A/N: Well, thank you for the reviews :)
Disclaimer- Do not own Maid-Sama! :'(
-Chapter 1-
And if I tell you I won't be here tomorrow,
Will you miss me when I'm gone?
.
.
Something was wrong with Usui.
Misaki didn't know what it was, because whenever she'd asked, the idiot had smirked and made some stupid comment, and diverted the topic. This had gone on for a whole week, and most recenly, Usui hadn't come to school from the past two days.
Misaki wouldn't admit it for the world, but she was getting really worried.
She stood there against the school lockers, tapping her feet feverishly. All around her, students walked and laughed as the enjoyed the few remaining minutes of their lunchtimes.
Misaki had one hand on her hip, the other pressing her phone to her ear. The bell was ringing- but Usui wasn't picking up.
Damn it, where the hell had that idiot disappeared?!
She gritted her teeth. She was going to kill him once she got her hands on him.
"Hello, Misaki-chaaaaaan!"- came his voice as he finally picked up the call, and Misaki breathed a sigh of relief. Oh thank God.
He was alive.
"You- complete- idiot! Do you know I've been calling you from the past two days? Where the hell are you?!"
"Me?"
"Yes, you! You've not attended school from the past two days!"
"Well, I know that."
Her fists clenched "Don't you get cheeky with me right now, Takumi Usui. I'm not in any mood for your jokes-"
"Oooh, I love it when Misa gets angry! It's so-"
"Shut up!" she blushed "Where are you?"
"At home."
"Why?"
"Well, you see, when one doesn't come to school, they tend to spend their time at home-"
"I know that! I told you to stop being cheeky!"
"Okay."
Misaku huffed as silence fell over the phone conversation. Despite whatever she might say, her heart was beating fast as she waited for him to say something, to give an explanation for his absences- but none came.
"Misaki, are you there?"
She sighed, her shoulders sagging "Yes I'm here." There was no point in arguing. Yelling and shouting at Usui wasn't going to work, and she knew that. To be honest, after two days of not having seen him at all, sall she really wanted to do was let him take her in his arms, how much ever angry she may be.
And punch him for worrying her sick, of course.
What was wrong with him? He'd looked so pale the last time she'd seen him- he'd tried his best to smile and tease her like he usually did, but even she had noticed how he seemed to get tired really easily. He was trying his best to look normal.
But why? Hadn't they agreed to be truthful to each other? Wasn't that the whole point of this...this- she blushed- this relationship thing?
She took a deep breath, her grip on her phone tightening "...Usui?" she asked softly.
"Yes?"
"Are you okay?"
There was no reply for a while, and Misaki's heartbeat sped up. Why wasn't he answering?
It was a simple question- just three words, how hard could it be?
"...Usui?"
Just then, from somewhere behind him, Misaki heard a voice-
"You'll have to roll up your sleeve, sir."
She froze. The voice was female- but that wasn't what made her blood run cold- it was that request- that gentle, yet firm command that was only given by certain professionals...
"Usui? Who was that?"
"Misa, I can't-"
"Was that a nurse? You said you're at home! Where are you?!" Panic was rapidly rising inside her, and she didn't know what to do- she didn't know what Usui had done, or which hospital he was in, or if he was okay or not- and she had never been one to be able to handle situations like these well. Not when her loved ones were at stake-
"Misaki-"
"No- tell me where you are! Home or someplace else?!"
She heard him sigh as he answered "...Someplace else."
"Where?!"
"...The hospital."
The tightening in her chest was now near-suffocating as she clutched the cold metal behind her, pressing herself painfully against the lockers. She could see Sakura and Shizuko turn around the corner of the corridors and pause at the sight of her.
They waved- but she couldn't bring it in herself to wave back as she clutched her phone "W-Why? what's wrong?! Are you okay?! You alien, why didn't you tell me sooner?!"
"I'm sorry, I know I-"
"I don't need your apologies! Just tell me what's wrong with you!"
"Misaki, I have to go."
"What?!" she leaned forward, her volume increasing. She didn't notice the students that paused on their way to glance at her in curiosity. "No-! No, don't you dare-!"
"I'm really sorry, but I'll tell you everything. I promise. I'll pick you up after Maid Latte?"
"Usui!"
"Misaki. Please." -maybe it was the desperation in his voice that she'd never heard before. The lack of his usual teasing tone, all traces of his normal good-willed humor gone- that made Misaki's heart clench. This wasn't right- whatever was happening, it wasn't right, and it was just starting to make her more and more anxious.
