A/N: Thank you, my anonymous reviewer DeathPrincess, for this idea. Now we get to make fun of Octavian!
Octavian Butchers a Stuffed Princess Doll: Yesterday, Octavian, augur of Camp Jupiter, sacrificed a stuffed princess doll.
Hazel: Wow, Octavian, really?
Octavian: My supplies had run short.
Hazel: Oh, so you only butchered the princess because you couldn't butcher anything else? You were that fond of her?
Octavian: I was asking where I would get more sacrificial offerings.
Hazel: Because you hated to sacrifice your favorite stuffy.
Octavian: It wasn't my favorite stuffy.
Leo: Ooh! Do you sleep with it every night?
Octavian: It's ashes and bits of fluff now, remember?
Leo: Well, I think you used to cuddle with it every night. That explains why you put off butchering it until now!
Octavian: I had other options!
Reyna: And you didn't want to cut open the princess unless you absolutely had to.
Octavian: I thought you were on my side!
Reyna: If I were on your side, I would have supported your tries to become the other praetor when I was alone.
Octavia: I'd make a great praetor, Reyna. You should have given me a chance.
Hazel: That was you, Leo, wasn't it.
Leo: Maybe.
Octavia: What?
Hazel: Oh, -
Leo: Nothing.
Octavia: I'm suspicious.
Leo: Of course you are, Octavia.
Octavia: Actually, it's Octavian. Octavia's a girl's name. My aunt's big sister, actually.
Reyna: Oh - man - this is awesome.
Octavia: What? As I was saying, Octavia's a girl's name, and not my name.
Leo: Actually...
Octavia: What?
Leo: Check out your username.
Octavia: What... Oh. Man. I didn't change it, I know that. Something happened.
Leo: Some genius must have hacked your account.
Octavia: Who?
Leo: A genius.
Octavia: How do you switch this thing?
Leo: No idea.
Octavia: Are you or are you not the son of Vulcan?
Leo: Hephaestus, you mean?
Octavia: Whatever! Change it!
Leo: Aww, fine...
Octavian: Change it!
Leo: I just did.
Octavian: Oh, so you can change other peoples' usernames. What, you hacked my account?
Leo: *Bows*
Octavian: It was you! How dare you invade my account and change my username! Praetor Reyna, did you read this? Leo Valdez -
Reyna: Yeah, I read it.
Octavian: Well? Do something! Are you a Praetor or not?
Reyna: I am. And personally, I'm finding this hilarious.
Octavian: What? You're finding Leo Valdez's insubordination hilarious?
Reyna: Insubordination?
Octavian: Don't tell me you don't know what it means. Praetor Reyna, not knowing the meaning of a word? Well, really, I wouldn't be surprised, after -
Reyna: Frankly, I consider this insubordination.
Octavian: What, me?
Reyna: Yes.
Octavian: But I'm, like, your most loyal -
Reyna: I must disagree.
Octavian: What?
Reyna: I don't find you loyal.
Octavian: But...why not?
Reyna: Remember Gwen? And turning against the praetor?
Octavian: I never turned against you! And Gwen's alive again.
Reyna: But you killed her.
Octavian: What makes you think I'm the one who killed her?
Reyna: All the evidence points toward you.
Octavian: What evidence?
Reyna: Well, first the fact that she beat you in the war games. And also the fact that she still had the weapon in her back, which said your cohort on it, and you were the only one in your cohort without a weapon.
Octavian: That's not enough evidence.
Reyna: It's more than enough evidence.
Octavian: It -
Percy Jackson: Whoa, Octavian, you used a princess doll?
Octavian: It was the only one I had! People hadn't been donating enough stuffed animals.
Leo: He only used this one because he had no other options. Did you know he loves princess dolls, Percy? He cuddles this one. It's his favorite stuffy!
Octavia: I don't cuddle it! And it's not my favorite stuffy.
Percy Jackson: Well, I happen to believe Leo more than I believe you, Octavia.
Octavia: It's Octavian, actually.
Percy Jackson: Not any more.
Octavia: Wait, did he change my username again?
Leo: Tee hee hee.
Octavia: Change it back!
Leo: Say please.
Octavia: No! I won't say please, you -
Leo: I'm not going to fix it if you don't ask me nicely.
Octavia: Fine! Please!
Leo: Mm.
Octavia: Change it.
Leo: After you admit that the princess was your favorite, and you hated to butcher it, but you had no choice. It was your favorite stuffy.
Octavia: But...no!
Leo: Yes.
Octavia: But it's a lie!
Leo: Oh, like you aren't a liar.
Octavia: I'm not! I never have been!
Leo: That's a lie right there.
Octavia: I'm not going to say it.
Leo: Then you will remain Octavia forevermore.
Hermes: Ah, blackmail. You should have been my son.
Hephaestus: Don't you know how to change your own username, Octavian?
Leo: Octavia.
Octavia: No! How do you?
Hephaestus: You have to hack into the system, and -
Leo: Don't tell him!
Hephaestus: Okay, okay.
Octavia: What? How do you hack into the system? Tell me, please!
Leo: Oh my gods. He said the P word!
Octavia: You're immature. Change my username back!
Leo: Say it.
Octavia: It!
Leo: No, admit what I told you to admit in post...83.
Octavia: Where's post 83?
Leo: I'm afraid you'll have to count.
Octavia: Grr. Not necessary, I know what you're talking about.
Leo: So, admit it.
Octavia: Swear on the River Tiber.
Hazel: He's not bound to that. Try Styx.
Octavia: I prefer Tiber, even if it's not the official. But fine. Swear on the River Styx to change my username.
Leo: Fine, I swear on the River Styx to change your username if you admit what I asked you to admit in post 83.
Octavia: Okay, fine. This was a dare, people. Uh, the princess doll was the best, and I only cut it open because it was my only choice. It was, uh, my favorite stuffy.
Leo: Heeheehee.
Octavia: Change my username!
Leo: Okay.
Teddy Bear's Worst Nightmare: Did you change it?
Leo: Yeah.
Hazel: Wow, Leo.
Leo: Awesome, right?
Teddy Bear's Worst Nightmare: What did you do? Wait...you said you'd change my username back!
Leo: I did change it.
Teddy Bear's Worst Nightmare: You said you'd change it back to Octavian!
Leo: That I did not promise. I just said I'd change it. No specifics.
Teddy Bear's Worst Nightmare: jhuyjmkjk!
Hephaestus: Oh, great, Leo. I'm going to shut this down before he does something.