A/N Eyy... guys. How's, uh, everyone doing? What's it been like 5 weeks? Listen, these last week's haven't been to kind to me and 2015 started off on a shitty note, basically destroying my drive to do well, anything. I've got a really important life decision hovering over me right now so I'm kinda hitting the red zone here. It's been bothering the crap out of me and I can't even form coherent thoughts without thinking about it. My bad for breaking my promise of updates/revisions.
I want to thank those who sent messages of concern as to where I went to. Those messages kinda brought me back down to earth and got me typing again. So it's much, much appreciated. Also I was surprised to see how many extra follows this got as well, thanks guys. I'm totally not worthy.
Now after leaving you guys with a rather big chapter, here's the long awaited one. True peak of the story here in my opinion. Read on, and once more, my bad. Fuckton of flashbacks ahead!
[Trigger warning for self-harm/suicidal implications in this chapter]
Chapter 14. Liberate
"R-Ruby..."
"I..."
"..."
"I love you."
Her head was pounding, her heart was racing, and even in the firm grasp she currently found herself in; the majority of her body was shaking. Her memory was a blur, totally confounded.
What just happened?
Through her blurred vision -to which everything seemed slowed down- Cinder tried to make heads or tails of the situation. Down to her left; Neo was helping Weiss get back on her feet. Next to them was her car, the drivers side door still ajar. She attempted to figure out what had happened...
She finally lost it.
Finally her integrity cracked, her temper redlined, and she inflicted harm on someone uncontrollably.
It didn't feel good anymore, Cinder felt dead inside. Like the last shred of humanity she had was lost. Like a rabid animal. One who needs to inflict pain to assert herself from her own pain. That was basically what she had been doing all along. Hurting herself, others, and...
The one who cared about her more than anything.
It's like her life had gone full circle. The real Cinder had come out. The extremely incompatible one who gets off on hurting others with no remorse what-so-ever. But in this moment; there was one thing that kept that last shred of normality in place. She wanted to deny it but, there was no way. It latched onto her, screaming at her to come back.
The source was a factor currently facing her, one that sent a bone-chilling shiver up her spine.
An extremely scared, teary-eyed Ruby.
But that was on the surface.
Underneath those now dull silver eyes was the total opposite;
Anger, contempt, and even as far as hatred.
Retribution with reason. Enough pain. Ruby was the first and only to put up with all of this... thing that was Cinder's life. She hadn't been at all the person she really is. Not the delinquent. But the one she was so many years ago...
Even with her jacket on, Cinder could feel Ruby's sharp nails digging into her cold shoulders. Holding on and not wanting to let go. It frightened the ebony-haired girl. She'd never seen Ruby exert so much... aggression. But when bundled with the words that just left the crimsonette's lips; Cinder's mind was completed washed over. Those three words humanity likes to complicate so much;
"I love you..."
The girls voice was coarse and fickle, but at that point it didn't matter. Ruby could've repeated it a thousand times over and it still would've confused the heck out of her. It racked at her mind. Mostly because it didn't make sense. The previous day image of Blake kissing Ruby still shadowed her thoughts, along with a slew of scenarios as to why she'd say such a thing.
Was it a ploy -a ruse?
She wanted to believe otherwise, but the pessimistic leech that had taken host to her mind over the years forced her to believe the latter. That it was a joke. That these past months had been one big joke. Serving as a reminder of her place in life. Constantly being pushed down, with no chance of getting back up.
But the splinter of optimism that was left within her mind, told her something undeniable. That it was sincere, or rather the most sincere thing she's ever heard. Those words, ones she hadn't heard in years, were so... foreign. But when Ruby spoke them, it felt...
Right.
As of now, Cinder still stood completely frozen in Ruby's grasp. The crimsonette's breath was ragged from trying to pull Cinder off of Weiss, her face was red from the cold, but it was those eyes that really pulled at Cinder's heart. Even in a moment like this; Ruby's beautiful silver irises perfectly portrayed what she was really feeling. Not on the surface, but deep down. They said it all, the sincerity of love, the soul-crushing worry, and one other emotion. The one that a girl like Ruby should never have to feel;
Anguish.
