The imprint did not fade with time, in fact, but got stronger. Sam blamed Jared. He spent most of his free time with Kim, but between school, his family, and patrolling, he could not be with her at every second. He worried that she was lonely without him, and it did not help that she could not talk to anyone about the details of their relationship. So he put her in touch with Emily, thinking that they might understand each other.
Kim encouraged Emily in a way Jared had not anticipated, and Sam felt the result. She invited Emily to visit, and even though they didn't tell him or Leah that she was coming, he knew she was near. It wasn't a simple thing to ignore the imprint pull when they were apart, but he succeeded. It was nearly impossible when in close proximity.
The first time it happened, he was patrolling by himself. Although the Cullens had promised to eliminate Victoria, they sent no confirmation that they had actually done any such thing. Sam had no idea if they would tell him. So the wolves ran the expanded border twice a day in pairs, and Sam frequently took it upon himself to patrol alone if no one was available to go with him. Leah hated the idea that he might face a threat by himself, but he promised to be careful. They also devised a series of signal calls to alert one another to any potential danger, and they found that their powerful lungs could send these messages over great distances. They hadn't yet found any more signs of vampire activity.
On the day in question, Leah was working at the community center, and they were planning on meeting at Allison's house for dinner. Sam's relationship with his mother was awkward after they told her the truth. She worried about him constantly, but at least she understood what was going on. And she and Leah leaned on one another. They bonded over their mutual love for him, and he knew that his mother was reassured knowing that Leah had his back.
That afternoon he was supposed to pick up groceries at the Ateara's general store. Instead he found himself off course and heading inexplicably towards the Connweller house. His feet carried him there against his will. He felt like he was falling. The sensation was not new; the same thing had happened on the day of Harry's funeral. He was tumbling through space, through time, through the universe, and he struggled to find Leah to hold onto. He wished she was phased in with him even though he knew that seeing into his mind would break her heart all over again, because without her, he didn't know which way was up and which was down. He only knew where Emily was, and his instinct told him that she was near and that he had to go to her. With each step he felt his bonds with Leah trying to break from his grasp, and the chains that bound him to Emily were growing thicker. He feared he might suffocate under their weight.
He heard her before he saw her. She was talking about him. She was sitting in Kim's room, and the girls were discussing their imprints. She was telling Kim that he was still in love with Leah. He was relieved, and he felt the chains around his heart loosen marginally. Perhaps he would have the strength to walk away. But then Kim asked, "How do you know? Is that what he said?"
Reluctantly, Emily answered, "That's what Leah told me. She said that they were still in love. And who am I to say otherwise? He's been crazy about her forever. I would have had to have been blind not to see it."
"But that was before he imprinted on you. What did he tell you? What did he say to you? Didn't he tell you he was in love with you?" There was a pause, and Sam felt Emily's inner turmoil from across the yard and through the walls. He felt her longing like it was his own, and it was, because the imprint made it so. Yet she did not want to betray Leah. Kim prompted, "I want to know what he told you. Not what she said. You don't think she would be objective about this, do you?"
"I guess not. I just don't want to hurt Leah."
He saw Kim through the window. She was shaking her head. "Has it occurred to you that she might have her own imprint out there somewhere? If he was meant for you, then she was probably meant for someone else too."
Her statement felt like a knife stabbing at his gut and tearing through the threads of love he was trying so hard to hold onto. Imprint or no, it would kill him to see Leah with another man. The thought had crossed his mind, and he had simply prayed that it would never happen. But Emily felt differently. "Oh wow. I never thought of that. I mean, I've cared about him for so long, and he's so amazing, but he's off limits. He's hers, you know? Always has been. And I thought he always would be."
Kim disagreed. "The spirits don't think so. The universe doesn't think so. Jared doesn't think so."
Sam was stunned. He had felt Jared hiding something from him, but he had no idea what. He thought his packmate just wanted some privacy. And he thought Jared liked Leah.
Emily sounded just as surprised as he felt. "What do you mean? Why would he say that?"
"They can read each other's minds you know. And he knows that underneath everything else, Sam is always thinking about you. He cares about you. You're really important to him."
