Sorry for the long wait, I know. Probably I should just stop apologizing. In any case, the last few chapters have been shorter, but I feel my ideas are better organized this way, and it is probably also easier for you to follow.

Also, I know this chapter is kind of cheesy and cliche but, hey, I think the story still needs some of this.

Just want to make sure you know all of your suggestions are really helpful so if you guys have some comment or something you can just say it and I'll gladly consider it, especially for this chapter. I pretty much have the overall idea of how this will go but still missing some details I would like you guys to help me with.

thank you to all of you.

Piggybank:)

xv.

Jenny sat down to take a quick breath before getting back to the kitchen. Her feet were sore from standing all day looking into pots, preparing dinner, dessert, and keeping each costumer happy. There was no time for her to take a break or rest for a few minutes before getting back to work; it was all chaos and frantic running from one side to the other to get what was needed so fast she didn't even have time to think of what Gil could be doing or where Maiah was at the time. Finally, as dinner time passed and the happy, fed costumers settled down to digest she allowed herself a respite and sat in her office, gathering enough effort to begin looking at her finances and any paperwork that had to be looked into.

She was about to start on the first drawer when there was a soft knock on her door taking all the gathered courage away from the moment. Somewhat annoyed, she asked the knocker to go inside and turned to face the door. She hadn't expected a Ranger to come in, however, and she quickly wiped the frown from her face and replaced it with a warm smile.

"What brings you here?" she said, wiping her apron and trying to smooth the creases.

"Hey. Just passing by." Gilan replied sheepishly with a small shrug as he was unsure on how to proceed. "and, um, I was wondering if you'd like to take a walk now that you're done with dinner and..."

She became aware of how awkward this was yet was glad to see him and quickly forgot her tiredness when he asked to spend some time together. She jumped to her feet and headed to the door, which he held open for her. With a quick set of instructions to her workers she made herself forget about her restaurant for a moment and simply think of what went on right then. As she went out into the night she felt the fresh breeze blowing against her face and playing with the wisps of hair that had come undone. Beside her, Gilan had pulled down the cowl of his cloak and walked inches away from her trying to find words to start a conversation.

"well, I haven't seen you around much." she said finally knowing if she let him be the first they would walk to Norgate and back. "Been busy, I suppose?"

"Just a little more than usual." he answered not sure he should discuss the matter too much with those not involved in it. He knew it was Jenny and she wouldn't say anything but even when she could keep the secret, he didn't want to alarm and worry her more than her job already did; if anything ever broke out, she would eventually learn of what was going on, but for now he saw no reason to tell her anything was wrong.

Heading away from business, they tried a few other subjects which worked for some time and even made them laugh, but each one of them eventually died leaving them in silence until they found a new one. Gilan soon realized he would have to tell her what he had come to say though tried stretching it as far as it went.

"This was really nice." she said quietly, stopping under the trees and looking up at the few stars that were up and could be seen through the branches and leaves of the trees around them. "I had never thought they were this beautiful..."

Gilan smiled with a quick glance above though went back to look at her admiring how bright her eyes shone when reflecting the sky, and that small smile hiding in her lips just about to break into a grin. The breeze blew a strand of hair by her ear and Jenny felt it brushing her cheek though she didn't turn until she felt his fingertips grabbing that very strand and placing it behind her ear carefully. He quickly took his hand away afterwards unsure of whether he should have done it or not. However, her warm eyes calmed down his nerves and replaced his anxiousness with something else, more powerful and driving than anything he remembered feeling before. He wasn't sure what it was, he had felt the fear clutching at his stomach, excitement at seeing his friends, anger, anxiousness, doubt; but neither were
what he felt at that moment. None of them had ever given him enough courage to lean in and meet Jenny's soft lips if just for a second before pulling back.

"Sorry, I was..."

"Gil..." he avoided her eyes even when he felt her hand on his as she closed the distance once again.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...I can't do this; not right now."

For a second, Jenny had lifted off the ground, flown around the world a million times, so happy she thought she would burst. Only to feel him push her away before anything else could happen and breaking the perfect moment she had built for years now. Unable to hold the sudden frustration that invaded her, she knew there was just one thing that could have spoiled...

"is it her?" she whispered, almost too soft for him to hear.

"no, Jenny." she did not need further explanation; just by listening at his pleading tone, begging her to understand, she knew he wasn't that sort of person, that he wasn't lying.

"then why can't—" she felt tears beginning to fill her eyes as another thought came to mind telling her perhaps it wasn't the new girl, perhaps it was herself.