The deep anguish radiated through her eyes, her expression, and even her body language. Cinder quickly picked up on the fact that the girl was shaking too. Her cold hands losing their grip ever so slightly. Cinder knew exactly where the anguish arose from, it pained her to admit it, but it came from herself. Her own selfishness completely phased Ruby out through everything that had happened, not within the last few days, but since the first week they spent together. Her own greed for self hate subverted into hurting Ruby, the one she cared for most. Here stood this girl, this stunning girl who's using everything in her power to help, but Cinder pushes her away without even realizing it.
It was and wasn't her fault. There were nights when she couldn't sleep due to how badly she wanted to tell Ruby everything. All of it. But the day would come, and she'd chicken out. To afraid to admit something while this girl is practically pouring her heart out to her. Ruby's expression screamed for Cinder to just talk. That's all the fretful girl wanted.
'How could I do this to her...'
Cinder tried her hardest not to sob, but each passing second of looking into those anguished eyes felt like a knife slowly piercing into her skin, and her mind beginning to slip again.
"Ruby... I-" Cinder choked out, barely able to form words. A single tear cascaded down her cold cheek, leaving an ice cold trail behind. Her jaw stuttered a little in an attempt to try and speak, she ceased however as Ruby pulled her close -their foreheads now touching.
"Cinder." She spoke in a hush tone. "I l-"
"Hey!" Neo's shrill voice sounded. Cinder and Ruby both averted their moment and focused on the irate multi-colored girl. Weiss was leaning limply against the rear of her car, holding onto her side. "You guys need to get out of here!" Neo followed her shrill by pointing to Principal Ozpin's dark green sports coupe sitting a few spots away. The short girl helped Weiss into the passenger side of her SUV, and Neo took to the divers side. "Go, before he gets out here!" She shouted again. Neo may have interrupted, but the last thing they needed was for Ozpin, or even worse, Yang to find out about this.
Inevitably Yang would find out, but the longer the better.
"C'mon!" Ruby grasped Cinder's wrist and pulled her over to the gray sedan. Cinder was still in a daze as she climbed into the passenger side, whilst Ruby took to the drivers. They shut their doors in synchronization, and Ruby started the car not soon after. Now was probably not the best time for Cinder to bring up the fact that Ruby doesn't know how to drive, as they couldn't afford for this to get any worse by waiting around.
Waiting for Neo to pull out first; Ruby put the car in reverse and pulled out of the lot just as fast as Neo did. The girl was thankful at how much Neo understood the situation, and thought on her feet. That or Neo really didn't want anything to do with this.
Splitting off in separate directions, Ruby gave a small content sigh upon seeing Neo drive off in the opposite direction. The girl then averted her eyes back to the road. So far so good for someone who's never driven before. The drive to Cinder's place wasn't that long anyway. As for Cinder: right now she could point out what Ruby was doing wrong; but that was the very last thing her mind went over. Still coming down from shock and confusion she dare not utter a word as the crimson-haired girl drove with lackluster skill. However there was... something gnawing at her insides. Trying to convey an important factor that was about to be put into play.
Time is up.
The metaphorical time surrounding her secrets was up. The last grain of sand in the hourglass has fallen. These months that have gone by she's done nothing but run, and now her legs have given out. Cinder herself knows the only thing on Ruby's mind is an end to this insufferable mess that been created due to her deceit and, whether Ruby is faithful or not, deserves a good and honest answer. Still, Cinder debated if she should tell Ruby. She could already see the anguished look on the girl's face upon conveying the truth about her parents, not to mention her own personal suffering of having to relive those memories in order to tell them. In the end however, it would be worth it. Finally let it all go and end the lead she's been giving Ruby.
A loud screech of tires pulled Cinder from her deep thoughts. Regaining focus she gasped a little at how they now found themselves in the driveway of her house. It made sense however. If Yang caught wind of this sooner than later; it'd give them extra time as the first place the blonde would look would be for Ruby at their apartment. She dwelled for a moment on what could happen if Yang found out. Realization came that Yang would inevitably find out, and that this situation was a ticking time bomb. The blonde would be at Cinder's throat in a heartbeat, and Cinder isn't the one to back down from a fight.
They both sat in silence for a moment, latter and former still clothed in their school uniforms. Ruby killed the engine and stepped out of the car, just before closing her door she stuck her head back in and eyed Cinder.
"Get out."
Cinder winced at the voice. Never had she heard Ruby's normally sweet voice so cold and harsh. Typically anyone who talked to her like that would get a return ten times worse, but seeing Ruby in such an inhospitable state made her shrink on the spot.