"But what about Leah?"
"Both the guys like Leah. Jared thinks she's nice, he really does. And of course Sam cares about her. Like you said, they've been together forever, and he's way too nice a guy to just toss her aside. He doesn't want to hurt her any more than you do. But she's not his imprint. You are."
Emily protested, "But they're engaged! He's just confused. The imprint was clouding his thoughts, his opinions. She said it wasn't really him talking to me, that it was the imprint."
"Of course that's what she would say! She's in love with him. She doesn't want to lose him. And he's a good guy. He doesn't want to hurt her any more than you do. So he's letting her believe that they can still be together. But he thinks about you all the time. I don't think you understand just how important you are to him, Emily. You're his imprint."
"And she's his fiancée!"
"Engagements get broken all the time!" Kim gushed. "But imprinting? That's forever. It would hurt her, of course it would, and I know you don't want to do that, because you're a good person. But you're not some homewrecker. He's meant for you, not for her. If they were really supposed to be together, he would've imprinted on her. But he didn't. She's meant for someone else, and he's meant for you. The fact that she hasn't figured that out only means that they're both going to get hurt even more when she finds the man she's supposed to be with. Meanwhile, you and Sam are missing out on the best thing that could ever happen to you. Emily, it's amazing. Having Jared imprint on me is the best thing that ever happened to either of us. You can't even imagine how perfect it is. It's a gift from the spirits. Who are we to turn it down?"
Emily was agonized. He felt it in his soul and he heard it in her voice. "I don't… I don't know. She's like my sister. I can't betray her that way."
"What about him? You're betraying yourself by resisting it. You're betraying him. Jared told me that it hurts, it physically hurts, to be away from me. Do you want Sam to go through that? Just because he's being loyal to her? Because you're too good of a friend to her to prioritize yourself? Heck. Don't do it for yourself. Do it for him. He's hurting without you."
Emily's voice was barely audible, but he felt her yearning for him as the chains around him started to drag him toward her. He dug in his heels as she mumbled, "But I haven't spoken to him since the funeral. If he hurts that badly, wouldn't he say something?"
Kim shrugged. "He's fighting the imprint for Leah, because he's a good guy, and he's loyal, and they've been together forever. That's what Jared says. But he's fighting a losing battle. It isn't possible to stay away. He won't be happy until he's with you." There was a long pause, and when Emily didn't answer, Kim asked, "What has he told you? Not what she said, what he said?"
"That he's in love with me," she whispered.
"Emily, you're not the other woman. She is."
Sam thought he might drown under the tide of emotions washing over them both. He was so caught up in them that he didn't even notice Leah's presence in his mind. He was too busy feeling Emily process Kim's words.
She was torn. She loved Leah like a sister, and she did not want to hurt her, but Kim's words gave her hope. While he listened, she confessed that she had feelings for him, and that she always had. She talked about how kind he was, how considerate he was, how generous he was. She spoke of how devoted he was to his family even though his father had left them long ago. She admired the way he stepped in as the man of the house. He realized that she had been paying attention to him for years. She knew all kinds of details about him: that bacon was his favorite pizza topping, that he loved lemonade but hated orange juice, that he played forward on his basketball team until his growth spurt, when he was made the center, and that he had read all the detective novels in his house, which his father left behind. She told Kim that yellow roses were her favorite flower ever since he gave one to her, and that he always wished her a happy birthday even when her own boyfriend couldn't remember. Kim said it was proof that they were meant for each other.
But Leah's voice finally broke through his imprint-induced haze. You remembered her birthday because I told you when it was. And she knows all those things about you because I told her.
He wanted to believe that he had control over himself, that he was committed to and so deeply in love with Leah that he had the strength to stay away from Emily that night. The truth, though, was that it was Leah's love that protected him. He was right when he told her that he needed her to fight for him, and he was lucky she had phased in while he was still in the woods behind Kim's house. LeeLee! How long have you been here?
Long enough. I got off work and went to your house. Your mom said you weren't back yet, and I wanted to make sure you were okay. I was afraid you might have had a run-in with a vamp.
