Sam grinned like a fool. He still felt the imprint binding him to Emily, who was driving her car in front of them, but it was weakened, and he had done it himself. He was prouder of that accomplishment than he was of killing Victoria. For the first time in months, he had hope.
Paul kept giving him sideways glances and finally said, "So it looks like you found your balls, huh?"
Sam snorted. "Just have to reattach them now."
"You're not just going to hand them over to Leah?" Paul smirked.
Sam sobered. "You think she'll take me back?"
"Not a clue. Sometimes I think she's thinking about it, other times I think she just wants to kill you."
"Well, that'd be justifiable homicide, I guess. But you think she's even thinking about taking me back? Why?"
Paul shrugged. "I dunno. The way she looks when she's thinking about you, maybe. It's no secret she misses you. She tries to hide it, and sometimes she's so pissed she doesn't remember it, but we can all see right through her. But just because she misses you doesn't mean she's waiting around for you. And man, when she saw Emily today, well, I was glad I wasn't on the other end of the death glare."
"I wish I was awake. I could've gotten her to stay."
"Even with Emily there?"
"I'm figuring it out, man. Finally."
"Figuring out what?"
Sam closed his eyes and envisioned the cables binding him to Emily. He ignored them and focused on the one that he had pulled loose. He realized that that single action had released the stranglehold it had on his throat, and he could speak. "How to break the imprint."
Paul gawked at him so long that he inadvertently swerved into the next lane. He yanked the wheel back into position. "Seriously?"
Sam nodded. "I am. I'm going to do it. I know it didn't sound like much, but telling Emily just now that I didn't want her around? It was nearly impossible, but it worked."
"So what did you do? You have to tell me."
Sam didn't know why he should tell Paul, of all people, who wanted to take his place at Leah's side. "What's it to you?"
"Sam, this is huge. Yeah, it's a big deal for you, but not just you. I don't want what happened to you to happen to me. None of us do. So what did you do? Is it gone?"
"No, but I finally tried something and had it work. I know what to do now."
"What do you mean it worked? But it's still there? You're not making any sense. Plus I thought imprints were unbreakable."
"I think they are, sort of. I guess breaking the imprint is the wrong way to say it." Sam tried to figure out how to explain. "It's like... I can actually see the imprint. I'm basically chained to Emily, and the chain has no weak links. None. The imprint can't be broken. I can't snap them, believe me, I've tried. It's not a matter of willpower."
"So what, then? You're still not making any sense," Paul accused.
"It's like we were talking about before. It's not up to me. It's up to her. The imprint isn't weak, but she is." Sam was shocked and thrilled that he could say such things out loud. Now that he knew the secret, its power over him was weakening.
"Well, you'll get no argument from me there. She's pathetic."
"Yeah." Sam grinned. "She is. That's what I have to take advantage of. That's how I get rid of it. I've got to work on her, not the imprint itself."
After a long pause, Paul asked, "Why do you think that's working now, when it never did before? You told her you didn't want her, and that didn't exactly have the result you were looking for."
"You know, a while back it slipped a little. I didn't realize what happened at the time. She saw me and Leah together, you know, half dressed and just rolled out of bed. And, well, one of the chains broke free. I didn't understand what happened, but she must have let it go without knowing it. Seeing us together must have triggered her to do that. Later, when I tried to tell her I didn't want her, that time Seth found us in the cabin, all it did was get me kicked out of my body. I think it's because she was fighting back, holding on to the imprint more tightly. She wasn't ready to hear what I had to say."
Paul understood. "But if she listens?"
"Then I think I've got a chance."
"So it's really been up to her this whole time, huh? What a fucking bitch. I can't believe Leah was ever friends with her."
Sam explained, "That's just the thing. She didn't understand it. Still doesn't. I didn't figure it out until just recently. Now it's just a matter of convincing her."
"Maybe that's why you were able to do something about it this time. I mean, she didn't exactly listen, but Billy and Seth did try talking to her. Maybe the message is finally sinking in."
"Huh." Sam watched her glancing at him in her rearview mirror. "Maybe that's why I was finally able to say something out loud. I usually can't do that, not unless it's something she wants to hear."
