It seemed she had just blinked when she felt Gilan's light touch on her shoulder. In truth she had gotten only a couple of minutes—forty at most—and they had been so filled with worry over what was to come it seemed like even less; still, she doubted she would feel any better if she had slept a few more hours even if it had been in a soft mattress. She blinked a couple of times and stirred a little, used to having to remain unseen even after she awoke, before focusing on her surroundings. As she got hold of her bearings she realized he was so close to her even in the darkness of the forest she could make out that comforting smile of his that would get her spirits up most of the times.
But tonight was different and no matter how much she wanted to smile back she wasn't able to get her face muscles to relax enough to even give it a try. The few minutes of sleep had done little to help her as they had only replayed the stupid duel and even though she knew eventually she would have to face it again she also knew it was foolish to think of it in the middle of such important matters for
Araluen. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind as best as she could and stood on wobbly legs. As she made her way to the watch post she tried not to hear Gilan's questioning and simply shrugged it away with a forced smile knowing the moment she let him get closer she would burst open and pour out her thoughts to him and take away his sleeping time.
Once she settled at the watch post and saw him turn his back to her to go to sleep, however, she went back to frowning and as she melted into the shadows she watched him slowly drift away, judging by his slowed breathing. He had taken a spot closer to where she was, across the fire from Halt.
It wasn't long before the night settled again into the quiet rustling of leaves and small noises of animals without hint of human intervention in it. The Rangers seemed deep asleep though Maiah knew
the slightest change would make them jump to their feet ready to fight anyone who got in their way or tried taking something, so the point of keeping someone for watch was just an extra precaution that made them feel better even if it didn't really enhanced the safety of the camp. She began thinking how many times Prowessa had caught her when she was still an apprentice and tried sneaking out of their tight hut in the jungle. She had tried to get some time on her own and forget of the horrible witch that owned her now but back then she hadn't been taught anything about silent movement and once the woman caught her she would surely find the most disgusting and debasing chores for her to do.
"Are you okay?" Gilan asked in a whisper, sitting next to her and startling her in the silence. She had let her thoughts take over and dull her senses; she would still hear loud movement in the road or the galloping of horses or see bright lights if they came near, but Gilan knew how to go without alerting her even if he wasn't trying; years of practice eventually led to habits.
"Yeah. Just fine...thanks." she said quickly trying to dismiss the idea of needing something. "I just didn't..."
He nodded without looking at her, a smile slowly spreading across his face. "You've been extremely quiet lately. And I saw you having trouble sleeping."
"It wasn't very comfortable." she mumbled trying to avoid his accusation.
"Maiah, would you stop—look at me." she found it hard to hold his gaze no matter how welcoming and warm it seemed as she was too ashamed to accept it. "Look at me and tell me what happened. I know you're not 'just fine' and I know it'll be good to say it."
She lowered her eyes and stared at her lap with a shake of the head. She pursed her lips to keep from breaking down again yet feeling the stinging tears threatening to spill over. She couldn't simply tell
him of Alia's most possible and effective weapon—if they let her get away with it—and expect him to take it like if it was nothing; it should be, but she knew him now and knew he would not dismiss it and would even try to fight for it.
"If she asks...she will ask...to have me back…you have to agree." She finally said without turning, angry at herself for feeling so close to crying. She had known it wouldn't end pretty for her regardless of who got the final word and had prepared herself for it. Apparently she had failed.
"But you are a refugee; you are under Araluen's—" She could hear how hard it was for him to control his voice and keep it in a whisper yet the loudness of his words didn't take away the energy and emphasis from them.
"She won't care about diplomacy; and this is not a matter of the state. It's personal and she won't leave me until she has gotten her revenge."
"What are you talking about? Simply thwarting her plans—"
"It wasn't just thwarting her plans," she replied, snappier and louder than intended. With a more controlled and apologetic tone she continued, "or being a traitor. I opposed her and humiliated her in front of her council in her throne room. When she ordered those traitors to be shot and burned I should have been with them and not following her orders."
"but you did a greater good." he said knowing despite her confession he was right in saying the truth; she hadn't said what it was she had done but he somehow could imagine where it was going. "Think of how many people in Araluen you will be saving."
She remembered then the tightening of her stomach as she had stood on the ledge and seen the prisoners marching in tied to one another as they were blindfolded. Alia had been sitting in the balcony with her servants and advisors around her, straight backed and ready to watch the performance below with a thin smile of satisfaction.
"I didn't know why we were there. We had never done such a thing so I wasn't sure why she had wanted us to stand around and watch the people below us. Even when Prowessa shot the first arrow I thought these people...that they..."
She didn't finish her sentence as the sob clung to her throat and prevented any words from coming out. She was so ashamed of herself she didn't dare look at Gilan; there were no excuses and nothing that she was doing now could erase or compensate what she had done in the past. It didn't work that way. Feeling like the smallest and dirtiest crawling insect in the universe, she wrapped her arms around her legs and buried her face in her knees to hide the hot tears that spilled down her cheeks. She had betrayed them the moment she had released that arrow regardless of her ignorance at the time. She had heard Alia's order to begin and for the first time hadn't questioned it. Couldn't she think right then that there was a relation between the ones absent in the meeting the night before and Alia's claim over these new traitors? It was dumb, but she had followed her instinct before, why hadn't she done it then?
