet that Leah was certain that she didn't mean to be heard. But Bella had no idea that not only could Leah hear her words, but her very heartbeat.
"Is that what happened? He brought you out here and then left you here?"
Bella didn't answer. She did, however, finally look at Leah. "How come you're so warm? Don't you have a jacket?"
"Don't need one. It's a long story." She looked down at Bella. "It might even be as long a story as yours." She waited for a response, but got none. "Do you want to talk about it?" Bella just shook her head. "I'd say it's none of my business, but that bite on your wrist tells me that it actually is."
Bella looked equal parts irritated and surprised, and Leah was happy to see signs of life in her. "No it isn't."
"Actually, it is." Until now, she had wondered if Bella knew anything about the coven that she was involved with. The Cullens never told them how close James had gotten while hunting Bella. Now she was certain. There was no way that she had survived the bite without learning something. "I know what they are."
Bella's eyes grew as wide as saucers. "Did Jacob tell you?"
"What? Jacob? Tell me what?"
"Oh, nothing." Bella tried to backpedal. "I didn't mean it."
Leah rolled her eyes. "You expect me to believe that? Are you kidding? What did he tell you?"
Bella bit her lip and shook her head. "Nothing. It wasn't anything."
"What, you don't want to get him in trouble? What am I going to do? I don't have any power over Jacob."
"No, it's nothing. Really. Look, he doesn't really know anything. And he didn't really say anything. I swear."
Leah finally stopped walking. When Bella turned to look at her, she decided to be frank. "Let's stop talking in circles here, okay? I already know. And obviously you already know. Forget about Jacob, let's just be straight with each other."
Bella's face crumpled. "I can't. I can't say, you know that."
"What, did they threaten you? Do you need protection? I can help you with that. You don't have to be afraid. I'm going to help you."
"But no, no. It's not bad. It's just not my secret to tell."
"But I already know, and it is bad! You're not breaking any confidence because I'm already in on it." When Bella still didn't speak, Leah finally just said it out loud. "I know what they are, Bella. It's not as much of a secret as you think it is. They're vampires."
Bella's eyes widened at the declaration, then said, "I guess you know those legends too," and Leah understood that Jacob probably told Bella their fireside stories.
Leah nodded. "Our legends say they're killers, and I'm really afraid that they hurt you."
Bella began to cry again. "They would never hurt me. Never."
Leah stepped forward again, once more gently pressing her fingers to Bella's scar. "Than what about this?"
"That wasn't their fault." She dropped to her knees. Leah knelt down with her. "They saved me. It was another one that did this. I was attacked, but not by the Cullens. If it weren't for the Cullens, I'd be dead or already turned. It was someone else."
Leah inferred from what Edward had told them that Bella had been bitten by James, but she didn't want to reveal how much she knew. It would only lead to questions on Bella's part, and she didn't know how much she could say.
"Then how are you still alive?"
Between hitching breaths, Bella explained, "Edward sucked out the venom. He got rid of it. He saved my life."
"And he managed not to drain you dry?" It was startling to say the least, and Bella's situation started to make sense to Leah. At least a little. "That's why you were wondering why he would save you then, just to leave you out here now?" Bella nodded, but she didn't speak anymore. "So he didn't hurt you? Not physically, anyway?"
"No. Not physically."
"Then why did he bring you all the way out here? And then leave you behind?"
"We weren't this far out. We were on the trail. Getting lost was all me." It was consistent with the way the trails diverged.
"Let's get you home. And warm. Your father's going out of his mind worrying about you, and so is everyone else. We were afraid you were dead." Bella was too overwhelmed to answer, but Leah was able to set her back toward her house. She fell into step beside her, holding her close to keep her warm.
As Leah later opened her mind to Sam to show him what had happened, she remembered what she had been thinking of at that moment. She thought it probably took everything left in the girl to keep going forward. She practically had to hold her up. She knew the feeling well, although she tried to hide it, tried to hide her feelings of betrayal. She knew how hard he was fighting to keep her, but sometimes he stopped seeing her altogether. He would stare off into space, and she knew he was thinking of Emily. In those moments, when she was alone despite being right beside him, she gave in to her feelings of heartbreak. Sam felt terrible, but when he tried to apologize, she just told him to watch the rest of her memories.
Charlie wasn't home when they arrived; he was searching for her. But one of his deputies called him as soon as Leah pulled Bella up the porch steps. Leah knew she shouldn't leave until her father returned, so she just explained, "She got lost, but she's okay," and took her into the kitchen, where she tried to get her to drink a glass of water and eat a bowl of soup. Bella just looked at nothing while Leah wrapped a blanket around her shoulders. By the time Charlie rushed through the door, Leah had set one mug of hot chocolate, two kinds of tea, a glass of ice water, a can of Coke, and a cup of coffee on the table. Bella drank none of them.
