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Foundation

some hours later…

Jamie Elizabeth Anderson was torn in more ways than one. For one, she was torn over the entire turn of events. Running into Ben was a surprise that caught even the young operative off guard, and now as she sat there across the room from a very tired and soundly sleeping Australian, she was torn between wanting to kiss that man again when he woke up, and wanting to inflict physical damage on herself for bringing him back to her apartment and even worse, her bed.

The sleeping man didn't even stir, his peaceful face hidden from her as he faced away, the slow rhythm of his breathing a soft song in her troubled ears. She wished she could get back in bed with him, slide in under the blankets and let his long arms hold her close. The thunderous storm going on in her head didn't let her though, and instead she felt a cold sensation pouring down in her gut.

What was wrong with her? She was Jamie Anderson, daughter to Annie Walker and Auggie Anderson, both well-known names among Langley walls. She was the daughter of two spies. Her mother had survived more fights, kidnappings, tortures and gunshots than she cared to think about, and her father survived being permanently disabled in war. And she was what? Being brought down by her affection to one random stranger she met on one random day in one of the least eventful missions she had been sent on.

She didn't understand.

She spent her entire life dreaming about being a spy. She wanted to be a superhero, to get the bad guys and go on adventures and rendezvous with men who would never take her seriously until they were too far gone.

Movement caught her eye and she instantly looked toward the direction of the movement just as the man in question began to stir out of his slumber. She watched him silently, momentarily distracted from her self-loathing as he made a strangled groan of disorientation, one of his hands rubbing harshly against his eyes as he made an obvious attempt to get his bearings.

"Jamie?" He called a moment later when his memories must have registered. He sat up abruptly, eyes searching for her form until he spotted her and let himself relax slightly. The green and white sheet pooled around his waist to reveal a well-formed physique that should have left her staring, but Jamie's turbulent thoughts preoccupied her concentration.

There was an exchange of time in which neither of them spoke, the silence in the small apartment only being replaced by the sounds of the city outside.

"What time is it?" Ben asked quietly after the silence becoming too uncomfortable for the pair. It was a quarter to five, the realization making the young visitor's eyes grow and his movements quicken as he made his way out of bed and fished for his clothes around the small bedroom. It was clear that the Australian native wasn't used to such long trips. From the looks of how he had just taken a three-hour nap and slept like the dead, Jamie would bet he probably hadn't had a moment of rest since he departed his home country well over 24 hours prior.

"I need to either go check in or get my stuff and check out." He spoke like it was some meaningless small talk, but the skilled young woman knew what he was asking between his words.

"You can stay." It was almost a whisper, her words too soft for someone like her, and he didn't miss the significance of it. He was quick to flee the space, collecting his very few belongings and redressing himself with haste, barely giving Jamie a chance to process everything as she vaguely lent him a key and he disappeared from her apartment to hail a cab and retrieve his belongings.

There was a dull throbbing in the corner of her skull and she massaged roughly at that as she finally got up and began to dress herself as well. She plucked a loose pair of shorts from the floor and cotton shirt from the inside of her disorganized closet when her phone went off. It was a message reminding her of her niece's birthday and subsequential dinner plans.

She groaned loudly as she eyed the microwave clock barely seen through the open bedroom door. Five-fifteen and she could probably pop in, see her family and be back before Ben arrived.

Her car squealed unpleasantly as it came to a stop in her brother's driveway. The suburban home was large and well managed, lights and sounds from indoors booming with life. Still, there was something pleasantly modest and especially private about the home. The young woman cut the engine to her noisy car, the lights dying instantly but she remained inside for a minute longer.

She didn't want to go inside. Growing up she had always listened to her parents' stories and wanted to be like them. Somehow that dream made her drift away however. Maybe it was the stories of how lonely their past lifestyle was, maybe it was all the rules she'd heard a hundred times over on the danger of relationships when you were a covert operative. Whatever the reason, she knew she rarely let her family into her life, even if she was always fairly certain her family had an uncanny ability to know what she was up to.

The slammed the car door loudly behind her, her footsteps crunching on the dry and cold grass as she made her way up to her brother's front door. Her car beeped loudly from being locked just as the front door opened revealing a very excited seven-year-old.

"Aunt Jamie!" She yelled excitedly as she grabbed her aunt's arm and pulled her inside. The house echoed with voices, even with just her immediate family, there were more than enough people in the house to make such a noise. The child pulled her through the house to the living and dining area where everyone was sitting and standing around.

