'Carrick' my mom calls as my sobs subside. Dad appears from the living room. 'Phone Christian now, I want him here straight away so that we can sort out this situation. I don't care what he's up to, this is more important than anything else in the world right now' and I thought Mia was over dramatic! Dad disappears into his study. I tug mom's sleeve, she looks at me and I slowly shake my head, eyes wide with fear, hurt and sorrow.

We go to the kitchen and mom busies herself making tea. I just stand and stare so she comes back over to me. Brushing my curls with her hand she says softly 'Whatever has happened is in the past and we cannot change it but we will work together to sort this out so that you and Christian are happy again' Dad is back, he puts his arms round mom's shoulder and tells her he has phoned, texted and emailed but there's no response from Christian yet. Mom catches her breath almost sob like and dad folds her into his arms and gently rocks with her. She is so upset; I don't think I can ever remember her being like this over anything that any of us have done in the past.

I take this opportunity to leave them to it and go to my bedroom, then Christian's room. He's always had a place for everything and it's still all there, nothing has moved. I pick up a couple of his trophies and deliberately put them back in the wrong place. Next stop is his pin board, some of the photos on it I turn round so I can't see his face. He will know that it's me that has done this but I figure I can't make him anymore angry.

Next I grab my swimming kit, show it to mom so she knows where I am and head to the pool. It feels good to be outside again in the fresh air. It's busy at the pool with it being a Saturday afternoon, lots of families having fun splashing about but the lanes are quiet and that's where I go. For two hours nothing else matters apart from me putting one hand then the other in the water to drag myself along at a gruelling pace that has me aching all over.

As I'm leaving the pool area I bump into my friend Hannah, she is here with a couple of her friends. She hugs me and I hug her back, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek.

'Wow Matt, it's only been a week since we left school and you've changed so much, you look so different!' she exclaims. I want to say good different or bad different but of course the words are stuck. I smile shyly at her.

'No words?' she asks. I nod. We've been in the same class since pre-k so she knows I have been through some tough times.

'Are you free to meet up tomorrow?' Nod

'Cool, I'll come to your place about 2pm.' Nod, then another hug goodbye.

I stroll towards home slowly. It gives me time with my thoughts. It will be good to see Hannah tomorrow, she along with Jonty are my best friends, the three of us are inseparable at school and usually are up to some mischief together. Hannah has been good for me at school, sometimes my rival at all the academic stuff; we would both push to be top of the class. Sometimes my guardian angel, if I was having a 'no words' time at school even from a young age she would cover for me. When we were younger she would put a toy or something in my hand so that we could pretend we were playing together, or if it was work we had to do she would always team up with me, do the work and then be the spokesperson for our presentation. If I had words then I would speak so it looked like we were taking turns. I know tomorrow she will just talk at me not expecting anything in return.

I haven't taken the coastal path today but made my way along the road. I slow down as I near home. I don't usually come this way unless I'm in a car as it doesn't take long to pass but I'm here now stood in front of the house where I was born. I stand and stare, taking deep breaths to try and relax myself; the odd tear runs down my cheek. I don't know how long I've been here in the gateway to my first home but feel someone at my side. Dad puts an arm round my shoulder and guides me home, up the steps and through the front door and straight to the family room. He sits me down by the piano and tells me he's going to get mom.

Automatically I play, sad haunting tunes. I see mom or dad move occasionally at the entrance to the room as if to check up on me but otherwise they leave me alone, they know that I'll find them when I'm ready. My head is clear again and I leave the comfort of the music, climb the stairs and go and find my blackberry, it is time to read the rest of Christian's messages.

I start with the email, it was sent at 11pm last night, so it took him over 24 hours to reply to mine.

From: Christian Grey

To: Matthew Grey

Subject: Re: Please don't hate me

Matthew,

I have tried to trace you but failed, you have managed to evade all attempts of being found by my security team.

