A/N: Sooo...yeah. I'm running out of things to say. I hope everyone hasn't forgotten this story. ^_^'

Buuut as a sort of apology to you guys, this chapter is extra long (it's almost as long as the previous 4 chapters combined, if we want to be technical about it). I didn't intend for it to be, but there was really no way to tell the story without doing so. I don't expect any future chapters will be this long, though.

Anyway, a round of applause to everyone who's reviewed, followed, or added to their favorites - it delights me to no end, and I always appreciate it! ^_^

~Shikaku on a little white lie (and how he got his scars)~

Dear Shikamaru,

I don't know if you remember this or not, but you were a pretty curious kid.

Not talkative like Ino, mind you, just curious. There was a time - when you were about two or so - when every time you did talk, it was to ask a question.

"Why is the sky blue only sometimes?" ('It has moods like everyone else' seemed to satisfy you)

"Why do deer eat grass?" (I'm sorry for telling you it tasted good)

"Why does three come after two?" (You were in your philosophical stage)

"Where do babies come from?" (I'm sure you can't fault me on my less-than-honest answer on that one)

And so on and so forth. If there was something in you day that intrigued or befuddled you, you filed it away in that head of yours and asked me the second you got the chance. Sometimes you would even ask me and your mother separately, just to test our answers.

For the most part, I answered truthfully and kept it simple.

There was one time, however, that I told you a point-blank, highly embellished lie.

I'd like to say I had a good reason for doing it, but I didn't - though if I had to give a reason it would probably be arrogance.

It was right after you'd gotten around to asking why your uncle Shikayami and I had 'prickles' on our faces when Yoshino didn't. I was in the middle of my answer when you stared intently at me, touched the side of my face, and asked what the marks were.

I told you they were scars, and then explained what a scar was.

I was going to leave it at that. I really, really was.

But then you asked, of course, where they came from. And I answered, as you probably remember, with an ominous tale of a mission gone wrong.

The tale of how I underestimated the enemy, got out-numbered, and barely missed getting my head taken off my an enemy blade.

The tale you would ask to hear two more times over the next four years.

Son, I'm really sorry.

I lied.

Not about that mission, that really did happen (albeit a lot less harrowing than I told it), but about how I got the scars.

The truth is, I got those when I was a teenager, about your age I suppose, and it had absolutely nothing to do with missions.

There is a story behind them, though, and I think it's about time I told it to you.

It's a long one, so bear with me.

It all started one particularly slow afternoon outside the missions office, when Choza, Inochi, and I came across a small group of ninja gathered around Tsume Inuzuka and Hiashi and Hizashi Hyuga, who were in the midst of a heated argument.

Well, heated on Tsume's part, anyway. Hiashi just stood there with his arms crossed and that haughty look on his face that made people want to hit him. His brother was standing beside him, giving Tsume what I can only describe as a dignified version of a 'bitch, please' look.

In any case, it was causing a bit of a stir that the great Lord Hiashi Hyuga, who was three years my senior and five years Tsume's, was bothering to acknowledge the screaming Inuzuka at all. That in itself was enough to make us stop and gawk a little.

Well, that and the fact that they were blocking the main road. It seemed too troublesome to go around.

I figured it would be over in a minute anyway; Tsume looked about ready to come to blows, and it would be unseemly for the Hyuga heir to get in a street fight with a thirteen-year-old girl.

"What are they going on about?" I sighed aloud as Inochi elbowed a few people aside. I think he wanted a better view in case Hiashi got bitch-slapped.

I hadn't expected an answer, but then again I hadn't noticed Shibi Aburame standing behind me, either. He had a way of sneaking up on people.

"Tsume got caught sneaking into one of the Hyuga training grounds." Shibi muttered beside us, making both Choza and I jump.

"Is that all?" Choza asked. He was on better terms with Shibi than I.

Shibi shrugged. "That's what they're saying."