The conversation shifted, and Paul explained that Kim had told Emily that he had been injured. Embry tried to dissuade her from coming, knowing Sam wanted to be alone with Leah, but she needed no one's permission and left on her own. Paul followed, worried she would anger Leah. When he arrived, Leah was outside the motel room leaning on Seth. Emily was saying that her connection to Sam was so strong that she knew what had happened without needing to be told, and that she could feel how much he needed her. It was an outright lie, but she claimed that she had no choice but to come nurse him back to health. Leah looked disgusted and started to argue, but she quickly became dizzy, and Sue insisted that she had to rest. She refused to stay in the motel with Emily anywhere nearby, and so the family left.
When Paul approached, Emily had tried to get him to leave her alone with Sam. She pretended she was trying to do Paul a favor by allowing him to leave, but Paul saw right through her. She had wanted to be the only one there when Sam awoke. They argued in the parking lot until a light drizzle drove them inside, where their bickering woke Sam.
As for the rest of the pack, Quil and Jared were patrolling the reservation. Embry had come to Seattle, and he and Jacob had returned to the abandoned building for a more thorough exploration. Jacob realized that there were two vampire scents that he did not recognize. They must have belonged to vampires who weren't present during the fight. One had returned to the nest as they were leaving to track them, and they easily destroyed it. They were currently following the trail of the second. Jacob wasn't about to leave any loose ends hanging.
Eventually Sam asked what had happened back home while he was in Seattle. Apparently, Seth had tried to talk to Emily about Sam's feelings for Leah, and Billy had tried to talk to Emily about the negative effects of the imprint, but neither had gotten very far. She wasn't ready to hear what either of them had to say. She turned Seth away easily, apologizing for hurting Leah but denying that she had any choice in the matter. It was harder to refuse Billy. The chief outlined his concerns about pack stability and the safety of the community, but she didn't seem to understand what it had to do with her. He tried to be more explicit, but he couldn't tell if anything he said sank in. Sam knew that some of it had; he felt her emotions too acutely to miss it. Now he felt that she was willfully ignoring what she had been told. Paul revealed that Billy was concerned enough about the possibility of Emily's damaging influence that he had sent Paul to run interference. He joked that although he had better things to do than get in the middle of their drama, if Sam was dumb enough to take on an entire coven by himself, Sam probably needed Paul to keep him alive. Sam heard the undercurrent of respect in his rival's voice.
For the duration of the ride, Sam saw Emily glance in her rearview mirror at him over and over again. He tried to yank free another of the imprint's cords, but it held fast. He wasn't eager to talk to her again, but he would have to face her again to finish the job. It would probably be long and painful, but he was certain it was worth it. He was eager to tell Leah what he had done.
When they reached the border of La Push and Emily turned her car toward her apartment, he was grateful that Paul didn't ask before pointing his car in the opposite direction and heading for the Clearwater house. He thought Paul would just drop him off, but instead, he turned off the engine and jogged inside, leaving Sam to limp on his own until Seth emerged with a crutch for him to lean on. The boy had news, but it wasn't about Leah. Jacob and Embry had already tracked down the stray vampire and killed it, and they were heading home.
Seth helped him into the house, where he looked around for Paul, who had disappeared. Before he could look for him and Leah, Sue made him sit down for an examination. She noted that his wounds were closed, uninfected, and would fully fade with time. She palpated along his ribs, which were painful but not unbearable, and along his femur, which was already healing. She couldn't be certain without an x-ray whether it might be slightly displaced, but he didn't really care as long as he would be able to walk on it. She admitted that she actually wished Dr. Cullen was still around so that the pack could get more comprehensive medical care. She fashioned a makeshift splint from ace wrap, scrap lumber, and duct tape, and then she finally allowed Sam to hobble up the stairs to see Leah.
He felt a shooting pain through the mark on his collarbone as he entered the hallway, and he peered into the room to see Paul bending over Leah to place a kiss on her forehead. The other shifter straightened and nodded as he left. Sam didn't notice. He couldn't take his eyes off Leah.
