A/N VERY IMPORTANT PLEASE READ:

I mentioned this in the last chapter but I really want to make sure everyone know that there is a serious TRIGGER WARNING for anorexia and suicide in this chapter and it continues through the rest of this fanfic. If you are sensitive to this trigger, please stop reading I promise there are other awesome fanfics on this site without these triggers. Thank you.

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare owns shadowhunters, I just play with them.

Paper decorates the walls of the round room built of stones slick with underground moisture. The sheet of paper are filled with scribbles and runes - demonic runes. I don't understand them and infer my rune knowledge adheres strictly to those approved by the angels. Plans for the better world our parents wanted. Weapons of all shapes and sizes liter the counters. Spoils - trophies from successful missions - sit in glass cases on high, round tables. Broken pentagrams are all over the floor, along with dried blood.

Jonathan stands amongst everything with a single blade in his hand. The runes on the blade mirror those on the walls around us. He looks horrible, like he hasn't put anything into his body. His cheekbones stick sharply out of his face and his clothes hang off his body like they would a wire coat hanger. His face is slick with sweat, despite there being a cold chill in the underground room.

His knuckles poke out of his hands like razor as he grips onto the blade like his life depends on it.

"Jonathan," I whisper quietly. My lungs fill with relief that he's here, but I don't dare go any closer to him. I watch as he eyes the blade strapped to my back, the Morgenstern blade.

His hand holding the dagger trembles, and I realize it's the matching dagger to the sword Consul Penhallow gave me. He doesn't move.

"We can't win, Clary," his voice aches and creaks. "The Clave is poison, and we can't win."

My eyes burn as I realize what Jonathan intends to do with the blade in his hand. But I can't get my feet to move.

"This is the end, Clarissa."

"Jonathan," Alex says from behind me, his voice steady. "We need you. We need you and we need the Mortal Cup back."

"But you don't," his voice begs, as if trying to convince us to go with him and instead of staying away. "You all have each other. You can all survive this. I can't. I know that. And the cup! That's what they always wanted," he lifts his hands, gesturing to the walls around us. "So I got it before they did."

Alec stays on track, remembering what has to be done here. "Where is it Jonathan?"

"It's where no one will find it."

Alec takes a step towards Jonathan, Jace follows. "Where?" Alec asks again.

Jonathan swallows. "I chucked it into Lake Lynn. So no one can use it, so no one else will get anymore ideas like my father did."

"Jonathan-" I manage to say. My words come out like I'm choking on them. My eyes dart between his scarred eyes and the blade in his hand.

He turns the blade towards himself. "I didn't want you to be here, Clary, I didn't. I really didn't." Tears leak from his eyes.

I feel my own tears dripping down my face and I finally will my feet to move as I watch him turn the blade. "Jonathan! No, no, please!"

Jace stops my path, holding me by the waist. I dig my nails into his arm. "Let me go!"

"Please, Clary," Jonathan says. "Please let me."

"No! They said- the Consul said she would persuade them if we brought you back! Please! Please, Jonathan you're my brother, I can't lose you. What am I gonna do without you?" My voice breaks. I try to conjure up a rune in my mind to fix it all and come up blank.

"You'll be just fine without me. None of this was supposed to happen with me around."

"No," I dug my nails deeper into Jace's arm, trying to get him to let me go. "No, Jonathan, we'll help you. Please, please come home."

"I'm sorry," says Jonathan before plunging the blade into his chest. He falls to his knees. Bursts into flames. But I can't see it clearly through the tears in my eyes. I tell myself I'll cry until until the flames go out, but they don't die, and I watch the paper on the walls go bright with the fire.

Jace pulls me back. Away from the flames, but I struggle against him, trying to get to my brother. I could still save him.

I hear Alec shouting. "Clary! Don't be stupid! This house is going to collapse on top of us!"

I listen, but tears continue to blur my vision. Jace presses something into my hand as he hauls me away. My Morgenstern blade. I hadn't realized I dropped it, but clutch onto it like a lifeline as we run back up the stairs and through the house, flames burning it to dust behind us.

