A/N: bit of a slower(ish?) chapter today but it's also shorter so don't hate me too much! Also thank you to everyone following and such, I'm glad you have enjoyed this as much as I have.

Disclaimer: Cassandra Clare own the shadowhunter world and it's people, I just hang out with them!

Ten years ago, I remember watching my friends being on the sword, oldest to youngest, inflict the least amount of pain first, ask the most amount of questions first. Jonathan was the oldest, me the youngest, but I think it was just as bad for the both of us.

Jace had it the worst, though. Because his parents were killed, he had to go under the Mortal Sword as a fresh orphan, no other family but the non-relatives on trial with him. I remember him yelling, screaming, fighting the Mortal Sword with everything he had. He still had fight left in him after finding out his parents had died.

This time, he mimics me. He doesn't fight it, he lets it happen. But unlike me, he doesn't break down at the mention of Jonathan. I can see the sweat beading on his forehead, and when his jaw clenches, Iz reaches over and squeezes my hand.

It's painful for us, watching each other go through pain.

I take in his re-telling of the events without processing them, only really listening when Aldertree starts asking about the angel blood.

"Did you ever know about what Valentine Morgenstern did to you and your mother?"

"No. I had no idea."

"But you knew you were different?"

"I didn't realize. I just thought I was better."

Murmurs scatter around the audience. I almost roll my eyes.

Aldertree turns his head to look at Penhallow, who nods. Then he removes the Mortal Sword from Jace's hands. Jace sways for a second with the weight gone, and steps down beside me, weaving his fingers tightly through mine.

"I believe that's all for today," Penhallow says, her voice sounds defeated, and I realize that she really has been on our side; she knows there's nothing that will help us.

"Don't we have to decide what to do with the kids?" Eric Ravenkey calls.

"Pardon?" Aldertree says.

"They're walking crimes," Eric retorts.

"They're walking victims," Karen Dovewell says.

Consul Penhallow holds up a hand when everyone starts talking over each other. The talking is silenced immediately. "Clarissa Morgenstern and Jace Herondale have not committed any crimes. They have nothing to be blamed for, as they are victims of the crimes committed by someone else."

Suddenly no one can find an argument for Penhallow. I watch some people with puzzled faces, trying to think of something, but apparently nothing comes to mind.

"We will resume tomorrow with your questions."

We wait until everyone is gone from the room before leaving ourselves. Jace and I aren't told to go back to the prison cell of my parents, so we follow Alec and Isabelle back to the house. When we get back to the house we all sit on the couches with nothing to say. But I don't want to leave any of them, even to go to bed. Despite how tired I am, all my friends seem to be hanging by a thread; one that could slip away at any moment.

When everything fell apart ten years ago, we went through it and hardly spoke about it ever again. It became a detached part of me, a part that only came to the surface of my life in my dreams when I didn't have control. That's where Jace came into play; while all of us were affected, Jace and I were less able to let go and pushed it all down instead.

Suddenly we're back to before with so much more understanding of the situation but nothing to do about it.

I wish for the millionth time I had my brother. I don't think anyone takes any notice of me getting up and leaving until the front door shuts behind me.

I go to my parents. Suddenly regretting not speaking to them when Jace and I were holed up with them last night. The guards posted outside watch me as I go through all the security measures without a single complaint but also don't deny me seeing my parents this late at night. The only thing I get from them is, "20 minutes, that's it," before they open the door for me.

Both my parents look up from their conversation when I walk in. Tears immediately brew in my eyes.

"Oh Clary," my mother says, tears falling from her own eyes as she comes over and embraces me. I immediately start sobbing into her shirt.

I forget everything when I feel my father embrace the both of us, and we mourn over our lost family member.

After I use up my 20 minutes with my parents - hardly any talking happened, mostly thinking about Jonathan together, like a family should - I find Jace waiting outside the Gard. He doesn't say anything right away, just takes my hand to walk back to the house.

"How are you?" he asks when our front door is in sight.

"I'm not sure…"

"I'm glad you went to see them."

"Why?"

"Because they're your parents, and I think you would've regretted not seeing them."

"But you hate my dad."

He laughs a little. "I hate what he did, but I don't hate him. Your parents, Alec's parents, they were like my back-up sets when my parents died. I missed my own parents more than I loved them, but I love them all the same. More than that, I hate what might happen to them."

"Do you still miss Stephen and Celine?"

"Every single day."

"I do too, they were incredibly kind people, Jace. I think they'd be proud of you."

He laughs again, a little lighter this time. "You sure about that?"

"Yes!"

"I don't know, I think we all did some less-impressive shit when we went to the Academy. It's not like we know for sure that they would know anything about my life anyways."

"Don't let The Clave hear you say that."

"Do you think if Ithuriel knew, he would have told us?"

"Jace…" I don't know what to tell him. He's always been questioning, but I've never been in the position to answer him, usually it was Alec. I think about the lengths my father went through to get answers, I think about how devastated I would be if Jace even considered something like that. "I really don't know."

He sighs. "We'll just have to keep waiting, then."

I don't let my relief show when he doesn't take the conversation any further.

When we get to the house, Jace and I head up the stairs. "Iz and Alec already went to bed when I left to make sure you were okay."

"How'd you know where I'd be?"

He shrugs. "We just guessed."

"I think you give me too much credit."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because my brother ran away and killed himself! I wouldn't be surprised if my parents were thinking the very same thing, he had to get it from somewhere! Who says that if you don't see me for an hour, I could be dead in Lake Lynn?!" I shout at him. Anger and sadness boils through me but I feel like I can't express it to Jace; he's already lost his family, he's the last of the Herondales. He knows.