Charlie made no progress either. He frantically tried to get Bella to tell him what had happened. But his daughter remained mute and stared at the table in front of her. Leah filled him in. "It was a bad breakup. And I think afterwards she got lost." It was the closest she could come to the truth. Bella neither confirmed nor denied it. When he stepped out of the room momentarily to call Billy Black and halt the rest of the search party, Leah whispered to Bella, "If you don't drink something, he's going to drag you to the ER and get an IV into you." It finally motivated Bella to drink some tea.
Charlie thanked Leah profusely, but the desperation in his eyes when he looked at his motionless daughter was too much for Leah to take. "It's no problem. How about I help get her cleaned up a little before I go? She's still freezing." Charlie was relieved. So Leah led her up the stairs, ran a hot bath for her, and pulled out some of her most comfortable looking pajamas. She was afraid she would have to undress her as well, but Bella finally found use of her fingers and disappeared into the bathroom. Leah took the opportunity to search through her room. If it weren't for the lingering stench of vampire, she would not have noticed anything out of the ordinary. But from beneath the floorboards wafted an awful smell. She peeked under a loose board and found a CD, several pictures of Bella and the pale monster, and a pair of ticket stubs. She frowned. Why would Bella put those there?
She realized that it wasn't Bella who hid them when Bella entered the room and suddenly became frantic, opening drawers, rifling through her shelves, and looking under the bed. She sat on the mattress and tried unsuccessfully to hold back her tears. "Oh my god. He said it would be as if he never existed."
Leah knelt in front of the crying girl. She knew what it felt like to have her heart broken. Although he had backtracked immediately, hearing Sam tell Emily that he loved her and not Leah cut her deeply. And try though he might to resist it, she knew she had already lost some of his heart to her best friend. She couldn't help but sympathize. "What happened out there?" she asked gently. "What did he say?"
Bella didn't answer. She just cried. Leah didn't feel right leaving her, not while she was so shattered. But Bella didn't say anything else. So Leah talked.
"I know it feels like nothing could ever hurt more than it does right now. That the whole world is collapsing. That the universe isn't the place you thought it was, and you're not sure you can handle being a part of it."
"You don't know," Bella whimpered. "You can't know. It's impossible, losing someone like this."
Leah frowned. She knew Bella wasn't thinking straight, but that didn't make it any less insulting. "Do you really think you're the only one who's ever had anything bad happen to them?"
Bella looked up slowly, the harsh note in Leah's voice registering as soft words could not. "Oh my gosh, your dad... I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it."
"It's okay. I wasn't even talking about him. Or not just him, anyway."
"Oh, I... I'm sorry. I thought you were with... Wait. I remember. At the funeral..." Understanding dawned on Bella, and Leah knew that she, too, had seen Sam fawning over Emily.
As Sam watched the conversation replay in Leah's mind, he tried to apologize again. LeeLee, I'm so sorry.
She cut him off again. It's nothing. I didn't mean anything by it. It was just to get her to talk to me.
It's not nothing!
Sam, you're here now. We're together. That's all that matters, right? She was trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince him. Just watch, okay?
"I'm so sorry," Bella repeated.
Leah shook her head and stared at Bella's knees. She took deep breaths to keep from becoming too emotional. "I feel like a terrible person even caring about that. I mean, my dad's dead. In the grand scheme of things, boy problems don't stack up. Or they shouldn't, anyway."
"You're allowed to feel bad about two things at once, I think."
"I guess." Leah wasn't convinced. Not to mention that she was mourning more than just her father and possibly her engagement, but her education and her dreams as well. But Bella didn't need to know all the details.
"Is he... Are they..."
Leah shrugged. "Sam and Emily? No, not really."
"What about the two of you? You and Sam?"
"We're trying to work things out."
"Oh." Bella clearly wasn't certain if that was good or bad.
Trying? Sam interrupted. You make it sound like there's room for doubt.
Isn't there?
Sam couldn't think of what to say. Not if I have any choice in the matter. I love you, Leah.
She wondered if he really did have a choice, but all she said was, I love you too. You know I do.
Leah continued her replay. Bella had sighed, "I know my situation doesn't really compare to yours, but I wish I had the chance to work things out."
"What did he say? What happened?" Leah prompted.
"That... That he's not good for me. That I don't belong in his world."
"Oh, Bella. I'm sorry." Leah even meant it despite the fact that the vampire's words were true.
"He said he doesn't want me. That he loves me 'in a way'. He said that I'm not good for him."
