Hello to all my lovely readers :) Hope 2017 is treating you all well so far! Thanks for keeping up with my story. This chapter is RATED M!

Also, if you are enjoying this story, please also go read my other one! It's already completed - it's called All The Way In! :) :)

Chapter 17,

When she finally heard the last sounds of Jay walking up the stairs, Erin stood up from where she had been sitting on the pullout couch. She took a deep breath and turned off her mind, instead listening to the familiar sounds coming from upstairs. She allowed the sound of her husband's normal nightly routine to calm her.

She listened to him open Sophie's bedroom door, no doubt making sure she was truly asleep and feeling her forehead for signs of a fever. Erin began to pace the length of the living room, as she listened to Jay return to their bedroom and begin getting ready for bed. She heard the flush of the toilet, the sound of the sink turning on and off. She heard the creak of the bed, she heard the headboard quietly bang against the wall. After several minutes, there was nothing but silence upstairs. The only sound she could hear was her own footsteps as she continued to pace the living room floor. When she finally stopped in place, she could only hear her own breath.

Without the distracting noises, without the focus on Jay's getting ready for bed, she couldn't block out her thoughts any longer. Jay's words reverberated in her head, and as she retraced the words in her mind, all of the anger and the hurt began to leak out of her until there was nothing left. She let out another deep breath, and finally allowed her body to truly relax.

She walked over to the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. God, I look tired. She rinsed her face and pinched her cheeks, trying to give them some color. He doesn't care what you look like, Erin, she scolded herself.

She was just stalling. She knew she was stalling, but she couldn't help it. She brushed her hair with her fingers, wishing she had had the forethought to bring a hairbrush. She was nervous. Except for a few smoldering kisses, her and Jay hadn't been together in weeks. Months even.

The last time they had been together, it had been slow, tender, and wonderful. They had been trying to conceive, both of them desperately wanting another baby, a sibling for Sophie. Erin had laid in bed afterwards with her legs up in the air, she had seen it in a movie and was hoping it would help. Jay had made fun of her, telling her it didn't work like that. But then he had laid next to her the whole time, intimately caressing her stomach and peppering her with kisses and positive thoughts. When she found out she wasn't pregnant, again, he had laid down in that very same spot on the bed and held her as she cried. He had pressed his lips against her forehead and rubbed her back until she fell asleep in his comforting embrace.

She knew he loved her. He loved her more deeply and more completely than she had ever thought possible, and she loved him just the same. They had the kind of love she had seen between Hank and Camille, the kind she had sought her whole life.

But tonight... tonight, she wanted to feel sexy. She wanted to be reunited with her husband, and she wanted to give him everything she hadn't been able to in the past couple of months.

Breaking out of her thoughts, she suddenly remembered that she had her makeup in the overnight bag she had packed. She quickly ran back to the living room to retrieve it. She curled her eyelashes and applied some mascara, she put on some blush, and then lightly pressed chapstick against her lips. Satisfied that she looked better, she closed her makeup case and started for the stairs.

As she slowly ascended the stairs, her heartbeat quickened. Her hands began to tremble, and she suddenly wished she had the security of her wedding ring on her finger. Her finger felt naked without it... she felt naked without it. But she pushed the thought out of her head and pressed on. When she got to the top of the stairs, she stopped outside of her bedroom door. She remembered the last time she had twisted this doorknob, the memories that had flooded back into her brain as she stepped past the threshold. She remembered the memories, the night in the bar, and everything that came after it. Instead of being angry, she was deeply grateful. Grateful she had overheard what she did, grateful it had lead to Jay telling her everything he had just told her downstairs.

She took a deep breath, remembering his words once more, allowing them to give her strength. I love you because you're you. You're strong and sensitive and sarcastic and beautiful, you're a great mother and you're the best listener. You have the biggest heart of anyone I've ever known. And that's not to mention you're sexy as hell. I never stopped loving you, not for a single second.

She turned the doorknob and opened the door, and the light from the hallway poured into the dark bedroom, illuminating Jay's sleeping form under the blankets. She stopped to see if he was awake, but he didn't stir. She considered turning around. Jay had had a long day, a long week even, and maybe she should just let him sleep.

