Song fics aren't my deal. Last story I did, I had a "Please listen to" segment at the beginning of each chapter. Throughout the chapters, I may have a song tucked in here or there that has significance to the story or character. Those are suggestions for accompanied listening, but not a necessity. I won't be the kind of author that drops entire song lyrics in, either.
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Assuming Kim
We have a few hours before Jack wakes up, Dr. Ambrose expects. I need to be ready for that. I need to be ready to pick Jack up, to maybe get yelled at. Maybe I'll have to yell at him because he's stubborn like that. I need to be able to talk about anything. I need to be in his head. I need to finish the Musings.
"Rudy, I'll be back. Call me if Jack wakes up before I get back." I shoot up and leave the hospital. I didn't give Rudy time to ask where I was going.
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I buckled in and after two hours and forty-five minutes, I had gone cover to cover. I read about every cut, every time someone knocked him down, every time he knocked himself down. This boy has a lot of problems. I can combat his problems with me now, but I don't know how to fix him yet. I'm not the kind of girl who looks to change a man. I don't want to change who Jack is, I want Jack to be himself, but to be happy about who he is.
I rush back to the hospital with the Musings in my hand. "Great timing. He just woke up. He won't let anyone see him, though." Rudy frowns. I can tell that Jack is going to try to push me. I just read the Book of Jack and I know now how he thinks. I have his playbook.
I take a deep breath and march up to the counter. "Excuse me, ma'am." I flash my star smile. "Can you bring me to see my boyfriend Jack Brewer please?" I let my smile falter and replace it with a quivering pout and widen my eyes. I can tell by the look on the receptionist's face that I'm playing her like a fiddle.
"Of course, dear!" She smiles sadly at my display. I feel a little guilty, but Dr. Ambrose probably told Rudy Jack isn't willing to see us. Ambrose isn't going to help.
"He's right in here. Just make sure you knock first." The nurse hugs me and goes back the way we came.
I knock and Jack mumbles something from the other side. I'll take that as come in.
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Assuming Jack
The door opens, and instead of a nurse or Dr. Ambrose, it's Kim. I don't speak. I don't know what to say. If she's here to tell me she can't deal with this, I don't want to say anything.
She doesn't say anything as she comes to the head of the bed. "Look at you." She shakes her head and bites her bottom lip, her nervous habit.
"I'm fine. Let's make this easy for both of us. Go with Rudy and Jerry and forget we ever met." That's the best offer she's gonna get. "It's okay." I assure her we're good.
"I'm not leaving this town without you, Jack." Kim's face says pure determination.
"Kim, I'm a mess. You deserve someone who..."
"Who what? Someone who cares for me? Someone who makes me feel beautiful without taking a million pictures? Someone who buys me lunch when I already literally have millions of dollars? You're all of those things, Jack, and so much more."
I didn't see that coming. She was ready for my self depreciation. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. "You deserve someone who can go through life without scaring the shit out of you with something he can't control!" I shout.
"Don't tell me what I need, Jack! What I need is you! You're so stubborn and you hate yourself so much you're convinced nobody can love you! You're fucking wrong!" Kim screams, her hands in her hair. "I read all of Musings and I'm still here, Jack. And so are you. After reading Musings, I can't leave you. I can't imagine how anyone could. You are so strong and you don't even see it, Jack. You can't see yourself the way I see you, but all you need to know is that in my eyes you are worth so much more than anyone has ever given you."
And just like that, I'm speechless. This girl in a quick rant has just blocked anything I could have offered next. She's read everything I've ever found ugly in my life, and she's still here. I'm laying in a hospital bed with no shirt on and EKG patches all over me, and she's still here telling me I'm beautiful.
Instead of trying to say anything, I hold out my arms and Kim smiles, biting her lip again as she climbs onto the bed.
"Am I hurting you?" She asks with her cheek pressed against my chest.
"No. I'm really tired, but I'm not physically sensitive." I say shaking my head. "Even if it did hurt, it'd be worth it." I kiss Kim's head and hold her close.
"That's the spirit." Kim kisses my chest and rests her cheek on me again. "Jack, I think you underestimate me sometimes."