"don't. Don't cry." he whispered holding her face between his hands. Lifting up her chin so she could meet his eyes he continued, "listen, it's not her and it's not you or anyone else. I just don't want to hurt you. I...I need to go, I'll be leaving Redmont at sunrise and I don't want you to...anything can happen and—"

"You have done it for some time now, you'll be back. When you return we can—"

"I don't know what will happen this time. No one know what will happen. You can know all the strategies and tactics you'll be using but when you find yourself in the field, looking at the men around you slowly giving up hope of going back to their homes, when you look across the grass to see the dark shadows your opponents are and realize they are as scared and willing to do anything to go back to their families, then you know it doesn't matter what you have or who you are. Sometimes you will have to go and when you do you'll leave people behind a—"

"But you have to think positive. You have to think you'll come back."

"At this point, you have to think of everything that can happen. Last time we had tents pitched up and ready I didn't have anyone really; and if I know there's no one back here waiting for me to come
back, I will have one less thought to make it harder if something happens."

"And how do you suppose Will and Alyss do it? Pauline? Cassandra? I can be as strong as they are; simply because I'm not a courier or the princess do I have to put up with this." There was a long pause while he looked at her teary eyes and tried to find words to answer. However, she still recovered before him and holding his hand looked at him. "I can wait for you, too. I wouldn't stand—"

Unable to finish her sentence, she broke in tears, her shoulders shaking violently with every escaping sob. Wanting to kick himself, he comfortingly put his arms around her and soothed her hair wondering if he would ever be able to do something right when he was with her. He still couldn't believe he had kissed her, the night before leaving to a place miles away. He didn't want to hold her back, to make her feel as if she had a commitment to him and which would eventually destroy her life if for some reason he never came back. Or if he took longer than planned. He couldn't promise to be back in a month or two; he wasn't even sure what they were up against, what waited in the east coast. Would she be willing to wait for him for such a long time when they hadn't had anything before that night? When the bulk of their relationship had been tarts and stews? Most of all, was Jenny the girl who could make a life with someone like himself who traveled most of the time and had no social life whatsoever? He guessed it was different with Halt and Pauline or Will and Alyss; couriers also traveled and put their job before their lives; they could even go in the same mission if it was required.

But regardless of how much he enjoyed being with Jenny, how much he loved her smile, and her eyes, and her soft features, would it be possible for her to be happy with him? Could he bring himself to ruin her life in such a way by taking her away from the lucky guy that would give her a life outside war and spying and secrets? Someone who could be with her everyday bringing up their children or planning some party or simply sitting at home quietly watching the sunset in a house in town where the sharpest weapon was the knife she cut their meat with. He knew she wouldn't accept it at the time and decided not to voice it then, but even when he felt a knot in his throat just by thinking that he'd have to forget her, he knew he was right; there was a reason why most rangers were solitary until the end. They weren't noble knights like his father, or Horace or Rodney who fought yet had to keep with the social protocol attending balls and dinners and ceremonies that gave opportunity to forget duty and have fun. He'd have to understand it sooner or later and forget any thoughts of getting a family or a social life; this was the path he had chosen and although he didn't regret it, he wished the rules were different. Halt and Will, two out of fifty, an unusual exception that only emphasized the truth about the situation; it had taken Halt almost a lifetime to finally chose something outside the Ranger Corps.

He realized she wasn't crying anymore though stayed as they were, unable to move a muscle. Her soft hair brushed his jaw as if tempting him to forget what would be best for them in the long run and do what they wanted at the moment. It wouldn't be a problem for him to kiss her again and tell her to wait for him and promise to be back when he couldn't control what could happen; but he knew in doing so it would hurt her dearly if he never returned and broke his promise and she had to wait forever out of loyalty.

"You will be back." she whispered so softly it could have been the wind. "promise you'll be back."

"I can't promise I'll return, Jenny; I can't control what happens." he wiped her tears eth his fingers and waited until the new ones threatened to fall before he continued. "but I can promise I'll
try my best."

She looked at him, hurt at his frank reply yet seemed to understand there were millions of probabilities that could happen between that very second to the moment he came back after everything was sorted. And wondered what she would do, if anything went wrong and something happened.

"I think we should get back." She whispered sadly. She would probably not see him the next morning and didn't want the few minutes they had to be wasted, yet couldn't seem to find anything to do or say other than good-bye.

Quietly, they walked back to her restaurant, feeling the soft breeze on their face yet lacking the excitement that had been in them on the previous trip. When they got to the back door she looked up expectantly, wondering if he would say something or make things better before he left; but he simply offered her a small smile—nothing compared to those he usually gave her—and stood there waiting for her to go back inside. For a second, she thought about saying something else, something that wouldn't leave them this way; but anything she could say would probably refresh their previous conversation.

Finally, as he turned his back on her to leave, she ran out and held his arm to stop him.

"Just be careful."

Her whisper had been too quick, and before he could even register the soft peck on his cheek, she had run back inside and closed the door behind her. He remained standing where he was, knowing at least now he would not worry about how he had left her. Feeling just a little lighter, he pulled his cloak around him again and melted into the shadows as he made his way back to the hut.