But she wasn't sure she would find it in her to to do this in the light of day tomorrow. There was something about the darkness of the night that gave her courage.

As she inched forward quietly, she noticed that Jay was sleeping on her side of the bed, using her pillow. Even though her scent was probably long gone from that pillow, his face was pressed against it, almost as if he was holding onto the memory of her in his bed. That was the final sign that she needed. The final reassurance that Jay still loved her as much as she loved him.

She walked over to the bed and slipped under the covers, and she rested her hand on his back, lightly pressing her lips to his. "Jay," she whispered.

His eyes fluttered open, and he swore this must be a dream. Erin was in their bed, her hand on his back and her eyes shining bright with love. "Er?" Her taste was still on his lips. If this was a dream, he never wanted to wake up.

"Jay, I don't need time to think anymore." Her hazel eyes never left his, but her face formed into a smile that showed off her dimples.

He turned his body so he was lying on his side, facing her. He wanted to lean in and kiss her again, to lose himself in her. But first he wanted to hear what she had to say. He needed to hear the words. He needed to know that she wasn't going to say, "Last night was a one time thing," like she had said to him so many years ago after their amazing night on the couch.

This needed to be the beginning of forever. Because once he had her, he would never be able to let her go again. He sucked in a breath and waited.

"I don't love because of our history. I love you because you're you." She said, repeating his words back to him. "You are loving and considerate and protective and you're the best father to our beautiful little girl. But you're also funny and charming and sexy as hell. You are everything I could ever want in a man, and you have given me everything I could ever want out of this life." She motioned around the room, around the house and everything that was in it. "These past few weeks, I have fallen in love with you all over again. The partner, the father... the incredible man that you are. And I didn't need any of my memories to love you." She watched his smile grow, his eyes grow bright with unshed tears. "I love you. I love our life together. And getting to fall in love with you all over again has been nothing short of magical."

They were both teary eyed now, and Jay reached over to swipe away her tear with the pad of his thumb. He left his thumb on her cheek and leaned in, finally allowing himself to kiss her, to melt into her, to lose himself in her.

Erin felt his lips on hers, and she felt the world spin around her. She kissed him back mercilessly, pressing against him, clutching his shoulders, feeling his muscles hard and tense through the fabric of his shirt. "Jay," she breathed his name, as if it was the only word in her vocabulary.

Jay couldn't believe this was truly happening, and he ran his tongue over her lips, down her neck, kissing the hollow at the base of her throat. As he brought his hands down, he accidentally brushed against her breast and she let out a moan. Following her signals, he moved one hand under her tank top, cupping her breast and rubbing his thumbs hard across her nipple through the lace of her bra. He used his other hand to unhook her bra. He broke contact for a moment, only to remove her shirt and shed those extra layers between them. As her shirt hit the floor, both of his hands returned to her breasts, and then his mouth found them, too.

"Oh my god, I... missed... this." She trembled with wanting him, and she pressed against his hands and mouth, gasping at the warmth of his touch. His mouth moved slowly down her body, as he kissed and sucked along her stomach, until he found her hips, and then the space between her legs. She was already wet, just waiting for him.

She arched her hips to meet his mouth and moaned, lacing her fingers in his hair until she exploded inside, her body throbbing and pulsating under his hands. "I... need... you... now." She breathed again.

He moved his head up and she felt his tongue hot against her stomach. He licked her breasts as he slid across her skin, finally finding her mouth. Suddenly, he moved hard into her, and she felt her blood surge again with the shock of him inside her.

She broke the kiss only when her lungs needed the oxygen, and she ran her tongue along his collarbone, his neck. Her hands found his biceps, she clawed at them with her fingers and then her lips pressed open mouth kisses against them. He flex his bicep muscle while she assaulted it with her tongue, and she moaned in response. "Fuck, Er," he loved how much his muscles turned her on.

Her lips found his once more and she writhed underneath him, pressing her hips frantically against him as he rocked over and over, until finally she came again, this time in great shuddering spasms, crying out his name in her ecstasy. The sound of his name escaping her lips caused him to let go, and they reached their orgasm together in the end.

"I love you, Mrs. Halstead." Jay kissed her, murmuring her name over and over as his lips touched hers, and then they fell asleep, exhausted and deliriously happy, in each other's arms.

xoxo

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