HEADCANNON FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS FANFICION: CAITLIN DOESN'T TRY WHEN SHE'S DRUNK WHICH IS WHY HER SINGING IS SO BAD. SHE ACTUALLY IS REALLY GOOD SINGER WHEN SOBER (AND CISCO KNOWS BUT RONNIE DIDN'T KNOW AT FIRST BUT WHEN HE FOUND OUT HE WAS LIKE OH MY GOSH YOUR VOICE IS BEAUTIFUL. PLEASE SING FOR ME.) AND CAITLIN DOESN'T THINK SHE'S VERY GOOD EITHER WAY BUT SHE INDULGES RONNIE CAUSE HE'S HER FIANCE AND SHE LOVES HIM, AND CISCO TOO CAUSE HE'S HER BEST FRIEND AND WON'T STOP BOTHERING HER UNTIL SHE DOES SO IT'S JUST EASIER TO COMPLY. (SHE IS ALSO GOOD AT WRITING SONGS TOO.)
This is the updated/revised version. I have removed the song lyrics. I suggest listening to the song "Enchanted" by Taylor Swift as that song heavily influenced my ideas and this fic.
It's been months since the particle accelerator exploded and took my fiancé with it. I know the pain is supposed to eventually go away, but I don't think I want it to. I miss my Ronnie, and every day I wish that day never happened. That I could reverse time and force him to stay by my side instead of being the hero he is, was, by running headfirst into the pipeline. My heart breaks a little more as I correct myself.
The only long term distraction I have is watching over this guy who was struck by lightning. His name is Barry Allen and he's in a coma at Star Labs. The only reason I'm not there right now is that Cisco insisted I take the day off, bless his soul, for Ronnie's birthday today. I haven't even so much as gotten up out of bed since I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock.
Instead, I've been staring at a picture on one of the bedside tables for roughly the last hour and a half now. Alone in the safety of our, now just my, apartment I allow myself to cry. Tears blur my vision and I look away from the picture. It's one that Ronnie had taken when he proposed. He asked someone to take pictures during the proposal. After I had, quite enthusiastically, said yes, we kissed. It's one of my favorite pictures. The two of us are wrapped in each other's arms and the waterfall is the background to the full body picture.
I force myself to roll over and through my blurred vision my eyes land on my instruments. I have a nice keyboard and guitar that sit out in our, my, room.
My heart wrenches again for two reason. One is I keep forcing to correct my thoughts, and the other is that the instruments make me think of how much Ronnie loved it when I would perform for him. He always said I had such a beautiful voice. As I pull myself from the bed I hear new lyrics and music floating through my mind, all for Ronnie. A song entwined with my love for him. It would not be the first I've written, but it would be the first I've done since
I drag myself over and begin the process of writing and recording various sounds and music. Finally, when I'm ready to play the guitar music and have words mapped out I decide I should get some fresh air and bring my laptop and guitar with me out onto the small balcony that the apartment has. Gently I set my computer on the small table, glad that I had cleared off the snow yesterday. With the sun shining and the wind nonexistent, it was quite lovely outside and I take a deep breath as I enjoy the feeling of being outside. Ronnie always said I was cold blooded to love the winter so much. There was more than one reason for that than not being bothered by cold weather as much. I loved the cold weather because that meant hot chocolate and warm beverages, and cuddling by the fire with my fiancé. I sigh sadly as I think fondly of these memories.
Taking a deep breath, I open my laptop back up and set up the music to play. Pulling my guitar up to my lap I take another deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I don't know why I feel nervous, all I'm doing is writing, although it is the first time I've done so in months.
Slowly I click play on the keyboard and start to play my guitar. I open my mouth and begin to sing and the memories play through my mind as let go. The memories flood my mind and I am entranced by them.
