It was hot. No, that was an understatement. It was scorching. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go out at noontime. But, his fellow knight had insisted they go. She had said it had been about a certain lion.

He was quite eager to leave anyway.

He had been in a conversation with Cú,and although the older man had been talking about a cold dessert, he couldn't help but think the conversation was quite...scandalous.

Besides, it wasn't like he could resist those eyes.

So here they were. Two knights trapped in the heat. At least he had bought Saber her lion. It wasn't a total loss.

"Diarmuid."

His thoughts were interrupted by the petite woman's voice. She was holding out a vanilla cone on front of him, smiling serenely.

"Many thanks..."

She shook her head with a cute chuckle that made his face light up with a blush.

"You went through all the trouble to accompany me here. On top of that, it was you who purchased this little one for me."

She held up the stuffed lion endearingly.

"This is the least I could do to thank such a gentleman."

He blushed at that. She smiled at him before focusing on her own ice cream cone. The cold dessert had begun to melt, leaving an icy white trail over her fingers.

He reached for a tissue, but before he could do anything, she'd already run her tongue over the sweet white sugary stuff.

He froze, his face growing significantly hotter and redder by the moment. Suddenly his mind flew back to the conversation he had with Cú before he left with Arturia.

"You see, Diar, the way a girl eats ice cream tells a lot of important things about her."

"I would not think so...in what ways?" Diarmuid questioned the other Lancer. Really, sometimes the man made no sense.

"Well for one, if she licks, it means she's good at using her tongue," the blue haired man replied, smirking.

The shorter man raised an eyebrow.

"So you mean she can speak well?"

The single spear user guffawed at his companion's obvious obliviousness.

"I mean, Diarmuid, that she's good at using her warm...soft...wet...tongue."

He was pulled back to the present by Arturia's voice.

"Yours is melting, you know. Do you not like vanilla?" She was leaning close to him. A little too close for his raging hormones.

"Do you really feel that hot? You are...quite red."

Diarmuid jumped a bit and caught hold of himself.

"Oh! No, I am well. Do not trouble yourself with me, and I enjoy this flavor," he managed to cough out.

At this, Saber just raised an eyebrow and went right back to her vanilla ice cream.

Lancer inwardly slapped himself.

Real smooth, Diarmuid...Real smooth...

Feeling foolish and definitely feeling stupid, he started on his own cold dessert. It was good, and quite a relief from the heat.

Mmph.

His eyes flew back carefully to the lady knight beside him. This time she bit the soft white stuff, nibbling a little bit of the cone. It was a little messy, the cream made a thin layer over her soft lips, that reddened slightly from the cold. She ran her tongue over her mouth, then over the fingers the cream had dripped down on.

Unfortunately, she no idea what she was doing to the man. Diarmuid had his blood rushing to dangerous places... Very very dangerous places.

Oh great gods, he couldn't take any more of this torture.

"When a lady bites," Cú had said, "it means she's rough, and therefore likes it rough...kicking, scratching, biting, you name it."

Good heavens, he could practically see the other Lancer telling this to him all-knowingly.

Diarmuid chomped on his cone, finished it, and turned a little, hoping Saber wouldn't look his way, lest she see what he thought (and certainly didn't hope) was down there.

Another soft crunch from Saber wasn't helping. Wasn't. Helping.

He was already begging the gods for forgiveness for everything he imagined himself doing to her if they were alone right now.

Aw hell, he was beginning to think doing it in public should have been fine-

Nonononono.

It occurred to the man that his female companion had been silent for quite a while. He looked back at her...

Only to see her sucking softly on what was left of the cone, lips moving up and down the tan wafer, tongue slipping in to taste the last of the white cream her lips just couldn't reach.

He paled.

"And when she sucks on the cone, Dia, it means she's very skilled at oh, you know..." the man clicked his tongue, "How about we just say it's going to be a fine night."

The blue haired man said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Pleasure, will probably be all you'll be feeling when you're with her, ne?

That did it.

"D-Diarmuid!"

.

.

.

He couldn't stop the torrent-like nosebleed.

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BONUS:

Meanwhile, in the bushes...

"Iskandar! Did you get that on tape?" the blue troublemaker asked the red giant, who guffawed heartily.

"From beginning to end," he beamed triumphantly at Cù Chulainn, who was happily running about like a crazy lunatic.

"Though there is something I can not wrap my finger around," the huge man scratched the back of his head and eyed the mischievous man before him, "How ever did you get the King of Knights to agree to that?"

The question hung in the air for a bit.

Lancer blinked.

"I didn't."

Heya!

Lancer is quite the perv isn't he?

Double chapter upload since its been a while.

Thanks, guys. :)