He was beginning to wish that he had. I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I just… I just needed to come.
She hated it, but she saw in his memory what had happened. You just felt it?
It was more like my legs just carried me here.
And now what? Do you bust in there and tell her you love her again? She sounded bitter and angry, but he knew that underneath it was crushing pain.
He felt like the lowest kind of scum when he didn't deny it. What was the point? She already knew. I can't tell you what you want to hear, baby, not out loud. I can't promise that I'll never hurt you...
She interrupted him. You can't tell me, but you'd tell her anything she wanted to hear right now. I know you would. What would you have done if I wasn't here?
He didn't honestly know, but he feared that he would have interrupted Kim and made some kind of ridiculous romantic declaration. Leah winced at the admission. But it would have been a lie, and you know that! One of the only good things about this insanity is that you can see me. You can look right inside of me. You already know how I truly feel even if I can't say it out loud, even if what comes out of my mouth is the worst kind of betrayal, you can look right into my heart and see what's really there. And he bared his soul to her again. He sent her all the love he had to give. If I do stupid, awful things, LeeLee, you have to know that it's the imprint. It's not me. It's not real. Please, you have to know that. You know me, right? You know how much I love you.
And she did. As hurt as she was, as much as his imprint told him to betray her, to discard her and toss her to the side, they both knew the truth. I guess I do, she admitted reluctantly. She felt like her heart was breaking all over again. She wanted to run away, but he wouldn't let her. He needed her too badly, and here in their shared mind was the only place he was safe. She had always been his shelter, and she still was.
Stay with me, please? He meant it in every sense of the word. He felt her urge to flee, and he begged her to come to him instead, to be his strength when he had none. He meant it in the moment, and he meant it forever. I need you. I love you. Please don't go.
So she came to him because she loved him and because he could not pull himself away. He concentrated on the way the world looked through her eyes as she ran to him, and he tried the impossible. He tried to ignore what Emily was saying inside. But Leah didn't ignore any of it. I don't know if I'm supposed to hear this. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I'm not supposed to be listening. What am I supposed to say to her the next time we talk?
Did you know how she felt about me? Did you have any idea?
She thought back upon their shared interactions, remembered little things Emily said about Sam, envisioned her cousin watching him. Now I feel like an idiot. I didn't. But it was obvious, wasn't it?
It was. The imprint planted a thought into his brain that he had wasted so much time. Emily had loved him for years, and he could have had her all along. He tried to bury the notion, but he failed.
Are you kidding me? Now she was angry. Honestly? Why are you making me listen to this? How long have you wanted her? For years? This whole time?
You know that isn't true! he exploded. That's not it at all! Dammit, I hate this! It's not me. Those feelings aren't mine. You know that. It's always been you. Forever. All the way back. You know that! You know me!
Her heart leapt at the same time that guilt crept upon her for snapping at him. I know. I do. It's just so hard to hear.
I hate thinking those things. I hate doing them. None of those actions are mine. Those words don't belong to me. I feel like a puppet, like someone else is pulling my strings.
She felt his raw honesty, and so she came. Nothing's the way it's supposed to be, Sammy. It's like the entire world got ripped apart and I'm trying so hard to stay upright, but the ground keeps shifting and cracking under my feet, and I don't know what to do.
He wanted to go to her, to take her into his arms and kiss away her sorrow. He wanted to protect her from all the pain in the world, but now he had to protect her from himself. I know. I'm so sorry. It isn't true, you have to believe me. You don't deserve this. And I hate that I'm making you feel this way.
It just feels like too much sometimes. He could feel the undercurrent of grief beneath her frustration. It wasn't just for Harry or even just about him. She missed Emily. She missed her best friend. I'm afraid to talk to her. I haven't known what to say to her. And I didn't know what she might say to me. I want her to be happy. I do. But I don't want to give you up.
Then don't! Don't give up on me. Please. If she left him, he would be lost.
Then come here. Come away from there. I don't want to listen. I don't even think you're supposed to listen.
