Christian has been here again in the night whilst I slept. This time he's left a photo of the two of us in happier times on vacation in Hawaii, both grinning at each other after we emerge from the surf. I feel the threat of tears yet again so I grab my swimming stuff as I need the pool time to clear my thoughts, maybe when I'm calm I'll be able to think about contacting him again.

Mom is about to leave for work as I'm heading out the door.

'Morning darling boy, did you have a good day with Hannah yesterday?' she asks.

'Yes thanks mom, it was fun' I reply, not giving away too much information.

'Mia said that Christian was here last night, did you speak to him? He didn't upset you again did he?' she asks with concern in her voice.

'No mom, I was already asleep. I tried to call him last night but when he answered the phone I was too upset to talk with him. I think he probably came to make sure I was OK.'

'At least you're trying to sort this out and I'm very proud of you for that. I know you want to do this on your own and you might never tell me or your dad what went on last week but remember we are always here for you if you need any help or advice.'

'Thanks Mom' I say as I hug her before she leaves.

I'm at the pool within five minutes as I drive today. It's a lazy swim, up and down, a slow front crawl. It gives me time to think. What is holding me back with Christian? I'm desperate to talk to him, to make sure everything is ok and I'm not just imagining he cares but something keeps stopping me. Then I realise, I need to actually see him. I need to look into his eyes and see for myself that he cares. The last time I saw him those eyes were looking at me with so much hate and that is what is haunting me. Now that I am clear with what I need to do I shower and quickly dress.

I text Hannah before I set off 'Morning, hope you slept well. Will miss you today but will call you later. Have fun at work. Love Mx'

I drive into the city, knowing that even though it's still early Christian will already be at work. I park the car and sit for a moment, taking deep breaths to relax. I'm apprehensive but this needs to be done. I take my security pass from the glove box and make my way to the foyer of Grey House.

The elevator seems to whisk me even quicker today to the twentieth floor and before I know it I'm walking towards the reception desk. Andrea smiles 'Morning Matthew, I wasn't expecting to see you today, Mr Grey is already in a meeting'

'That's ok Andrea I'll wait' I reply brusquely.

As I move towards the white leather chairs I look into the meeting room. Christian looks at the same time and as his eyes meet mine his face splits into a huge grin. He gets up to leave, obviously making his apologies about cutting the meeting short. I turn the other way and go straight into his office, I here Andrea call my name as if she's trying to stop me but Christian then says 'Andrea, it's OK, he's the only person other than Taylor allowed in there without permission. Cancel the rest of the mornings meeting, I'll let you know about this afternoons'

I'm stood by the window; I stare at Christian as he walks towards me. I want to run but that would mean passing close to him. He must see the fear in my eyes as he stops.

'Matt, are you ok being here with me? Do you want to leave?' he asks gently. He knows me so well, probably better than I know myself. I look at his face, it is etched with concern. He's worried how this is going to turn out.

I breathe deeply before I reply 'I'm scared' tears forming in my eyes. He's at my side in an instant and has enveloped me in a hug. I pull away slightly and look him in the eye. You can't mistake the look in his eyes. There's no hate, only love.

As we separate he says 'I'm so sorry for all the hurt and pain I've caused you. Please forgive me.' I smile at him, not trusting myself to speak. He continues 'Do you want to stay and talk, or would you rather come back if this is too difficult?'

'I want to talk' I reply 'but I don't know what to say, it's like all the words are stuck inside me. You were so angry last time I saw you. I'm scared that if I say the wrong thing then you will be angry with me again and I don't think I could cope with that'

He tenses. 'I'm sorry. It's the first time I've felt myself get that mad with you. I know I've shouted at you when you were smaller but it was usually because you annoyed me with all your childish pranks but after a few minutes I would see the funny side and make it up to you. It seemed easier then.'

'I know, perhaps we should talk about it another time when we're totally relaxed with each other rather than worrying about what we're going to say now in case we hurt each other again'

'That sounds like a good idea. So I know you used your car when I left it yesterday, how about the other gift I left you' he says teasingly.

'That's none of your business and I'm surprised you haven't checked control freak that you are'

'I'm just teasing you, and I did check, they are still in the same place, box unopened. So how is Hannah, I've not seen her for a long time' he says grinning. I look at him questionably, he reads my thoughts. 'Of course I know it's her, you were seen at the mall together yesterday and when I came to check on you Mia couldn't keep her mouth shut telling me that she caught the pair of you making out on the jetty. I think she was trying to see what my reaction would be.'

'She's good' I reply bashfully.

'I'm happy for you; I take it you're going to the ball together on Saturday. If you're happy with me going as well I'll question her then about her intentions with my baby bro!'

Smiling I say 'Yes I'm happy for you to go. Mom will be pleased as well. Are you taking Ana?'

His face clouds over and he shrugs. 'She left me on Saturday; I'm hoping to see her Thursday as we were supposed to be going to see her friend's exhibition in Portland together. I need to speak to her and sort out a lot of things in our relationship. Hopefully now we're talking it might make it easier with her. It's been a difficult few days. Do you think you'd ever consider coming back to work here?'

'I don't know, give me a couple of days and I'll let you know. Coming here was one of the things that I needed to do today but with your permission I need to go somewhere else to rid myself of some of the hurt' he looks at me willing me to tell him. 'I need to go to Escala and stand in the great room, so much happened in there on Thursday. First the girl and then you, I need to be there and feel relaxed and happy again before I contemplate what I'm going to do. I'd also like to see Taylor and Mrs Jones to thank them properly for taking care of me.'

'Of course you can go, would you like me to come with you or would you prefer to be on your own'

'I don't mind but if you can spare the time you can come.'

'Of course I can, let's go now' as we leave his office he says to Andrea. 'Cancel all my appointments today, I'll be back tomorrow.'

As we travel in the elevator Christian says 'We'll take your car, Taylor can collect mine later.'

I hand him my cars keys 'Will you drive then, I'm too tense.'

Hand on my shoulder he says 'Matt we will get through this together, I'll always be here for you, are you sure about me driving?' I just hand him the keys.