Sam fled along the Pacific coast. It was difficult not to turn back to Emily, but he had his orders, and he followed them. He tried to keep his thoughts as blank as possible as he watched Seth's tumultuous attempts to transform back into his human body. He was too worried about his sister to calm down. It also didn't help that Sam couldn't stop replaying his own traumatic experiences from the morning. Being forced out of his own body was one of the most terrifying things that had ever happened to him. The only bright side was that Seth saw how powerless he had been to stop it, but that despite that, he had still fought bitterly.
I… I didn't realize, Seth said. I'm sorry I attacked you.
Don't be sorry, Sam said. You actually saved me. You stopped me from doing something I was going to regret for the rest of my life, I think. God. I feel sick.
I was just so angry, and watching how badly my sister has been hurting, I just needed to take it out on somebody. I thought this was all your fault, but obviously I'm not so sure anymore. If anything, it seems like it's Emily's fault.
Hey, Jared interrupted. It's a shame that your sister got hurt in the process, but the imprint is the way it's supposed to be.
Embry disagreed. But what about what just happened? It was like Sam got possessed or something.
If he just went along with it, that wouldn't have happened, Jared argued. He's fighting something that isn't meant to be fought. That just can't be fought. He needs to give in.
Seth protested, And my sister just gets to bleed to death if they ever have sex? Are you kidding me?
Sam was nauseated by the thought of the imprint banishing him from his body and using him to sexually pleasure Emily. It was nothing short of a violation. He started to thank Seth for interrupting, but Jared stubbornly answered, He should never have marked Leah. That's meant for Emily. It's meant for his imprint.
Sam stated bluntly, I'll never regret marking Leah. She's it. She's it for me. Emily won't even listen to me, and she's been nothing but trouble since I imprinted on her. Nothing can stop me from loving Leah. Nothing. Not Emily, not the imprint, and certainly not anything you say. She's the one I want to be with, and I'm going to get her back.
Embry pragmatically added, Besides, he's already done it. He already marked her. It's not like he can take it back.
Maybe he should mark Emily then, Jared insisted. Maybe it will cancel out the other mark.
That's idiotic, Paul responded. All that would happen is that Emily would be even more miserable when he's away from her, and she's barely functional as it is.
Okay, that's a little harsh, Jared protested.
Really? Sam answered. Because I've been trapped in her apartment for weeks because she's too scared of the vampires to let me out of her sight.
Yeah, Quil answered. She's turned Sam into some kind of love slave.
Don't say that, Sam growled. I don't love her. I don't even like her. Love only applies to Leah.
Sam, Jared argued, if you'd just stop struggling, you'd understand. Maybe love is the wrong word. Imprinting is more than that. It's bigger, it's better, and nothing else even comes close.
It is bigger, Sam admitted. That's how it managed to throw me out of my own body. But there's no way it's better. What I've got with Leah is real, and honest, and good, and I'm not letting it go. I'm not letting her go.
Embry sadly reminded him, Man, she's already gone.
Look, Seth added, I appreciate how much you love her. Honestly, it means a lot to her that you didn't just drop her like she was nothing when you imprinted. She knows how hard you're fighting for her, and she loves you for it. But she's constantly in danger, and she's hurting, and I just want her to stop hurting.
Then I need to break the imprint, Sam resolved. Because it hurts us both to be apart, and I can't stand to cause her pain. And I refuse to let this thing take over me. It's destructive. It's eating me alive, it's hurting her, and it's bad for the pack. I'd do anything to undo it.
Sam, you're not thinking straight! Jared insisted.
Really? Paul interjected. Because his imprint made him run away from your imprint while she was being kidnapped by a leech. And we had the redhead cornered when you fucking turned around like a coward. If the two of you had your heads screwed on straight, we wouldn't still be in this mess. It'd be all over. So how good a thing could it possibly be?
Yeah, Seth agreed. It seems to me that imprinting isn't good for anyone except Kim and Emily. How come they get anything they want, and the cost to the rest of us just doesn't matter?
Paul continued, It's ridiculous. We're the ones doing all the work, making all the sacrifices, putting ourselves on the line. But those two random girls get the reward, not us. And the one who gets shafted the worst is Leah.
It's no wonder she's being so reckless, Embry stated. She thinks there's nothing left for her here, and she's kind of right. There basically isn't.
Sam was dismayed. But I'm here! I'm still here! I still want her. I still love her. I still need her, and I know she needs me too.
Seth reminded him, But you're no good for her this way. Right now, all you can do is break her heart all over again. So don't do it. If you can't give her what she needs, then just leave her alone.
Paul pointed out, You're turning into some kind of crazy stalker, dude. If it was someone else, you'd murder them for treating her this way.
I know, but that's not the real me, Sam protested. I just have to find a way to get out of this imprint. If I can do that, I still have a chance. If I can do that, I can be the guy she deserves. I made her happy, Seth, don't you remember? I just want to make her happy again.
Yeah, Seth admitted. You did.
