a/n

hey all sorry it's been a little while but here's chapter 3! enjoy!

disclaimer: cassie clare owns all this stuff yadayada

I wake up with my head pounding. I slide out of bed and leave Jace still sleeping soundly. My stele sits on my desk and I pick it up and draw a painless rune on my side. It won't help the headache right away, but if it's on my side, it'll stay hidden - and that's what I'm counting on.

When I get downstairs and go into the kitchen, Isabelle and Alec are already awake and sitting on the couch. They stop their quiet conversation when I walk in, but I just go straight to the fridge and pull out orange juice.

"Jonathan isn't back yet," I say to the fridge.

"Yeah, which won't help our case at The Clave meeting today," Alec says.

I sigh. "I went to the Gard again last night; I thought he might be there but…"

"He wasn't and if he's not back The Clave is going to use it against us," Isabelle says, looking at me like I'm the guilty one.

"I know that," I say softly, not wanting to fight anymore. "But what am I supposed to do?"

"He's your brother."

Alec shoots her a look. "Iz, come on."

"Well it's true."

"Maybe we should just try a tracking rune." Jace voice comes from behind me as he comes into the living room. He sits between Alec and I on the couch and throws an arm up onto the couch behind me.

Iz give me a look. "You haven't done that yet?"

I narrow my eyes at her then get up and go up to Jonathan's room. I scavenge his pillow and grab a stray hair; tracking runes work better with DNA.

I run back down the stairs, making sure the piece of hair doesn't fly out of my hand. Everyone's waiting in the kitchen when I come back down. I pull my sleeve down to expose the inside of my wrist and press the tip of my stele to it and draw the tracking rune. Then I close my eyes and wait.

Black.

A burst of something too fast and too blurry to see clearly.

Then more black.

I open my eyes and see three expectant faces.

"So…" Iz says.

"That was fast," Jace mutters.

Alec's hands are clenched together in front of him. "What did you see?"

I drop my hand from in front of me and let the strand of hair fall out of my hand. "He doesn't want to be found."

"You're kidding," Iz says, but it's not a question.

My headache comes back and I lean on the kitchen counter to press my hand against my forehead. "I wish I was… he's blocking it."

"It doesn't matter; we still have to go to that Clave meeting in an hour," Alec says. I look up from my hand. "Everyone go get ready."

We all obey without question and soon we're walking down to the Gard alongside all the Clave members on their way. Except we've got five foot perimeter around us, a hundred pairs of eyes watching us, and whispers all around as to the whereabouts of my brother.

When we reach the Gard, Penhallow is standing outside and her eyes lock on the four of us. I feel relief when it's just Penhallow waiting for us, but I know Aldertree must already be inside. A flash of his body in a mutated worm-like state from my dream last night appears in my head. I grimace.

Alec is the one to greet her for us. "Consul Penhallow," he says, nodding his head.

Penhallow nods her head back and then turns and starts into the Gard, expecting us to follow. "You're smart kids, so I'm sure you know what's happening. You're to sit in the front centre seats to reach the dias easily. I trust Jonathan is simply running late?"

"He'll be here," I say, surprised at how confident I sound.

"We shall see."

A chill runs up my back and I resist the urge to wrap my arms around myself.

We follow Penhallow without another word and it's like being back at the Academy, except worse. This time it's not other teenagers with their hands held up to their mouths to conceal the whispers and rumours. This time it's adults who make no move to cover up the things they're saying. The worst part is that I don't know whether some the things I hear are true or not; I try to block it all out.

I sit between an empty seat meant for Jonathan, and Jace, who sits next to Alec, with Isabelle beside him. As we stare at the dais in the centre of the half-moon of seats, I'm afraid our backs will catch fire with so many pairs of eyes burning into them.

And if Jonathan doesn't show up, I have no idea what they might do to us… to me. A rune flashes in my head, not the one from my dream, but more similar to a tracking rune. I try to force it away and clench my hands hard into fists, forcing my nails to dig into my palms. It works. Seconds after the room is at it's loudest, it goes completely silent when Penhallow goes to the centre of the dais and raises a hand. "I understand this was short notice for a Clave meeting, but I'm glad you've made it."

My heart pounds in my chest when she glances at the empty chair beside me. "Most of you, anyways," she says directly to me.

I resist the urge to squirm and press my finger nails harder into my palms.

"It has recently been brought to my attention that we've no longer the room for the remaining members of The Circle: Maryse and Robert Lightwood, and Jocelyn and Valentine Morgenstern. In their initial trial, they were to be secluded indefinitely. But, after it being ten years, your Inquisitor and I feel it's best to do a re-trial."

"Why can't we just execute them now?!" Someone shouts from behind me.

"Yeah," a different voice says. "What they did was bad enough in the first place, why do they need a re-trial?" Multiple murmurs of agreement follow and I want to curl up into a ball.

Penhallow raises a hand and everyone falls silent again. "We are not a cruel people. We gave Starkweather a second chance, can we not do that for the rest?"

