Happy new year everyone :) This story is going to be wrapping up in a couple more chapters! I hope you enjoy this one!

Chapter 16,

At this point, Erin thought she would be used to it. After weeks of small moments returning, after last night when years of memories flooded back in a single second... she thought she would be accustomed to this feeling. But as she followed Jay into the Emergency Room at Chicago Med in search of her daughter, the familiar sounds and smells acted as a trigger and it once again stopped her head in her tracks. Her world began to spin as her breathing quickenedr.

She remembered waking up in the hospital, feeling hazy and confused.

She remembered hours before, waking up in the ambulance, Gaby Dawson inserting an IV into her arm while Hank leaned over her, crying and holding her hand.

Hours before that, she remembered being shot. The surprise of it. The unbelievable pain that followed. She remembered Hank holding her in his arms, she remembered trying to call out for Sophie, and for Jay.

She remembered earlier that day when day care had called about Sophie. She remembered the gentle kiss Jay had pressed against her lips before he left to pick up their daughter... The last precious moment they spent together before she woke up and her life had changed forever.

"Erin?" Erin heard Jay calling her name, but it sounded like it was coming from far away. She stood, trapped in the moment, trapped in her memories, in the middle of the bustling Emergency Department. She ignored his voice. She didn't want to be brought back to reality, she wanted to stand here, in this moment, in this place, until everything came back to her.

She closed her eyes and saw her daughter's face. She was transported back to the day they brought her home from the hospital.

"Come on, Er. When baby girl's sleeping, you are supposed to be sleeping." Jay wrapped his arm around Erin's waist, and pulled her body into his. He didn't move her towards the door, but instead stood with her and kissed Erin gently on the forehead.

Erin knew they should both be getting some sleep, but it was clear Jay wasn't ready to move either. "I just can't stop staring at her." Erin watched her snoring daughter with awe. "I can't believe we made that." She turned to Jay, and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you, beautiful." He kissed her again, deeper this time. "She still needs a name. We can't keep calling her baby girl."

"I know." Erin and Jay had planned on naming their baby Emily Grace. After weeks of disagreeing on names, they finally got an app that would help them decide. It had been Kim's idea. The iPhone app was similar to Tinder, but with baby names. Jay had a bunch of names on his phone, and Erin had the same names on hers. They could swipe right for names they liked, and swiped left for names they didn't. Then, at the end, the app would tell them the names they had agreed on. After only an hour, they had agreed on Emily Grace. But for some reason, when she saw her baby girl for the first time, she didn't want to give her that name. For days she had been trying to come up with a strong name, one that was suitable for their little girl. Even after the bleeding, the early labor, the emergency deliver, she had come into the world healthy, happy, and strong. "What about Sophie?"

"Really?" Jay shifted his gaze from the baby to his wife. Tears brimmed in his eyes, and his arms still held her tightly at her waist. "Are you sure?"

"I think our daughter would be lucky to share her name with such a strong woman." Erin said softly, leaning into her husband once again.

"My mom would be so happy." His face broke into a huge smile as he spoke, "I wish she could've met her. I wish she could've met you." He had no idea how he had gotten this lucky.

"Well, now she will always be with us." She looked down at her beautiful baby girl, still snoring away through this whole conversation. She had wondered if it would be too hard on Jay to name their daughter after his mother, to hear her name everyday. But he seemed so happy, and she was so glad she had finally gotten the courage to suggest it. "Sophie Halstead."

"Sophie Camille Halstead," he replied, emphasizing the middle name.

Now it was Erin's turn to tear up.

"Erin? Erin?" Jay's voice dragged her back to the present, as she felt his hand grab hers. "What's wrong?"

Everything, she thought, everything is wrong. "Nothing," she replied, instead. "Where is she?"

"I don't know, no one will tell me anything." Even now that he had her attention, he didn't let go of her hand. He held on to it like it was his lifeline.

She was about to respond when she saw Will rushing towards them. "Will," she cried out, letting go of Jay's hand and running towards her brother-in-law. "Where's Sophie? The daycare called us, they said she's here. What is going on?" The words tumbled out of her before she even reached him. She was yelling so loudly she was sure the whole room was staring at her, but she didn't care. She needed to get to her precious little girl. Her Sophie Camille Halstead.

Jay followed, reaching Will a few seconds after Erin. His hand felt cold without hers in it. "Is she okay?"

"I was just paged, I don't know anything. I just know she's in Room 4 with Natalie. Come on, let's go." Erin didn't know which room was Room 4, otherwise she would have sprinted there ahead of the group.

When they entered the room, both Erin and Jay rushed to their daughters side. Natalie was sitting on the edge of her bed, holding Sophie's hair back as she vomited into a bucket. The pink dress and white leggings Jay had dressed her in this morning were covered in vomit, and her face was red and streaked with tears.