I remember feeling irked they were making such a fuss over something so stupid. "How troublesome. That's not worth shouting over. Did she way why she did it?"

"She said she was ghost-hunting." Shibi replied.

"Pardon?" I was sure I had misheard.

"One of the younger Hyugas told her those grounds were haunted, and that she'd see the ghost if she waited around the grounds after midnight. Instead, she caught Hizashi sneaking off with his girlfriend."

As if sensing approaching scandal, Inochi shoved his way back over to us.

"You're joking." he said, grinning. Shibi shook his head.

"No, that's why Hiashi-san is so worked up. He says Tsume was just trespassing and trying to spy on him and Hizashi. Tsume-"

"HOW DARE YOU!" Tsume shrieked. I'm guessing she tried to take that swing at Hiashi, because some poor, brave schmo was holding her back. "I'm not a-a-a-!"

"Nosy, infantile shrew?" Hiashi supplied coldly. "If you weren't spying on my brother, then why were you there? And don't spin that idiotic tale about it being haunted, only a child would believe that!"

I guess it didn't occur to Hiashi that Tsume, more or less, was a child. Not that it mattered, since Tsume (of course) took offense. The sap that had been holding her got a fist to the face and an elbow to the crouch for his troubles as Tsume lounged at Hiashi.

I often wonder what would have happened if Tsume had been a little faster. I highly doubt she would have landed a hit on Hiashi, but it would have been interesting to see if the high-and-mighty Hyuga genius would have retaliated or not.

Not that it matters, since I never found out; a boy by the name of Minato Namikaze (you might recognize the name- if you don't, don't worry about it) caught both Tsume's fists before they connected - which of course just pissed her off further.

"Stay out of this!" she shrieked, along with a bunch of other insults and expletives I couldn't keep up with. They were aimed at Minato and the Hyuga twins in equal parts, though a good chuck was for the male species in general. Very unladylike, and it drowned out most of whatever Minato was saying in attempt to soothe her.

At that point I lost track of what thy were doing in favor of listening in on Choza and Shibi's conversation, figuring Inochi would fill me in on the highlights later. I regretted that when I heard a yelp followed by the clap of a hand on skin, and turned to find Minato doubled over with a hand to his stomach and Tsume sitting on the ground touching her cheek in shock, the triumphant form of Kushina standing over them. She glared at Tsume, nodded at Minato's muttered thanks, then turned to Hiashi.

Now, Kushina had a bit- er, okay, a large - reputation for being a hot head (and by that I mean we were all freaking terrified of her), as well as a 'thing' with Minato she thought no one knew about.

It was the former, however, that gave even Hiashi pause when she turned her attention to him. After all, she had already slapped Tsume and she, like Tsume, wouldn't think twice about decking the Hyuga heir, even if she was old enough to know better.

I, for one, was less inclined to stop her.

Luckily, Inochi intervened before Kushina could start on anything, physically or verbally (which would almost be worse).

"Wellllll I think that's about all the fun I can stand for one day. What do you say we all just agree this was a big misunderstanding and go home? Before someone calls the hokage and we all bring shame upon our clans...?" he said cheerfully. (You see, there's a reason he's on interrogation rather than negotiation.)

There were several groans when Tsume shot back up and pointed at Hiashi. "Not until he admits there's a ghost at his training grounds! I know I saw something before his brother scared it off!"

"For the last time, there isn't any ghost!" Hiashi seethed. "That's just a stupid story the elders tell to scare children! There's no such thing!"

"Oh, come on, don't say that," Inochi said as he turned to me with a wicked gleam in his eye. "Shikaku's woods are haunted, aren't they Shikaku?"

Looking back on it now, it was that one question - or should I say, my answer to it - that really sealed my fate that day. I could have shrugged and given an honest 'So they say,' and left it at that. I could have ignored the comment altogether. But instead, with over a dozen pairs of curious eyes on me (and I'd be lying if I said the Hyuga twins' incredulous looks weren't a factor), I went along with Inochi's jest.