The fire stays contained. Probably because of the magic around the house. We stay in the meadow, safe enough away with our horses. I watch Morgenstern Manor burn down, my friends stay by my side. We mourn Jonathan.

It almost startles me when I see a small flame next to me. But I finally pull my eyes off of the house to see Alec send a fire message.

"To the Consul," Alec answers my silent question with a quiet voice. His eyes are red and still linger with moisture and grief of our dead brother.

I nod, and look back at the burning house. No more tears fall; they stopped when I realized my own life was in danger and we escaped to the meadow. I bring my knees up to my chest and hug my arms around them, letting my head fall so I don't have to see the remains as the fire begins to die.

Grief threatens to take over. I never thought I could scream and cry like the day my parents were taken away. Today proved me wrong. I think of Jace holding me away from Jonathan, and I know he thought he was helping, but as I roll over the situation in my head I think of all the ways I could have stopped him.

Jace's hand is light on my shoulder. "Clary."

I gently pull away from him. "Please, don't"

"We should go now."

Not quite.

I recognize this voice. It's the one from my dreams, but it's not hollow and echoing.

I jerk my head up in the direction of the voice and find Jace, Alec, and Iz, all staring at the lot the Morgenstern Manor used to be on. Nothing remains of the grand house that once stood there, no burnt wood, no floating cotton from the furniture, no scraps of pictures. Just a figure. A broken, horrible figure.

I get off the ground to stand.

My name is Ithuriel.

"Wha-" Iz starts, but cuts herself off.

There is something you all must face. Something you all must know. Valentine Morgenstern has had me imprisoned since before any of you were ever born.

My mind is plunged into darkness, and then suddenly I'm a spectator of the past.

I watch my father summon Ithuriel, then imprison and torture him. The screams of the angel make me want to gasp breath into my own lungs. Years of torture go by in a second and eventually, Ithuriel endures the tortures, and my father resorts to taking the angel's heavenly blood. I watch him experiment with it.

Ithuriel makes it clear to us that the rest of The Circle has no idea what my father is doing. I watch Celine, Jace's mother, enter the picture. I watch as my father gives her a cup of tea spiked with Ithuriel's blood. I watch as she sips on it, allowing it into her swollen belly.

A year later I watch as my mother drinks the same thing.

And soon, as Jace and I grow up, I watch as Ithuriel is forgotten in the dank cellar my father kept him in.

When we come back to the real world, we all stumble before regaining balance, my arm burns hotter than ever...

It is all I can tell you, for it is all I know. My soul is crumbling quickly now and I must let it. I trust you children will do what is right. And Clarissa, you will no longer be ill, as I will no longer be alive to sustain your seeing abilities.

I don't remember anything else but a flash of light.

We wake a few miles out of Alicante, our horses grazing around us, as if we had been lying there unconscious for hours. I glance at my arm to only see the scar of the rune that Ithuriel had me draw. What I thought was a connection to Jonathan, my blood and brother, was really a connection to Ithuriel, the angel who unwillingly gave me his blood.

My ears adjust, the ringing in them fading and I hear shouting around me.

I look up to find guards running towards us, Consul Penhallow in tow. We all get up and stand before they can reach us, ready. I want us to be in private, to be able to talk about what just happened, the information we've discovered. There's no chance, now.

"No Jonathan?" Is Penhallow's greeting.

I feel like I'm going to vomit as Alec answers, "He - uh, he's dead." I knew he can't help his voice cracking on 'dead'.

Penhallow's face falls. "I suppose we should discuss this elsewhere." She turns and we follow her into Alicante.

People peek out of shop windows as we're escorted through the city; they gape at the heavily armed guards around us, our own armed bodies, and the now-permanent hole in our team.

When we reach Consul Penhallow's office, we sit at her long desk and steaming mugs of tea are put in front of us.