"What do you mean? You're the closest I've ever seen to perfection." I'm usually not one for those kinds of lines, but after what I put Kim through, she deserves to talk to me about anything, whether I like it or not.
"If you see me that way, then why do you underestimate how much I like you?" How am I supposed to answer this without sounding stupid?
"Kim, you like me, and I get that. I'm not doubting you at all. I doubt myself. I doubt my ability to give you a healthy relationship because of my own problems. I can protect you. I can keep you safe, but my anxiety is a wildcard that could put you in danger."
Kim looks at me with what looks like sympathy. "Jack, since I met you just that short time ago, I have only been thinking about how stupid the local girls have been to pass you up. You're gorgeous, strong, smart and funny. You have a never say die attitude. That attitude tells you that you can only be alone, too, but we'll work on that." Kim kisses my chest again. "As for the job, I can protect myself. You're the backup by my side just in case. I don't know if Rudy told you this, but your specific position on the team is to shadow me. If I'm awake, you're with me. You saw me across a street and got me out of a tough situation. You caught a guy trying to drug me. We got in a mall fight!" We both laugh at the memory. "You've been doing the job since we met. It's how we met."
I swallow deeply and nod my head. "Alright, Kim. If you're only 100% sure you want me along, I'll go."
"I already told you, Jack. I'm not leaving without you." Kim smiles and throws her leg over me. She's straddling my waist and looking at me mischievously. Before I can question it, her hands are running up and down my chest gently, trying to work around the patches. She lowers her head and captures my lips. The kiss is slow and languid because after a massive panic attack, slow and languid is all I can really do.
Kim nibbles on my bottom lip and I can't help but moan. She sucks on it and pulls back to look at me with a smile. "I never thought my bodyguard would be someone I want to spend so much time with." She lowers her head and I feel her tongue at my lips before I feel anything else. I open my mouth and she shoots inside. Kim's in total control and I didn't know I could get this turned on in my current state.
Kim rolls her hips on top of me and my eyes roll back in my head. She has to be able to feel what she's doing to me. "Wish we weren't in a hospital right now." Kim gasps into my ear before she traces the column of my neck with her tongue.
Kim's a lot more experienced in the world of physical affections. Most guys would be pumped to have Kim Crawford in all her glory admit that she wanted them, but it intimidates the crap out of me.
My hips start working on reflexes and I meet Kim's thrust. I can feel her smile against my shoulder were her head is buried. There's a knock on the door and in a second Kim is off of me, laying at my side.
"Ah, Kim. The receptionist told me she brought you in here."
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Assuming Kim
I'm trying to answer Dr. Ambrose, but Jack's fight to catch his breath is distracting, that toned chest of his rising and falling so high and so deep. "Yeah, I had to make sure he's okay. You're not alone anymore, are you?" I kiss his cheek and scratch his head. His silky smooth hair on my hand is unbelievable.
"I'm glad you talked some sense into me and made me realize I'm not alone." Jack smiles at me, and it doesn't look like a road side show. I think he's finally getting it. He's done wondering if anyone cares. The ultimate answer is yes. Rudy cares. Jerry cares. I. Care.
"I'm glad you're feeling better, Jack. We'll keep you here for just another hour or two to make sure you are doing just fine." Dr. Ambrose smiles and takes her leave.
I kiss Jack's cheek and ruffle his hair. "Jack, if you can't travel today, that's okay. We can reschedule our flight." I offer.
"No, we'll get you on the way home today. I'll rest for two hours and then I can take my final exam. Then we can go." Jack nods, satisfied with his answer, apparently.
"Alright." I give in. Jack has this look. A certain look that's nothing but determination. His jaw is set and his eyes beg to not make him back down. He thinks I could, but with that face, I would feel like I robbed him of his pride if I told him he wasn't strong enough to leave today.
"Thank you Kim. I'm so ready to start a new life. I get to travel the world with Kim Crawford, protect her and be with her."
"Here's what's gonna happen. You're going to stay here and rest. Me and Rudy will finish up getting you ready to move. We'll come back here and take you to your exam. Then we're going to fly away." I take his hand in mine and kiss his knuckles.
