Trigger Warning: Mention of OCD and Panic/Anxiety attacks
"Honey…stop" Snow grabbed the hand that Emma had tapping on the wood of the table, a number of people were looking at her irritably and she looked up to find her mother smiling back at them apologetically, Emma's face flushed with shame as she willed her hands to stop moving, willed the panicked thoughts to stop reeling through her mind like a CD on loop.
Her hand burned from where she had felt her mother's grip, she worried her lip and inhaled a deep breath as she tried not to move, she could feel the brunette's gaze on her, "you don't have to Emma…you can fight it, it won't be the end of the wo-" she was cut off as Emma rose from her chair and made her way to the bathroom throwing a quick apology to the Mayor as she went, wincing in wait for the scathing comment but it never came.
Her footsteps echoed throughout the hallway as she tried to even out her breathing, she was trembling with the force of the impending anxiety attack that always came when she attempted to fight her compulsions. The faces of the other council members as they glared at her for the disruption of incessant tapping, she couldn't help it, they knew that yet they still judged her, she had fought hard with her mother to allow her to stop attending in order to avoid this kind of situation but Snow had been relentless in bringing her along.
'It's all in your mind' she would say, as if that helped the blonde in anyway, as if that little sentence should spark off some revelation in her head, some epiphany that would flip a chemical switch and she would no longer feel like this. The woman just didn't understand and what was worse, she didn't even try to. Her daughter, the once revered Saviour, was now nothing but a mess of anxiety, a burden, a black mark on her pure family line.
She had never felt so small, so unwanted. Should it be any wonder that after living without a family for so long, growing up being told that she was worthless, scum, unwanted…should it be any surprise that she had been reduced to this? A quivering mess as a result of the nightmares that plagued her nightly, a shell of what she once was.
She shivered as she moved towards the door of the public bathroom; she couldn't help the shiver that ran through her as she looked at the gleaming doorknob that was no doubt crawling with germs. She felt bile rising in her throat at the unbidden germs but the feelings of dirt coating her hands from her mother's touch was more than she could bear.
Inhaling a trembling breath, Emma surged forward and opened the door. Making a beeline for the sink she turned the tap on without allowing time to think about the action. He breath caught in her throat however when she found no soap on the basin, on any basin for that matter. She needed soap; she needed to be clean…
Her breathing hitched when she felt a hand on her shoulder, turning she found deep brown eyes to be looking into her own.
"Regina…" she managed to get out in between heaving breaths, she felt as though she wasn't doing it properly, as though through some mistake of her own the oxygen wasn't entering her lungs in the right way but with the smell of apples and cinnamon, the feel of warmth flowing into her from a soft hand and the lack of judgement in soft eyes, she could feel her chest loosening slightly, the buzzing in her head fading somewhat and the panicked tingling of her lips reducing greatly.
The brunette held out her free hand in which rested a bar of soap, the same kind Emma had noticed upon having to use the Mayor's bathroom at one time. She looked from the soap and back to the woman holding it with a small smile, "I…I thought you might need it"
Without a word she moved the woman to the sink and placed quivering hands under the heated water, Emma's eyes didn't leave Regina's face as she felt the woman lathering the substance between their joined hands. Her breathing hitched when the brunette's fingers slipped in between her own in order to scrub them with the soap. She finally looked down to see Regina washing away any remnants of the substance before letting Emma's hands go.
Stepping back slightly to allow the blonde to do what she needed to do, she gave her shoulder a squeeze and smiled before speaking softly, "you are not weak, you can get through this…I promise" with a final smile she was gone leaving an awestricken blonde in her wake.
What had just happened, Emma didn't know, but what she did realise was she felt no need to instantly scrub the area which Regina had touched, she felt no compulsion to wipe away the dirty feeling that human contact always left her with because…when Regina touched her she didn't feel dirty, when Regina was near to her she didn't feel weak …she felt as though she could try to attempt to beat this…she felt alive.