Following the simple command, Cinder exited the vehicle in a mix of haste and fear. As she followed Ruby towards the porch her mind picked up on a second thing: Ruby was giving her no sympathy. Nor should she. The tables had turned and the crimsonette was in full right to give some of it back.
Cinder walked up the steps and dug into her jacket pocket for the house keys. Ruby stood in her peripheral vision, arms crossed and an apathetic look on her face. Wanting more to get on with this than to waste more time; Cinder unlocked the door as fast as possible. Ruby brushed past her and she followed closely behind.
The ebony-haired girl gently closed the door and watched Ruby slowly swath through the living room. It was already relatively dark inside as dusk this time of year was rather early. The curtains in the bay window were shut and the only decent light source was the window from the kitchen. Evidently enough, Ruby's first action was to switch on a lamp resting atop a mahogany nightstand next to the couch. The younger girl made her way to to a chair adjacent to the couch and with as much contempt as possible; sat down and adjusted herself in the stuffed leather. Not for a second did Ruby's adversity break, evident by the unshifting displeasure that came from her features.
Cinder took the notion to sit down as well, but almost too nervous to do so. Sitting down sealed her fate. Indefinitely. She squirmed on the spot, slowly realizing how much the dynamic had switched. Normally it would be her to make people squirm and tremble, but her current state showed just how much Ruby had an impact on her. Reduced to nothing but a weak girl –too selfish to talk.
With each painstaking minute, the anxiety crept up on her. That all too familiar feeling of the light binding shadow that plagued the depths of her mind. Cinder's saffron eyes looked about the room, eventually however, they landed on Ruby, her expression still solid. It made Cinder feel like she was just bitten by a venomous snake, only pushing her integrity closer to its real breaking point.
Silence still struck the room , save for the muffled sound the couch made when Cinder moved. Ruby herself had drifted off into thoughts not related to the current situation, but the sounds of Cinder moving uncomfortably brought her back down to Remnant. For a brief moment she took in her her edged girlfriend, her current state making a brief glance turn into an deep stare. The ebony-haired girl sat there, her resolve completely shattered. As Ruby continued to stare, the heat and strain in her body relinquished a little, and her expression sank only slightly.
Was she being too hard?
For a second she considered it, but threw the thought away just as quick as it came. Being nice would get her nowhere in this situation. Ruby was rarely upset at Cinder, but whenever she was, the elder girl would completely shift façades. Her weakness so to speak. It may have been cruel, but Ruby choose to stand her ground and keep giving Cinder the thing she hated most.
"Cinder" Ruby broke the ambient silence. The crimsonette's gaze was laser-focused. Face stoic and eyes unblinking.
"Ruby, l-look I'm sorry. What I did to Weiss was-" Cinder began explaining, only to be imminently cut off.
"No."
"N-No?"
Ruby gripped both hands on the armrests of the chair. She closed her eyes and went rigid. "Cinder. Stop apologizing. Stop dodging." Her tone slowly rose. "Stop changing the subject!" Ruby made an exaggerated gesture and pointed at Cinder, "I don't care about what you did to Weiss, I don't care what others will think!" tears pooled in her eyelids, threatening to fall. "I meant what I said. After we spent that night together, I didn't want to be with anyone but you…" A single tear slid down her warm cheek, chipping away at Cinder's integrity more and more.
"Cinder… I love you. I care about you. I'm… worried about you."
"What can't you understand about that?"
That single sentence struck Cinder, hard. To hear Ruby say that with such sincerity gave her solace. But right now was no time to be feeling better. Cinder watched as Ruby fought vigilantly to choke down a sob. The girl had every right to be worried, but not to the extent it was currently at. Cinder's lead on Ruby had finally fallen, and now was better than ever to tell her what she more than deserved to know.
"I-I know. Ruby I'm so sorry, please, I'm sorry…" Cinder's vision blurred from her own sorrow. She internally scolded herself for losing it so quickly. "I-"
Ruby slumped forward in her chair. Externally she was barely holding onto this new-found firmness that tamed the situation, internally she was killing herself. Fighting a mental battle on whether she should put Cinder through the pain of speaking, or hold off. Former won out over latter. Things would be better in the long-run.
"It's alright Cinder." The crimsonette's voice dropped to a warm hushed whisper. "I'm here."