"Sounds perfect." Jack nods and smiles. "I'll see you soon."
"You sure will."
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Rudy and I get back to Jack's house and we make record time in getting Jack loaded up. Jack isn't even close to a packrat. He's got a lot of stuff, but a lot of it is trash. Literally.
In half an hour we have him packed and ready to come home with us. He didn't read over his contract carefully. He's my personal bodyguard. It's in his contract to live in my house to ensure my safety at all times. Let's just say I've had some... dedicated, fans.
"We still have about an hour and a half before we go get Jack. Wanna watch a movie?" Rudy says hopefully, holding up An American Ninja in the Wild West starring Bobby Wasabi. Of course Jack would have this one.
I just laugh at him. "Okay, but we can't be late." I yield, but also put my foot down.
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Assuming Jack
I was able to fall asleep for another hour before I woke up again. I see my discharge papers and I sign them after getting dressed. I should call Kim and tell her I'm walking to my exam, but I don't want her to freak out and try to stop me. I'm still feeling pretty weak, but I need the walk to wake me up before my test.
I get outside and I'm glad it's cloudy. I can get pretty light sensitive after an attack. The walk is going to be a slow one, but it'll do me some good.
As soon as I get to school, I'll text Kim.
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Assuming Kim
I open my eyes and see the main menu screen for the movie Rudy and I just watched. Oh no! I fell asleep! I had one job! "Rudy, get up! We have to go get Jack!" I shout in total panic.
"Uh, what?" Rudy slowly wakes and then what I said dawned on him. "Crap! The exam!" With that, the two if us bolt for the door.
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"We're here to pick up Jack." I say out of breath to the receptionist.
"Oh yeah, the girlfriend!" She says with a smile. "He signed himself out quite a while ago. He said something about roundhouse kicking a test all the way to the A-Train?" She seems confused and I can only laugh.
"That would be Jack." Rudy shakes his head. "Come on, we have to make sure he got there safely."
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We don't see him at all on the drive to the university. He must of made it safely. As we pull up to the main hall, students are pouring out of a building across the street.
"There he is!" I point out. He sees us, smiles and waves. He's okay, and he even looks happy, thrilled maybe.
He hops into the back with me, because as head of my security, Rudy is also my driver, more or less. I wanted to sit with Jack anyway.
"Hey." Jack says like the entire day never happened. I take his hands in mine anyway. "I'm sorry, Jack. We meant to come get you, but we had time after packing, and we watched a movie but we fell asleep. I'm so sorry."
"Slow down, I'm still pretty out of it and you said that REALLY fast." I laugh and shake my head.
"We fell asleep and missed picking you up." I summarize it instead of repeating everything.
"That's cool. I wanted the walk anyway. Why do you guys look all rushed?" Jack asks, his brows furrow in his curiosity.
"You wanted the walk? You weren't late waiting for us?"
"No." Jack chuckles. "I left before you were supposed to get me. I texted you as soon as I got here."
I missed the text, that's on me, but Jack walked here in the winter after an anxiety attack that put him in the hospital?! "You idiot!" I shout, pounding on his chest with both fists.
"What's the problem?" Jack tries to deflect my blows.
"What's the problem? You were in the hospital two hours ago! You walked over a mile in the winter to take a test after a panic attack that left you drag out exhausted? I can see right now that you're about ready to pass out, Jack!"
"I'm fine Kim! I made it here safe. I took the test, I'm pretty sure I nailed it, and now we're here. We're ready to leave this town." Jack's holding my wrists in his hands.
"Jack, if you're going to take care of me, I need you to take your own condition into consideration." I tell him. "Dr. Ambrose said you're exhausted, Jack. You've been through so much and you push so hard that you're literally harming yourself!" I'm shaking now. None of this is Jack's fault, and up until now, he hasn't really had an option to 'take it easy.'
"What do you want me to do, Kim? It's not like I have a few million dollars laying around and the option to go on vacation for a week." Wow. Didn't see THAT coming.
"Did you just call me spoiled?" I narrow my eyes into little slits. I can barely see him with how tight my eyes are squinted.
