Chapter 12,

It had been two weeks since Erin had had her last memory. Two weeks of the same routine. Two weeks back on full duty, spending her days partnered with Jay at work and spending her nights with Jay and Sophie.

In the past two weeks, Erin had fallen completely in love with Sophie and with motherhood, and her feelings for Jay had grown. But something else was growing too... her frustration. She was frustrated by her memory's lack of progress, and she was frustrated with Jay.

Jay seemed to only be interested in Erin as a partner at work and as a co-parent for Sophie. He hadn't so much as touched her since he kissed her on the cheek two weeks ago. It was driving her crazy.

She was standing in the break room, pouring herself a cup of coffee and trying to give herself a break from Jay. Trying to act normal around him when all she wanted to do was jump his bones was exhausting. She heard footsteps coming into the room, and she silently prayed it wasn't Jay walking up behind her.

"Soph has a doctor's appointment this afternoon." No such luck.

"Oh yeah, I can take her." Erin offered without turning around. As soon as the words came out of her mouth, she realized she had no idea who the doctor was or where the doctor was located.

"No, I got it." He leaned against the kitchen counter so that he was in her line of sight, his hand resting only inches from her own. "I was just hoping you could pick up dinner, I'm not sure what time we will get back and I don't know if I will have time to cook anything tonight."

"Oh." She couldn't decided if she was relieved or disappointed. She loved spending time with Sophie, and taking her daughter to the doctor was part of her job as a mother. But at the same time, she was happy not to have to ask Jay where the doctor was located. She usually tried to save all of her logistical questions for Hank, not wanting to embarrass herself in front of Jay. But she doubted that Hank would know about her pediatrician. "Yeah, that's fine. Chinese?"

"Sounds good!" Jay leaned in like he was going to kiss her, and at the last minute pulled away. In the past two weeks some of the 'differences' between this version of Erin and his version of Erin were seeming to fade, and sometimes he forgot all together. He sometimes forgot that he couldn't just lean over and kiss her quickly on the lips.

He really missed that - those quick, but meaningful kisses shared by husband and wife. The kisses you don't have to dwell on because you're secure in the knowledge that there will be plenty of time for more passionate kisses, He walked out of the kitchen quickly, avoiding Erin's gaze. He wasn't sure what her reaction would be to that near miss situation, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

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"Mommy, I had to have a shot." By the time Sophie and Jay got home from the doctor, Erin was already at the house waiting for them. She opened the door and Sophie instantly leaned into her mother's arms, looking for comfort after a seemingly trying day.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry." She hugged her daughter, kissing her on forehead and letting her lips rest there.

He loved hearing Erin say the word 'baby'. Even if it wasn't directed at him.

She knew she should feel bad for her daughter that she had to have a shot, but she was so grateful it led to this moment. Her new favorite thing was holding her daughter close, hugging her tight, inhaling her scent. Sophie, being a rambunctious and energetic two year old, had only been letting Erin really hug her at bed time and it just wasn't enough. She had two years of holding her daughter to catch up on. "You know what I think will make it better though?" She said, now resting her own forehead against her daughters, whispered quietly like she was telling her a secret.

"What?" Sophie had stopped crying at the doctor's office, but she still was not in a smiling mood. Even if she did get a Little Mermaid sticker.

"Chocolate ice cream for dessert!" Erin smiled down at her daughter.

At the word ice cream, Sophie's eyes immediately lit up and she smiled back, her dimples mirroring Erin's own. "YES!"

Erin carried Sophie into the kitchen, and the three of them ate their Chinese food followed by chocolate ice cream. This night, it was Jay that cleaned the kitchen while Erin went to play with Sophie in the living room. They had been working on a puzzle the night before, and they planned to finish it together tonight.

Jay came in and watched as his daughter excitedly placed the last piece in the puzzle. She was so proud of herself, and she leapt into her mothers arms to hug her, although this time the hug was brief. This was her largest puzzle to date, a 50 piece princess puzzle. The box had said "3 and up!", but Erin was convinced her little genius would finish it, no problem.

"Great job, Soph!" Jay said, walking over to join his girls. "You know what I think?" He had never expected to be on of those parents - the ones that think their children are smarter and better than every other child - but he definitely was. "We should glue the puzzle together and frame it! We could put it in your room!" It would fit perfectly with the rest of the princess theme she had going.

"Yeah!" She shouted, now flinging herself from Erin to him, jumping into his arms. "Can we do it now, Daddy? Can we? Can we?"

He laughed, keeping her secure in his arms. He didn't get his long hug yet today. "Tomorrow, sweetheart. Right now, it's time for bed."

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"That was a great idea," Erin said as they walked down the steps an hour later. "To frame the puzzle, I mean." She had been surprised when he had thought of it, it had warmed her heart. Jay really was the most amazing father.

"Yeah, well, it is 50 pieces." He exaggerated the words 50 pieces, saying the words sarcastically, even though Erin knew he was secretly very impressed and proud of his daughter.

"Shut up," she rolled her eyes at him, and shoved his shoulder lightly as they reached the bottom of the stairs.

He shoved her back, which she hadn't been expecting. She startled at his touch on her shoulder and she bumped into the wall at the bottom of the stairs, both of them laughing. Her back leaned against the wall and Jay's body was in front of her. Suddenly, they both noticed that their bodies were nearly touching and the laughter died on their lips.

Before he could change his mind, he leaned down and kissed her. She parted her lips immediately, and his mouth took easy possession of hers. She was stunned, completely surprised. The last month she had wanted to kiss him so badly, but he seemed disinterested.