Embry pointed out, But the harder you fight, the less control you actually have. It really seemed like the imprint just took over when you pushed back too hard.
I can't stand it. The whole experience has been totally insane since I first phased, but this is ridiculous. It's like there's nothing left. My body's not my body. My mind isn't my mind. I'm being destroyed from the inside.
Quil physically shuddered. Damn, I hope that never happens to me.
Or any of the rest of us, Paul added. At the same time, they saw him imagining Leah imprinting on him, but everyone politely ignored it. Even Sam said nothing, although he let his irritation float wordlessly through the pack mind.
Jared sulked. You guys are all being assholes. Kim is the best thing that ever happened to me. Just because Sam's having a bad experience doesn't mean they all are. Listen to the stories. In every other instance, imprinting has been an amazing thing. A gift. Just because Leah came along and fucked everything up doesn't mean imprinting is bad. Old Quil was right.
Wait, Quil stopped him. What does my grandpa have to do with this?
He's trying to set things right, Jared explained. Put them back the way they're supposed to be. There aren't supposed to be any female shifters. Being a protector is a man's job, not a woman's. Leah's angry and out of control. Just look at how she's run off, now of all moments, when one of those Cullen leeches is back.
Wait, Sam stopped him. What had he missed while he was semi-conscious? What are you talking about?
Her name's Alice, Seth explained. He pictured the petite vampire. Bella stayed at Jake's last night…
Quil interrupted, Oh, yeah. Jakey finally got some!
Dude, Embry chided. This is so not the time.
Heh, Paul disagreed. Long overdue, if you ask me. He's been panting after her like a lost puppy for months now.
Sam was getting irritated at the topic. He didn't care about Jacob's love life; he needed to know about the vampire. Yeah, whatever. Tell me about Alice.
Seth continued, Apparently she was waiting for Bella when Jake took her home this morning. She's psychic or something, and she had a vision of Bella standing on the edge of the cliff. She rushed out here to see if Bella was okay.
Maybe that's why you phased, Embry suggested.
Fucking leeches screwing everything up, Paul huffed. Where was she when we were chasing Victoria down? Could have used a little heads up about that. And if she's psychic, why did she need to come out here to see Bella? Didn't her visions tell her Bella was okay? She didn't even go over the edge!
Seth answered, Apparently she can't see us at all. We block her visions or something. And when we got too close to Bella, the vision went black. Since she stayed with Jake last night, she was afraid Bella jumped and was dead or something.
Sam asked, Okay, so Bella's fine, no thanks to her. What now?
They're talking, I guess, Embry answered. Jake said that with a Cullen back, the old treaty line is still in place. So we don't really know.
And that's the moment your ex chose to run off, Jared snapped. Things could be going down here with those leeches back, and she thinks it's a good time to run away? Screw that.
I don't know, Embry replied. It sounded like it was just one of them, and as far as we know, they've never attacked anyone around here. Victoria seems like a way bigger threat, so it actually makes some sense to go after her instead of just waiting for her here.
Jared wasn't convinced. Leah's weak and small. She isn't tough enough. She's not cut out for it. This whole mess is her fault, not Emily's, and not Sam's either. He's only this screwed up because Leah got her claws in him. I hope she stays away. Then everything will be okay.
Seth snarled, You take that back!
Jared was adamant. I won't! It's her fault Sam's so torn up. It's her fault Emily can't be happy. Because she's run off, all of us have to cover for her. Plus she took our Alpha with her. If something happens to Jake, it's all on her. She's nothing but trouble.
Sam was furious. If he was anywhere near Jared, he would have attacked immediately. Instead he started shouting, but his voice was nearly drowned out by Seth's and Paul's.
Enough! Jacob's voice rang out. He had phased in just in time to hear Jared's tirade. This isn't a debate. It isn't a democracy. I don't care if you like my decision or not. It's final. If you all don't have something useful to say, don't say anything at all.
Jared protested, But Jake…
Shut it if you know what's good for you! Paul cut him off.
Sam added, And think about the fact that she was the one who saved Kim from that vampire. If it weren't for Leah, Kim would be dead. That stopped Jared's rant as effectively as an Alpha order could have.
They looked through Jacob's eyes. He was just leaving the reservation. For a few minutes, he disappeared to explain the situation to Bella, and when he returned to the pack mind, he smugly replayed the memory. He had arrived at the house to find Alice sitting on the couch being interrogated by Chief Swan, who refused to leave his daughter alone with a vampire. Bella had asked for privacy to speak with her friend, but the Chief would not be moved. Instead, he grilled Alice about every unsolved crime he could remember. Jacob joined him to see if she knew anything useful about Victoria, but she said that Victoria seemed to have a way of evading her psychic abilities. Charlie had muttered under his breath that she was a fraud. Jacob and Charlie wanted her to leave immediately now that she obviously knew Bella had not drowned, but both girls protested. However, Alice implied that she had no intention of staying in Forks long term. That upset Bella, but she was even more distraught when she realized Jacob was leaving, even if only for a short time. Jacob hugged her close, and when he saw the startled expression on Alice's face, he had chanced Charlie's wrath and blatantly kissed Bella in a show of possessiveness. Bella blushed and stammered in embarrassment, Charlie crossed his arms over his chest but smirked at Alice, and the vampire looked shocked. He pulled Bella aside for a private goodbye and heard Charlie telling Alice how much better Jacob was for his daughter than Edward had been. Moments before Jacob had to leave, the phone rang. Charlie picked it up to find Carlisle Cullen on the other end. Jacob did not speak to him, but when he left, Charlie was still yelling at the doctor about putting Bella in harm's way and bringing dangerous predators to his town.