"Okay." She took a deep breath "Okay, but you're telling me everything?"
"Everything. I promise."
She sighed and nodded "Okay, then. I'll see you."
She heard him laugh, and for a small moment, felt the mood lighten up a bit, clearing the heavy suffocation in the air that had a minute ago seemed to consume her. She would never say it out loud- but she loved it when Usui laughed. He sounded so carefree and full of life- as if the whole world was at his feet.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Because you're cute!"
"What?!"
"Ah, my Misa! You're so cute when you're mad! But don't be like that-" his voice softened "-it's bad luck to end a conversation on a bad note."
"I'm not ending the conversation." she muttered, eyeing Sakura, who pointed towards the classroom and signalled Misaki that they were going.
"Oh, so you do want to talk to me!"
"No, I- stop talking in riddles, I have a class to get to! Wrap it up!"
"Well...you didn't say 'I love you' in the end. I can't possible wrap it up without that."
She blushed "What-?! You don't expect me to tell you...that...after what you just did!"
"What did I just do?"
Had me worried for so long. Made me want to come over and bang on your door until you opened just so I could see that you were safe and alive. Made me want to hug you so bad.
Of course, Misaki didn't say any of these things.
He laughed again, almost as if he could feel her blush across the telephone "Okay, I'll do it for you, like always. Bye, Misaki. I love you!"
She looked away, cheeks tainted pink, even though students walked by her without noticing a thing.
"Bye." she mumbled.
"I love you!"
She let out a frustrated noise and disconnected the call, fuming. That idiot- making her blush like that!
Leaning against the wall, breathing heavily, she realized how he had yet again managed to successfully dodge the topic of whatever was bothering him.
Only this time, he'd promised to tell her the truth.
It was killing her- she didn't like this swooping, nervous, jumpy feeling that came with being so constantly worried about him. This itching, nagging feeling of anticipating bad news.
The bell for the next period rang, just as her phone bleeped. She flipped it open to see one new text message-
From: Usui Pervert Alien Stalker
To: Me
I love you :3 :*
It felt like a dreaded intervention.
Misaki entered the apartment flat, Usui closing the door behind her. The place was as impeccable as ever- neat and bordering on nearly-empty, except for the small shelf of books in the corner and Usui's pet kitten with the black eye patch- Sebby- that sat near the big bay window, licking it's paws.
Usui put his keys on the coffee table and turned to her- and Misaki really didn't like where this seemed to be going. It felt so...dreadful, just looking at the extremely gentle expression Usui was giving her.
Oh God, he was scaring her.
"Usui, what's wrong?"
"At least have a seat, Misaki. Maybe something to drink?"
"No- you know I've been like this from the past two weeks- it won't make a difference now!" she said, looking into his eyes defiantly.
Usui didn't say anything, but strode past her over to the shelf in the corner, pulling the bottom drawer open.
She watched, confused "What're you-?"
He was rummaging through the hoard of books until he finally turned, a paper in his hands. Wordlessly, he walked over to her and handed it to her-
'MY BUCKET LIST- by Usui Takumi'
Her eyes widened.
What the hell...?
"What is this...?" she looked up at him, who was standing merely inches away from her, watching her carefully.
"A list I made when I was eight." he sat down, and Misaki followed, sitting beside him, eyes never leaving his face "A list of ten things I wanted- I want- to do before I die."
Misaki looked back at the paper- his handwriting had been so loopy and...so cute. "But- what made you make something like this when you were eight?"
He shrugged, expression impassive as he turned to face the city lights "My mother passed away three days before I made this."
Misaki didn't know what to say as she blinked. Her fingers clutched the crinkling paper tighter.
"I was the last person she talked to." Usui continued "She made me promise I would live my life to it's fullest before dying. Without any regrets."
"Usui...what does that have to with this now?"
It was when Usui turned to look at Misaki through shining eyes that she somehow knew, and oh God, her whole body froze.
"Misa..."
This couldn't be happening- it just couldn't be happening, and oh God, her heart- her chest hurt, clenching and twisting and she couldn't breathe...
"You're- you're joking..."
He shook his head. He didn't want to see Misaki like this- coming undone, quivering, on the verge of breaking apart. And yet, he couldn't help but feel relief and warmth flood through him. She cared. She actually cared.