She kissed him back deeply, passionately, just in case this was her only chance to do so. She savored in the moment, the kiss, the slow, sultry rise of heat. She longed to touch him, slide her fingers over his muscular arms, his broad shoulders, his strong chest. But she kept her hands still at her sides, afraid to move them, afraid to scare him away. She had wanted this for so long.

His hands slid down, found her waist, the kiss softened as his body melted into hers. He drew her just a little closer, and the sound he heard, a soft, low grown in her throat, sent a chill through the length of his body.

He pulled his lips away, his body still pressed into hers against the wall. Then, he leaned in and gave her a quick kiss. The quick peck he had wanted to give her earlier in the kitchen. The ones shared by husbands and wives.

Erin had never been married, not that she remembered. So to her, that quick kiss signaled that it was time for her to leave, that the moment had come to an end. "I should get going," her voice came out a lot huskier than she had intended.

He seemed surprised, but he moved aside so she could get her coat. She took it off the hook, and slipped it on, putting on her scarf and zipping the coat more slowly than usual - waiting for him to ask her to stay. But instead, he said nothing. "See you tomorrow?" She wasn't sure why she had phrased that as a question. She always came in the morning. With his medium coffee. It was their thing.

"Yep." He said, holding the door open for her. "See you tomorrow."

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Jay had spent all night awake - his body restless - thinking about his kiss with Erin. It had meant everything to him. It had been a mix of new and familiar, just like Erin. He was beginning to forget about this version and that version, and just think of Erin as Erin. It made him feel more content and happy than he had been in a long time.

But by the time 4 am had rolled around, he had become nervous. What if she didn't feel the same way? He had kissed her, and while she had definitely kissed him back, she had also left immediately after. He had no idea how she felt about it... or about him. He was still essentially a stranger, she had known him a little over a month.

By the time 6 am came, he had convinced himself that his relationship with Erin was new and fragile, and more importantly, her relationship with Sophie was new and fragile. And that was the one that mattered. It was the most important, and it was the one they needed to focus on right now.

He was almost finished getting dressed when her heard Erin let herself in downstairs. She was probably standing their with another cup of that damn store bought coffee. If she had slept over last night, we could have had coffee here, he thought bitterly.

Jay walked downstairs to greet her, leaving Sophie asleep in her room for a few more minutes. He wanted to get this out of the way before work. "Hey, Erin." He said as he reached the kitchen. He picked up the cup of coffee and took a long sip, steadying himself and preparing what he was about to say. "Thanks." He nodded towards the coffee cup when he put it down, acknowledging his appreciation. He was functioning on no sleep, and store bought or not, he really did appreciate it.

"No problem," she shifted nervously in her seat at the breakfast nook, "I was hoping we could talk about last night."

"Me too." He spoke quickly, not letting her get a word in. "I think we need to set some boundaries." He had planned the words out in his head, but they felt foreign coming out of his mouth. How was he saying this to his wife? "You and Sophie... it's all kind of new, and I don't want anything between us to mess that up." He had planned more, but he lost his words at the hurt look on her face.

She stood up abruptly, knocking over a chair. She didn't even notice the loud noise it made when it crashed against the tiled floor. "Boundaries?" Her voice was steady and stern, but had a hint of bewilderment. "You want boundaries?" She took one step closer, her voice two steps louder. Suddenly, as if she noticed the chair on the ground and the level of her voice, she retreated. "Fine. That's fine." She quickly turned and ran out of the room, up the stairs. She wanted to see her daughter. The one in the house that loved her back.

"Good morning, monkey!" She tried to keep her voice steady, but it was shaking. Boundaries. She knew last night had been too good to be true. They had been spending all their time together for weeks, and she had been slowly falling in love with him, but he wanted nothing to do with it. At first he had high expectations that her memory would return, and now he seemed to have given up. And he didn't want this version of her, the one that didn't remember their life together.

She wanted her memory to come back too, but she loved him just the same. This version of her... she loved Jay. She loved Sophie. She loved her life. Why did it seem like it was so close, yet so far away?

She needed a night off. A night away from the frustration, the expectations, the sexual tension, the disappointment... all of it. After getting Sophie dressed, she brought her downstairs for breakfast and spoke to her, loudly enough so Jay would definitely hear, and said, "Mommy is going to go out with Auntie Kim tonight, okay Soph?" She kissed her daughter as her daughter nodded. "So by the time I get home, you will be asleep and I will just see you tomorrow morning."

Jay watched Erin, her eyes clearly avoiding his gaze. He got the message loud and clear. She wouldn't be back tonight.

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"Trust me, Erin. That boy loves you." Kim said reassuringly. They were at Molly's, secluded at a table in the corner.

In the past few weeks, Kim had become Erin's confidante and closest friend. She didn't have any expectations of Erin, and seemed content starting their friendship from scratch... something no one else seemed willing to try, including Jay.

"Kim, he doesn't though." Erin whined into her scotch. "He loved the old me. And..." her voice trailed off, as she searched for the words to convey everything, trying to make sense of the situation. "It's like he has a weak moment and he kisses me, hoping he will be kissing his wife. Or he momentarily forgets. And then as soon as the moment comes, it's gone and he realizes I'm not her, and he puts his walls up again." She gulped down the rest of her drink, trying to push the tears back that were threatening to fall. "I know I don't remember everything about our life together, but I still just..." her efforts were futile, and a tear fell slowly, trailing a line down her cheek. "I want to be with him. I think I love him."

Kim looked at her friend. She listened to her words and she watched the tears fall, and it occurred to her that she had never seen her friend this broken. Which in all the years they had known each other, and all Erin had been through, that was saying... a lot. "Erin, you need to tell him that," she reached out to cover her friends hand in her own. "Tell him all of that, exactly like that. Give him a chance to understand."

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