Heaving a shaky sigh, Cinder wiped her eyes of any stray tears and began. Began the hardest trial she'd ever face.
The truth.
They say the truth sets you free. For Cinder, getting to that so-called 'freedom' was a treacherous road always less traveled.
"Ruby I'm not really an only child. I-I had a brother… his name was… Roman."
For a brief moment, Ruby froze. The word that stood out to her the most was 'had'. "A brother?"
Cinder pulled together a faltering smile, "Yes, he was the nicest person I ever knew…"
Ruby was still befuddled. 'Was' 'Had' only pointed to one thing… "W-What was he like?" the girl asked with frigid gentleness. She came up with the answers to those questions pretty quickly, but didn't want the conversation to plummet so soon.
Cinder was taken back a bit at Ruby's question. But the girl deserved to know whatever she happened to ask for. "We were really close. He would've done -anything- for me…"
"Tag you're it!"
"Huh?" Roman's calm TV watching session was cut short at the out-call of her younger sister. Cinder, dressed in casual attire, hopped over the dark leather couch and tumbled into the spot next to him. The elder of the two ignored his sister's stare and continued to watch TV. In his peripheral vision he clearly spotted Cinder eyeing him with intense inquiry –seeing if he'd take the bait.
A minuscule smile tugged at his lips, he played against Cinder's ploy, just too see how long she'd-
"Hey!" She called out, jabbing him in the arm with her small elbow.
"Kiddo, if you're going to play tag, you shouldn't sit next to the person you just tagged" He called back. Roman was full on grinning as he gave Cinder a gentle tap on the head and dashed back quickly enough to avoid being tagged again.
"No fair!"
"Just playing the game."
The two of them stood on opposing sides of the couch, the distance extended thanks to a mahogany nightstand next to said couch on Cinder's side. It was a stalemate, neither one knowing which way to go. Roman took the initiative and started backing up –towards the kitchen. With each step he made, his short ebony-haired sister mimicked. The distance between them unchanging. Soon enough, Roman found himself backed up against the fridge with nowhere to run, Cinder now closing the gap. This time he picked the risky move and lunged forward; diving by Cinder and back into the living room. Stunned, Cinder swiveled around and ran back into the living-room as well. Only to get locked into the same stalemate from before –but with their positions reversed.
"You're never going to catch me." Roman taunted with a smile.
"Oh yeah? Well- agh!" Cinder took the initiative this time, she stepped around the nightstand and hopped up onto the armrest. Instead of avoiding her, Roman looked towards her. Wondering what the heck she was trying to pull.
"Ah!"
'CRASH'
"What the…"
In an exaggerated move, young Cinder had leapt forwards. During mid jump her left leg bumped the glass lamp on the nightstand, effectively knocking it over with an audible shatter. The expensive decoration now resting in a million pieces on the hardwood floor.
"Oh no!" Cinder cried, realizing what she'd done. Their game of tag forgotten, she clamored over to the mess and immediately started to panic.
Roman rushed over to Cinder's side, trying to put the girls worries to a quick rest. He was concerned what their parents would do if they found out it was her. Sometimes it really angered him as to how harsh they'd been to Cinder recently.
More over, in this moment he was ore concerned with Cinder getting glass in her-
"Owh!" She shrilled, not realizing how far the glass had spread out on the floor. It was painful, but not enough to elicit any tears. She walloped back onto the couch, holding her bare foot as her brother came to her side.
"Hey, hey, you alright?" He calmly asked.
"Stupid glass." The young girl seethed.
"No big deal, just lemme look at your foot."
Cinder took in a shaky breath and removed her hand from the arch of her left foot. It revealed a small slice the glass had made, but it wasn't bleeding too bad. "Oh kiddo, this is bad. Looks like we're going to have to cut it off."
"Agh! No!" She scampered backwards on the couch, as far from the orange-haired joker as possible.
"I'm kidding, just a band-aid and you'll be as good as new." He said between soft chuckles. The obsidian haired girl glared at her brother, grabbed a nearby pillow, and threw it at him with as much force her small body could muster. "You're mean."
Roman simply shrugged, much to Cinder's ire. The girl wanted to give him the silent treatment, but there was still a shattered lamp to deal with. "What do we do? Mom and Dad are gonna hate me if they find out!" Cinder began to panic again.