Sue had cleaned her up, but no amount of soap and water could conceal what had happened to her, not even in combination with her accelerated healing. The purulent blisters that had marred her flesh had faded to raw, pink ulcers. In other places, jagged lacerations had just closed. Where her skin was smooth, it was also discolored with green bruises. Some of her hair was burned at the ends, leaving frizzy tips. Her lips were chapped and dry. None of these things stopped Sam from gently stroking her hair, running his thumbs over the unmarred patches of skin, and softly kissing her mouth. None of the flaws made her any less beautiful, because they were medals of honor that she had earned with her bravery. He wanted to climb into bed with her, to wrap himself around her and never let her go, to shield her from every threat, every heartbreak, every grief, and every type of cruelty in the world. He wanted to lay bare his heart and tell her everything that lay inside. He wanted her to wake to the sound of his voice telling her how much he loved her, but until he found a way to break his imprint, she would not want to hear the words. He was afraid of disturbing her, so instead he stretched out on the floor beside her. Seth took pity on him and brought him a pillow and a light sheet moments before he fell asleep listening to her soft breaths.
The muffled sound of a familiar voice woke him. Sue must have called his mother; they were speaking softly downstairs. He felt bad for a moment; Allison had probably been terrified for him the entire time he was gone. He owed her yet another apology. The thought fled from his brain the second he opened his eyes, because Leah was peering down at him from her bed. He couldn't stop a stupid grin from spreading across his face, but her brow furrowed. "What are you doing here?"
He told her honestly, "You know this is the only place I want to be."
Her eyes flicked to the ground. "It's just... When she showed up yesterday..."
"I didn't know she was coming. She just showed up."
"And she let you come here?"
He pushed himself up on his elbows. "I didn't ask her permission."
"I see." She gestured at his leg. "How is it? And your ribs?"
"Probably better than yours. When I saw that leech wasn't letting you go..." He awkwardly sat on the edge of the bed beside her. "I thought I'd lost you, LeeLee. I was so scared. It was worse than when they were all piled on top of me."
"Then you know how I felt when I saw you pass out," she whispered. "I thought you were dead."
He took her hand in his, and she stared at their entwined fingers. He could feel the tension in her light grip. She didn't know whether to pull her hand away. "Nah. I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."
"What you did was so stupid, Sammy, taking them all on at once all by yourself."
He laughed. "But that was your plan, too, when you ran off."
"But I had Jake with me," she stubbornly insisted.
"Only because he followed you and refused to go home. If he hadn't insisted, you and I both know you would have been out there by yourself. So I was just following your lead," he teased gently.
"You almost got yourself killed."
"Good thing you were there to rescue me," he chuckled. "How'd you know, anyway?"
"Know that you were in Seattle, or when you got into trouble?"
He shrugged. "Both."
"Well, Jake actually did a pretty good job keeping your secret. Since I split from the pack, I can hear him when he specifically talks to me, but can't read his mind anymore."
He recalled the strange sensation from his own isolation. "Yeah. I know what you mean."
"I just smelled you in Seattle. I knew you were close, but I didn't know why." Her voice trailed off.
"And later?" he prompted. "When you got to me just in time, when they nearly had me beat?"
She cleared her throat, which was thick with emotion. She tightened her hold on his hand. "We were following a trail when Embry and Quil saw you phase in that girl's apartment building. We started looking for you immediately, and we picked up your trail. It's just luck that we got there in time."
He smiled at her. "Thanks."
The corner or her mouth quirked up. "I don't want anything bad to happen to you."
"The feeling's mutual."
"When I saw you like that, fighting for your life, taking on so many of them... I told myself that I'd do anything if only you'd be okay, if you'd live. I just want you to be happy. Are you happy? If you are, I think I can... I can... I can accept what's happened. I can really let you go."
She tried to pull her hand away, but he held on tightly and shook his head vehemently. "You make me happy. I'm happy when I'm here with you. When you're by my side, or when I know I'm coming home to you. Don't you dare let me go. Never again. Please. I'll be miserable forever without you. These last few weeks have been Hell. I'd rather face down another army of leeches beside you than go back to her."
Her eyes widened in shock. Outside their telepathic connection, he hadn't been able to speak so honestly since he imprinted. "Do you mean it?"
"I mean so much more than I've ever been able to tell you. I'm no good with words, you know that."
She stared at him, uncertain what to think. "It's unnatural being in each other's minds all the time, but now I feel almost crippled without it. I mean, I've needed the space, needed to be alone in my brain. When I realized you were in Seattle, I still didn't know what you were doing, and Jake wouldn't tell me. It made me a little crazy wondering. I wasn't sure if Emily sent you, or if she was with you, or if you were looking for us, or what."
"Emily didn't want me in Seattle. She wanted me to come back here. But I wanted you to be safe. I was terrified when you left, not just because I was afraid of what might happen to you, but being apart from you is torture. I wasn't coming back here without you."