Jamie was finally released from the child's grasp as her mother asked her a question and Jamie was given a chance to greet the remainder of the family. She was polite, passing pleasantries to her parents first, her father's arm always on her mother's elbow like she remembered from growing up, then her brother, his staggering height towering over her as always, her sister-in-law in all her bubbly spirit, and her nephew and youngest niece. She participated in a birthday song and declined a piece of cake. She gave her niece a gift, and smiled as she squealed with all her other presents. Small talk was vaguely exchanged, and finally after what felt like forever, she was given a chance to breathe. Finding an empty loveseat, the young woman let herself sink her body into the cushioned seats and with a sigh of relief, give her a brief moment of peace.

She watched the family interacting. The way they spoke and moved around each other was effortless like it was choreographed. She smiled at a joke from her brother, and then suppressed a laugh as his wife smacked him for the less than appropriate punch line. She watched the way her mother interacted with her youngest grandchild, the little girl giggly and happy on her birthday. Jamie had only just noticed her father wasn't beside her mother when she noticed him headed in her direction.

"Almost a year since the last time I spoke with my only daughter who does still live in the same city, and we're finally in the same room and you're so quiet, I actually had to have your mom tell me where you were."

Jamie looked up at the source of such a familiar voice and couldn't resist the smile that sprouted her lips. She knew her father couldn't see it, but somehow it seemed that every time she smiled he somehow knew. Perhaps it was a father's intuition, or perhaps it was just because after some forty or so years blind, he really didn't need to see anymore to know exactly what was in front of him. She greeted him warmly as he made his way to the space on the loveseat next to her, and as she looped her arm under his so she could hold her hands just like she had throughout all her childhood, Auggie Anderson couldn't help but smile.

"So," he mocked awkwardness even though there wasn't a hint of it in his rougher voice. "How's my superhero daughter's life these days?" Jamie wanted to laugh lightly at his choice of words but settled for a soft smile that perhaps while invisible to her father, wasn't lost on her other parental figure across the room watching with curiosity.

"I've been good," Jamie tried to make her voice sound sincere.

"Liar," he didn't even let her flesh out the part. The pair grew silent.

"You know one of the first days I met your mom, one of the key moments we had was proving how well we caught each other's bluff. I think somehow the foundation for our entire friendship was built off that moment."

Jamie felt like the air in her lungs was getting heavy, and instinctively she let her head droop over to rest of her father's shoulder and pull his arm closer in her hold like she had so many times as a child. Her whole body seemed to want to travel back to a time when she was twelve and a girl in school had teased her relentlessly and only her daddy's hugs and voice and surprisingly straightforward words made her feel better. Of course, she wasn't a child anymore, and her problems were so much more complicated than being bullied for being a very petite tomboy, not to mention the girl was now a man throwing her heart for a loop.

"You know, my hearing is still pretty impressive," her father spoke softly after she remained silent throughout her mental monologue. He knew something was eating away at his daughter's brilliant mind, and it hurt him in only a way a father could be hurt to catch all the subtler details about his daughter that were throwing off red flags. Her arms seemed much thinner than before, her hair was dry, her breathing pattern seemed strained and forced, and her lack of verbal response was deafening. "We can pretend you're a little girl and you can tell your old fart of a dad what's wrong again."

Finally she let out a small chuckle and it brightened the older man's spirits just getting a response from his child. "I just have a lot on my mind," She finally spoke, earning a groan from her parent.

"Ugh," his distaste was blatantly obvious. "Always with the vague answers. You are too much like your mother."

Jamie couldn't help but smile again. "I wish," she let the words slip off her tongue before she even had a chance to hold them back, and the frown on her father's face was more than evident. She finally let out a long and steady breath. "How did mom do everything she did without falling apart?"

Auggie had to a pause for a moment to way down his daughter's words. A puzzle was slowing forming in his mind, all his old CIA skills slowly turning their gears as he pieced this problem in front of his together. "I love you Jamie," he started after some time. "But you don't know even a fraction of what you're mother has been through before our lives calmed down and we brought your brother and then you into this world." Annie Walker-Anderson's loud laugh broke the pair's attention then from the other side of the room. Jamie watched her mother for a moment, seeing how happy she looked at the present, her youngest grandchild in her arms, her bright smile laughing at her daughter-in-law's story or joke. Jamie had read more classified details about both her parent's life as operatives than she would ever admit, and seeing both her parents now, so comfortable in this cozy family of theirs, it was hard to imagine they shared the past that they had.

"Not everything your mother and I did is in our files." It was like the blind man could read her thoughts. "There are missions and targets we had that will never appear on paper or come to be spoken among even the highest official's walls."

"I don't know how she held it together," Jamie finally admitted. That was it; that was the moment that overused, metaphorical light bulb went off inside the older, blind man's head. He understood now what his daughter was questioning.