She was somewhat startled when she felt his light touch on her shoulder though made no move to flinch away even when she realized this was the second time in less than a year that she found herself
bawling her heart out; and both times it had been to Gilan. However, even when she tried thinking of what he had told her she still could picture Giamsee's yelp and fallen figure as the arrow got her calf. It
had been until then that she had lowered her bow realizing the people she had been shooting were the ones that had plotted against Alia's plan to sail overseas and take Araluen right along with her. She had
followed Alia's punishment for them when she should have been down as another target. She didn't know if what she did after was better or worse but at least at the time it was better than what expected them. Don't kill them. Just make sure they're conscious enough to realize what happens when they try to bring the old regime back. And when they're ready make sure the public is aware traitors are burnt at the stake—alive.
"I didn't know how I could save them." she whispered so low he had a hard time hearing even when he was embracing her frail frame. "I couldn't think of anything else when I heard them screaming and crying all because of me."
She didn't have to tell him what it was she had done. He had learned enough about Alia and dealt with Prowessa to know they believed in torture before death and could feel in her shivering how
her first instinct to stop their suffering had surfaced like that of a compassionate hunter. He knew if he were to be in the same situation he would have probably done the same as it would at least end the
pleasure of the public and keep some of the pride of the victims. It was a cold thought and he didn't wish for anyone to find themselves in such a situation; but if it came to it he was sure there weren't many options and the fastest would be sending an arrow straight to the middle of their chest or at the throat.
"You had to do it." he said soothing her hair as she held on to him so tight he wouldn't doubt her knuckles were white. He wondered for a second when had they gone from business acquaintances to close friends yet he enjoyed having her there and decided to stop overthinking it. Besides, now was not the time to question what exactly were they when she obviously needed someone to listen to her.
He held her there, letting her get it all out without saying anything. He was glad it hadn't been that hard to get her to speak out but at the same time knew it meant it was too much for anyone to keep in; even those who had been trained to do just that. Still, he was glad she had looked for him over Halt or someone else; he knew she was still struggling with learning how people in Araluen viewed things and behaved overall, and this all added to her sensible mood, but even then he couldn't help being fascinated by how different she was from the rest and knew it was this change from daily life that made him want to stay close to her all this time. He wished he wouldn't have to leave her as he had come to enjoy her cheeky or funny comments and her ever-changing personality that went from sweet and innocent to the dark hunter she had been trained to be; the whole eccentricity of it only increased his curiosity and need to be close to see what would happen next.
She finally spoke again, after wiping her tears and getting her hands from his shirt though didn't push him away and remained sitting close enough for the other to hear the whispers.
"When she realized they weren't moving anymore and saw I was the one shooting in the chest she jumped at me and I would usually allow her to get the upper hand but I could only think of what she had done to M—the queen's council and was too angry to remember she had never liked others trampling her. It was just my instinct to survive taking over, I guess."
"So now she wants to do this fight again so that she can win." He guessed obtaining a small nod on her part.
"And make me pay for ruining her show." she said, spitting the last word out as if disgusted by the woman's conduct.
"well, when it comes we will be ready." he said, smiling at her for comfort. This time she smiled back though more to assure him she had heard him than because she felt any better.
Back then she had been swelling with pride upon meeting Alia's scared glance as she had put the tip of her knife to her royal neck. No one had ever put any Queen in that position before and even prior
to her rule, when Alia had challenged Maiah, the latter had always let her win even when the Seer saw several weak spots in her defense. She would usually allow after some time for the soft prick on her ribs as Alia finally found a way to get her; Maiah would keep it simple and most Seers knew about that trick as they often did it when Alia got too cocky and boasted about her dueling skills, challenging anyone who dared to prove her a liar. But it became harder and harder as Maiah's skill improved while Alia's remained unchanged and even when she tried to hint Alia as to where to hit, she had quickly realized the Queen was simply not made for fighting and hoped she never had to use her "skills" outside of her ridiculous friendly challenges. Whatever the case, when the time really came, Maiah didn't even have to try and in a few minutes had the monarch against the wall and begging for her life. Often times she had wondered why she hadn't finished her job right then. It wasn't because she was afraid of ending a life, she had done that just a couple of moments ago; or because she feared she would be killing her own ruler and thus bring down the empire, although that could have been a small fraction of her reasoning—even when it hadn't come to mind at the time but until she got to think on it further. Even as she thought of all the times the monarch had humiliated her she had been unable to push it a little farther and had instead dropped the knife and ran out to the harbor where she had stolen a small rowing boat with a few provisions ready, and with little planning and much improvisation she had sailed away, hoping and praying she got to land and didn't simply wander around the ocean. She had been taught to obtain drinking water from the sea and had gotten used to raw fish in one of her trips to the south so it wasn't much of a problem as long as she didn't meet a larger ship looking for her or a storm that swallowed her. As she thought back on it, she realized how lucky she had been to be able to keep a somewhat set route and eventually get to land. She wondered if it wasn't her Skandian ancestry that had helped her reach safety after crossing miles and miles of deserted blue oceans.