Rubbing the back of my head as though nervous, I said "Uh, yeah, part of it...the section around Takaichi's tree."

At this point, you know the tree I'm talking about - the dead one at the southwestern edge of the Nara woods - and I'm sure you're familiar with the tale; the one old Uncle Shikatobi used to tell when he'd had a few too many cups of sake.

The one about our supposed ancestor, Takaichi Nara, who angered a demon or evil spirit (depending on who told the story) one day while hunting. The demon then took the form of a monstrous deer, which chased Takaichi through the woods until he cam upon an enormous oak, which he climbed. Through a clever rouse involving the manipulation of his shadow, Takaichi tricked the demon into ramming the tree and getting its antlers stuck, enabling Takaichi to escape and kill the beast with a method that varied depending on how much alcohol the storyteller had consumed. Unfortunately, whether it be an act of nature or the demon's curse, the tree was struck by lightning as Takaichi tried to remove the antlers from the trunk as a trophy, killing him and the tree instantly. To this day, both his and the demon's spirits haunt the area around the huge, old dead tree with the partially hollowed-out hole towards the bottom, which we now call Takaichi's tree.

In all likelihood, Takaichi was just some guy that was stupid enough to be standing under the tree when it was struck by lightning, but the legend makes for a better story - and even you have to admit the area around the tree is eerie.

In any case, it was the legend I told the group before me, though I embellished it a bit with a few 'sightings' of the spirits in recent years.

Hiashi shook his head in disgust when I had finished. "You made that up," he accused with narrowed eyes. "Th-"

"No, he didn't." Choza said quietly, fidgeting uncomfortably. "Both my father and his told me about it, and I've been to that tree. It's quiet, and there aren't any deer or birds around. It's creepy."

I had shown the tree to both Choza and Inochi, though I hadn't realized until then that it had unsettled Choza so much.

"I've heard the story, too. Jiraiya-sensei told me about it." Minato added, nodding.

Apparently drunk Naras had been telling the story awhile, because a few more people owned up to having heard it before.

"I want to see it," Tsume demanded.

Inochi caught my eye again, wordlessly conveying a message of 'Say no, I have an idea', so I made an excuse of having a lot of training and missions lately, and then let Inochi do all the talking.

I don't really remember what was said after that. I pretty much just hovered around until Choza and Inochi were ready to go. It ended up just being me and Inochi - Choza stayed behind to talk with Shibi for a bit - and I do remember that conversation.

"So what was that about?" I asked him once we got a ways from the area. He grinned at me.

"What would you say to playing a little prank?" he asked, smirking.

"What kind of prank?"

"The kind where we scare the crap out of our dear, arrogant sempai."

Well, what can I say? I was bored, and bored teenagers do stupid things.

"Sure, as long as it's not too much work."

xxx

Overall, it was a fairly simple plan.

The following evening, Inochi was to lead Tsume and both Hyugas along to the tree in the Nara woods (as I had 'important mission prep and training' to do), where I would be hiding in the shadows, setting off a few pre-made traps and scaring everyone.

It wouldn't be easy trying to pass one over two sensory-type shinobi of Hiashi and Hizashi's level, but I thought of that as part of the appeal; a special challenge to an otherwise simple puzzle.

Choza would also be tagging along, but Inochi and I had decided to keep him out of the loop - he wasn't what you would call a great actor, and as perceptive as the Hyuga twins were, even a little slip-up could cause the whole thing to crash and burn.

Unexpected additions to the expedition included Shibi Aburame, Minato Namikaze, Kushina, and Kushina's quiet friend Mikoto. I wasn't worried, though; I had planned for just about every scenario I could think of, and we were (quite literally) on my turf, so I was confidant to the point of cocky. True, it was going to be a little harder to pull off without detection - but it would also be more fun when it all worked out.