"I don't understand." Her expression was about to break. She was on the verge of tears but simply did not give into them. "I saw what happened, Sammy. That day in the cabin, the two of you together..."
She ducked her head, refusing to look at him, so he dropped to the floor and awkwardly knelt at her feet, his splinted leg stretched out beside him. He looked up at her. "That wasn't me, LeeLee. Please understand. I actually blacked out when she kissed me. I still don't know exactly what happened, but the imprint completely took over. I think it was this," he put his finger to the mark on his clavicle, "that pulled me back. It centered me. You centered me. I managed to fight back enough to push her off me and tell her that I wanted to be with you."
She warily glanced up at him. "You did?"
"Yeah. Because you're everything to me. You always have been, and you always will be."
She frowned and tried to pull back from him. "So what was it that I saw? The two of you together? Why did my mark bleed for so long?"
"Because she didn't want to hear it. She said no when I said I wanted to be with you. It was awful. Then I didn't just black out. I actually got kicked out of my body. It was insane. I was actually floating above myself, watching my body do things I didn't want to do, saying things I didn't want to say. I tried to get back inside myself so I could stop it, but I couldn't. I was afraid I was going to be trapped outside myself, just watching, forever."
She looked horrified. "That's awful."
"That's what you saw. It really, truly wasn't me. I had to do what she wanted me to do."
"That's crazy. I knew you weren't acting like yourself, but that's just awful. I knew the imprint was making you do things that you didn't want, but I never imagined anything like that. It's horrifying. But I don't understand. How did you leave after that, if she wanted you so badly?"
"I have your brother to thank for that. When Seth decked me, I got back inside my body. He got there just in time. He really helped me even if he was trying to do the opposite. Then I asked for Alpha orders to send me away. When you disappeared with Jake, I knew that I had to get away, or something even worse might happen. So I asked for Paul to help. He ordered me down the coast to see if Victoria went south instead of north, then to Seattle. I'm... I'm trying my best. I'm trying to find a way."
"And it lasted for this long?"
"I'm fighting it. I swear. That's how I'm here. You're everything, LeeLee. Whether or not you even want me anymore, what I feel for you, I can't stop it, not if I wanted to, not even if I tried." Although he had been burning to tell her about the change in the imprint since the moment it happened, suddenly he was nervous. She was looking at him so hopefully that he was afraid he would only disappoint her again, but he needed her to know. "I even asked Jake to order me to break the imprint, and he did, but nothing happened. I think the imprint isn't mine, you know? I think it's hers."
"That... That makes sense," she admitted.
"I'm finding a way, LeeLee. Actually, I think I might know how."
"What do you mean?"
He squeezed her warm hands in his own. "I probably shouldn't say this, because I haven't actually broken it yet, and I've got a long way to go, but I'm getting rid of it. I am. After you left this morning, and I woke up and she was there instead of you, well, I was crushed. And only half-conscious, too. I was in the dark, and I could see the imprint chaining me to her. I tested it, and I can't break it exactly. It's too strong. So I looked deeper. I looked harder. What I need to do isn't to break the imprint, it's to break her of it."
She trembled and whispered, "It's up to her, isn't it?"
"She can let it go." He wanted to say he would then be free to love her as she deserved, but they were barely on speaking terms again. It seemed much too soon.
She looked crestfallen. "So there's still nothing for you to do, nothing you can do."
He smiled at her. "Yes there is. I can convince her. You know how I normally can't really talk to her? All I say is what she wants to hear?"
"Yeah, of course. It drives me nuts. It drives you nuts."
"This morning I managed to say something honest. Maybe it was what your brother said to her, or Billy. Maybe it helped being gone for a while. Maybe she's just coming to her senses. But I was looking at her, really looking at her, seeing her for who she really was. I told her I didn't want her."
He watched her eyes widen in shock. "What happened? What did she say? Did you black out again?"
He raised one hand to her cheek. "No, baby. Not this time. She let go, just a little."
"What do you mean?"
"The imprint, it's weaker. I can get rid of this. I'm going to. I swear." She hadn't pulled her hand away, so he raised it to his lips and kissed it and each one of her fingers. Her breath caught, and he moved back to the bed and gently wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her neck and inhaling deeply. "God, I've missed you so much, LeeLee." She said nothing, but he felt a tear land on his skin, and he knew she was crying. Embarrassed, she tried to pull back, but he wouldn't let her go now that he had her in his arms again. "Stay. Let me be with you. Let me hold you," he begged.
