In the end, only Robin, Usopp, Chopper, Zoro, Luffy, and Franky showed up for lunch. According to Franky, Nami was out shopping again.

Sanji glanced at Usopp as he was serving the spinach quiche and saw that the long-nosed man was wearing something metal that covered his entire neck. The cook sighed.

"What are you doing now, Usopp?" he asked suspiciously.

Usopp grinned. "It's the foolproof plan, Mr. Bitey! See, if my neck is protected, I'm safe!"

Sanji finished serving up the quiche, turned back to Usopp, and studied him. "Interesting, but I see two glaring flaws in your plan, Mr. Detective."

"Wh-What're those?"

Sanji grabbed Usopp's arm, lifted it up, and pointed to the wrist. "This place is just as accessible. A leg works, too. Hold still," he commanded, and Usopp froze unwillingly. Sanji took off the metal thing and placed it on the table, then released his hold on Usopp.

"Or I could do that," he finished. Usopp groaned in frustration.

"Just as I thought I had it perfected . . ." he muttered dejectedly.

"What're you idiots talking about?" Zoro asked.

"Oh, he'll tell you after lunch," Usopp said, pointing to Sanji.

"More!" Luffy demanded, holding up his empty plate. Apparently he had simply shoved the entire quiche into his mouth and swallowed.

Sanji kicked him. "Wait until everyone else has finished, bottomless pit."

Luffy moaned and whined, but waited for everyone else. When Robin had finally eaten her last bit, he asked again. Sanji reluctantly gave him another, slightly smaller slice, which Luffy immediately devoured like he had the first one.

Sanji kicked him again. "Savor it!"

"So, Sanji," Robin said, "is there something you wanted to tell us?"

The rest of the crew looked up, interested.

Sanji swallowed nervously. "Well . . . oh, Nami-swan isn't here. Looks like I can't announce it now, right?"

Robin gave him a look.

"I-I mean . . ." Sanji said nervously, "we can hardly exclude Nami-swan . . ."

"We can tell her later! It's okay!" Luffy said cheerfully, rocking back and forth in his seat. "C'mon, Sanji, what's the thing you wanna tell us?"

Sanji rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. "Nami-swan really should be here before I say anything . . ."

The kitchen door opened and Nami strolled in with several bags. "Hi, everyone! I got some great deals today. Sanji-kun, I had lunch in town."

"Nami-swan!" Sanji exclaimed happily.

Usopp smirked and looked at Sanji.

"Oh," Sanji said. "Right . . ."

"What is it?" Nami asked, setting down her purchases. She sat at the table next to Luffy.

"I may have something to tell everyone," Sanji said.

"What is it?" Luffy asked eagerly.

"Spill, Bro Sanji," Franky demanded.

"Are we out of booze or somethin'?" Zoro asked grumpily.

Sanji leaned behind the counter, straightened up, and tossed a bottle to Zoro, who easily caught it and started drinking. "Does that answer your question?"

"So what is it, Sanji-kun?" Nami asked.

Sanji sighed. "All right . . . I'm a vampire."

A few seconds of silence passed. Then—

"WHAT!? REALLY!?" Luffy yelled. "That's SO COOL!"

Zoro narrowed his eyes. Franky's mouth dropped open.

Sanji looked nervously at Nami, who smiled and looked at him. "Oh, come on, Sanji-kun, what kind of a joke is that?"

"What, it's a joke?" Franky asked.

"It's not a joke," Chopper said. The others looked at him.

"I examined him the other day," he explained.

"What, so you two are in on this together?" Nami asked, glancing between them.

"No, they're telling the truth," Usopp said. "Here, watch this." He withdrew his cross from a pocket and brandished it at Sanji.

Sanji backed up quickly, stumbling. "I told you to keep that thing away from me!"

Usopp reluctantly put the cross away.

"It's true," Robin said. "He confessed it to Usopp and me earlier, when we confronted him. Chopper was only covering for Sanji with the disease story."

Nami stared at Robin. "R-Really . . . ? It's the truth?"

Robin nodded.

"Can you do vampire stuff!?" Luffy asked eagerly.

"Sure," Sanji said, shrugging. "Watch this. Hey, moss-head . . ."

Zoro stopped drinking for a moment and looked at the cook. "Yeah?"

"Hold still."

Zoro froze. "W-What the f—"

"Don't talk."

Zoro went mute. Sanji easily walked over to him, pried his fingers off of the bottle, took the bottle, and placed it on the counter. He then released his hold on Zoro, who glared at him and grabbed the bottle.

"What the hell was that!?" he yelled.

"Vampire stuff," Sanji said, "as Luffy so eloquently put it."

"You're actually a vampire, Bro Sanji!?" Franky exclaimed.

Sanji nodded. He looked over at Nami, who appeared to be thinking about something.

"N-Nami-swan . . . ?"

She looked up at him. "If you're not really sick, being a vampire would explain your recent behavior."

Sanji looked at her worriedly. "Are . . . are you scared of me, love?"

"Honestly? A little bit," she said.

Sanji hung his head dejectedly.

"But," she continued, "so far, you're still the same old Sanji-kun—just a few different habits."

Sanji looked up and grinned happily. "Nami-swan . . . Nami-swan!" he made to go hug her, but she dodged and he fell on the floor.

"The question is," Zoro said, "why the fuck did you not tell anyone?"

"I didn't want to scare the ladies," Sanji said as if it were obvious.

"What about the rest of us?" Franky asked.

"Don't really care what you guys think."

"Can I call you Vampire Sanji!?" Luffy asked eagerly.

"No!"

Usopp grinned. "We'll call him Mr. Bitey."

"That's good! Mr. Bitey, Mr. Bitey!"

"Shut up, idiots!"