"Relax. I'll just say it was me." He stated with a smile, knowing for a fact that his punishment would be way lighter than hers.
"Really?!" Cinder exclaimed. She flashed a wide smile and, despite her bad foot, leaped off the couch and gave Roman a tight hug. "You're the best!" She cheered, super relived he'd take the fall for this.
"I know, I know. We'll get this cleaned up before they get home, patch your foot up, and then... do whatever." Her smile was contagious enough to make him smile too.
"Crazy kid."
Ruby sat there, somewhat perplexed from Cinder's story. To her it didn't make sense, as she recalls how clumsy she was as a kid, and breaking stuff all the time. Just like in Cinder's story sometimes she'd get hurt, and Yang would be there to help, maybe even take the blame.
Seemed normal enough. Only thing striking so far was the differentiation between that personality and the girl that currently splayed her story.
"Cinder I don't-" The scarlet girl paused. Another -much more important question came to mind;
"Wait, w-where's Roman now?" Deep down, she felt like she already knew the answer.
Upon asking that question, Cinder strained a little. Her face was downcast, fighting back tears. This was her true self. Not being able to go twenty-four hours without crying about her personal problems.
"God I'm so weak..." she muttered.
It was painfully obvious to Ruby how difficult it was for Cinder to even think about her past. The crimsonette resented her previous actions and made a decision. She got up from her spot and gently sat down next to Cinder. Ruby reached out and placed a comforting hand on the elder girls shoulder, wincing at how rigid it was.
"It's alright, i-if you don't want to-"
"N-No," Cinder said through a shaky breath. "Y-You asked where he is, and I'm going t-to tell you."
Ruby reached down to Cinder's chin and brought the girls face back up, wiping the single stray tear away with her thumb. Her hand running across Cinder's uncharacteristically pale cheek.
"N-Not soon after, he... was killed. I-In the C-Crimson plane hijacking t-ten years ago." Her voice was broken and choked, trying her hardest not to break. Her efforts however were futile, her integrity came crashing down upon burying her face in Ruby's shoulder. The memories of her past were built with complicated architecture. Pulling out one memory only causes all the rest to come crashing down.
First Cinder placed her head on Ruby's shoulder. She followed by wrapping the smaller girl in a tight embrace with both arms. With each rack, and sob, her grip tightened. As if not wanting to lose the last being on this planet who was kind enough to care.
Ruby could feel the warmth of tears in her own eyes as Cinder dampened her shoulder. Pained to see her like this, and feared by all the damage the repressed memories had caused. The crimsonette reciprocated Cinder's embrace, pulling the taller girl closer, and tenderly kissing the top of her head.
"I'm here for you." Ruby whispered, her hushed tone as warm and inviting as ever. She wasn't experienced in this at all, but for Cinder she'd go to any length to ensure everything was okay.
They remained this way for what seemed like hours, but in practice was only a few minutes. Cinder's soft wails died down and she let go of Ruby. The ebony-haired girl used her sleeve to wipe her face before taking a few breaths and resuming her confession.
"I... r-remember how angry I was. The first p-person who actually gave a fuck about me, how I felt, everything-"
"Was killed." Instead of sorrow, a nostalgic feeling of hatred rose in Cinder. "The worst part was: I never got to see him, ever, again."
Ruby blanched, "What about his funeral?"
"No. I-I r-remember that day as o-one of the clearest..."
A normal September day in Vale entailed those warm late summer temperatures, and fresh, calming breezes providing relaxation and comfort to many. It signified yet another school year for students. The fresh breeze alluding to a fresh start at whatever educational institute they happened to attend.
But for one, they wouldn't be going to school today. Nor would they be going anywhere.
In stark contrast to what the norm was, dark clouds and rain hovered above the city and it's suburbs.
Cinder awoke from another short rest to the sound of rain pounding against her bedroom window. It was soon not going to be her room anymore. Her parents had talked about moving her down to the basement and renovating her current room into an office. The young girl hadn't given it much thought, the basement was bigger -so why not move down there.
But that wasn't really the subject at hand. The damp spots on her pillow from another sob filled night told her that.
Today was Roman's funeral.
Miraculously, his body was retrieved from the plane wreckage, and a proper burial was set in place at a cemetery far out into the countryside. Cinder believed the fact the miracle of finding Roman's body was fate giving her a chance to give a proper goodbye.