"And then? Was that all? Did he just leave?"
Bella looked even more devastated than she already did. "No. He said his entire family already left. All of them. They've all left me behind. Then he asked me not to do anything reckless, and to take care of myself. And then he was gone."
"And you tried to follow, and you got lost?"
"Yeah. And now I find out that he took everything. Every single thing I had to remember him by. Why would he do that?" She crumpled. "It's all my fault. I'm so clumsy and weak and he's so strong and so perfect. It's... It's all my fault. If I hadn't..."
"Hadn't what?"
"I was an idiot!" Bella sobbed. "At my birthday party. I'm so clumsy and foolish. I cut my finger on a piece of paper, and it was too much for his brother. He… He…"
Leah stood up swiftly. "Did he hurt you? Are you okay?"
"Edward protected me. Again. Because I'm weak and pathetic and human. But then they left. Alice and Jasper, they had to leave because of me, and it's all my fault! He must have realized that I'm no good! That I'm not good enough! And now they're all gone!"
"That's not it. He's not good enough for you. Not the other way around. I know it sounds like a line, but it's true. I mean, how could it possibly be your fault for bleeding? Plus, what does he do when a girl gets her period in school? It doesn't make any sense that a couple drops of blood would make him lose it, actually."
Bella didn't even register what Leah said. "I'm a clumsy oaf. I'm pathetic. And he finally figured it out and left. But why did he take everything with him?" The loss of her things seemed nearly as upsetting to her as the loss of Edward himself.
Leah thought of the misguided Dr. Cullen, wanting badly to help but only making things worse in the attempt. She would always be grateful that he saved her life, but she would never forget that his very presence, his touch, caused her to phase, caused Sam to turn, overturned the lives of Jared and Paul. Even Bella, who clearly loved them dearly, was scarred both emotionally and physically simply from having known them.
Leah scooted back and pried up the loose floorboard. She lifted out the contents and handed them to Bella, whose mouth had dropped open in shock. "Are these what you're looking for?"
Bella turned from depressed to angry instantly. "What did you do?" she hissed.
Leah lied smoothly. "I tripped on the board when I came in. I thought you'd put that stuff under there, so I just put it back. But he must have hidden them."
A furrow crossed Bella's brow. "Why would he do that? Was he trying to take away my memories? But if he was, why did he leave them behind at all?"
"I can't be sure," Leah offered tentatively, "but I think there was some truth in what he told you. In his way, he obviously cares about you. He saved you from not just one vampire, but two. His own brother, even. I think he couldn't bear to really pull himself completely away. But look at this." She reached out for Bella's scarred wrist. "He wasn't good for you, Bella, just like he said. Was he? He had to protect you from his kind, from his own family, and I think, from himself. Wasn't that what he was trying to do?"
"But I didn't want to be protected from him!" Bella argued. "I wanted to be like him! I wanted to be with him forever!"
Leah took Bella by the hands and squeezed. "I think he wanted you to live."
"I don't care about life! Not without him! Nothing matters without him."
"I know it feels that way, but you can't really mean that. Not really."
Bella was nearly hysterical again. "You don't understand. You don't understand what life was like before him. So bland. So dull. So meaningless. And then I met him. And was it was like he opened my eyes for the first time. When I saw the sun on his skin, it was like, like, like a blind person gaining sight. His voice, it's like music. Like the most beautiful thing you could ever imagine. And the way he smells. You could make a fortune if you could put that scent in a bottle. I can't even describe it."
Leah arched her brow. "Really? They smell good to you? Because to me, they smell like corpses dipped in acid and bleach. And their skin is pale and washed out."
Bella looked confused. "They smell like death to you? That doesn't make any sense."
"Doesn't it though? They're dead."
"But that's not what they smell like to me. They smell amazing. And they're not dead. They walk and talk and think and interact, right?" Bella paused and blinked. "But there was something he told me once. That all those enticing things that I noticed about him were ways to lure me in."
Leah nodded. "Because you were prey, Bella. Did you forget that? Did he? Did he make you think otherwise?"
"Oh no. It's all my fault." Bella leaned over, clutching around stomach. "I'm his singer. That's why he left me."
Leah was confused. "What's that? His singer?"
Bella nodded miserably. "There's something about the way my blood smells to him. They say it sings to him. That it's basically irresistible. He always said it was incredibly difficult to fight the urge to drink it."
Leah was incredulous. "Bella, he was telling you he wanted to eat you. He did you a giant favor by leaving."
