A/N: hello and welcome to the second chapter! Sorry it's been a hot minute, but good news; the story is complete! So all that needs to be done is some editing and then each chapter will be uploaded as I get to them!
Disclaimer: As always, the Mortal Instruments and the shadowhunter world belong to Cassandra Clare, and I've just tweaked some stuff for y'all ;)
Walking home, we all appear as tight together and secretive as usual, but I feel the tension between each of us. I walk with my arms holding my torso, as if it'll calm my racing heart. None of us will speak or look at each other and the tension is so thick I don't notice the public around me.
I feel like I've completely lost control; Aldertree's words give little information and produce more questions. Planning to take after their parents. Leave it to the Clave.
Iz looks like she's going crazy inside without knowing anything. I want to say something to her, but she looks like she almost doesn't want to hear it.
When we get home I watch Jonathan's face harden as I sit next to Jace, and then soften as I meet his eyes. Something's obviously going on inside his head, but I can't tell what and I don't understand why he won't tell me.
"Okay," he says calmly. "What happened?"
"Well we went down to the guard, but we were just about to round a corner when we heard Penhallow and Aldertree talking..." I trail off.
"Penhallow seemed indifferent, but Aldertree seemed too definite on his opinion," Jace says, and I nod in agreement.
"Never liked that guy," Alec mutters.
"Wait... what did he say?" Jonathan asks.
"They feel- or he feels, rather - that our parents are wasting space in the Gard, that they can't stay there forever," Jace answers.
No one says anything, but faces fall, and I continue. "They want to put them back on trial...and us with them. Something about us not following in their footsteps."
"What does that even mean?" Iz asks. "Did you tell them? Our parents?"
"Of course we did. They already knew."
"Obviously," Jonathan says, and my gaze is hard on him for a second.
"And…?" Iz asks. When I look at each of them, it seems that only Jonathan knows what we're going to say next. I look at Jace with pleading eyes.
He breaks off my gaze after a second and turns to Iz and Alec. I stare at the floor while he talks and fiddle with my stele. "And there's two options, both end in never seeing them again. Both end with us being targets of the Clave because we're their children and are likely to follow in their footsteps."
"But we don't even know what they did!" Iz says, I look up to see her stand, her hands up in the air, her eyes are sad despite the anger in her voice.
My face hardens as my eyes slide over to Jonathan. "Jonathan?"
He shrugs. "I don't know what you want me to tell you."
"I want to you to tell me what you know."
"I don't know anything," he says, eyes staring right into mine, not wavering at all. Then he gets up and leaves the room.
But I'm not taking that. Not now, not today. I know for a fact that he knows way more than he's letting on. And I deserve to know; they're my parents too. I'm just as affected by this as him. I get up and follow him. "What is your problem?!" I shout after him. "Why are you acting like this?"
"I don't have any problem. I've come to terms with it all, and you should too."
"You've 'come to terms with it'? So you're willing to just let our parents die? It's that easy for you?"
"I never said that-"
"Yeah well I'm sure that's what you meant. I don't understand-"
I cut myself off as he stops the path to his room and turns to face me. I stop halfway up the stairs, watching him. Anger fills his face, his hands are in fists at his sides, I see them trembling slightly.
"I think you care a lot more than you're letting on, Jonathan, because I know you should care. You love them, they're our parents." My voice grows soft, trying to get him to see it the same way. "You can tell us - you can tell us what's going on, help us understand-"
"Do you still love our parents Clary?" he asks, voice too calm.
The question startles me. The immediate response in my head is, yes of course. But I'm not sure that's the answer Jonathan is looking for. I know I care about what happens to them, for my own sanity's sake.
"I know enough about this whole mess to know that you shouldn't love them; they weren't thinking of our lives when they formed The Circle. So why should we consider theirs?"
Anger bubbles up inside me. Any calm I had left melts away by the heat of the anger. I stalk up the stairs towards him. I reach Jonathan and he grabs my arm, hard. "Clary, you don't understand-"
"Let. Go. Of my arm," I says sternly, getting into his face.
"Stop acting like a child," he spits back.
I shove him and force my arm out of his grip. "You shut your mouth. They're our parents, of course they care about us!" I shout loud enough to worry neighbours if we had any. I'm trembling all over and tears of anger leak from my eyes. Jonathan's face changes; his eyes widen, his jaw drops. But I keep talking. "You selfish bastard! You don't care that our own parents could be executed because you're a selfish, lying, bastard! They love us and have done everything for us and you don't even love them back!"
He appears unfazed by my words, though, and it makes me angrier. I close the gap between us and shove him again. He lets me push him. I want to lunge at him, to beat him until he understands.
"Clary!" I hear Jace's voice behind me and his arm is wrapped around my chest, holding me back. It doesn't matter that he's holding me; suddenly my mind won't let me see clearly, it blinds me, working independently. The stele in my pocket pulses.