He wanted to, but it was so hard to move. He told his feet to carry him away, to carry him to Leah. But his limbs would not cooperate. I can't move. And I'm afraid that if I do, I'll just go in there. It was a terrifying sensation. He had no control.
Please. Try. For me. He could hear the desperation, the insecurity, the hurt in her voice. You asked me to fight for you, and I am, I promise. I'm here. But I need you to fight for me too.
He turned toward the house. He finally saw her. Emily was pacing back and forth in Kim's room. He realized that she wasn't talking about him any longer; she was talking about Mark. She was still dating him, at least for the moment. She was telling Kim about their history, how she knew he wasn't good for her, but she had a hard time staying away. She spoke of the person she knew he could be, the flashes of sweetness and affection that he granted from time to time, the history they shared, and the way he could make her laugh. But those good times had always been overshadowed by bad ones, by broken trust and callousness and infidelity. The sadness in her voice made Sam want to go to her, to comfort her and to promise that everything would get better, to vow that he would not let her get hurt again. He wanted to take care of her. He wanted her never to feel loneliness or sorrow. He knew what she had not said to Kim, felt the undercurrent of dissatisfaction and disappointment permeating her life. He wanted to fix it.
Instead he found the strength to walk toward the girl who had always motivated him, the one who had always made him happy, who had kept him from succumbing from his own dissatisfaction, who comforted him during his own moments of disappointment, whom he had always loved. The imprint tried to pull him back, but he resisted, and he pushed himself to Leah.
She had been listening to his thoughts because he was not able to hide them, and he felt her agony deep in his gut. He was torn. If he returned to his human body, he would not be able to say the words she needed to hear; the imprint held his body hostage and stopped his throat. In this form he could tell her anything, but she knew more than he ever intended. She saw everything in him that he wanted to cut out himself like a cancer.
As he approached her, she made the choice for him. He spotted her small grey wolf in a clearing, and he felt that she was about to escape their mental connection. Before she could phase out, he reminded her, I love you. Always. Please don't forget.
And then a beautiful, nude girl stood in front of him with tears in her eyes. He gathered himself into his human body and took her in his arms, and then he kissed away the drops that rolled down her cheeks. He clung to her like she was his lifeline, because she was. She buried her face in his chest and squeezed him around his waist. He enveloped her in his warmth while he tried to figure out how to shelter her from himself, and he wondered if there was a way to stop hurting her. Eventually her tears dried and her breathing evened. Then he pushed her down onto a thatch of soft grass when he remembered that at least he could give her pleasure as well as pain.
X-x-x-x-X
Sam was furious with Jared. He confronted him the very next time they patrolled together. What have you been telling Kim about Emily and me?
Jared froze momentarily, trying to figure out how to respond. I... well...
Do you know what Kim has been telling her? Did you realize what she was going to do? Sam couldn't hide his irritation. His anger at Kim and Emily was obvious. Ever since the girls' conversation, it had become more and more difficult for him to stay away from Emily. Every day he had to fight an inner battle to stay in La Push instead of running to Neah Bay.
Jared bristled at the mention of Kim's name. I know it's rough, man, but she was only trying to help.
Help? She's made everything worse. We were doing fine. Everything was okay.
Jared actually scoffed. Fine? You imprinted on someone else. How is that fine?
That doesn't erase what I've got with Leah. You remember her? The girl who sat with you all night when you had the fever before you phased? Who let your wolf out and made the pain stop? You remember her? The girl I'm gonna marry?
Jared was chagrined, but he held his ground. I've got nothing against Leah and you know it. She's a great girl, and I know you've basically been with her since birth. But you and I both know you're not meant for her, you're meant for Emily.
Who I'm with is my decision and no one else's. Sam tried to deny it, but Jared would have none of it. His friend felt the strength of his imprint's pull and pointed it out.
You can be as stubborn as you want, Sam, but it's only going to hurt all three of you. You want to be with Emily and you know it.