Jacob assigned Jared to escort Alice out of Forks, while he headed north. Leah was nowhere in his line of sight. They heard him talking to her. Just hold up, okay? A lengthy pause followed during which Jacob seemed to get irritated.
Sam broke into his thoughts. What's she doing? Is she okay?
She's fine. She's just really fast, is all. I'm trying to catch up. He tried to whisper to her, an absurd attempt via telepathy. Would it kill you to slow down a little?
Sam asked, Can she see me? Does she know I'm here?
Of course not, Paul answered. We can't hear her at all, so why should she be able to hear us? It's a good thing, too. She doesn't deserve any of that shit Jared said about her.
Sam explained, I just want her to know that I'm not back at the cabin. That I'm not with Emily.
Jacob was uncomfortable. Yeah, uh, I'm not going to be your messenger.
Quil snorted, There's a reason they say, "Don't shoot the messenger." Jacob'd be lucky if she just shot him. She's scary when she's pissed. But Jake, if you didn't want to be their messenger, you shouldn't have let her go.
Sam insisted, I need to apologize. I need her to understand. She needs to know that I'm going to fix this. What he really wanted was to talk to her directly. He was getting desperate. Can't you patch me through or something?
Do I look like a telephone to you? Jacob asked.
Just tell her I'm not with Emily, okay?
Seriously. I didn't agree to let her go just so I could pass your messages back and forth!
Come on, please? Sam knew he sounded pathetic, but he no longer cared. His pride was the least of his problems. She didn't give me a chance to explain. It's important. She doesn't understand what actually happened. I had absolutely no control. I can't let her go knowing that she thinks I actually chose Emily over her. It's just not what happened. Emily kind of flipped when I told her I wanted to be with Leah.
Jacob took several long seconds to sift through Sam's memories, and finally he agreed. He tried to show them to Leah, and to pass along Sam's message, but soon he stopped and told Sam, She really doesn't want to hear it. She says that she's had enough of getting her hopes up.
Then how am I supposed to fix this?
Embry told him, Just give her some time.
Seth added, And stop making her promises that you can't keep.
After that, the conversation shifted to helping Seth learn how to phase back. He already knew about the Cullens, Victoria, and the threats against them, but he did not yet have the details. Leah had tried to protect him from them. It was no longer advisable nor even possible. Sam found it ironic that it was easier to have a conversation about the leeches then it was about themselves.
After a couple hours, Sam was miles away from the reservation, Alice was gone, and Jacob caught up with Leah. He was surprised to see her beautiful human face through Jacob's eyes rather than her wolf. Jacob explained that there were several areas of the shoreline that were too populated for her to explore in her animal form, so she had transformed back. Thus far she hadn't discovered anything.
Sam drank in the sight of her. Even though her fists were clenched and her eyes red, though her expression was hard and betrayed the depth of her anger, though her clothes were disheveled and her hair a mess, she was still as gorgeous as ever. He couldn't believe he had allowed himself to lose her.
Soon Jacob phased out to join Leah, much to Sam's disappointment. Conversation shifted to Bella, because most of the pack still didn't know what had happened between her and Jacob that pushed their relationship beyond the boundaries of friendship. She had been even worse off than they originally thought. After pulling her back from the edge of the cliff, Leah had brought her back to their house. Seth's temperature had been increasing, and he could hear everything they said from his bedroom. Leah had demanded to know what Bella was doing. The broken girl insisted that she had not been attempting suicide, but what she finally revealed was just as disturbing. She was having hallucinations. She had discovered that Edward would appear before her and warn her away from danger whenever she put herself at risk, so she had started behaving recklessly just to get a glimpse of him. It was how she knew that the vampire who had approached her in the diner was a predator; she said Edward had told her.
Seth snuck downstairs to watch them from the stairs. Leah was horrified, and Jacob was hurt. He saw that the relationship they were cultivating was never about him at all. Leah knew that Jacob had wanted to leave as soon as he found out, but he was too good to Bella. He was far more worried about her sanity and happiness than he was about his own. Leah had pulled Bella aside for a difficult but necessary reality check. She had bluntly told the distraught girl that her visions were not messages from her undead lover, but a sign of serious mental illness. She had insisted that Bella tell her father what had been going on. Bella refused outright, and after a heated argument during which Leah threatened to tell Charlie herself, Bella had agreed to talk to Sue instead. Leah's mother was not yet home, but Bella agreed to speak with her later that week.