Patterns of lines forming runes I've never seen interrupt my mind and won't go away. I force Jace's arm away, turn and blindly walk to my own room, shoving the bodies in my way, shutting the door behind me, locking the deadbolt, sliding to the floor.
I tug my hands through my hair. I'm going insane, I think. They'll have to kill me before they can even put me on trial for these symbols. I stand, steady, and walk to my desk and pull out a pencil and paper. I have to get the patterns out, somehow, but I can't do it with my stele. My head is just clear enough to know that using my stele to draw the patterns would be destructive. When the pencil hits the paper, I start scribbling madly.
My vision returns, clear and still, with a knock at my door. I look down to find that all the different line patterns floating through my head for so long are in front of me, pieces of paper everywhere. One glance at the pages in front of me and I know no other eyes can see this. They'll lock me away; then surely I'll never see anyone again, not even my convicted parents.
Dad told Jace they were watching us specifically. He knew, but no one else can.
"Just a second!" I shove all the papers into a drawer and shut it. I run over to my bed, messing it up to look like I fell asleep after my fight with Jonathan. When I pass by my mirror, I don't bother looking in it. I know I already look like a mess.
When I open the door, Jace stands on the other side, his face full of worry. "Are you okay?"
I cross my arms tight around my chest. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine." I turn before he can sense that I'm lying and sit back down on my messed up bed. Jace follows and leans against one of the four posters. "What's up?" I ask.
His eyes narrow. He knows I'm not telling him something but I don't offer to tell, and he doesn't ask.
"A Clave meeting was called for tomorrow."
My heart drops and I swallow hard from all the saliva suddenly collecting in my mouth. "Tomorrow. And they want all five of us there."
Jace nods even though I didn't ask a question.
"Do you think they'll decide?" I ask with a tiny sliver of hope in my voice.
"I'm sorry, Clary."
Jace's apology doesn't help. My parents have either not heard the news yet or are already gearing up to escape and run for the rest of their lives. If the Clave really is meeting up to discuss the remaining Circle members tomorrow, I doubt it will end well for anyone.
I don't anticipate the next words that come out of my mouth. "Where's Jonathan?" It doesn't make sense; why I say it, because I realize afterwards that it doesn't matter. He probably wouldn't want to speak to me anyways. But I still take comfort in knowing that my brother is around. He said he doesn't love our parents, but he still loves me - I think.
"He left," Jace says. "After you two fought he stormed out and we haven't heard from him since."
I get up from the bed, all other problem forgotten. "How long ago was that?"
Jace shrugs. "Maybe a couple hours."
I start towards my bedroom door and Jace grabs my arm to pull me back. Instead to stopping, I shove him off out of instinct. His back bangs against the bedpost. I instantly take a step back from him. "Don't grab me; I've had enough of that today."
He gives me a weird look. "I'm sorry, Clary… he was just- he was really angry. I'm sure he'll come back when he's cooled."
"We know better than anyone; Jonathan doesn't cool down, he only gets fired up. A couple hours is halfway to the Brocelind Forest, who knows what trouble he'll get himself into?"
I remember what happened at the Academy once. I was flirting with a guy a year older than Jonathan. His name was Aaron. He liked me, I could tell. We were leaning up against a wall outside of the training room because we both had that class together. Our faces were so close I could smell the mint in his breath when he spoke. I was counting on Aaron not caring about me, I was looking for the attention.
It was going pretty well until Aaron slid his hand into the back pocket of my pants.
Jonathan broke his arm. I was the only one that could shove them apart. Aaron never even looked in my direction again. It was extremely difficult finding someone to flirt with after that.
It was no secret to anyone that Jonathan had a horrible temper. The four of us have always tried our hardest not to get under his skin, to tread lightly on the bad days, and I completely went against that.
The emotions build up inside me - guilt, anger - I can't keep track of them. But when I start seeing things again, I shut my eyes and to breathe evenly, try to focus on just one emotion so I don't go crazy again. I press the palm of my hand against my forehead as my head starts to throb. I clench my other hand into a fist.
Focus on where Jonathan might be, I tell myself. I follow my own instructions and the headache begins to lessen.
"Clary?" Jace's voice is soft, and pulls me up and out through my sea of thoughts. His hands circles lightly around my wrist and pulls it down.
When I open my eyes to look at him, his face is full of worry. "I'm fine," I say immediately, because no one can know that I'm slowly going insane.
Think, I tell myself again, where would Jonathan go? I think of Aaron again, and realize just exactly where Jonathan might be. I ignore all the questions and Jace's eyes. "I think he went to see our parents," I say.
My sudden revelation catches Jace off guard. "What?"
"He's never been one to hold back, he'll take out his anger on the people he's angry at… he's mad at our parents, not me."
I run out my bedroom and down the stairs. "I'll be back!" I shout behind me, and run off into the streets and towards the Gard.
The suns sets in the time it takes me to get to the Gard, and I continue running down the hallways until I get to my parent's chambers. I hurry through the security as much as possible and only stop to glare at the two guards who dragged me out earlier today.