She wouldn't get that chance.
The house was eerily silent. The time only reading 8 A.M. Her mother had told her the funeral wasn't until 3:00 in the afternoon, so she wasn't in a rush to leave. Cinder tossed her red sheets back and climbed out of bed, her skin becoming riddled with goosebumps from the cool air in the room. She shuddered a little and grabbed a nearby sweater to place over-top her pajamas.
With a disgruntled sigh, Cinder grabbed the doorknob and pushed her door open. She stepped out into the upstairs hallway still without signs of anyone being around. Oddly enough her parents bedroom door, the one at the end of the hall, was open. Cinder squinted and could see the bed was made and the room had no occupants in it.
Maybe they're downstairs?
She quickly jogged down the hallway, "Hello?" Her tired voice rung out as she skipped the bottom step and stepped into the living-room.
TV off, and completely empty.
"Hello? Mom?" She called out, albeit more worried this time.
Nothing.
Her mind already entered panic mode. The young girl sprinted around the house looking for them. Down in the basement, the backyard, upstairs, but it was when she got to the garage that her fears were affirmed.
She opened the door, watery eyes surveying a vacant room. The shoe-rack was half empty, and their red sedan was gone...
Gone.
Left behind.
Forgotten.
They left without her. Not even a note saying why. She couldn't make heads or tails as to why they'd leave so early but that didn't matter.
She was left behind!
"No! Please!" She cried. Sprinting around the house again. Blinded by hope that maybe she didn't look hard enough. She even ran out the front door this time, but even the driveway was empty. The rain seemed to come down harder now. Everything was shimmering, from the rain or her own sobs.
"W-Why... I-I w-w-was sup-posed to s-see him!" She screamed. Stomping her bare feet on the concrete step. She cried and shouted on the front porch. Wailing at why things changed. Why things wouldn't go back to normal.
Why nobody loves her.
It wasn't fair.
God it wasn't fair.
Why were they doing this to her.
She didn't like things she didn't understand. Her parents increasing distance and harshness was one of them.
She'd never get to see him again.
Today was the day things changed.
She wouldn't get the closure she so desperately wanted...
"Cinder, I-I'm so sorry." Ruby consoled.
This time Cinder didn't shed a single tear. "Don't be. No one ever was."
"But I am."
Cinder paused at the sincerity in Ruby's voice. The girl still sat next to her. Waiting for a response.
"I am, Cinder."
"I believe you." Cinder lamented. She hadn't felt this way since Roman was still alive. But what she shared with Ruby was on a whole other level. Something more, something greater.
Ruby reached out again, brushing the silky stray bangs from Cinder's forehead and giving her a warm kiss. It felt good, reinforced Ruby's point on how much she cares. "Look if you don't want to go on, you don't have to."
"I-I do, Ruby. I care e-enough that I do."
It was time for Cinder to move onto the most painful part of her story. The part that set forth years of loneliness and hatred. The part that molded her into the person she is, or was.
"T-Then two y-years later, n-not long after my birthday, things changed for good..."
"Finally here. We can drop this one off and go for lunch."
"Sounds good Danny."
In just a handful of minutes; Cinder's world was shattered. Forcibly removed from home, forced in a car, and now found herself in the parking lot of what looked like a small elementary school. The building itself was no bigger than a small department store. Mostly composed of brown bricks with white accenting. It rose three levels above ground with a few smaller -subsidized- attachments to it.
Not wanting to be handled by the two men who came to get her, she stepped out of the car on her own, and was ushered to the front doors of the building. There, to her immediate right, was and office of sorts. Laid out much the same like her own school. She'd ceased to cry roughly midway through the drive over here. Her sorrow now replaced with empty fear.
As the two men talked to the secretary behind the main office counter, thought about making a run for it. But what was the point; she had nowhere to go to anyway.
One of the men turned to face her, "Come with me." He ordered.
"W-Where a-are you t-taking me?" Cinder trembled.
The man didn't answer and instead tugged her by the arm and pulled her back out the office doorway and into the entrance hallway, the only sounds were his shoes clicking on the floor, along with the shuffling of Cinder's own.
Like clockwork now, Ruby sat there -perplexed. She wanted to speak, but had no clue what to say. Cinder however beat her to it, "It was a boarding school. For kids who were 'extremely incompatible' with their parents. Delinquents." She explained. Her voice had dropped off to a whisper.