'Go big or go home' was my mentality, I would say.

It was with that thought in mind I ended up setting up camp in one of the taller, fuller trees near Takaichi's Tree to wait for my victims.

Once I caught sight of them, I climbed down from my perch to get a better, closer position from which I could wreak havoc. I lost sight of them for a bit, but once I caught up with them, I was delighted to find them already looking shaken up.

It's really funny how things work out sometimes.

Inochi told me later that the wind had picked up when they had first snuck into the woods, but died the second they had gotten within two miles of the tree. Coincidentally, it was at the same time Shibi had warily noted that there was absolutely no insects to speak of, and someone else noticed a lack of animals as well. Tsume was complaining of being unable to smell anything due to the moss that was abundant in that part of the woods that time of year, and her ninja hound was whining and looked ready to wet itself. The twins were looking unusually alert, Mikoto was nervously hugging her arms to herself, and Kushina was sticking unusually close to Minato. He alone looked like he was actually having fun - but then again, he might have simply been enjoying being manlier than Kushina for once.

All I can say is, I had the time of my life.

I'll spare you the finer details - partially because I honestly can't remember them all, and partially because they would probably bore you anyway - but I will give you the highlights.

Like when Shibi ran into the trap that dropped a partial deer skeleton on him (a particularly good find of Inochi and myself). This made Tsume's hound run off yelping, which in turn separated the group into those who followed him and Tsume and those who stayed to help Shibi.

There were a few well-timed sightings of a man in period hunting garb (for which I'll take credit), though never when one of the Hyugas was looking or paying attention.

In a hilarious twist of fate, Tsume, Mikoto, and Hizashi all side-stepped one of the more elaborate traps involving spider webs in favor of an old trap-pit I didn't even know was there. Proving the area wasn't completely devoid of wildlife, Minato - perhaps in a bid to calm everyone - noted the pit had a few snakes, spiders, and some small animal remains in it.

From Mikoto's shrieks, I gathered she had arachnophobia.

For me though, the highlight of the evening came after that, when - annoyed that all the shenanigans hadn't ruffled him - I used my shadow-stitching to grab onto Minato's ankle. He tripped and stumbled into Hiashi, who in turn staggered and brushed the top of Kushina's shoulders. Kushina, already frightened and probably assuming some other monstrosity had come to get her, then screamed, turned around, and punched him out.

That's right, she punched the great Hiashi Hyuga out cold.

I nearly lost it, there. Luckily, nobody could hear my laughing over all of Hizashi and Kushina's yelling, or Inochi and Tsume's own laughter.

After they got the yelling under control, everyone's enthusiasm for the whole ordeal seemed to wear off. Carrying his brother on his back, Hizashi angrily announced that he was leaving. Choza offered to lead him out, and Shibi and Mikoto hastily suggested accompanying them. Tsume alone seemed reluctant to go, despite her familiar's whining protests, though I can't say for sure about Kushina and Minato (Minato, to my chagrin, still seemed unfazed).

So I decided it was time for the grand finale.

I went back to me original post atop the old tree to get 'Takaichi', an old scarecrow provided by Inochi and dressed in older garb. It was going to be a simple matter of me animating him with Shadow Possession and making him 'walk' in front of the path as soon as they all got into the perfect position.

At least, that's how it would have worked out, if the damn branch I was standing on hadn't snapped.

I ended up landing front-first on another heavy branch below, knocking the wind out of me and - er, lets just say that no one was more surprised than I when you were born, okay?

But if I was startled and surprised, than so was the poor buck that had decided to wander under my tree at that exact moment. Not only did it have to dodge the tree branch, it also had to dodge the Takaichi dummy - which landed right on the thing's back, one of its arms stuck in the animal's antlers. Understandably, this rather upset the poor buck, who immediately bolted straight ahead - which happened to be right towards the would-be ghost hunters, who had run back to investigate all the racket I'd made.