"Clary… I-"

But he doesn't know. He was a kid, he didn't have to watch them die, he didn't have to watch them lose hope about living. "Jace!" I interrupt. "I had to watch my brother burn, I had to watch my home burn. I feel like-" my throat feels thick. "I feel like I'm trying to breath in water, like I'm trying to see through mud!" Tears flow freely for the up-teenth time. "I just can't, Jace."

His arms close in around me but I don't really feel them. "You're right," he whispers. "I don't understand everything. But I do understand what it's like to lose someone."

"I don't know what will happen to them, I don't know what I'll do. I'm lost."

"I'll follow you."

I hear footsteps coming down the stairs from behind the door but don't look over as it creaks open.

I feel Alec's arms around me too and I turn towards him. If anyone could remind me of Jonathan, it's Alec. They were both always serious as kids, and where Jace was my friend, Alec was my second big brother.

"We'll be okay," Iz says, her hand squeezing my shoulder.

We all fall asleep together on blankets laid out on the living room floor that night.

I wake up to the sound of the front door softly closing as someone steps out. I peel my eyelids up to find Jace already awake and Isabelle sleeping like the dead. No Alec. The windows outside show a clear sky, sun high up in them, already weaning towards the west. We all slept most of the day. Not surprising, considering how late we all stayed up on the living room floor last night.

Jace doesn't see me awake as he gets up to follow Alec and shuts the door behind him.

I pull out my stele and draw a run on my arm to hear them better.

"What are we gonna do?" Alec asks Jace. "I need ideas cause I have no fucking clue."

"I couldn't tell you, honestly."

"Today's gonna be a shit show."

"You think?"

"I know."

"I've got your back, you know. Parabatai and all that. Just cause Clary and I are an us now, I mean, you're my brother. I love you."

"I love you, too, man." I listen as Alec gives Jace a slap on the shoulder.

They both sigh at the same time.

"It's hard - thinking about what it'll be like once they're gone-" Alec starts and I cross out the rune so I can't hear the conversation anymore.

The death penalty continues to invade my brain. None of us can escape it, but I block it out. Not until it really happens, not until we're sure, I tell myself.

Isabelle stirs and sits up, yawning. "Where'd they go?"

I jerk my head towards the front door. "Morning air, I guess," I tell her, leaving out that I was listening.

Iz glaces at the fading rune I crossed out on my arm but doesn't mention it.

"How're you feeling?" she asks carefully.

I shrug. Going over the deep end last night wasn't my ideal situation, but I guess it had to happen sometime. "As good as I'll get…"

She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "I guess we'll have to endure more of it today." Her smile disappears.

"I know. Can't wait, right?" I say in a monotone voice.

"I wish it was over already."

I try to think of something positive to say and find it impossible.

"This is so depressing," Iz adds. "All anyone can do is mope around until something legitimate happens… and when something does happen all we'll do is mope around more."

"No wonder Jonathan killed himself-" I cut myself off.

I meant it, but I didn't mean to say it outloud so… honestly. I have to stop looking at Iz because the shock on her face pierces me and I can't believe I said what I said.

"Clary," she says softly, while I continue to look down. "You can't - you're not thinking about… doing that. It doesn't solve anything."

I look up. "No! No, I didn't mean that… I promise."

We get up and sit at the table in the kitchen. Isabelle mulls over the fruit bowl in the centre, trying to find something appealing. She pulls out a mango and starts to hand it to me.

"Is it the last one?" I ask.

She shrugs. "Looks like it… yeah, sorry. Jace probably called dibs already."

I laugh a little, then regret it. Isabelle settles for a banana and a grab one too.

A comfortable silence fills the room, with Jace and Alec out. I keep my brain silent, too, and sigh at the bliss of it. "We could get our own house," I say to Iz.

She scoffs.

"No really, think of how quiet it would be with no boys around!"

She points at me and raises her manicured eyebrows. "Good point."

The front door burst open and slams against the wall behind it as Jace and Alec come running back into the house.

Iz rolls her eyes. "I can definitely see the appeal-" she says with humour in her tone, but then stops short.

Jace and Alec come running into the kitchen, panic etched across their faces.

The towers have turned red.

We sprint downstairs to our weapons room. I've never been in the weapons room twice in such a short amount of time, but red towers means something bigger than anything. It means that someone has taken the wards down.

But then Alec grabs our shoulders. "You two aren't going anywhere."

I scoff. "Like hell we aren't going anywhere."

"I'm serious."

"Alec, there's no way you're keeping us out of this," Iz tells him.

Jace sighs. "I'm with Alec on this one; you aren't Clave members yet."

I yank my shoulder out of Alec's grip and march downstairs anyways, ignoring both him and Jace. I storm around the weapons room, picking up everything I might need and start to go back up the stairs, but Jace stands in the doorway. A brick wall blocking my path as I strap the Morgenstern blade around me, feeling confident with it's weight at my side.

"We don't have time for this, Jace."

His eyes look down at me with sadness.

"Don't you dare look at me like that," I tell him. "You of all people know how that look feels."

"I just don't want you getting yourself killed, Clary." His eyes stop looking at me with pity, but there's something else there.

I sigh. "Jace, I don't have a death wish, I just don't want my parents in more trouble. Whatever's happening out there, I don't want them being a target."

I turn around. "Alec, you know Iz and I are both perfectly capable of handling ourselves. We don't have this kind of time to be arguing right now. We need to get out there; find out what's going on."

A second ticks by while he ponders and then locks eyes with Jace; they have a silent conversation and then Alec nods. "Let's go."

A/N: muahaha you thought this chapter would be simple! Don't worry, new one soon!