It was harder for Sam to deny it to Jared than it was to Leah. When she was nearby he could hold onto her. He could look at the girl with whom he had fallen in love, he could think about all the things about her that made her his best friend, he could remember how good she was to him, and he knew that what he had with her was real. He would see the hurt and the love in her eyes. He could look directly into her bruised and battered heart and know that he was responsible for its care because she had given it to him long ago. But she wasn't here. That doesn't mean I've stopped wanting Leah.
I know you care about her. Hell, I care about her too. And what you had with her was great, but it's over now, don't you see that? You're holding on to something that doesn't exist anymore.
Sam actually snarled at him. Doesn't exist? Are you kidding me? I love her. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. I'm not going to forget that because of some arbitrary cosmic event.
No one's asking you to forget her, Jared attempted to reason with him. She's important, of course she is. As your sister, that's all. If you still love her, it's the love of a sister or a packmate.
Before he could stop himself, Sam flashed explicit memories of himself tangled together with a sweaty, nude, writhing Leah. Is this a relationship between siblings? Huh? You ever do this with Sandy?
Jared bristled at the implication but kept his temper. That's just hormones mixed up with nostalgia. It's not like she stopped being hot or you went blind. But if you were meant to be together, don't you think you would have imprinted on her? Shouldn't she have imprinted on you? There's some other guy out there for her. You're just wasting time with her when you could be with Emily. Being with your imprint is absolutely amazing, man. There's nothing like it in the world. Jared got lost in his own musings, his thoughts overtaken by Kim. He thought about her smile, about the way her hair fell into her face, about the sensation of her hand on his arm, and he believed that everything she did was absolute perfection. Sam thought to ask why, if she was so perfect, Jared had managed not to notice her despite knowing her for years. Jared snapped back, Because I was blind. The imprint opened my eyes, and it's like I can see for the first time. The universe finally makes sense to me now, because the universe is her!
As much as he hated it, Sam knew exactly what Jared meant. Ever since Emily had spoken with Kim, he felt like he was falling through space. She was the Sun, and he was falling inevitably into her orbit. His thoughts were constantly filled with her, and his senses were attuned to whatever she was feeling. He knew she was thinking of him, longing for him, and the only thing keeping him from going to her was his love for another girl and his conviction to remain true to himself.
Leah phased in just as he was thinking of Emily, and her pain blossomed in his mind. LeeLee, I'm sorry...
She cut him off. She didn't want to hear it. Not now, Sam. I think I've found something. She opened her memories. She was leaving Bella's house. Ever since finding her in the woods, Leah had become protective of the broken girl. Bella's behavior was scaring her father. Charlie had sought advice from Billy and Sue since they were his closest friends with teenage daughters, and Sue had sent Leah to check on her. She had visited her a few times, usually finding her lying motionless on her bed looking at nothing or huddled against the headboard staring at the rocking chair across the room. It was clear that the chair reminded Bella of Edward, but it had taken Leah several attempts to find out why. She was horrified when she found out that the vampire had snuck into the girl's room without her permission to watch her sleep, and she had accused him of stalking her.
Bella became defensive immediately, saying that it was romantic, that he would never hurt her, and that it showed his dedication to her. Leah retorted that it was creepy and disturbing. Bella pouted and declared that Leah didn't understand. Leah answered that she understood perfectly, that Sam had been crawling through her window for years. She understood how flattering it was to have someone who liked her so much that he wanted to watch her sleep, and how good it felt to sleep curled up against someone she loved who loved her back. Bella said nothing, but Leah saw on her face that she thought Leah was being hypocritical. Leah had retorted that Sam never came through her window without her permission, that they were the same age, and had been best friends for years. She asked Bella what she would have thought of Edward if he had looked his age, and Bella blanched and fell silent. Eventually Bella quietly said that Edward was locked in the emotional age of a teenager and that he always would be. Leah asked if Bella really wanted to be with someone who would never mature in any way, someone who thought that it was appropriate to watch a sleeping girl a century his junior without her permission. She also reminded Bella that regardless of emotional age, Edward had lived for a century longer than she had, and it was a simple and straightforward fact that he was old enough to be her great grandfather. Once more, she asked what Bella would have thought of Edward had he actually looked his age, and Bella had no response. They had parted less than amicably, but she was on her way back for another visit.