In my mind, I see the festive celebrations at Star Labs. Ronnie had been hired around the holiday season. Truly I did not wish to be there, next to none of my coworkers liked me much, I had a hard time making friends. Cisco had easily become my best friend and I his somehow. He managed to stick around me even with my icy shell. It wasn't all that hard to warm up to Cisco, he was pretty much always happy and had seemed very interested in getting to know me. He had forced me to attend the party, as he wanted to go but didn't want to be alone when Hartley Rathaway, his 'sworn enemy' was going to be there.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
As I attempted to mingle I became constantly aware of new faces, one in particular stuck out to me. Our eyes kept meeting and we communicated with our facial expressions.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I lost track of him and was told to meet Doctor Wells in five or so minutes over by the punch bowl. He had insisted that we meet one of the newest members of the Star Labs team. Wells had already recruited Cisco and I to work on the Particle Accelerator and we needed to meet him because he was going to be a structural engineer for the project.
"Cisco Ramon, our resident technology genius, meet Ronnie Raymond, our new structural engineer." I had still been walking up when they were introduced, and watched as they shook hands.
"Ah, there you are." Wells stepped forward, "Ronnie, this is Doctor Caitlin Snow. She works with bio-engineering. Caitlin this is Ronnie Raymond, our new structural engineer." I didn't put too much stock in meeting him, he'd been here for at least a week and I was sure he'd heard the rumors about the 'Ice Queen' Caitlin Snow. I didn't think he'd want to bother with me.
"It's nice to meet you." The words had flowed from my mouth before my eyes met his and rendered me near speechless.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Tell me Doctor Snow, are all doctors as beautiful as you?" I felt a blush creep on my cheeks at the compliment and suddenly we were alone. Cisco was dragged off somewhere and Wells disappeared. After that we got to talking, and told me he thought the rumors were false and he'd like to get to know me more.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I'd never told him how I felt about that first meeting. He may never have known how easy it was to warm up to him
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
In the weeks, and months following our first meeting we'd become rather close. He came by everyday just to talk to both Cisco and I. Yet, I felt he made excuses to come see us, to see me even. Before I realized it, I had begun to fall for him and the very idea of love kept me up at night. I hoped he would feel the same towards me, but was hesitant to bring it up.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sparkling and Flawless, two words that not many people would think of in conjunction to our first date. First, the restaurant we went to messed up our orders. Then The movie we went to see was bad, but at least we could laugh at just how bad it was. Then the car broke down and we had to wait for a tow truck to come take it. Finally, he had decided to just walk me home as it would take so much longer to get back if we went with the tow truck or waiting for a cab. On the way it began to pour, and Ronnie the gentleman he is, gave me his jacket to help combat the weather.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
When we finally arrived at my apartment, he looked rather glum. "I suppose you don't want to go out again after that disaster." He had sighed, but I had surprised him by laughing "Actually, I would love to go out with you again." I had smiled, and then feeling bold had even kissed him on the cheek.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
As I finished the song I realized that a few tears had trailed down my cheeks. Drying my tears, I realized the weather had gotten much colder since I'd come outside, and it was definitely time to go back in. Quickly I gathered up my things and went back inside.
After making hot chocolate, I decided to, on a random whim, make a second cup. With a blanket wrapped around me I went back on the balcony and set it down on the small table I had been sitting at just minutes' prior. I don't know why, I just felt like I should leave one. It had felt like Ronnie was out here with me, and it just felt right.
Scanning the area around me, I draped my warm blanket over the chair so that it wouldn't blow away from wind. Nodding my head I turned and shuffled back inside.
Since I left my own blanket out on the patio, I pulled out one of Ronnie's from the closet. Thankfully, it still smelt like him and I inhaled deeply as I curled up on our small couch with my hot chocolate. Looking over I pull out our photo album and smile at the cover, it was a picture of us from that first party.
Curling up deeper into the blanket and couch, I smile as I flip through the pages filled with us. "I love you Ronnie." I whisper as I trace my finger around the pages. Settling in for a long night with more memories.