Like I said, it's really funny how things work out.

My position at the time - half dangling from my middle over a rickety old branch, praying I'd go numb from the waist down - meant I got a perfect look at everyone's faces.

It's hard to describe.

You try picturing someone's face as a wide-eyed, panicked beast with pointy horns barrels down on them, a rider slumped forward on its back and looking as though the hounds of hell are chasing it.

It was the last straw.

They all turned tail and ran, Hizashi dragging the unconscious form of his brother behind him. The only exception was Inochi, who dove into the foliage on his right to avoid being trampled,

It was hilarious. If I'd had air in my lungs and hadn't been in excruciating pain, I probably would have been laughing.

Now I know what you're thinking - that this is all well and good, but what does it have to do with the scars on my face? Everything, really, because it all led up to what happened next.

It was about five minutes after everyone had run off when Inochi finally disentangled himself from the foliage (which turned out to be a thorn-bush) and stomped over to my tree, covered in angry scratches and demanding to know why the hell I was sicking demonic deer after people. By then, I had finally caught my breath and was able to push myself to a sitting position.

There was an ominous crack.

And, for the second time that day, the whole tree branch fell - with me still on it.

That was the last thing I remembered before I (thankfully) blacked out.

I don't know what happened to Inochi; I'm guessing he moved, because when I regained consciousness, he was standing over me looking worried instead of lying crushed under a what turned out to be nearly half the tree.

I tried to say "What happened?", but I think it came out "Waa ma?"

Inochi got the message, though, and winced. "You fell," he told me. (If I'd had my wits about me, I might have said something smartass about the obvious.) "I don't think you broke any bones, but your face is cut up pretty bad."

I blinked what I just then realized was blood out of my right eye, bleeding from the cut on my forehead.

"The wood splintered and sliced into you," Inochi continued, gesturing to me. I glanced down to see cuts, scrapes, and splintered wood along my arms and leg, too. "You're lucky you didn't impale yourself or lose an eye, you moron. What kind of ninja falls out of a tree? Your dad is going to have a field day..."

He didn't shut up the whole way home, even when he started scratching and swearing to himself (The thornbush he fell in? A poisonous thornbush...the rash didn't clear up for two weeks).

We told our parents it had been a training accident and never told anyone what really happened, save for Choza. We had to bribe him with three all-you-can-eat dinners before he'd speak to us again, but he did keep mum. I think it was partially out of pity after he saw the state of us, though he did mutter once that it served us right.

Ninja rarely ask each other about old scars, and no one asked about mine. Nobody that went into the Nara woods that night ever spoke about it again, either; I think they all hoped that if nobody talked about it, they could pretend it never happened.

So, there you have it. The story of how your old man made a complete fool of himself. Not quite as glorious as the original story, eh?

There is a lesson in all of this, I suppose. I'm not quite sure what the lesson is, but it's there - be it:

'Showing off isn't what it's all cracked up to be'

'Never play tricks on your friends'

'Always be sure to check for wood rot'

or 'Karma is a heartless, vengeful bitch'

Or maybe the biggest lesson of all is that fact really is stranger than fiction.

The biggest lesson I got from it all is that maybe Takaichi wasn't as big an idiot as I'd always thought he was.

After all, it doesn't matter how clever or confidant you are - anyone can have a bad day.

- Your Father

P.S. Again, DO NOT show this to your mother. She still believes that gallant battle story - and I'd like to keep it that way.

A/N: And there you have it! The tale of how Shikaku got his famous(?) scars. ^_^

Originally, I had this chapter down as an idea for a one-shot around Halloween, but since that never happened and one particular reviewer requested an explanation on how Shikaku got his scars, I decided to go ahead and put it in here. I'm not entirely sure what lesson Shikaku was trying to impart on his son, but I don't think he was, either.

Reviews are always appreciated! Thanks for reading! ^_^