"You're- you're j-joking!" Misaki cried, and with a rush of guilt, Usui saw her look up at him accusingly "T-Tell me this is j-just one of your s-sick j-jokes, you idiot! You c-can't...!"
He didn't say anything. Just opened his arms. And for the first time in her entire life, Misaki didn't fight back- just let him take her in and hide her there as she shook.
The birds were chirping when Misaki opened her eyes next- which was kind of ridiculous, because Usui lived on the twelfth floor- where would you find birds on the twelfth floor?
Everything around her was quiet. Sunlight bathed inside the painfully barren living room. She wondered why Usui kept his furniture to such a minimum amount- everything about his place was so empty- so minimal and made of steel. She blinked drowsily and looked around from her place on the couch.
She must've ended up falling asleep.
"...Good morning." smiled a voice from behind her, and that was when she realized she wasn't alone on the couch- Usui was lying next to her, arms securely wrapped around her waist. Memories of yesterday hit her with a surprisingly sharp, jagged pain, and she looked down at Usui's arm- pale and soft and safe- wrapped around her waist.
She'd always felt so safe with him.
Her eyes were aching and musty from crying last night- when Usui had held her, running his fingers through her hair and letting her hug him as tight as she wanted.
"What time is it?"
"A little over nine." he replied, holding her even tighter "Don't worry- it's Saturday, and I called your mother. She knows you're here."
Normally, Misaki would've flared-up, would've jumped up and shouted at him for letting her stay the night. Complained about how her mother always took Usui's side.
But today, all she said was "Oh."
The perfection of waking up in his arms seemed to have faded as the events of last night came back to her.
"What is it?" she asked him quietly, getting up and on the couch. Usui reluctantly let go of her.
"What is what?"
"What is-" Misaki's teeth gritted "-What is the...reason...you need to fulfill all the tasks on this list of yours?"
"You mean why am I dying?" he asked calmly. He said it so casually he might've been talking about the weather. She wanted to punch him for looking like that!
"...Yes." she replied, fists clenched.
"Cancer."
"I see."
Usui watched wordlessy as Misaki looked away, rubbing the sides of her arms and flinching away from his touch- she never did that. She blushed, shouted, even hit him- but never flinched when he touched her. He didn't know what to say. Times like these- it was so hard to read her.
"Misaki...I'm sorry."
"Right." she said shortly, getting up "I'm going for a shower. I'm sure you have an extra pair of my clothes here, the perverted stalker that you are."
He sighed, watching her as she stretched, expression blank "Misaki...don't be like this."
"Like what?"
"Like this. Don't walk away."
She turned to face him through calculating eyes.
"How long since you knew?"
"Misai-"
"How long, Usui?"
She really isn't going to let this go.
"Almost two weeks."
Her eyes clouded over as she stood there for a whole minute, unable to move or react. She looked like a part of her had been killed- unable to respond, unable to care. Straightening up, she brushed her clothes, lips pursed.
"Right." she turned "Well, I'm really going to need that shower."
"Misaki-"
"Don't." she said fiercely as she finally whipped around, eyes burning with a sort of fire that Usui rarely ever saw- it wasn't anger, no, it was more than that. "Don't you dare say you're sorry. Two weeks? How long have I been behind your back- asking you continuously about what the hell is wrong, and you tell me this now?! Something so damn important?"
"You-"
"Who the hell do you think you are?!" she exclaimed, her voice rising as she advanced on him "You don't decide what to hide from me and what not! I have a right, Usui! A right to know!"
"I wanted to tell you" he replied, standing up "But I didn't know how to-"
"YOU HAVE A MOUTH, YOU ALIEN!" she shouted, red in the face. Her eyes were tearing "You think you're all high and mighty and can get away with anything- with your- your perverted jokes and- and lame antics? Don't you dare say sorry- it's not your fault it happened, so you don't have to apologize, but you could've said something- anything!"
Usui was slowly backing away. This seemed to be a particular fight Misaki did not want him to be a part of, except to play the role of the boyfriend who just needed to shut up and listen. He supposed he did owe her one, after all.
"You think you can hide this from me and get away with it? I won't let you! If you think I'm going to let you go after you did this to me- after you made me- made me care and get into a relationship with you, you're delusional! I'm not going to let you die! Cancer can go kiss my butt!"
Despite the obvious fury in her voice, Usui couldn't help but crack a smile.
Good, old Misaki. He had never expected her to accept this without putting up a fight, and she had definitely not disappointed. If he was to be honest though, the mere confidence and rage emanating from Misaki right then was making him feel slightly safer inside. Almost as if for a moment he could believe that things were really going to be okay.