"Your mom made it through everything the same way I did." His daughter finally looked up at him. "We had each other. We didn't have a rock to lean on; we had a strong foundation to always be there even when everything else crumbled. When you live the life we did...that a part of me always hoped you wouldn't, you need to have someone there to support you. You are going to see more horrors out there and realize the deepest secrets of your country that will make you feel like the world is crumbling all around you, and those are the times you need someone you can rely on not to disappoint you or attack you and be able to hold you together when everything else is falling apart, no matter the situation. You need a foundation. Your mom and I weren't in a relationship until years after she was already knee deep in the business and I was recklessly putting myself into less than responsible situations and relationships. She was my best friend for years before we got together, and I think that is what helped us survive more than anything."

Jamie was silent, all the words that her father spoke weighed down heavily on her conscious.

"After I lost my sight I wasn't sent out in the field anymore. It made me bitter, and for years I was angry at the circumstances that left me behind a desk listening to all these younger operatives go out and have the adventures I wanted instead of exploring them myself. I was dead set on making sure I would never need to depend on anyone. When you end up in a situation like I did, everyone automatically labels you as being less than capable of surviving on your own, and that mixed with my anger made me reckless and honestly really stupid trying to prove to myself and others all the time that I didn't need anyone. Then I was assigned to your mom, and I swear, it was like my whole world changed from that day." His voice broke for a second. "It sounds so sappy, but I didn't think about it like that back then, I just knew there was something in her that was different, and before I knew it she was being sent out on these operations that she really shouldn't have. I became so invested in them, that I don't know how it took me so long to realize the effect she had on me. I went from being someone she needed, to her being someone I realized almost too late that I needed too."

A loud and excited yell from her youngest niece broke Jamie's attention then. She watched with a heavy mind as the small child ran excitedly through the room, her father and Jamie's brother pretending to run after her in their silly game. Jamie watched silently and her father beside her listened carefully as the game in front of them continued on to a bout of excited shrieks and giggles.

Her niece calmed, and with a laugh that seemed to boom, she watched her brother undeniably gravitate towards his wife. His arm wrapped around her, and the blonde woman laughed as her husband planted a playfully and sloppy kiss on the side of her head, a silent whisper in her ear. There was something happy in witnessing this moment, but it was also something that left a taste of nausea in the pit of her stomach.

"I would say you seem distracted today but I have a distaste for stating the obvious," her father voiced after another minute.

She wasn't even sure why, but there was a pull on her all of a sudden to get out of her seat.

"I have to go," she stated quickly as she stood from her seat. She expected her father to say something but the expression he was wearing told her he was expecting the abrupt announcement more than anything. She disappeared towards the front of the large but homey house and even if the blind, older man couldn't see it, his smile was more than evident that he understood it all.

She didn't even bother locking her car as she hurried out of the garage and up the backstairs. She passed one floor, and then the others, and when she finally landed on her level and pulled that door open she looked up and felt her breath catch in her throat.

He was there. Benjamin Ryan was sitting on the floor just outside her apartment door, one large plastic case on his left, a smaller duffle bag in his lap, his head resting back against the wall with his eyes closed. She took slow and calculated steps forward before he heard her and opened his eyes again. Their eyes met and he stood slowly, never breaking their contact as she started taking slow steps towards him.

The two stayed silent even if so many unspoken words hung in the air. Jamie unlocked and opened her door with a creak of the hinges, and after Ben pulled all his belongings inside it closed just as noisily. Once the two were cast in the darkness of her small and closed apartment, she finally turned towards him again. His tall body was cast in silhouette against the small illumination filtering in from the window so late in the evening, but somehow even like this there was something about his presence that made her skin ripple over in goose bumps and want to swallow the lump in her throat. Even in the shadows that were difficult to make out, the young woman could tell his eyes were diving into hers and searching for something she never before wanted to admit.

"Jamie," he started quietly after some time. Jamie cut him off before he could speak however, taking one step closer to him, putting her hand on his chest to pause him as she tried to formulate all the words weighing her down. She felt her heart beating loudly in her chest.

"I…" she struggled to find the words, her eyes faintly making out more features in his face and body as her eyes adjusted. Her vision fell to her hand, still on his chest and she felt another pressured breath being released from her lungs. "I don't know how to say everything I need to say," her faint admission came out in a whisper.

In a room so dark and silent, the woman could hear him breath against the faint noises from the city outside her apartment walls. He was waiting for her; he was standing there, eyes focused on her smaller form, waiting for her to say all the words she struggled to find in this pivotal moment they were having. But Jamie felt like the darkness, the words in her mind, and the breath from the body in front her was starting to slowly suffocate her. Her limbs felt heavy, her joints tightening under the pressure she was putting on herself.

She didn't understand. She started pull back in surrender but he stopped her. Both of his much larger hands caught hers as it started to retract from its place on his chest, and he took a half step forward until he was so close to her, she could almost feel the heat emanating from his body. His hands pressed hers back gently against its previous spot and she felt something in her body buckle and want to sink down into him.