I fling the door shut behind me, and turn to search the living quarters. No one is in the living room, but I hear voices from the bedroom and run over. They turn to look at me when I appear in the doorway but when I see four instead of five, my heart drops into my stomach.
"Jonathan isn't here," I say.
Everyone looks horribly confused.
I take a deep breath. "We fought and he stormed out and it's been hours, and I thought-"
"He might be here," Mom finishes my sentence, sadness all over her face.
My headaches slightly again. "He wasn't here at all?"
Dad shakes his head, no.
We all stare at each other for a second, until Dad says. "You should go back home, Clarissa."
I look down at my feet, suddenly feeling very small. "I know. Sorry." I turn without looking back up and bite the inside of my cheek to keep my eyes from watering, and then walking back into the living room, towards the door.
"Clarissa."
I turn at the sound of my dad's voice. He walks out of the bedroom towards me.
"Did Jace tell you?"
I nod.
"Good."
I take a deep breath. He told Jace we were being watched, maybe he knows I'm going insane, maybe Jace is too. "Do you know what's happening-?" I catch myself before I can add 'to me' at the end of my question.
Dad puts his hands on my shoulders. "I'm sorry for all we've put you through, Clarissa. Whatever happens tomorrow; we love you despite how you feel for us."
"But-"
"I know… just-" he hugs me; the first time in a while. I rest my head on his shoulder. "Just stick with- with Jace," he mutters. "And find your brother. He means well."
"Daddy… what are you talking about?"
"There's a lot of things we never told you. Jonathan knows, though. And I'm sorry we don't have time to tell you now." Pulls away, but keeps his hands on my shoulders. "We're shadowhunters. And we'll not ruin the name. You know what's happening tomorrow; make us proud and we'll try to make you proud."
The door behind me opens, and Dad stands straighter, giving my shoulders one last squeeze.
"Time's up," one of the guards says.
They don't come after me. Instead I turn away from my dad and walk myself out. Once I'm out of the Gard, I wrap my arms tight around my torso to keep away the chill from the cool night air. When I get home, the house is quiet and I go straight up the stairs and climb into bed, exhausted.
I'm running down a cold, dark cave. The sounds of dripping water and my footsteps echo off what I assume to be stone walls. I couldn't even see my hand if I held it right up to my face. So I run straight and hope that I don't knock into a stone wall.
Something chases after me. It whispers my name with a moist tongue and my name bounces off the stone walls somewhere around me. My head pounds as scribbles and lines jump across my vision. I keep running, but reach down into my pocket to fish out my stele. My head pounds and I almost cry out at the pain building up at the back of my head.
I can hear it behind me still, but it's gaining on me in the pitch black, its sounds growing louder.
That's when I finally slam into a wall and almost knock myself out. My whole body is in pain now, but my mind is still active and one step ahead. I get on my knees and face the way the thing is coming for me and start to draw. I can't see what I'm doing, but I know what it looks like, I feel the shape come out of the end of my stele.
When I'm done I sit back on my heels. The shape I've created begins to glow, lighting up the stone around me. A network of tunnels. And coming after me, a giant worm with the face of Inquisitor Aldertree. Suddenly, my parents run out from the two passageways on either side of me. The worm sees them and his attention immediately goes to them. I scream as the light of the rune I've created flares up into a blinding light around me.
I jolt awake in bed. A cold sweat runs down my back.
The rune. It felt so familiar, but I've never seen that one in my life, and I've got them all memorized. All of them. Even the demonic ones; the ones steles can't handle.
My door cracking open startles me, and my hand flies to the drawer of my bedside table, where I keep a dagger. My heart pounds loudly in my chest, ready to see the worm come through my door.
"Clary?" Jace's voice is quiet compared to the pounding of my heart, but it calms when he steps through into my room.
"Sorry I woke you," I sigh and throw the dagger back onto the bedside table.
"No, I was awake anyways."
"You want to talk about it?" I ask him.
"Not really. Do you?"
I hesitate. Stick with Jace, is what Dad said. I know I can trust Jace, but this is- this is messed up. "Maybe later," I sigh.
Jace hesitates in the door frame. "Jonathan isn't back yet," he finally says. "We should try a tracking rune in the morning."
I nod in the almost dark.
He turns then to leave.
"Wait-" I say before I realize. "Do you… want to stay?"
He takes a hesitant step towards me. "Do you want me to?"
I nod.
So he gets into the bed beside me and is awkward until I lean into him. He wraps his arms around me until I'm against his chest. I feel his breath against my hair. "You safe now, it's just a dream," he murmurs.
I shut my eyes and breathe him in. "I don't believe you."
I feel his lips press against my forehead before I drift back to sleep, all remnants of my nightmare gone except the rune, which is still burned on the inside of my eyelids.
A/N: Thanks for reading and don't hesitate to hit me up with a review; don't be shy I love reading them! And to find out when I post the next chapter, go ahead and follow the story!