"Why the hell are you smiling?!"
He grinned "Because you're cute when you get like this."
The blush he'd expected fully well appeared on her face as she glared at him, flustered "How- how dare you? That can't be your comeback for everything, Usui! I'm trying to have a conversation here!"
He raised a brow curiously "You call this a conversation? Because I'm pretty sure you're shouting-"
"Shut up!"
"Yep. Definitely not a conversation."
"You're not dying. End of story. Period." she said in finality, folding her arms and nodding her head, nose in the air
He chuckled, and looked at the flaming red face of his girlfriend, leaning in to peck her on the lips and pulling back before she could seriously damage him
"You know, Misaki, you can say it all you want, but that's not going to change what is inevitable."
She scowled "There are a lot of ways. We just need to find them."
"I'm not saying there aren't, but-"
"Well, then, it's settled. We're going to research from every Cancer book and website there is and consult doctors and get you cured!"
Usui looked at her fondly, eyes sad. She made it sound so easy- so simple and uncomplicated, and it felt so tempting to just say yes and go along with it- but Usui couldn't be selfish right now. He couldn't let her believe that he might have a chance of living, he couldn't let her cling onto that hope. Reaching out for her hands, he tried to pull her closer "Listen, Misa..."
"No! You're an alien- now is the time to show your superhuman powers and treat yourself!"
He chuckled, placing his forehead on hers "Nice to know you have such faith in my abilities. But I'm going to be frank with you. Even with Chemotherapy, I'm at a stage where only a miracle can save me-"
"N-no!" she wrenched her hand away from his, looking like a child who'd just been told that Santa wasn't real "You're going to fight it!"
"Listen to me, Prez." he said and Misaki looked up to see him. This was the first time he had sounded so urgent. Sometimes it amazed Misaki to know that there had never even been one time when Usui had gotten angry with her. He'd never raised his voice against her- it felt like she'd always been the subject of his eternal affection, even though all that she ever did was shout at him and scold him and chase him across school grounds. And it was really amazing- because Misaki knew for a fact that she could be a very frustrating person.
That all she really did was yell at him- like she was doing now, even though he was the one with the prospect of death hanging above his head. Even when it was probably him who should be more terrified of this than her- even though right now, she was supposed to be the one who was supposed to be comforting him, not the other way.
Swimming in a flood of guilt, Misaki clutched his hands tightly, nodding at him "Okay, I'm listening."
His eyes softened "I'm at a stage where normal Chemo has very less chances of working. I don't want to spend my last few months lying on a bed, too weak to lift a finger." he pressed his palms against the sides of her face, gently making her look up "I want to spend them with Ayuzawa, truly living. I don't need that list anymore, as long as Ayuzawa's here. And we can both hope for a miracle together."
Misaki cursed herself mentally, trying to look away.
From the beginning of school- it had been Usui who had made her feel again. Who'd been with her through everything- punching sleazebags, hosting events, winning titles and saving the day. They'd been a team. They'd always been a team, doing everything together. Him cooking her something, and her burning something in the process. The mere thought of him not being there anymore...she clutched his shirt, eyes tightly shut. He couldn't be gone! He was Usui, he couldn't die!
"I... I d-don't want you to d-die..." she gulped, voice hoarse and thick.
"I know" he replied softly "...I don't either."
She nodded, and unexpectedly hugged him. He must've been so scared and here she was, being such a baby.
"It'll be okay. We'll figure something out." she said softly.
She felt him stiffen, and then release a long breath and hug her back, burying his face in her neck. She didn't know how he was dealing with this- how he was holding on so easily and smiling and where he was hiding, and she couldn't care about herself right now. She had to make sure he was okay.
"But you're going to try Chemo. You're going to try every option there is, until there's no option left." she pulled back, flicking his blonde locks away from his eyes as he looked down at her "And then we can hope for a miracle."
He shook his head, chuckling "You don't really give up, do you?"
"Not when it comes to the people I care about, idiot." she said softly, and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself against his chest "Of course I don't."
And over his shoulder, Misaki's eyes fell on the piece of paper-
"MY BUCKET LIST"
She was going to have to take a good look at that list later.
.
.
A/N: Well...that turned out to be too emotionally awkward for me, so I don't know if I weirded you guys out.
Let me know how I can improve...?
Thanks! Please review, and thanks for reading.
~SS~