Whoever is directly behind me scoffs. "I doubt the leaders of the Circle are not going to feel sorry about what they did."

"Yeah, and what about their kids? How do we know they won't take after their parents? How can we be sure they aren't going to carry on the Circle?" Someone further away asks.

My self resistance crumbles. I turn to face the person. "How about the fact we don't even know what they did? We were children."

Jace reaches over and squeezes my wrist.

"Half of you still are," someone else responds to me.

"Clarissa," Aldertree says, meeting my eyes. I hold my chin up despite wanting to pull out a blade a chop his head off; I can't stop seeing him as that giant worm. "May I ask; where is your brother, Jonathan?"

Jace's hand against mine squeezes once before letting go; a reminder.

"I don't know," I say calmly; not without effort.

All the muscles in my body stiffen when the woman behind me scoffs again. "We're all supposed to believe you?"

"How are we supposed to believe anything these kids say? Put them under the sword!"

All four of us look at each other with the same wide-eyed expression. So much for being brave shadowhunters; but we all have horrible experiences from being under the power of the Mortal Sword ten years ago.

And now the pain of my fingernails digging into my palms doesn't stop the lines before my eyes. Different runes I've never seen before in my life take place in the daydream part of my brain and I know what they do, what they're for. My head pounds over everyone continuing to say whatever pleases them.

And I wouldn't dare use them.

"Jace," I say through my teeth and quiet enough that no one else will hear. "Get me out of here."

We meet eyes, and I'm not sure if he can tell it's not the rude comments around us that's bothering me. It's the overwhelming feeling of needing to defend myself; wanting to get out.

Jace clears his throat. "With all due respect, Consul, Inquisitor. I believe there may already be a solution in place rather than letting everyone shout at each other."

Aldertree's eyes narrow and I watch the gears turn in his head. "You're correct, Jace Herondale," he says, and then turns his eyes back to the rest of the room. "The Clave meeting was called today to make not one, but two decisions. If there are any objections to re-trialing the remaining members of the Circle, please state your objections now."

If any of us were to object, it wouldn't matter, so we all stay silent. The runes disappear with my attention focused on something else, but my brain still pounds against my skull. Now, I reach to Jace's wrist and squeeze it in thanks.

"If you have any objections to Clarissa Morgenstern, Jonathan Morgenstern, Alexander Lightwood, Isabelle Lightwood, and Jace Herondale being apart of the trial, and being under the Mortal Swords power, state them now," Aldertree continues. Silence follows once again.

Penhallow nods her head and suddenly the doors into the room open. I whip my head around, hope rising in my chest that it might be Jonathan. Instead it's mine, and Alec and Isabelle's parents. Their wrists pressed together in front of them with binding runes.

The lines start in my head again and when Penhallow starts to speak I hardly hear her.

"The remaining guilty members of the circle - Jocelyn Morgenstern, Valentine Morgenstern, Maryse Lightwood, and Robert Lightwood - will begin their re-trial to determine their future roles in the Clave after committing multiple crimes against it."

"Jace," I whisper. But I can't tell if he heard me. I grab my thigh to keep my hands from trembling.

"If necessary, the remaining children of the Circle will be pulled into the trial to answer questions and determine their own futures as shadowhunters," Aldertree continues.

"Jace," I whisper again. My head flares with pain, I shut my eyes tight and watch as lines scrawl across my vision. It's like my dream; the rune makes perfect sense, I know why I'm using it. My mind is betraying me, trying to get me to find Jonathan, trying to help me get my parents out of the mess they created. My surroundings fade to black and I have to resist reaching for my stele; hot in my pocket.

I feel my hands shaking against my thighs from how tight I'm clenching them, but I don't feel any pain except for the pain in my skull.

Something cold against the back of my neck. Something hot and burning on my wrist.

I open my eyes to find someone finishing a healing rune on a wrist. I can hear again, the ringing gone.

"Clary?" I turn towards my mother's voice, which is not too far away. Dad and her are both kneeling in front of me. Jace is beside me, his cool hand on the back of my neck, he pulls away when I move. The Lightwoods are all up on the dias, staring towards us with worry.

The rest of The Clave's meeting room is empty.

"Where is everyone?"

"The Clave is tough, but not cruel," Dad says carefully. "They're letting us talk to our children."

"Are you okay, Clary?" Mom asks.

I don't know how to answer her question. I honestly wasn't sure if I'd be seeing and talking to my parents ever again. "I…I don't-" I cut myself off. They're watching you - Jace's voice says it in my head, but I watch my dad whisper it in his ear. "Yeah, I just zoned out, I guess."

The three people around me know I'm lying; it wasn't meant to be believed.

"I don't know why," I add. This time it's the truth.

Dad's eyebrows furrow together, like he's trying to figure it all out.

I stand up without a problem, the iratze doing its job, and walk over to the dias, everyone follows so we all stand in a circle. "So," I say. "Are we getting answers or what?"