Jacob, meanwhile, felt like a third wheel. When he tried to leave again, Leah stopped him and pointed out to Bella that she didn't need Edward. She had a much better choice right in front of her. Bella stammered and insisted she had no romantic feelings for Jacob, who looked like he wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Leah had rolled her eyes and told Bella that she was just infatuated with a fantasy that she had built around Edward. She systematically reminded Bella of all the ways that Edward was wrong for her while describing everything about Jacob that so clearly made Bella happy. Bella had blushed furiously and unsuccessfully tried to get Leah to stop talking. She insisted that she loved Jacob like a brother. The conversation was interrupted by the ringing of the phone, and Seth answered it, informing Billy that his son had arrived at their house.
Leah got tired of arguing. She finally told Bella, "Well then, if you don't have any feelings for Jake, you won't mind if I do this." She abruptly swiveled and reached for Jacob, and before anyone knew what was happening, she had pulled him down for a kiss. Her stunned Alpha's mouth dropped open at the unexpected gesture, allowing her to teasingly flick her tongue against his. She let out an exaggerated moan for Bella's benefit, and then she backed away. Leah looked directly in Jacob's eyes and murmured, "Your lips are really soft," loudly enough for Bella to hear.
"Y-Y-yours too. And, um, you taste good," he blurted out.
Leah smirked. "Hmm. You do too." She turned to Bella with a wicked grin. "You don't mind, do you? I mean, he's single, I'm single, and you don't have any feelings for him. And I think I could get used to those kisses." She grabbed him by his belt loops, pulling him flush against her.
Bella was gaping at them, but then her expression shifted into a petulant pout. She crossed her arms over her chest. "That's not fair."
"Turns out that life's not fair," Leah responded calmly.
Jacob squirmed with discomfort, but Leah didn't let him go. Bella stammered, "You… You can't use him like your rebound. It's not fair to him."
"No? What have you been doing, exactly, Bella? The only difference I see is that I'm interested in giving him something back while I use him." Leah ran a finger down Jacob's muscled arm. "Oh, you don't mind if I just use you physically, do you? No strings attached? I'm not looking for a boyfriend, just a... release."
Jacob was wide-eyed, blushing as badly as Bella, and out of his depth. He had no response other than, "Umm…" From the hallway, Seth barely contained his laughter.
"You can't do that!" Bella's pink cheeks turned red.
"And why is that?" Leah prodded.
Now Bella looked like a tomato. "You know why!" She kept eye contact with Leah but couldn't look directly at Jacob, who was sending a distress message to Seth with his eyes.
"Oh, I think I know. But I'm not sure you do, and he definitely doesn't. So why don't you all fill us in?" Leah answered.
"You can't make me say it!" Bella insisted.
Leah arched a brow and turned to put her other hand on Jacob's bare chest. "No? If you can't give me a good reason, I'm absolutely going to make him my rebound guy. I'm pretty sure he'll be a very effective distraction." She smirked at Jacob, and he swallowed loudly.
"You're just using him!" Bella exclaimed.
Leah gave him her sexiest smile. "Yeah, but I'll make it worth his while. You wouldn't mind getting used a little bit, would you, Jake?" She traced her fingers along his well-defined abdominal muscles.
Bella had finally had enough. She stomped her foot. "Leah, quit touching him!"
"Why?" Leah looked at Bella over her shoulder.
"Because he's mine!" Bella didn't even realize what she had said until well after. Suddenly, she clamped her hands over her mouth. "Oh gosh, I'm sorry Jacob."
Leah stepped aside, grinning, and Jacob immediately walked to Bella and pulled her hands from her mouth. "No, no. Don't be sorry."
She shook her head. "No, I never should've said that. It's not… We're not… It's not like that."
Jacob started to step back, disappointed, but Leah interrupted, "Seriously, Bella? Are you kidding me?"
Bella bit her lip and looked at the floor. Jacob looked at Leah for help, and she nodded at him. Jacob asked Bella tentatively, "So it really wouldn't bother you if I dated somebody else?"
Bella's expression said at all.
Seth, who had been watching the entire exchange like a movie, tugged Leah out of the room. "Come on, let's give them a little privacy." Leah followed willingly, but only because she knew she could hear anything else that happened from anywhere in the house. The siblings sat down on the couch in the living room, and Leah lamented that they didn't have any popcorn. They blatantly eavesdropped as Jacob confessed his feelings. Seth tried to high-five Leah when Bella reluctantly admitted hers. Leah left her brother hanging until they heard the new couple kiss, and then she smirked and slapped her palm against his.
Moments later, Sam had burst through the back door like a madman looking for Paul.
Paul muttered, You're such an asshole, dude.
Shit, was his only reply. I really am. But I still kind of want to tear Jake's lips off his face.
But Paul wanted to rub it in. It might not have been real this time, but you may as well get used to it. Leah's not going to be single forever, you know.
She's not single now! Sam insisted.