"But I don't want to be here without him! I don't want to be anywhere without him! You don't understand. It wasn't just how amazing he is. How perfect he is. He saw me! He looked at me, and he saw me! I'm nobody! I'm nothing! I'm a worthless, pathetic human. But when he looked at me, he saw someone! I finally mattered! And now nothing does! I don't, and nothing else does either! I don't know what I'm going to do without him!" She looked down at the pile of mementos on the floor. She picked up his picture and ran her finger over it. "Don't you see? The world was different with him in it! I was different with him next to me! And if he's gone, if he's really gone... There's nothing. I'm nothing."
"Bella, he wasn't good for you, and he knew it. Are you listening to yourself? He made you feel inferior, pathetic, and small. But you're not. Without him, you're not nothing. You're exactly the opposite. He didn't think so, that's why he saved your life. He wanted you to stay exactly like you are. With him gone, you're alive. Really alive, and you can stay that way. Don't take that for granted. I don't think he did."
"But life is nothing without him!" Bella sobbed. "I don't want this life! I want life with him! I want to be like him!"
Leah let her anger creep back into her voice. "Listen to yourself. I mean it. Listen. As someone who's spent a lot of time at the cemetery lately, trust me. Life, this life, it means something. Hell, the vampires even think so. He was giving you a gift by leaving. I know they seem glamorous, they live forever and they seem invincible, the Cullens are insanely rich and they seem nice enough, but they're the exception. Not the rule. Haven't you seen a normal vampire? They're not glamorous, they're monsters. How about the one that attacked you?"
Bella sniffed back her tears and nodded. "James. He was terrifying. A psychopath."
"That's a real vampire. That's their true form. The Cullens have to fight the natural impulse to be like that. It's not natural, and it's not simple. They're monsters underneath all the trappings of civilization. That's why his brother tried to attack you just because you got a cut. That's what they are. They're predators. Did you really want that for yourself? To be a monster underneath it all?"
"I just want to be with him. And this way, in this body, I can't. But if I was like him…"
"If you were like him, the best case scenario is that you'd fight every instinct in your body to stop yourself from being a killer. Have you thought about that? What it would be like to have to battle your most basic urge at every moment of every day? To get no relief, not ever? To want something like you've never wanted anything, to need it, deep in your gut, and never to give in? Have you ever thought, really thought, about how hard that would be?"
Sam knew that she had no longer been thinking about Bella, not really. He nudged at her nose with his. Here, now, he was able to open himself to her. It's worth it, he answered. You're worth it. The instinct: it's not mine. It's not me. I'm in love with you and only you. Please remember.
In her memory, Bella echoed Sam. "You don't understand. He's worth it."
"Worth destroying yourself for?" Leah asked. It was the wrong question to ask Bella. She didn't think she was worth anything in the first place. When Bella looked at her defiantly, she followed up, "Worth abandoning everyone else that loves you? You don't think you could keep seeing your family, do you?" Bella's expression shifted very slightly, so Leah asked the most important question. "Is he worth killing for?"
Bella's face fell, and she had no argument. Leah didn't push her any harder. They were both exhausted, so she told Bella to get some sleep. She checked in with Charlie before she left, and then she found Sam waiting for her in the forest behind the house.
He thought of Bella wanting to change her very essence so that she could be with her dead lover. That's just it, LeeLee. That right there. The imprint doesn't just want to destroy us, it doesn't just want to tear apart what we have, to separate you and me and force me together with Emily. It's trying to destroy the things that make me who I am. It's trying to change me into someone else, someone completely different. You're the one who helps me be myself, the real me.
I liked you just fine the way you were. I want things to go back to normal.
You can't know just how much I want that too. I miss myself. I miss how easy everything was. He meant it for himself just as he meant it for her. He imagined the life he thought they would live, and it bore no resemblance to reality. He felt like they had fallen into some parallel dimension. But I'm so thankful you've stuck with me through this mess. I don't know what I'd do without you. You keep me sane, and you make me so happy. I'm going to find a way out of it. You have to believe me.
She pressed herself against him. I believe you. I'm sorry I ever doubted it. It's just hard sometimes, when I know how badly you want to go to her.
As long as I've got you to hold onto...
You've got me. I'm not going anywhere.
And it's been easier lately, don't you think so? Ever since Emily had called Leah to find out that they hadn't broken up, the pull had lessened. It wasn't gone, not by any means, but he didn't feel so torn.
It has, she agreed. Maybe we just wait until it fades?
Yeah. I want to hold you, baby.
They returned to their normal bodies, and he ran his fingers over her smooth skin and kissed her soft lips until she sighed in the contented way that made him warm.
He whispered, "If it doesn't fade on its own, I'll break it. I'll find a way. I'll never leave you."
Hope sparked in her eyes. "Promise?"
"I promise." He meant it, but he should have known better than to make her any more promises.