"What?" Maryse is obviously startled by the question.

Iz crosses her arms. "How are we supposed to watch you on trial if we don't know what you did?"

Dad's shaking his head before Iz is even done speaking. "No, we all agreed it's safer for you to not know."

"Why? So they can't connect the pieces?" The voice startles me and I turn to the doors to find Jonathan leaning against the frame. "What about me?"

"Jonathan!" I yell with relief. I almost go over to hug him, but his eyes tell me to stay where I am; he wants no part.

"We knew you could handle it, Jonathan," Mom says.

"And the rest of us can't?" Isabelle asks.

"No," Mom answers. "We told Jonathan after the initial trials; not even until he was sixteen, if you really must know. But then word came to us of the possibility we may be put on trial again."

"Unfortunately, it's almost impossible to find a willing warlock for hire while you're rotting away in a cell," Dad says.

"A willing warlock for what?" I ask.

"To erase my memory of them ever telling me," Jonathan says. "Problem is, a lot of stuff I noticed as a kid finally made sense, and it's hard to erase something when it spreads throughout your entire memory like that. Apparently all the warlocks that could do it still believe it's too risky, no matter what price you're willing to pay. Especially on a shadowhunter…. that's why I'm not staying."

"No," I step towards him. "You have to stay, Jonathan."

His face falls. "I can't."

"But what if they don't let you back?"

"Oh I highly doubt they will."

"Then don't go."

"I'm sorry, Clary," he says, and I can tell he really means it.

I don't have the chance to say anything else as he turns around and walks away. I run down to chase after him through the hallways of the Gard, but when I get through the double doors of The Clave's meeting room, he's gone.

"We don't get to know anything?" Isabelle asks when I return to the dias.

"The only thing you need to do is be careful," Maryse says.

"Because they want to make sure we don't follow in The Circle's footsteps," Jace says. He puts it lightly.

I've never admitted out loud; The Circle, rebellion against The Clave. My parents are criminals, but to me they're just my parents. They thought what they were doing was right until they realized it wasn't.

"Exactly," Dad says with hardly any emotion.

After a few beats of silence, I finally try to say what's been on my mind, "I thought you were going to es-"

"We couldn't," Mom cuts me off.

"Why?"

Dad exhales, his age suddenly reveals itself. "They're not oblivious; we were threatened if we didn't… follow through… with the trial."

"They didn't threaten us," Robert corrects, looking at Dad. "They threatened them."

The air stills along with my heart as terror fills my veins. Could they really do that? Kill us if our parents tried to escape? Torture us? And then I think they must be able to because why else would our parents form something like The Circle.

But I can't think that, because if I do, I'll be killed anyways.

The door squeaks and a guard steps inside, my heart thumps loudly, waiting for him to kick us out. "Two minutes."

I don't have time to look away from the guard before Mom wraps me tightly in a hug.

No words are passed while we say our goodbyes. I watch as the parents left treat Jace like their own, and do their goodbyes with just as much love.

I'm hugging Dad last - while the guards are distracted, getting ready to detain him again - and slip the piece of paper from my pocket and into his. If he noticed, he concealed it well. I give him one last tight squeeze and then we both step away from each other.

I watch my parents get taken away for the second time. Except this time defeat hangs in the air. There's no screaming, no banging on doors. Just silence.

For the first time ever, on the way back to the house, there is at least a foot between each of us.

We all sit at the table, staring at our dinner and not saying a word. There's nothing to say without it being supremely depressing. I wonder if everyone feels the same as me; empty. Not only are my parents set for death, but if Jonathan doesn't get his head straight, he will be too.

Five days until the retrial starts. That's how long I'm giving Jonathan to come back. If he doesn't, then I give up on him, which is not something I want to do despite our screaming match yesterday. I don't understand how he can't see it the way I do. But then, I remind myself, he knows everything. He's more informed to have an opinion than any of us.

Isabelle takes a deep breath and opens her mouth like she's ready to start a conversation, but then shuts her mouth.

"What did you put in Valentine's pocket?" Jace asks suddenly.

I start.

"What?" Isabelle asks, obviously she didn't see what Jace did.

"It was just a letter," I lie.

"You wrote your parents a letter?" Isabelle asks again. "You didn't want to tell us that we might be able to pull off the same thing?"

"It was sort of a last minute thing-"

Isabelle's chair sliding against the floor as she gets up cuts me off and it stings.

Before I can retort, Alec slides his chair back. "Jace and I are gonna go train tonight, you guys in?"

"No," Isabelle and I answer at the same time.

"Thanks, though," I add.

"Yeah, we'll just hang out here," Isabelle says, her voice terse.

a/n: don't forgot to follow, favourite, and leave a review! I love to hear what y'all think/your reactions! I did want to mention that the story is finished, I'm just in the process of separating chapters and editing. I really appreciate how passionate y'all are about the story that you have ideas about what you want to see, though!