Jack sighs and runs his hands through his hair. "Can we not do this right now?"
"As soon as you admit that you just called me stubborn." I cross my arms and lean back in my seat.
"Kim, I didn't mean for that to apply to YOU. I'm saying that I can't afford a day off. I can't pay my bills and stay on top of tuition without working six days a week and playing homework catch up on my one day off. I don't resent you, I envy you, Kim."
I nod my head and keep my eyes trained on him. "Let's get you out of here, Jack. Stick with me, and I'll make sure you're spoiled a little too." I smile and lean forward to kiss him.
His tongue sweeps out and I open my mouth. As soon as our tongues touch, Rudy clears his throat in the front seat.
"I'll put up with your arguing, but I will not sit through that." Rudy says forcefully. I don't think I've ever blushed harder than I am now. "Jerry'll be waiting for us by the time we get there."
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Assuming Jack
I never thought I'd be sitting first class on a plane, let alone next to Kim Crawford.
I appreciate her. I appreciate what she's doing for me and everything she is, but I can't help but be wary. The last person I let make me think I was worth something, made me regret it. Donna got me to love her, and got me to think she loved me. She pulled the rug out from under my feet and left me on the floor. I keep telling myself Kim's not like that, but I didn't think Donna would do that, did I?
Kim rests her head on my shoulder and intertwines our hands. She looks up at me and I fake a smile. Do I have the jitters, or am I making a mistake with this girl behind the puppet strings?
"Jack, are you okay?" Kim asks with suspicious eyes. How does she know?
"I'm smiling, aren't I?" I answer and kiss her head.
"I'm an actress, Jack. I can tell a fake smile a million miles away." I can hear the worry in her voice.
But you heard her. She's an actress. She tells me I'm this and I'm that. I want to believe her, really. I'm not going to leave her, it's too late for that. I just don't know if I can give myself completely to her. If I tell her what I'm thinking, she'll get pissed. This isn't a feeling I can easily shake, and she won't be able to just make it disappear, either. How long until she gives up?
"Jack." Kim calls me back.
"I'm just still really tired, I guess. These last couple days and the anxiety attack, is just... I'm exhausted, Kim." That is a whole truth.
"Come here." Kim pushes up our armrests and reclines her chair, kicking out the foot stool. I didn't know these had footstools. "Come here, big boy."
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Assuming Kim
I see the hesitancy in Jack's face at my offer. He's not used to genuine physical affection, is he? Finally he gives into my flirtatious smirk and he copies what I had done with my seat, nearly giving us a bed. He lays down next to me, our bodies pressed together.
I look around us to see that us, Jerry and Rudy are the only four in first class. I'm not surprised since we're coming out of Northborough, Michigan. Seeing we have almost complete privacy, I throw a leg and an arm over Jack, pulling him tighter to me. I nuzzle my face into his warm neck. I pick up the scent of Old Spice, mixing with his own masculine natural smell. I'm trying to comfort him, but I've never felt safer before in my life.
"Get some sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up." I urge him before I kiss his neck and just below his ear. I'm not trying to rile him, I'm trying to show Jack Brewer an honest sense of belonging and compassion I don't think he's ever had before.
His heart beats slowly like it has been since he calmed down in the hospital, so I can't tell if he's falling asleep or not. I hear him mumble "Okay." It's soft and gentle, tired and relieved.
I sing Hold Each Other by A Great Big World against his neck, and before I'm done, I can tell he's asleep.
Rudy looks across the aisle at me and smiles. "You're a better girl than I even gave you credit for, Kim." Rudy whispers so he doesn't wake Jack. "He's given you a lot of outs and reasons to forget about him, but here you are, with first class tickets you paid for, and you just sang him to sleep." Rudy is genuinely smiling, and I can't help but smile back.
"He's given me reasons to run, alright. But he's given me so many more reasons to stick with him." I whisper back as I run a hand through his silky hair. "I read the notebook, Rudy. The one with all of his worst experiences and thoughts. I know him more than he thinks I do." Jack's arms tighten around me as I say this. "He's afraid to get close to me, Rudy. I think he's closer than he wants to be."