You keep telling yourself that, Paul snorted.
X-x-x-x-X
Sam made it all the way to Oregon but found no trace of Victoria. Paul told him to come back when Jacob and Leah finally found the vampire's scent on an abandoned, rocky beach outside Olympia, but he returned as slowly as possible to delay a reunion with Emily. From time to time he could see Leah in Jacob's vision. It kept him focused. He had to get her back. He knew that he could make her happy and that no one could ever replace her in his heart. Moreover, giving in to Emily's desires would mean a complete loss of his identity. It was even worse than he had feared. If his experience was any indication, he wouldn't just be brainwashed, but forcibly removed from his own body. Perhaps he would be forever trapped outside himself, watching a life he did not want to live, without any way to communicate with anyone. It was a nightmare that he couldn't have imagined if he had tried.
At least he could escape into his wolf. He sank further into the animal, whose needs were basic, and whose urges were compelling: hunting, killing, eating, and Leah.
He wasn't certain why the imprint affected the wolf less than the man. Perhaps it was because Emily wanted him, not his wolf. Or perhaps it was because it was his wolf's instinct that urged him to mark Leah in the first place. Certainly he still felt the pull back to Emily, but he wasn't rushing to return to her. He fully intended to bypass La Push altogether, because he could do nothing on the Reservation to help Leah. She wouldn't be safe until Victoria was dead, and perhaps not even then. A knot of dread formed in the pit of Sam's stomach when he thought of the woman he loved facing down the enemy once more. The fact that Jacob had followed her was little comfort. Sam would much prefer that she simply be pulled from battle. But she was tenacious, desperate, and angry. She would only abandon her search if ordered, and Jacob showed no signs of doing so.
Sam could only think of one way to prevent her from getting hurt again. He would have to find Victoria and kill her himself.
He phased out as soon as he made the decision. He didn't want anyone to try to stop him. He had been listening in enough to know that Victoria had made her way to Seattle. Although she had managed to throw Leah and Jacob off her scent by island-hopping across Puget Sound, Charlie had informed Billy of an uptick in the rate of missing persons reports in Seattle, and they were convinced that Victoria was behind the crime wave. Charlie had managed to identify one of the vampires they had killed; she had been a homeless prostitute in Seattle. Victoria had not been able to recruit enough supporters, so she was making them instead. Leah suspected that that had been her intent the first time she and Sam stumbled across her and her partner in the woods. She had been reprimanding Riley over the body of the hiker, and in retrospect, she was probably trying to stop him from murdering their victim. She must have wanted to create another vampire.
Sam knew then that she would try to create more monsters to do her bidding. This time she wouldn't stop at half a dozen or a dozen. She would return with a real army. She would try to destroy the pack, the imprints, Bella, and the community itself. Leah was right to go after her. She had to be stopped before she could create an invincible force. Leah had figured this out, and now that Sam had enough distance from Emily to think about it, he was absolutely certain that his only option was to help her.
He even knew where he would start. If he couldn't pick up Victoria's scent, he would look for her where she found her victims. If she wanted to create an army, she couldn't afford the visibility of murdering people who would catch the attention of the law. It was no coincidence that she had turned a runaway and a prostitute. She was preying on the vulnerable and the dispossessed. Sam would look for her at the soup kitchens, the homeless shelters, and the transient camps.
The only problem was that Emily was trying to pull him back. Jared had told her they were confident that Victoria was in Seattle, not south along the coast, and she wanted to know when Sam was coming home. From time to time, he found his feet changing his direction, and there was no mistaking his destination. His body was trying to carry him back to her. He was traveling in his human form in order to avoid accidentally informing the rest of the pack of his plans; he was afraid Jacob would order him to go home. It was slow going, but he knew he would get to Seattle eventually. Luckily, he had his wallet on him, so he was racking up credit card debt in order to stay fed and sheltered, but it was a small price to pay.
Unfortunately, he was beginning to realize he wouldn't be able to escape on his own. He needed Emily to let him go. He knew now that she held all the power in their relationship even if she did not realize it. Her whims and desires dictated his actions, so if he stood any chance at finding Victoria in Seattle, he needed her to release him to it. If his recent experiences were any indication, the moment she decided she had to have him back, he would go to her against his will. He wished he could explain what was going on. She needed to know. He managed to pick up a phone, and he even dialed, but he was never able to say what he wanted. He hung up before he said something he regretted. After that, he tried to write it down. Perhaps he could simply show her a letter. He would tell her that he had always loved Leah, had never stopped, and still wanted to marry her. He wanted to beg her to release him. But the written word failed him just as his voice did. He wrote a passionate, desperate plea for release, but when he read what he had written, found something completely different. It could only be described as a love letter. Angrily, he threw it in the trash.
He needed help. Jacob might have talked to Emily were he in any position to do so, but that was no longer possible. At one point, Leah might have been able to convince Emily to free him. He wished that the girls had spoken when they had a chance, but there was nothing to be done about it now. That left his brothers.