When she finished vomiting, Jay reached for her and lifted her into his arms. "You're okay, princess," he soothed. He didn't care if he ended up covered in vomit, he needed to hold his beautiful baby girl. "You're okay." Sophie rested her face into his chest, and he gently stroked her back over and over, kissing her hair and whispering into her ear.

Erin watched her husband calm their daughter. Her heart melted watching the two of them together, and she walked over to join them. She placed her hand on Sophie's back, "We're here, Soph."

At the sound of her mother's voice, Sophie lifted her head off of Jay's chest and looked at Erin. "Mommy?" She lifted her arms out, signaling for Erin to hold her.

Erin immediately lifted her daughter of Jay's arms and fit her snuggly in her own. When she noted she surprise in her daughter's voice, she felt like the worst mother in the world. She hadn't stayed home with Sophie yesterday when she was sick, and then this morning... she had been so angry at Jay so she hadn't gone to see her daughter. "I'm sorry I wasn't there this morning, monkey," she whispered the words into her daughter's ears, hoping Natalie and Will didn't hear them.

As if sensing that she was upset, Jay wrapped his arm protectively around Erin's waist and squeezed, trying to comfort her. It reminded her of the night they brought Sophie home from the hospital, the night they gave her her name. His actions spoke the words that neither of them could say, at least not with an audience. "What's happening with Sophie?" He asked his sister-in-law.

"We did an ultrasound, and it looks like appendicitis." Natalie stood in her dark maroon scrubs and her white coat, feeling terrible delivering this news. She knew that Jay and Erin had been through enough in the past few months. They didn't need more stress. "She is going to need surgery as soon as possible. They can take her back now, we were just waiting on your consent."

"Does she really need surgery?" Erin could feel her knees buckling, her daughter was barely two years old. She had just had surgery, and she woke up not recognizing the two most important people in her life. "Are you sure?" She was glad Jay's arm was around her waist, otherwise she may have collapsed to the floor in fear.

"I'm afraid so," Natalie answered. "But it's a simple surgery, and she is going to be fine."

"Who's operating?" Will interrupted his wife. He knew he wouldn't be allowed to operate himself, Sophie being his family.

"I've asked Dr. Rhodes." She looked at her husband, urging him not to make a scene. She knew he would rather operate himself. He was an Emergency Room physician, but he had been a surgeon in New York, and he likely would want to be involved.

"Good," Will relaxed. Dr. Rhodes had been a trauma surgeon and was now a cardiothoracic surgeon, which means he generally didn't do these simple surgeries. He was doing them a favor because it was Sophie.

"He's good, right?" Jay knew Dr. Rhodes, he knew he and Will had gotten off to a rough start, but that Will respected him a lot. But he just wanted to hear it again.

"Yes, he's the best." Natalie answered.

Everything happened quickly after that. Dr. Rhodes came in to describe the procedure. Erin and Jay signed the consent forms, and bravely kissed their little girl goodbye. Will and Natalie ushered them into the hospital room that would be Sophie's when she was done, so they could sit there instead of in the waiting room. Will and Natalie offered to track down some lunch and coffee for them, giving them some time to be alone.

Erin sat in a chair in the hospital room, her head in her hands going over the events of the past few days. It was odd. It didn't matter what was happening in her relationship with Jay. It didn't matter what she remembered or when she remembered it. They needed to be together as a family. She never wanted to spend another morning away from her daughter, ever again. "Um... Jay." It was weird, sitting so far away from him in the room.

Everything was weird. After this morning, she remembered every detail of her life with him. She hadn't told him, though. She wasn't ready for him to know. She still had a lot to think about. They had vowed to each other that they would love each other for better or worse, and the last few months... it had definitely been worse. But she felt like he had given up on her. And that hurt. She remembered Hank's words from last night, and she knew that this past month must have been hard for Jay. But she wasn't ready to forgive him yet... For forgetting their vows, for forgetting to love her.

It had only taken her a few weeks to fall in love with him again.

He was a complete stranger to her, but he had her heart.

She was his wife, but she hadn't had his.

"Yeah," he stared up at her from across the room, interrupting her thoughts.

"I want to move back home," she said softly, her eyes still resting on a spot on the floor.

Jay couldn't believe his ears. All he wanted was for Erin to move back home, for them to be a family again. He had missed her warmth on the other side of their bed. He missed kissing her goodnight, wrapping his arms around her, holding her until the morning. He was so in love with her, even more than before. He jumped out of his chair and began moving towards her. When he finally reached her side of the room, he grabbed both of her hands and lifted her out of her chair. He reached for her, trying to engulf her into a hug.

She back up slightly, moving herself out of his reach. "We still have a lot to talk about."