"Please explain," She says.

"There's not much to explain," Jace says, giving everyone the hint that we shouldn't tell her about Ithuriel.

"He was at Morgenstern Manor... in a hidden basement. He had already told us he knew too much, he knew he wouldn't make it through the trial... so he..." Alex trails off and though I don't take my eyes off my mug, I feel his gaze on me.

"It's fine, Alec," I say, though we all know it's not fine, and I'm not sure if anyone else wants or know how to say it.

"The blade he used had demonic runes on it," Jace says, skipping over the words entirely. "Flames erupted and didn't stop until the whole house was gone."

I look up to see Penhallow nodding. "And do you know how you got back to our gates?"

"No," days Iz. "We just... woke up here. Must've been something Jonathan did."

"I received your fire note, Alec, we will be searching Lake Lynn very soon."

"I don't think he was lying," Alec says. "I think you may find your search successful."

Penhallow continues to nod her head. "I'll let you all see your parents in a few minutes."

She goes to stand, but I'm on my feet first, holding a hand out. "I'd rather just go home," I tell her.

"I'll go home, too," Jace says.

She nods. "Very well. Alexander? Isabelle?"

"I would like to see them," Iz says.

"Same," Alec chimes in.

Jace and I walk back to the house and I let him put a secure arm around me. We talk quietly enough that anyone trying to listen in won't hear.

"I couldn't see him after knowing..." I trail off.

"Especially when our mothers had no clue," Jace says. "I don't want to see him." His hands briefly clench into fists.

"They'll find out. The Mortal Sword will pull it out of us. We'll become outlaws, Jace."

Jace shakes his head. "There's no law, not yet. And it's not our fault."

"I don't think that will make a difference to The Clave. I don't think they'll care."

I let out a heavy sigh as we reach the house and step inside. "My mind is finally clear, now that Ithuriel isn't in it, but I can't enjoy it because I'm so mad at everyone!" I complain, my voice raised. "My own brother just killed himself! You held me back from stopping him; none of you tried to stop him! And then I find out my dad-" I cut off as a sob wracks through me. "Ithuriel's finally out of my head, but I still can't think clearly!"

I feel like my heart my fall out of my chest and wrap my arms around myself. Sobs keep escaping me as I imagine Jonathan stabbing himself over and over; seeing my father torturing Ithuriel. I feel like I'm tethered to a sinking ship.

Jace's arms wrap around me, and the comfort makes the sobbing stop, but I continue to cry. His lips press against my forehead and I feel moisture from his own tears land there.

"He was my brother, too," Jace says. "But I know you've already thought this over, because I have, and there wasn't a way we could've stopped him… that blade…" he trails off.

"I know," I say with a shaky voice. "I know." The blade was covered in demonic runes, and one way or another, there's no way we could've touched it or him.

"I'm sorry, Clary."

Minutes pass and my tears stop. "Thank you," I say to Jace, looking up at him.

He answers by leaning his head down and pressing his lips to mine. Our kiss is soft at first, but my fingers find the short, soft hair at the nape of his neck and slide up to tangle themselves in longer pieces. His arms tighten around my waist, my body pressing against his.

I almost curse when the front door handle starts to turn. We break apart and look to it, expecting to find Alec and Isabelle walking through but instead, it's two guards.

Anger courses through me, and I can see the tension in Jace's shoulders, too.

"What the hell-" Jace starts to say, but one of the guards cuts him off.

"Jace Herondale, Clarissa Morgenstern, you need to come with us."

"Why?' I ask.

"If you don't come on your own, we've been given orders to use force."

"By whom?" Jace asks.

"The Inquisitor."

"Like hell I'm going 'on my own' without knowing why," I say. I don't care that I'm probably making this harder on myself. Aldertree. He's doing this.

Alec and Isabelle aren't back yet, and I know something must've happened while they were with our parents. Something must've dropped.

When they don't answer, Jace asks, "where does the Inquisitor want us?"