Ruby embraced Cinder again, this time the ebony-haired girl didn't reciprocate. She sat there, like a wall. Unchanging and unmoving as time passed her by. Ruby took note that Cinder wasn't crying now. Just aimlessly staring at her lap.
"I... bet you heard... rumors about me being a t-terrible p-person. They aren't f-far from the truth..."
Ruby recalled what Weiss had laid out about Cinder on the first day of classes. Still she found the rumors hard to believe.
"The girl I was, before I met you, was the result of all of this." She shuffled away from Ruby, that all too familiar dejected feeling weaving it's way back into her mind. "I gave up. Accepted that I really was an unlovable delinquent. I created a false truth, and believed it. Started hating everyone I met. Got into fights on a regular basis; hence why I changed schools so much. I became the worthless person life told me I should be." Cinder remorsed. Most times her outright hostility was incentive enough to ward her peers away. Other times she'd make an effort, but come off as some weird desperate loner. In most recent tense, her relationship with Ruby was a product of such an attempt. The first to not go wrong.
Ruby still was at a loss for words. Sad as it was, she could see how easy It would've been to fall in a downward spiral like that. Only imagining the suffering Cinder had gone through on a daily basis.
The creak of the couch pulled Ruby from her deep thoughts. Cinder had pulled herself up and walked upstairs, "I'll be... Right back." Was all she muttered.
Right back she was. The taller girl resumed her place next to Ruby. From behind her back she produced a small notebook the size of an average paperback. It was a deep red, with random tears here and there as well as various stains and splotches.
"Go to the last few pages."
Ruby, still perplexed, flipped through the book. Slowly enough to see some of what was inside. Mainly It was just random drawings and massive paragraphs written in a rather elegant cursive style. She ceased at the last six pages; the title reading 'Entry:' but with nothing beside it. "Cinder what is-"
"Just read it, please." Her voice had raised an octave, tone almost a plead.
Slowly but surely, Ruby began to read...
Entry:
I finally did it today. I finally snapped. Couldn't take it anymore. That girl had it coming. Funny I don't even know her name and yet I fucking hate her. I was midnight my business in the halls and she started with her usual BS, bitch, slut, whore... I couldn't stand that idiotic look on her idiotic face, and then her friends joined in. The fat one, and that other one. I'm sorry but I turned to face her, the leader, and knocked her teeth in.
Why don't I feel any better?
Now people are even more distant to me. Calling me psychotic, even some of the teachers. Fuck them.
What'd I do to deserve this?
God I'm so weak.
Came back here, cried for an hour, and here I am writing my fucked up life in this... whatever.
I could just end it. Be short and sweet. No one would care anyway-
Ruby stopped reading. Not even two minutes in and she was already sickened. Cinder noticed the drop in Ruby's expression and decided to speak up; "The whole book is like that. All two hundred-forty pages of it, I contemplated suicide for a while, but couldn't do it."
Phased by what Cinder had said, the crimsonette skimmed through random parts of the book -the same theme plastered on each page.
She couldn't read it.
It was nostalgic for her too.
"After I turned fourteen, I... went to high school. That was where I met Mercury. We started to hang out together and long story short; he invited me to live with him and his family. His parents are kind people, but I still don't really know them that much." Cinder drew in one final shaky breath and clapped her hands together. "That's the truth. My attitude towards you has basically been a lie, but I was to damn scared to be 'me' anymore."
She began to tear up again. Her integrity all but crumbled. Certain that right then and there, Ruby would up and leave. Adding another torn page to Cinder's proverbial book. Believing the truth would make Ruby want to run. Just like everyone else.
Ruby set the notebook down of the coffee table. "When I was around eight... my... mother was murdered." Ruby stated.
Cinder immediately ceased her quiet sobbing, utterly shocked by what left the crimsonette's lips. "W-What?"
"Her name was Summer. Summer Rose. Just like your brother; it was an incident involving Crimson too. They... executed her right in front of me." Ruby, muttered. Her eyes began to water too at the painful memory. "There was... so much blood. S-She told m-me to close m-m-my eyes. I-I like to believe I did. B-But I didn't..."
"I should be dead too..."