Olivia is no longer an intern at my company. I interviewed her today and she admitted that she had been stalking you as she wanted a relationship with a Grey. She realised that was never going to happen with me no matter how much she flirted and so she took advantage of you because you were so much younger. When she kissed you in the reception area the security camera image was downloaded and used as her profile picture ona media site. Barney had tracked it within a few minutes of it going live so no damage was done but this was why I exploded and got so angry with you as I didn't know your side of the story I just jumped to conclusions. Unfortunately because I and the rest of the family have been so over protective you were an easy target. I thought I could trust my staff.

You are still so innocent and naïve I thought I could protect you by having you work for me but that was not the case. You have no reason to blame yourself for what happened; it is my fault for putting you in that situation. I did trust you impeccably but you were not ready to handle this situation, do not be ashamed of yourself.

I have loved and enjoyed having you in my life; if you leave it permanently it will be a darker place. I regret what I said about wanting you out of my life; in fact I want you to be very much a part of my future. I understand it will probably take time to rebuild our relationship again as I have hurt you deeply with the words I used.

You have not let me down; in fact I am very proud of you. You have coped really well with everything that happened whilst I was away. When you came into the great room you were so happy to see me and I was so angry and cross with all the events of the day that I took all my frustration and anger out on you. You were probably the last person I should have been angry with but I could not help myself. Those evil words that came from my mouth should never have been spoken as they are certainly not true.

I deeply regret what happened between us on Thursday evening, I will understand if you never want to see or speak to me again but please don't leave the rest of the family that love you so much. They will be frantic in a few hours' time when they realise you are missing, I have not told them anything yet as I was hoping to have made contact before now. Please reply to at least one of the texts that they are bound to have sent to let them know you are safe.

Take Care

Christian

I read it twice it doesn't make me feel any better. I quickly scroll through the other texts that he sent. They all follow the same theme, 'Are you OK?' 'Where are you?' 'At least text mom!' Well I'm here with her so these texts don't matter anymore.

I go back downstairs; mom is just about to serve dinner. She ruffles my hair affectionately and I reward her with a small smile. Mom and dad talk constantly as we eat, I think it's to make up for my silence, occasionally they ask a question but they get the usual, nod, shake or shrug. Mia is away tonight with friends so at least I don't have to listen to her prattling on about nonsense. When dad give's his usual nod, I hurriedly help mom clear the table and then escape to the sanctuary of my room.

There's another email from Christian, it was sent whilst we were having dinner.

From: Christian Grey

To: Matthew Grey

Subject: What have I done to you?

Matthew,

I am sorry for everything that I have put you through the last few days.

I know what you have been up to since Thursday evening. I'm happier now I know you are safe at home. I found out Taylor and Mrs Jones have been taking care of you and making sure you're ok. No wonder you evaded the rest of my security team with Taylor assisting you. I can assure you that Taylor and Mrs Jones are still working for me, I also know that you were worried about me firing them both before you accepted their help which was very considerate of you.

So where were you going to go when you were in the queue at the airline desk, Miami or San Francisco, mom is pissed enough at me as it is but she would never have forgiven me if you'd have caught a flight on your own. Mom wants me to come to Bellevue to sort out this situation, I have not replied to any of hers or dad's messages yet so she's even madder at me. I will only come when you are comfortable with me being there as I do not want to cause any more upset or hurt you further.

On a serious note I am distraught that my actions have put you back into the silent world of 'no words' Everything was going so well, you were coping with so many new situations and I really thought you would be ready to have a great time in California. I know I've hurt you deeply and you will not want to see me but if I can help in any way at all to make your dream of going away at the end of the summer become a reality then please let me know.

I will understand if you don't reply to this email or contact me but please take care of yourself.

Christian

I go to open the window, and stand staring not seeing the view but just breathing deeply and getting some fresh air in my lungs. He obviously cares about me but I'm still emotionally raw and hurting so much. He doesn't mention Ana at all but Taylor said they had a disagreement, I hope they sorted it out. Where did that come from, me hoping that they sorted it out! Maybe in time I will be able to forgive him but for now I will sleep.