This time, she took reinforcements: she brought Jacob Black. The boy was the polar opposite of the vampire: warm, open, talkative, boisterous, and affectionate. If Edward was a poison, perhaps Jacob was the cure. They all knew that he had had a crush on Bella for years. Even Sam remembered the way he would follow the girl around like a puppy. More importantly, though, Leah remembered that Jacob was always able to put a smile on Bella's face. She had always been shy and reserved, preferring to sit by herself with her nose buried in a book. She had never really clicked with Leah, Rachel, or Rebecca, but Jacob always brought her out of her shell. Leah recalled a few trips to the beach during which Jacob pried Bella away from her towel and lured her into the ocean or let her bury him under a mountain of sand. She remembered the way the two of them would pull their sleeping bags together when all the children packed into the tree house for a sleepover, and how Bella and Jacob would whisper together like no one else was there. So when she suggested he accompany her for a visit, she wasn't at all surprised when he immediately said yes.
On their way there however, she ran across a disgusting scent that nearly caused her to phase in front of Jacob. It was the unmistakable stench of a vampire.
Crap, Jared said. Have you seen anything? Is it there?
I checked the house. It hasn't been inside. No one has been harmed, and I mean to make sure it stays that way.
Sam didn't want her anywhere near a vampire by herself. Or at all, for that matter. But Leah was already tracking it. She had left Jacob with Bella and made an excuse to leave, and then she ran outside as fast as she could and phased. She was hot on its trail. It was still relatively fresh, and Sam was terrified what she might find at the end of it. Hold up! Wait for us. We're coming. I don't want you out there alone.
Her mind immediately jumped to the hiker they had found in the woods. No way. Last time we were just a few minutes too late. If I'd gotten there faster, maybe that guy would still be alive. There is no way I am backing off just to let someone else get killed.
Sam pushed himself as fast as he could go. Jared was just behind him. Last time you were the one who nearly got killed. Seriously. You have to wait for us.
That's only because I was outnumbered. I took out the first one before he even knew what hit him. I can hold my own.
I know, but what if it's more than one?
Jared broke in. Or what if it's already gone? Or maybe it's a Cullen.
It isn't a Cullen. I've been through their house and I recognize the way they smell, she explained. And it's not Victoria either. She smells different too.
Sam interrupted them. Whatever it is, it isn't good. It's dangerous. So if I have to give you an order not to fight without us, I'm going to do it. She wasn't happy, but there wasn't anything she can do about it. She kept running.
Their caution turned out to be needless. The trail led Leah to the Cullen residence, where it disappeared. Fresh tire tracks marked the dirt road leading to the house. This time, Sam insisted that she wait for them to arrive, and then all three of them entered the house. It was abandoned, just as it had been the last time they had searched it. The only fresh scent was that of the mysterious vampire. They left more frustrated than they had been when they arrived.
As they returned to the Swan house, Leah huffed in frustration. I really wish they had to left us a way to contact them.
This could be as simple as someone checking up on their place, making sure Bella is okay, or it could be something very dangerous, Sam agreed. I wish we could just ask.
Jared asked, Do you really think it's that innocent?
Of course not, Leah answered. There's no way we could get that lucky. And it can't be a good thing that the trail started at Bella's house. I don't know what it is about that girl, but she's some kind of vampire magnet. I don't think she's safe.
What do you think we should do about it? Sam asked.
Leah considered it. Whoever it is, they seem to be after her. If we have any intention of figuring this out, of keeping this place safe, we need to stick by her.
Then it'll help that you guys seem to be getting to be friends, Sam answered. You can check up on her.
And find out what she knows, Jared added. We're flying blind here, but she seems to know all about them. We could really use the help.
Leah asked, But what do I tell her? I try not to ask her to much, because asking too much generates a lot of questions from her. So far she's been too self-absorbed to pry, but that can't last forever. Am I allowed to tell her about us?
Sam immediately answered, Definitely not. She's an outsider. It's one thing to tell our families, but she could get us into real trouble.