"R-Ruby don't talk like that." Cinder did much the same that Ruby had done earlier. Embracing the girl lightly. Ruby reciprocated, just as tight as Cinder had earlier. "Ruby you d-don't have to."
"No Cinder. I was a-a-almost the same way..." Ruby sniffed and sat back. "I blamed m-myself for it. T-That it was all my f-fault."
"You were too young, y-you-"
"I know. But... I went cold. E-Everyone tried to help at first. Then word of it spread to my friends. Immediately I-I was an o-o-outcast. I hated myself so much, I..." Ruby trembled on that last word. She quickly wiped her face free from tears and began rolling up her left sleeve. The girl racked as she brought her wrist up into the light. "There-" she pointed.
"Ruby..."
Visible now was several scars from severe cutting. They were pink and dull now, but Cinder wanted to vomit at how bad they must've been, what Ruby did to herself.
"Sometimes I wanted to feel something so I resulted to..." She couldn't bare to finish her sentence. A dark chapter in her life that she'd didn't -and never wanted to- reminisce on.
"When I met you, you were different. The first thing you did for me was, well, help me. I pursued you afterwards because of that." Ruby's cries died down to the odd sniff, but with a small smile tugging at her lips.
"Cinder. I... I know how you feel. I know how you felt. T-To feel so alone. I've never showed that to anyone before. Not even Yang. Cinder I care about you, I love you. I love you so much." Ruby cried tears cascading freely. "W-What you just told me; makes it f-feel like t-this... is so much more sincere."
"I. Love. You."
Speechless.
She couldn't speak, there was no doubt in Cinder's mind that Ruby was sincere. For the first time in a long time -Cinder felt truly loved again.
"Ruby, R-Red. I-I'm s-sorry. F-For putting you t-through this... f-f-for being s-so complicated. I..."
"I love you as well."
Nothing was more pure in that moment, than the words Ruby and Cinder had just shared. Cinder felt as if a large burden had been lifted. Like she finally felt free. Free to be who she truly is.
A calm silence fell, both of them seeing the other staring back with watery eyes. Ruby began to grin, the feeling spreading to Cinder as she too smiled like an idiot. A new found feeling between them. Maroon and crimson inched closer together, the gap between them closing as the anticipation rose. Cinder took the initiative. Grabbing Ruby by the shoulder and pulling her in tight, knitting their bodies into one.
With slow movements that contrasted their norm, Cinder and Ruby kissed. A lock of the lips that meant ten times more than it ever had. It was slow, meaningful, and laced with the perfect amount of lust. Ruby ran her hands through Cinder's smooth ebony tresses, as Cinder's hand explored Ruby's side. Cinder took the high ground and pushed the limp crimsonette back onto the armrest -lips still touching.
It felt good for both of them. To feel the others soft lips again.
Treacherous milestones led to this point. No more anguish, no more secrets. The way things should be. By chance or by fate, it didn't matter. Cinder was with the one she loved. A reciprocating love that was unyielding and sincere.
Now, and for a long time to come; Cinder could finally feel-
Liberated.
Words could not describe how alive she felt now.
Caresses and soft touches conveyed the message enough however.
Being careful, Cinder backed off of Ruby, her vision no longer impaired by tears. She smiled down at the perfect being that was all hers.
"How was that?"
"N-Nice." Ruby's characteristic stutter came back. "Though maybe we could-"
'DING DING!'
"Was that the doorbell?" Ruby asked, she realized how late it had become. It now being dark outside.
"Hold on." Cinder gaped, a little peeved they were being interrupted.
She waltzed over to the curtains that covered the bay window and eyed whoever dared to stand on her porch.
She immediately froze.
"Cinder? Who's there?"
The ebony-haired girl dropped her hand and turned to face Ruby, the crimsonette wincing at the color that'd drained from Cinder's face.
"It's..."
"Who?" Ruby conceited.
"It's Yang."
A/N 'Liberate' by 'Eric Prydz' was the song I named this chapter after. Good motivational song that actually relates to the chapter. Listen to it and you'll see what I mean.
Comes back after 5 weeks and gives a cliffhanger. I'm an ass aren't I? This was already planned out and I didn't want to change it so... yeah. As for Cinder's little notebook? If your wondering why I didn't dwell on that too much; well it'll have importance later on in a SEQUEL THAT I WILL BE DOING!
Yep.
Roughly 5 chapters left of this and then...
Sequel time.