"We're not required to answer your questions," one guard says. "Let's go, kids."

I squeeze Jace's hand then let go to walk past the guards, towards my front door. But a guard grabs arm and pulls me back.

Jace shouts and I turn to throw a punch, but I don't realize what's happening until it's too late. They're trying to bind our wrists with runes, and I just gave him access to my other wrist.

Jace and I are forced to lead the way to the Gard, hands behind our backs, just two hours after we were finally making the opposite journey home.

I keep my eyes on the ground, despite that the sun has already set, people still seem to be out and about, as if preparing themselves for the start of the trial tomorrow. Instead, I let myself worry about Iz and Alec, wondering if they've also found themselves with binding runes on their wrists.

The only time I take my eyes off the ground is to look over at Jace. Each time I can see the wheels turn in his head, trying to figure out what's going on. He either is looking at me, or straight ahead. I want to say something, to fight against the runes, something. But I know I can't, it might just make the situation worse.

When we reach the Gard, we're led down the same path that would take us to my parent's "room".

Just as we near it, I see the door opening past the two thick guards stationed on either side. Alec and Iz walk out, their eyes widen at the sight of us and Iz looks like she might burst into tears any moment.

"What is this?" Alec asks.

"We're following orders," a guard behind me replies.

"By the Angel," I see Iz mutter under her breath.

"Jace and Clarissa - never thought you'd end up here?" I turn at the sound of Aldertree's voice.

No one responds. "Thanks to Alexander and Isabelle, here, we know your secret." he nods to the guards. "You can put them in there with the others, they can't cause more trouble than they already have."

The guards shove Jace and I towards the door.

"What are you talking about Aldertree?" I spit. "What secret?"

"You're special," he replies as Jace and I continue to struggle. I can't help cringing at the sing-song quality his voice takes on. Mocking us.

He knows Jace and I have angel blood… more than normal, I think. Iz and Alec must've mentioned it and not realized they'd be listening.

Once we're inside, I feel my stele being ripped out of my pocket, and I turn just as the door slams in my face, all the locks clicking into place. Once the door's look clicks shut, the binding runes on our wrists disappear. Jace slams his fist into the door, cursing. I do the same thing, having no idea what's happening with Alec and Iz, thanks to the heavy door.

It's not until I hear someone clear their throat I remember exactly where I am.

For a split second, I know, I understand, why Jonathan did what he did. The people standing behind me are the reason we're all in this mess. For a split second, I can't find a way out, either.

But there has to be a way out, I think. I don't want the path Jonathan chose, I want my own.

I also know what will happen if I stay and listen to what my dad might say. Yelling, crying, possible screaming. I can't do it.

"Clary," my mother says, I can hear the tears in her voice, because losing Jonathan is new to her. My father says nothing.

I hold a hand up, head still turned to the closed door, my eyes to the floor. "I'd rather not talk right now."

"Clarissa-"

"Please," I say, spinning and cutting my dad off. I can't look him in the eye, the same eyes that tortured Ithuriel. "Please. Don't. I don't want to talk about any of it. Not with you."

I walk through them, through the door behind them into the tiny bathroom, and shut the door behind me. The door has no lock, but I hope they won't try to come after me. I hear voices murmuring and footsteps coming towards the door.

The handle turns and the door opens as Jace lets himself in. He sits on the floor next to me.

"Jocelyn's really upset."

I sigh. "I know."

"She asked me to come talk to you… I guess they don't know yet." He's talking about us not being just close friends anymore.

I smirk a little. "Oh, I doubt it. My mother is too intuitive for anyone's own good."

He smirks back at me.

"How are you not fuming right now?" I ask him, my brows furrowing together.

"Oh trust me, I'm furious."

"I've never seen you hide it so well."

"I guess you know me too well, then."

I bump my shoulder with his, but when I pull away he follows and we sit with our shoulders flush together. "Yeah, I'd say I know you pretty well," I laugh at a memory from when we were at the Academy. "Remember going to the Academy with the Consul's daughter, Aline?"