"Why? Why would he keep himself away from you?"
I sigh and close my eyes, not sure what to say. "He's afraid of a Donna repeat, Rudy."
"The bitch that left him after he ran away?"
"Same bitch." I confirm. "Jack is so afraid that I'm going to tear his heart out, and my heart breaks just thinking that he doesn't believe that what I feel for him will last. He doesn't believe that I'll keep holding onto him like this." Rudy looks on hopelessly as a hot tear streaks down my cheek. "I'm doing the best I can, Rudy. But Donna had him believe for two years that she wouldn't leave him. I've never had a relationship go past five dates." I kiss Jack's head and rest my chin on his head as I look at Rudy, my eyes pleading for him to offer me something. Anything.
Rudy sighs. "You already love him, don't you?" I can't find my voice. Even if I tried, nothing would come out. I can only screw my eyes tight as more tears come. I nod my head and try not to sob so I don't wake up Jack.
Rudy moves his arm rest and turns to face me. He doesn't say anything else. He reaches out his hand and holds mine until I fall asleep.
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Assuming Jack
I wake up but I can't move. I try to move my head, but there's a weight on it. I reach a hand up and feel long, sleek hair. Oh yeah. Kim sang me to sleep. Hold Each Other by A Great Big World. I hated that song five days ago.
I realize how tight my arms are wrapped around her small, fit and warm frame. She feels so perfect in my arms. I try to loosen up, but she only wriggles deeper against me. She's asleep and still fights for contact with me. What the hell am I doing? I'm so insecure, and I only thought about it hurting me. How much am I hurting Kim?
My mind plays flashbacks behind my now closed eyelids. It was me who always called and texted Donna. I always set up dates. I always kissed her first and tried to hold her. And now Kim is doing my old job. I can't do that to her. I can't make Kim think that this is one sided. I need to look at this like it's two sided, like we have a chance that Donna and I blew.
"Hey champ." Rudy says sounding wide awake. I can hear Jerry snoring in the back from up here, though.
"Hey, Rudy." I fake a smile.
"Whatcha thinking about?" I get the feeling he already knows.
"I'm thinking that I'm an idiot." I reply simply.
"Cold feet about the new life?"
"No, just that I've been unfair to this angel, right here."
Rudy nods and looks me right in the eyes. "She's worried about you, Jack. She's worried about you two." Rudy pauses. "She loves you, kid. She's trying to show that to you. She knows about your past with Donna." I want to be mad that she finished my notebook, but that saved me a lot of awkward talks.
"She knows why I'm hesitant, then. She knows about my walls." I fill in the blanks.
"Yeah. And she gets those walls, but she hates them at the same time. You two need each other more than I've ever seen two people need each other. I know the both of you, alright? Neither of you is going to screw over the other. No one is going to be left for dead. That'll only happen if you leave her because you won't give her the chance you both deserve together."
I inhale deeply and exhale slowly, taking in his words. "Damn Rudy, where did this come from?"
"I was your sensei, Jack. I'm your boss and Kim's manager and head of security. It's my job to look over both of you. And I guess in your special case, this involves personally looking after you two. If it gets you crazy kids through whatever is going on, it's worth it."
"She loves me?" I have to make sure I heard him right.
"Yeah, she does. She cried, Jack. Kim never cries. She cried over the idea that you're afraid to fall in love with her. She cried because she doesn't know how to make you understand she loves you." Rudy sighs and looks at his hands.
"What else is it, Rudy?" I know he's leaving something out.
"It's killing her, Jack. I don't want to sound like an asshole here, but your insecurities are breaking her down."
I close my eyes and control my pounding chest. "She just wants us to be happy together, and I'm letting my demons get in the way of that. I need to fight through this."
"Yeah, you do. If anyone can fix you, if anyone can make you feel like the only man in the world, it's that girl right there. Kimberly Beulah Crawford." Rudy points at the girl snug in my arms, muttering something out in her sleep that I can't quite understand. She's the image of perfection, and I feel like my demons aren't going to last long against this angel.
"Wait, Beulah?"