"Why did you leave?" He finally spoke again after feeling her hand so cold in his. She felt the skin prickle behind her neck and over the rest of her body. She opened her mouth to say something, to try and answer the question even if she felt like she could barely breathe more less speak, but no words came out. She didn't have an answer to a question she didn't understand herself.

"I know when we met you told me you didn't like relationships," he started again softly as before. His voice was slow and almost gentle, an undertone of restrained hurt trying to mask itself as calm. "But despite my better judgment, I was so in love with you." His voice finally broke, not from tears, but from too many thoughts and emotions, and meanings congesting their best way out, blocking his voice for a moment until he could compose another thought. "Part of me always had the feeling I wouldn't get to know everything about you that I liked, but I hoped you would at least tell me if there was a chance."

"You scared me," she said so abruptly, he stopped in the middle of speaking another word. Jamie didn't dare look up, her eyes focused on her hand still in his, but under the weight of his eyes she knew were on her, she could almost physically feel his expression change.

"I don't want a relationship because I don't want to depend on anyone." Her voice was so faint; she herself could barely make it out. "You scared me when I…" the word was stuck on her open lips.

He waited for her to finish the word stuck in translation, to give him the thought that was plaguing her mind to violently that she couldn't speak out the thoughts themselves. His hands released hers so he could move just a little closer. "Jamie…"

"I need you," she finally admitted all at once, and in that very instant everything inside of her fell apart and Ben, so closer to her their skin almost touched could only pull his hands around her to keep her from crumbling under the weight of it all. "I love you," she admitted it again with a new adjective as her entire body wanted to pull him into her. "I loved you so much, that I needed you." Her voice rose, emotion flooding out with every word she spoke, her face changing, expressions passing, body vibrating with every new admission she made. "I needed you. I woke up from that nightmare and all I needed was to know you were there, and they told me everything else, that I was pregnant for two seconds but all I needed was to know you were still there, and even today when I saw you and I needed to be closer to you and I needed to have you, and I needed to tell you everything I couldn't, you scared me so much because I can't need anyone, but I need you, and I love you, and…I don't know how to need anyone."

He pulled her tightly against him before she could recover from her broken voice. He could feel her quiver against him, and when she wrapped her arms tightly around him too, her head against his chest, and his chin against her forehead, she wanted to crumble in his arms. Her eyes stung harshly under the burn behind her tightly pressed eyelids and she felt the first hint of something foreign, warm, and salty at the brim of her eyes.

"I love you," his harsh voice was warm like an embrace in her ear and even through the tears on her face she couldn't suppress the growing smile on her face. For the first time since she was a child and before she became what she was today, Jamie Elizabeth Anderson knew she needed someone else in her life, but most importantly, she was okay with it.

"I love you," her whisper wasn't of repeated words but an entirely new admission.

Author's Note:

Sorry for the delay in update, but as you can tell, this was one monster update.

Sadly my dears, this is the end…kind of. As of now this is the second to the last chapter I have planned for you, so I hope you've enjoyed the ride. It was fun creating new characters and stories stemmed from characters and backgrounds we love so much already.

As promised (although I have to tell you it was not how I was intending to) Auggie was in this part. =D Auggie of course, always my biggest inspiration for just about everything I write for Covert Affairs. In fact, I can finally admit something: my whole idea for this fic, and this Jamie & Ben relationship stemmed from the well know quote of Auggie's "I never need anyone, but I need you." (that's probably not direct but I haven't looked up that scene recently.) The idea was that Jamie is this character so determined to always be strong and always be so fiercely independent that she failed to realize in her line of work (which is also very lonely as we've noticed from when Annie was dark) you need that someone to be your support system. The biggest part of what made Annie so successful in the four seasons we've seen her so far is Auggie who even before they were in a relationship was that friend and that support system that she could always rely on. Annie's worst moments were always when she was at odds with Auggie, and of course the same could be said about Auggie. Much like his fictional daughter here, Auggie is hard headed and refuses to ever, ever, ever show the he depends on anyone for anything. But lets face it, more than once he's relied on Annie, even if not physically. Take all that idea and add a new twist on it and I came up with Jamie, their daughter with her whole new set of faults and Ben, the free-spirited photographer with a deeply romantic and attached side. (Ben's a good guy. I hope he's exactly the kind of person Jamie would need to support her when her job gets her troubled.)

So anyways, I hope you enjoyed and I can't wait to share the end with you (which will finely be back in present day and bring the story full circle).

Thanks for reading and don't even hesitate to leave any comments, reviews or even questions and criticisms. (I'm an artist, I can take it.)

Lots of love,

- Liz