"I know that," he said defensively, his voice giving himself away.

"But I need to be with my daughter." Her words combined with the look she was giving him... it was all clear. Why she wouldn't hug him, why she had averted her eyes. Kim had told him she remembered years of their relationship. He had honestly thought after the anger had dissipated from last night, that she would remember how much they loved each other. That she would come home. But that wasn't it. She was coming home for Sophie... not for him.

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"She's finally asleep," Jay walked into the living room, and was surprised to see Erin setting up the pull out couch and putting sheets on the bed. Sophie's surgery had gone smoothly, and she had spent two nights in the hospital for observation. She had been spoiled by visitors with stuffed animals, games, and candy. Hank had even bought her a set of barbies, which he had swore he would never do. After Erin had agreed to come back home, they had been interrupted by Natalie and Will who came with food. They hadn't broached the topic since, instead focusing on their daughter and her recovery.

"Oh, good," Erin answered, folding down the top sheet on the mattress. The blue king size sheets from their bedroom were too large for this queen-size pull out couch, and Erin was clearly doing her best to not have the sheets drag on the living room floor. "I was thinking I would go to bed now, too. I feel like I haven't a good night sleep in days." Now she was putting the spare blanket on top of the sheets, keeping herself busy and avoiding his gaze.

While Sophie had been recovering, Jay and Erin had fallen back into their usual routine. While there was no physical contact between them, their easy conversation had returned. As her anger dissipated, her longing for him increased.

When she was done making up the bed, Jay was still standing in the doorway looking at her. Heat was rising in her body, and she tried to think of a safe topic. "I'm glad the doctor thinks Sophie will be completely healed by this weekend." She walked to the far side of the bed, increasing the space between them. It was safer that way. "She would have been crushed if she had to miss Kim and Adam's wedding."

Jay knew that Erin was going to bed early and making small talk to avoid talking about them. But coming in to the living room and seeing his wife make up a bed for herself on the couch... away from him... he didn't want to avoid this conversation any longer. "Erin," he began, "Can we talk?"

She wasn't ready. She was still trying to navigate her feelings. The anger may have been gone, but the hurt was still very much present... That being said, even when they fought, they never slept apart. She never slept on the couch. And now that she remembered everything... why was this fight different? They were married, they had a fight. Sure, it was bad, but she never slept on the couch.

Something was stopping her from forgiving him, from going upstairs with her husband... and she couldn't figure out what it was. And she didn't want to talk until she figured it out. "I don't know if I'm ready to talk. I still need some time to think."

He wasn't going to give up that easily. "How about if I talk, and you listen." He sat down on the side of the bed, signaling to her that he wasn't going upstairs until they had this out.

She nodded, and that was as much approval as he needed before he began to speak. "I wanted to tell you what I was saying to Antonio, before you came in and heard what you heard." She sat down on the opposite side of the bed, and he felt the bed dip under her weight. "I love you, Erin." He wished she would look at him, but her eyes were glued to her hands. He hated seeing her left hand ringless. "And I don't love you because of our history. I love you because you're you. You're strong and sensitive and sarcastic and beautiful, you're a great mother and you're the best listener. You have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. And that's not to mention you're sexy as hell." He saw a small smile appear on her lips, and it gave him the courage to keep going. "I never stopped loving you, not for a single second. And these past few weeks. Being your partner, with the sarcastic comments and the sexy smirks, it felt so good. It reminded me of why I fell in love with you in the first place. You. Even without your memories." He moved closer to her, reaching for her fidgeting hands. He needed her to look at him. "Everything I fell in love with... it's still in there. And then, these past few weeks we would go home and spend time with Sophie and I watched you naturally flow right back into her role as a mother. It's not possible to describe how happy those nights have made me." She was looking at him now, her hazel eyes brimming with tears. But now it was his turn to look away, "I was worried that our history was what made you love me. That's why I asked if you remembered." He hadn't needed her to remember for his sake, but for hers. "I tried for months, years even to make you fall in love with me." He laughed dryly as he said this. He had said it as a joke a million times before, but he also knew it to be true. "It took a lot for you to want to be with me... to go against Hank and do this for real. And if that stuff never happened..." Now he looked her in the eyes. He was embarrassed by his words, but he needed her to hear them. "I was just some stranger. Some guy you might decided to date, but that you could just take or leave." He whispered the last few words, embarrassed at the emotion in them.

She opened her mouth to respond, but he touched his fingers to her lips, silencing them. "I told you I would talk, and you would just have to listen. You don't have to answer me tonight." With his fingers still resting on her lips, he leaned in and kissed her gently on the forehead. He kept his lips there for several seconds, breathing in her familiar scent. Then, true to his word, he stood up and left the room, leaving her in the living room, alone with her thoughts.

xoxoxox

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