The very next time he phased, he was grateful to find Seth in the back mind. Leah's brother was paired with Paul, who greeted him coldly. You're taking your sweet time coming home. Did Emily send you on some kind of errand?
No. I'm trying to avoid her.
Paul was skeptical. Good luck with that. She's been bugging the hell out of me wanting to know when you're coming home.
What did you tell her?
Nothing, Paul answered. I'm not interested in talking to her any more then I absolutely have to.
Good. Thanks.
What for? Paul didn't understand.
Well, I wasn't planning on coming back.
Excuse me? Paul demanded. We're a little shorthanded here, you know. We don't exactly have enough extra bodies to give you a vacation.
I know, Sam admitted. But you know as well as I do that the action's not in La Push. Not anymore.
Yeah. Your ex is in the thick of it with our Alpha.
Then Sam was concerned. Had something happened to Leah? Why weren't they helping her? Was she in danger again? What have you heard? Is everything okay? Has she said anything?
Paul didn't feel like telling him anything, but Seth answered, She checks in to let Mom know she's not dead, but she doesn't stay on the line long after Mom tries to get her to come back home. And Jake gives us updates. She's fine. Or at least she was the last time we heard.
Thank god. What she's doing isn't safe.
Paul reluctantly agreed. You're right about that, anyway. But what's it got to do with you? You guys are over.
No we're not, Sam stubbornly insisted. We're not over until I'm dead and cold. Not a moment sooner.
Paul snorted. Yeah? What do you think your precious little imprint has to say about that?
I don't care what she thinks! She's nothing to me without the imprint. Sam growled. Look, we both know that Leah and Jacob aren't safe on their own. I want to go after them.
Paul considered it. And what, you're asking for permission? Jake will be phasing in again eventually. We haven't seen much of him now that they're in the city, but they make sure to check in when they can. Stick around until he phases in, and you can ask him then.
No! You can't ask him. He's listening to Leah, and she says she doesn't want to see me.
Sarcastically, Paul answered, Yeah, can't imagine why that is.
Look, I know how badly I fucked up. I get it. I feel like shit, and I want to take all of it back. But I can't. All I can do is love her, because I don't know how to stop. And I can protect her. Even if she doesn't want me, even if she hates me, even if I deserve to get my heart ripped out because of what I did to her, she doesn't deserve to suffer anymore because of all the ways that everybody else fucked up around her. I want to go help her. I need to.
Paul was silent, but Sam knew he was thinking over his words. So why are you telling me? You know where they're going. Why aren't you just running to Seattle? You don't exactly need my permission.
That's just it. Because of this damn imprint, I need Emily's permission. Or it feels like it, anyway.
Pussy, Paul ridiculed him.
I know! I get it!
So again, I want to know why you're bothering to talk to me. Looks like you need to ask your little girlfriend to let you go.
Seth pointed out, But we all know she'll never let him go. She's freaked out enough as it is, and she wants him to get back as soon as possible.
Yeah, that's why I need your help, Sam explained.
What could I possibly do to help you? Paul asked.
Talk to her! Convince her to let me go! Tell her anything, I don't care. Hell, tell her I'm dead. Maybe then she'd let me go entirely. If she let me go, I could be with Leah. For real.
What makes you think Leah would want you back, even if that was possible? Paul asked.
Because she loves me too. The real me, not whatever insanity is taking over. I know she does. It's the way it's supposed to be. Because there's no way that I still feel this way about her, not when the whole universe is telling me not to, unless there's still something there. And you know how I know there's something there? It's because it's the only real thing left. That's it. It's her. I love her, I always have, I always will, and she just has to. She has to love me back.
Derisively, Paul answered, You're so pathetic. You talk a big game, but that's all it is. Talk. And she finally figured it out, and she dumped your ass right where you belong, which is nowhere. Nowhere near her. You don't deserve her.
You think I don't know that? You think I don't know that she's better off without me? That I can't do anything except hurt her anymore? I don't want to. I hate what I've done to her, and I hate what I'm becoming. I need to make it up to her. I only ever want to do good things for her, to balance out all the bad things. I need to show her how much I love her, and I can't do that when Emily's got me by the throat.
By the short and curlies, you mean, Paul mocked.
That's why I need you guys to help me! I want to tell Emily how I really feel, but I can't. I physically can't. I need her to know what's really going on, and I need somebody to convince her to let me go since I can't do it myself.
Paul actually laughed. Are you out of your mind? Why would I do anything to help you? You're a traitor and a coward.
That's the imprint! It's the imprint that's making me into this pathetic shell of a person. Help me get the real me back!
Fuck that. You've had your chances. You don't deserve another.
Yeah? Well, you'll sing a different song if you imprint on some random girl. At least I'm fighting the brainwashing. And even if I don't deserve Leah, she doesn't deserve to keep getting hurt this way either. If I can't break this imprint with Emily, she's going to suffer forever. That mark will bleed every time I'm with Emily. And I refuse to let that happen. I won't. And hell, that's not even the most important thing. Her life is at risk, and you know it. She's not safe, and I want to go help her. Period. She and Jake are vulnerable out there, and they need backup. I'm just asking to help them. That's all I want. She can dump me again after I help her. She never has to speak to me again. But let me do this. Let me make sure she gets home safe. It's my fault she's out there in the first place. Let me make it right.