She sighed and gave in, resting her head on his shoulder and answered, "I've lost you so many times, I'm getting used to it, I think."
"No. You can't lose me. Not really. What we've got, it's too important. How I feel about you... I can't... It's just..." This time it was his natural incoherence that kept him from expressing himself properly, not the imprint.
She finally returned his embrace and melted against his body. "I know, Sammy."
He smiled against her hair. "Me too, LeeLee. Me too."
And she cried a little harder, clutching at him. He kissed her neck to see if he could get away with it, and she shivered. "What are you doing?"
"Showing you since I'm no good at telling you." He kissed his way up to her jaw. He needed her to know, and he didn't want her to go. He peppered butterfly kisses over her cheeks and hair and lashes to keep her distracted. "I don't do this with her. I don't touch her this way. I don't kiss her lips. I don't sleep beside her. I've never made love to her, never fucked her, even though she wants me to. I'm fighting for you. I know I'm doing a terrible job of explaining this. Rejoin the pack and I'll show you everything."
She cried a little harder. "I believe you."
It was like the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders. "Thank you. Thank you. I don't deserve your trust, but I'll do anything I can to earn it back. You mean too much to me. You're... You're..."
She sniffed, "No, you don't understand. I know you didn't sleep with her. I know you still care about me. I know that's why you came to Seattle, took on Victoria by yourself."
"I just wanted you to be safe. Even if you never talked to me again, at least I'd know she couldn't hurt you."
"I believe you, but I'm nowhere near trusting you. Maybe you feel this way now, and maybe you even made some progress, but for how long? After you told her you loved her, you still came back to me. But it didn't stop you from leaving when it counted the most. And you're here today, you care about me right now, but for how long?" Her voice was so soft that he could barely hear her.
How long would he stay, or how long would he love her? "Until forever. I won't stop. I'll never stop. Not if you tell me to go, not if you refuse to ever look at me again. Until the day I die, do you understand?"
They clutched at each other, both of them ignoring the pain from their broken bones and damaged flesh. Every ounce of discomfort was worth it, because he felt her love for him in the way her fingers dug into his flesh, and he knew she felt his every bit as strongly. "Sammy, I know you're trying," she whispered. "But I can't keep this up. I can't get you back just to lose you again in the next moment. I just can't take it."
"Then don't let me go," he pleaded. He couldn't bear the thought of being apart from her again, not when she was his past, his present, and his future, when she was his strength, his joy, and his safe haven, when his unspoken love for her was the very best and truest part of him. Not when she was his home. "I'm not letting you go again. Never."
She said nothing in return. Her heart was as battered as her body, her trust shaken. He had done nothing in the past few months to warrant her forgiveness, let alone her love. He could not possibly expect her to have any faith in him, but he had to try. And he had to tell her the truth. He turned her head to the side and exposed the mark on her neck, and he pressed his lips to it. She gasped, and he pulled back far enough to show her the corresponding one on his clavicle. It was pulsing with pleasurable heat. "These mean that I won't. Not ever. I've felt so much for you for so long that I don't know how to stop. I don't ever want to stop. I couldn't if I tried."
More tears rolled down her cheeks as she shook her head. "Maybe you should try. Maybe we should just let each other go. Maybe we can, whether or not you break the imprint. Victoria's dead. We could both move on with our lives."
"No!" He ran the fingers of both hands through her hair, cupping her skull and bringing her forehead against his. "We can't! I won't do it. There is no moving on from you. It's not possible. If it was possible, the imprint would have destroyed what we have. It destroyed everything else. But it can't destroy us, don't you see? You're it for me. That's all. I love you, don't you see that? I'm so sorry I never said it before, but you're the love of my life. I've always loved you and I always will, even if you don't love me."
She had stopped breathing. She was completely still against him, trying to process what he had said. She probably thought she was dreaming, because she had long given up the hope of ever hearing him say the words. "Sammy?" she whispered.
He kissed her then, kissed her as if she was the only girl in the world, as if she was the only girl he had ever known, as if she was the meaning of love itself, because in this moment, she was.
X-x-x-x-X
A/N: Thanks again to Babs81410.