Jared agreed. I don't trust her. She voluntarily put herself in the company of leeches. She's in love with one of them still, and I'm sure if it ever came down to us versus them, she'd be on their side.
Leah understood, but she wasn't sure how she would get any more information out of Bella without offering some too. And she had no idea how she would answer her inevitable questions. When they arrived outside Bella's house, Jared split off to see Kim. Sam and Leah looked through the front window to see Bella trying to muffle a laugh with her hand. Jacob was grinning at her. He looks like a total goofball, Leah laughed.
He looks like a fool in love, Sam remarked.
I think that might be the first time she's smiled. Or it is that I've seen since Cullen left her in the woods.
Don't tell Jacob that. It'll blow up his ego like a giant balloon. Sam paused. I have to say, I don't really see it. I'm not exactly sure what a 100-year-old vampire would want with her other than for food. But Jacob seems to think that she's the best thing since sliced bread.
I can't speak for the leech, Leah responded, but as for Jacob, I think they just click. Don't you think?
He thought of the way Leah's hand fit in his, and of the way her body molded against him. Yeah. I guess I do. The imprint tried to tell him that Emily would feel even better. Leah's mood fell instantly, but he told her, I know it isn't true, baby. Sometimes it's hard for me to remember, but I know it. I promise.
I know. I wouldn't have said anything, you know, but seeing as you can read my mind…
I'm glad we can talk this way. I just can't say a lot of things out loud, but it doesn't mean I don't feel them.
She took a long time to answer. I'm just afraid that one day I'll look in your mind and you'll have forgotten, or you'll have stopped fighting. Or I'm afraid that fighting it will just be too painful, and maybe you'll decide it isn't worth it.
He tried to convey his deepest conviction. You'll always be worth it.
She thought of how mutable his emotions were, of the way he had lost control over his own actions. Even if you can't remember?
Even if I can't remember, he reluctantly conceded.
He felt her brain working like he was a puzzle to solve. But love is just an emotion, she said. A thought. So if you forget that you love me, and you can't remember how, if the emotion is gone, and you don't act like you do, then you really don't. You will have stopped loving me. Even if we both remember when you did.
Stubbornly, he answered, I refuse to do that. I refuse to stop. Because if I stop, I won't be me. A version of me that doesn't love you isn't me at all. It's a lie. And I don't want to live a lie.
She let her emotions wash over them both. There was fear there, and sadness, but relief as well. And above those, she put her faith in him, her trust. And most of all, she gave him her love. Thank you, Sammy. I needed to hear you say it.
Thanks for talking to me. And just remember, no matter what else happens, this is the real me. The one who's loved you forever, who wants to make our lives together.
I love you too, Sammy.
They sat together quietly, nuzzling together and enjoying each other's heat. Eventually he decided to lighten the mood. You know, this mind reading thing, sometimes it comes in handy. His thoughts drifted inevitably to sex, and he thought about the way they fit together so perfectly in the way that men and women were made for one another. I don't have to guess what you like anymore. What you want.
She flattered him. With or without that, you always had a knack. I can't say I've ever been disappointed.
Although she was teasing him, he also saw that she was being honest, and he puffed up with pride. He thought of the way she looked while she was naked beneath him, and he said, I might not always have known what I was doing, but I was very determined to learn.
She laughed. You're a quick study.
And an enthusiastic pupil too. He let memories wash over them both. He thought of their early, fumbling times together, of how stunned and eager he was at the very sight of her, the way even now a glimpse of her skin sent him reeling back to that place of lust and wonder. She, in turn, thought about how nervous she was when she touched him for the first time, how she wondered if she would do anything right or make him feel good at all. He was incredulous, and he showed her just how amazing she had been. They kept on like that for several minutes, revisiting their shared past from both of their perspectives. It was difficult, but he managed to ignore the pull of his imprint, which seemed to be growing ever stronger, but he held onto the fact that no matter what else happened, it couldn't change their memories.
X-x-x-x-X
A/N: Thanks again to Babs81410, who is a phenomenal beta.