He heard Paul contemplating his request, but before Paul could respond, Seth said quietly, It isn't really your fault. I know that. Even Leah knows that.
Really?
Paul interrupted, Don't try to make him feel better. He doesn't deserve it!
Seth sighed. He didn't ask to imprint. He's not in control. Leah doesn't like it, but she gets it.
Sam was relieved. He would never forgive himself, nor would he stop blaming himself, but he couldn't stand that Leah might think that he could ever choose another woman over her. Still, he hoped that she would forgive him and take him back. Even if she didn't, however, he still had to protect her. She could hate him forever, so long as she lived to do so. Please, man. If Victoria is really creating an army, then what Leah is doing is suicide. We can't let her and Jake go out there all by themselves.
If that's the case, maybe we should all be heading to Seattle, Seth suggested.
Sam knew that Leah wasn't concerned for her own safety, but putting Seth in harm's way was unacceptable. It simply wasn't an option. Thankfully, before he said anything, Paul answered, We've thought about that. But the moment we all leave La Push to go after Victoria, you can be sure that a horde of leeches will descend on the Rez. By now she knows plenty about us. This time, she wouldn't just go after imprints. All our families would be at risk. Trust me. I really want to go help your sister too, but leaving this place unguarded just isn't an option.
Sam interjected, So let me go. Just me.
Fine, Paul sighed. But don't come whining to me when your feet turn you in the wrong direction because Emily decides she needs a foot rub or something.
Actually, I do need some help with that. I have to convince her to let me go. Not just for this fight, but for good.
So just dump her. It's not that hard, Paul insisted.
It is hard, and you know it. You've seen what happens when I try to fight it. If the imprint can't just point my body in whatever direction it wants me to go, if I try to say something other than what it wants me to, it just kicks me out. If I really fight it, I'm going to get kicked right out of my body again. And I'm not sure it'll ever let me back in. I'll be like some kind of ghost, following Leah around forever.
Grudgingly, Paul answered, Okay, that sucks. I get it. But what do you expect me to do about it? It's not like I can just order you to break your imprint.
Silence filled the pack mind, but they were all quietly thinking the same thing. Seth finally asked, Why not?
Hesitantly, Paul answered, Well, I've never heard of that. Have you? And it's not like I'm Alpha anyway. I'm just in charge until Jake gets back.
But it doesn't hurt to try, right? Sam urged.
Seth agreed. Worst case scenario, it doesn't work, and he's no worse off than before.
His reluctance was obvious. Paul thought he had a real chance with Leah now that Sam was effectively out of the picture. It's not like you actually deserve a second chance. Or a third, or whatever this would be. Hell, we're probably up to a dozen huge ways you fucked up by now. Why should I help you?
It was Seth who answered, Don't do it for him. Do it for yourself. We owe it to ourselves to see if imprints are breakable. I mean, it could be you next, imprinting on some girl you can't even stand. Or do it for Leah. She's miserable. And like Sam said, she feels it every time he's with Emily. If he can't break the imprint, she's going to feel that pain, start to bleed, every time they're together. Do you actually want that for her?
Fuck. Of course I don't. Fine, I'll try it. What am I supposed to do?
Just give me an order, Sam said eagerly.
Okay, but don't get your hopes up. After a pause, Paul said, I order you to break your imprint with Emily.
Sam had hoped to feel an instantaneous release, or at least some weakening, some strain, on the bonds that chained him to Emily. But there was nothing. Absolutely nothing. Damn it, he sighed. I knew it couldn't possibly be that easy.
Instead of rubbing it in, Paul actually did him another favor. Well, if I can't help you break the imprint, at least I can keep you apart for a while longer. I order you to go to Seattle.
And it worked. Sam was immediately able to change course and head northeast. The imprint tried to hold him back, but Paul's order overrode it. He was relieved. Thanks. Maybe we just have to keep doing that until I find some other way. Just get you and Jake to keep me away from her.
That can't work forever, Paul pointed out. And it doesn't really fix anything. Neither of you can get on with your lives.
You have any better ideas? Seth asked.
Paul offered, Maybe the order would have worked if Jake gave it. We can ask him to try as soon as he phases in.
Sam agreed. I'll do that as soon as I can. But I have a feeling it won't work. You might be Beta instead of the real deal, but I should have felt something when you gave me that order. Something at all. There just wasn't anything.
Seth speculated, Maybe that's because the imprint doesn't really have anything to do with you. It's not like you wanted it, or that you even started to accept it. It's just there. It makes you follow Emily's directions like a slave.
Paul grumbled, It's so fucked up. It's all about what Kim and Emily want. We thought it was about what's good for the pack and the tribe, but it's not. It's just all about those two stupid girls.