Jace nods.

"She had the biggest crush on you!" I roll my eyes. "She came up to me one day after history class and started asking all these questions about you, then proceeded to ask me to introduce the two of you. Jace Herondale," I say like most of the girls at the Academy said his name, then proceed to pretend to vomit.

"Jealous?" Jace asks me.

I scoff. "Obviously not."

"Well I did kiss her."

I swat at his arm. I do feel sort of jealous. "I hear Aline and her girlfriend are very happy, though, so at least you did some good there."

"Oh shut up," Jace says, but he's laughing. "Remember Aline's cousin-"

I interject his sentence with a groan. None of my friends have ever let me live this one down.

"Sebastain Verlac looooooved you." He draws out the "o" of love just to get on my nerves. He starts laughing. "Remember when I caught you two and-"

But I use his own words against him. "Are you," I raise a brow, "jealous?"

"No."

I shrug. "Well maybe you should be, he was a pretty good kisser."

"Really?" Jace feigns interest, his face inching closer to mine, until our lips almost touch.

I purse my lips. "Really," I whisper.

He closes the small gap and kisses me. His lips mold against mine, his tongue slides against mine. My hands find his head, trying to keep him there as we consume each other. But he breaks off, too soon. We both gasp for breath.

"I don't think you have anything to be jealous about," he says, his forehead resting against mine as his chest continues up and down, and a smirk on his lips all the same. His expression softens as his hand cups my face, his thumb brushing against my probably-swollen lips.

When his hand drops, I swing my legs around so they make a bridge over his and rest my head in the crook of his neck. His arm locks around me.

I close my eyes, enjoying the moment, and only then do I realize how tired I actually am. "Thank you," I say quietly to Jace.

"For what? Being the best kisser?" There's humour in his voice, but it remains soft.

I laugh a little. "Don't ruin it."

"For what then?" He rests his head against mine.

"For staying. You've always stayed." Even when we were kids and the nightmares first started, even when Iz and I weren't on good terms, and now. Jace is there. Always my friend.

He squeezes his arm a little tighter around me, not saying anything.

My eyes stay closed, and I fight against sleep, my breathing getting slower, heavier.

Suddenly something shifts underneath me, pulling me slightly out of sleep I don't remember falling to. I realize it's Jace, as his arms lift me and I hear the creaking of the door. I stay curled up against his chest, not wanting to wake up.

As he starts walking I hear the soft footsteps of my mother walking into the room.

"Oh," I hear my mother. "Jace… I was just about to make sure you two didn't fall asleep on that awful tiled floor."

Jace laughs, but I can hear that it's forced. "Well one of us did." His arms tighten around me then leave as he sets me on the couch.

"Thank you," my mother says.

"You shouldn't need to thank me."

"I know you're angry-"

"I'm more than angry, Jocelyn. How is it that you let Valentine do this? How is it that you forgave him?"

"You're so much like your father, Jace," Mom says, I can hear the smile in her voice. "I can't tell you the story, and now, I'm afraid, it must be told to you both for the first time during the trials. But I can tell you that the person who resented Valentine most, was Stephen. Mostly because he knew you could be the best shadowhunter without the bit of help in your blood."

"Too bad that doesn't make any sense."

"There's a lot you don't know about your family-"

"That's because my parents are dead."

"Check your history books, Jace. You come from an extraordinary family. You should be proud."

No other words are said, and I hear the fading footsteps as she walks away.

Jace sighs, and I feel the end of the sofa sink as he sits down.

"Jace?"

He looks up from his hands. "I thought you were asleep."

"Not really. At least, not after I heard my mom."

He turns his face away from me to stare straight ahead at the wall. I sit sideways on the couch to face him and cross my legs.

"You heard the whole thing?"

"I don't think any of us will ever understand what went on with the Circle," I reply.

"I think you're right."

A/N: Phew! I believe this has been the longest chapter yet, I hope you enjoyed!