That's right, Sam agreed enthusiastically. It has almost nothing to do with me. I'm just a body getting yanked around. I'm like a puppet, and Emily's holding the strings.
Seth piped up, So maybe she's the one who can cut them.
Yes! I think that's just it, Sam agreed. It wasn't that hard to stay away from her when she didn't want me. Back in the beginning, when she thought Leah and I were still together, and she was still with Mark, I felt the pull, but I was able to stay away. I was still able to be with Leah. You remember. It wasn't perfect, but it was good.
Paul said, So why don't you tell her to leave you alone? Get her to, you know, give her blessing to be with Leah?
I want to; trust me. I've tried, but I literally can't say it out loud. The imprint cuts me off. It sticks other words in my mouth that she wants to hear. The one time she actually asked me what I wanted, when I said I wanted Leah, she refused to hear it. And then I couldn't say it anymore. That's when I got separated from my own body. So I tried to write it down. I tried to write her a letter. But nothing came out the way I meant it to. I had actually written completely different words on the page than ones I thought I did. I wanted to burn the damn thing. I don't know what else to do. As long as she doesn't want to listen, I don't think it's physically possible for me to tell her how I actually feel.
Well, then, I guess I can tell her, Seth volunteered.
Do you think she'll listen? Paul asked. The only ones she pays any attention to are Kim, Jared, and Old Quil.
Seth asked, Has anybody else even tried?
Paul said, I don't think it would work. She's got her heels dug in.
Seth was unconcerned. But it's worth a try. Things can't get much worse, and it could make things a lot better. Besides, she likes me.
That doesn't mean she's going to believe you. I'm pretty sure that she's going to think whatever she wants to think. And you're Leah's brother. She'll think you're biased.
Maybe. Or maybe she'll understand that I'm in Sam's brain, and maybe she'll believe me. She heard it from him, even if only for a few seconds before she made him take it back. But if she keeps hearing it, maybe it'll sink in.
Thank you, man. Sam was relieved. He had no idea if breaking the imprint was possible, but if it was, the decision likely lay in Emily's hands rather than his.
Don't thank me yet. We've got no idea if it's going to do anything.
Doesn't matter. Thank you either way. It means a lot to me.
Well, you know I'm not actually doing it for you anyway. My sister was, well, happy with you. More than happy.
So was I, Sam answered.
Paul told him, And you were a hell of a lot more sane, too.
Just then, Jacob appeared. Hi guys. What's up? Any action?
Nothing. All quiet, Paul replied.
Sam immediately asked, Is Leah there?
Not yet. She'll just be a second. I think. She's having a little trouble tying her clothes on, and she seems to think that swearing at them will make them cooperate. She's fine, though.
Sam could envision her in his mind, and he wished he was there to tease her about it. Thanks, but really quickly, before she phases in, I need you to do something for me. I need you to Alpha order me to break my imprint.
What? Jacob was startled. Is that even possible?
Who cares? Can you just try before Leah phases in? I don't want her to be disappointed when it doesn't work.
I don't know… Jacob hesitated. He thought Sam was asking for an impossible thing, and he wanted time to think.
I know it probably won't work. But please, will you try? Worst-case scenario, it just doesn't work. And nothing's changed.
I don't know, Jacob answered, but whatever's going on right now sure isn't working. So what the hell. I order you to break your imprint.
Again, Sam felt absolutely no different. He was incredibly disappointed. He didn't think it would be that easy, of course, but that had not stopped him from hoping.
Anything? Jacob asked.
Nothing. I shouldn't be surprised.
Seth tried to cheer him up, sensing his frustration and disappointment. It's okay. I'll help you.
Help how? Jacob asked.
I'm going to try to talk to Emily, Seth replied. It seems like Sam has to do what ever she wants. So if she wants to break the imprint, maybe it can be done.
That's a really interesting idea, Jacob admitted. My dad was wondering the same thing. He paused momentarily, then said, No, nothing. Just about the patrol territory. Your brother says hi, by the way.
Jacob turned, and Sam could see Leah in his vision. Her eyes drew him in. They were expressive, beautiful, and very sad. Tell her I love her.
I don't think… Jacob hedged.
Please. Tell her that I know I should have said it to her every moment when I still had the chance. Tell her that I should have told her how special she was every single day since I learned to talk. Tell her I'm sorry I have ever done anything to hurt her, and that I'm doing everything I can to make it right. Tell her I want to turn back time and erase the past few months. Just tell her I love her. Please.
Jacob considered it, and Sam saw her eyes glittering. She blinked somberly and went quite still, and he felt she was looking right back at him. After a long pause, Jacob said softly, She knows.
X-x-x-x-X
A/N: Thanks again to Babs81410. Additionally, I'm participating in Tricky Raven's Second Annual Author/Artist Silent Auction fundraiser. If you're interesting in bidding to have me write a one-shot based on one of your ideas, check it out. There's a list of very talented people contributing. My story Breaking the Ouroboros was a product of last year's auction.