Chapter Four:
EPOV
Lunch with Esme and Carlisle on Wednesday afternoons used to be a grim reminder of the tragedy that ripped my family apart nearly fifteen years ago. It's been a ritual for us, ever since my cousins and I graduated college and moved back to Port Angeles, to get together with my parents once a week just to catch up and spend time together. We are all acutely aware of how fleeting life can be and have been determined not to drift apart over the years, especially after my parents made the move to Seattle for Carlisle's career.
When my aunt and uncle were killed on highway 5 by a drunk driver all of our lives just stopped moving forward for a long time. I was thirteen and visiting them the night it happened. For months afterwards I had nightmares, vividly reliving the reactions of Jasper and Rosalie, as the police officer gave them the news that John and Katherine were dead. I'd wake up still hearing their screams in my memory as if it were happening all over again. After the rush of funeral planning, visiting with friends and relatives who came to mourn with us, and the agony of packing up the Hale's home in Seattle, my parents brought Jasper and Rose back to our house in Port Angeles. My father didn't go to work, my mother didn't stop crying, and none of us went to school for what felt like an eternity.
For a long time I thought we'd never get through the pain and suffering of losing my aunt and uncle. It didn't happen overnight, but as the months and years past the household started to function again and Jasper and Rose became more like siblings to me than cousins. I liked having them live in the house instead of three hours away in Seattle. I'd been an only child and always wished I could have a little brother. Jasper's two years younger than me and it was great having him so close. Rose was a little less of a thrill to have around. She mourned much longer and harder than her brother, experiencing great difficulty losing Katherine especially. Esme took on the role of mother to my cousins and slowly their broken hearts began to mend.
Now I look around at my family and feel my heart swell with joy. It's been just the five of us for over half my life and it's such a comforting feeling to see how our family is growing. Jasper and Alice married a few months ago, and Bella came into my life around that same time. Rose has been dating Emmett for a while now but still hasn't allowed him to join more than a handful of our weekly lunches. He's crazy about her and I know she feels the same, but still she's afraid to involve him in family events. Nevertheless, with the additions of Alice and Bella, our broken little family seems to be healing. Bella's not yet a permanent member but I'm planning to change that one day.
"You're being very quiet," Bella whispers to me at the breakfast bar in our house. Alice is talking my mother's ear off about her newest clothing line and Jasper and Carlisle are discussing the upcoming Mariner's season.
"Just counting my blessings," I reply, leaning closer and kissing her temple.
She smiles at me suspiciously, knowing I'm not being completely forthcoming with my thoughts, and then resumes eating the homemade pasta salad my mother brought. Bella looks gorgeous as always today, wearing a cherry red sheath dress and a wide white belt. Her hair is twisted up into an up do care of Rose, and the dress was a "just because" gift from Alice. Those two never tire of playing with my girlfriend like she's a life sized Barbie doll.
"Edward, sweetie, do you have anything I can serve for dessert?" Esme asks while poking her head in the refrigerator.
I lock eyes with Bella and reply, "Yeah, I think there's some chocolate ice cream in the freezer, Mom." Bella's face turns the color of her dress and it makes me laugh out loud. My mother gives me a puzzled stare and then busies herself preparing to serve the chocolate ice cream that was last used by Bella and I during a scene on this very table.
"You're terrible," Bella teases under her breath, slapping my shoulder playfully. She stands to clear her place setting and takes my empty plate with her. "Esme, let me help you with that."
I turn my attention to the guys and try to get caught up in their baseball discussion. I've never been much of a sports fan but I do hear Brett from the station doing the daily reporting of scores and injuries so I can just about keep up with their conversation. Rose butts in to say that some pitcher with a Latino last name has a better arm than the guy they just signed to a three year deal. Just like that I'm out of the loop again and turn my attention back to Bella.
She's standing against the counter with Alice. My new cousin-in-law is speaking under her breath which is very uncharacteristic for her usual bubbly, overly exuberant personality. I try to tune out the baseball talk in order to hear her and Bella's conversation.
"Have you ever taken a home pregnancy test?" Alice asks. Bella shakes her head. "Well, you pee on this one just like a pregnancy test and if it comes out positive you know you're ovulating."
This peaks my interest and I strain to hear more. "How many times have you done this?" Bella responds.
"This is the second month. We've been trying since the wedding and no luck so far. I'm starting to worry. Wouldn't you?"
Bella bites her lip that way she does when she's nervous and just shrugs. Alice keeps talking.
"Jasper and I want a big family. We'll both be 27 this year and the clock's ticking, you know? I want to have our kids before I turn 35."
Bella's brow creases in confusion. "Why?"
"After 35 your eggs start dying off or something. You're more at risk for complications, genetic defects, and miscarriages. Did you know a pregnant woman over 35 is automatically considered high risk just because of her age?"
Bella shakes her head and bites her lip again. "No, I had no idea..."
"It's true! That's what my OB told us at our last appointment. Jazz and I want three kids and we just decided there's no reason to wait any longer. Have you and Edward talked about having a family?" Alice asks with excitement in her voice.
A horrifying image pops into my brain of Alice procreating for the sole purpose of having a tiny army of living dolls to dress up. I'm distracted by Bella's obvious discomfort in being put on the spot and I'm eager to hear how she responds. We haven't discussed big decisions like marriage or children yet. It's been enough for us to adjust to living together and balancing our romantic relationship with our D/s one.
"Um, Al, we aren't married or even engaged. Edward and I are not thinking about kids!" Bella retorts just as Esme joins their hushed discussion.
"What's this about kids?" my mother asks, her face lighting up with obvious hope of a big announcement.
Bella blushes and Alice steps in to rescue her. "I was just telling Bella that Jasper and I are trying to get pregnant."
An ear piercing shriek like I've never heard before comes bellowing out of my mother, her hands shaking like she's got jazz hands. Everyone in the room turns their heads to the trio of women to see what the commotion is about.
"Carlisle, open that bottle of champagne! We're going to be grandparents," Esme announces.
Rosalie gasps and says, "Bella's pregnant?"
I find this exchange humorous, being the only one to have heard the full conversation. Of course Rosalie would assume it would be me and Bella having the baby since I am Esme's only biological child. Even after all these years she still considers herself just a niece to my parents. My mother on the other hand, will apparently consider any child born of Jasper or Rose to be her grandkids too and that makes me smile.
"No, no not me," Bella insists her face blushing in embarrassment. "I'm not having kids for a long, long time."
My smile disappears. This is news to me. A long, long time? How many years is that? Since Bella and I haven't talked about marriage yet she doesn't know how often I think about it. I'm going to marry her, there's no doubt in my mind, I just don't know how soon. I naively assumed that whenever I popped the question Bella would be overjoyed. And naturally once we were married, children would soon follow. Suddenly I'm not so sure we're on the same page.
Alice waves her hand in the air dismissing Rose's accusation. "No one's pregnant yet," she insists. "But Jazzy and I are hoping I will be soon!"
Rosalie gets closer and hugs Alice tightly, wishing her luck and congratulations. Carlisle pops the cork on the bottle still sitting on the counter from our last celebration, which had been Esme's birthday. Jasper walks over to the group and takes Bella's place against the counter as she quietly slips out of the circle that has formed around Alice. She comes to stand next to me and I bump her shoulder with mine playfully.
"You okay?" I ask.
"Yeah. Silly misunderstanding."
I nod thoughtfully. "Would it be so bad?"
"Would what be so bad?" she replies feigning ignorance.
"If you got pregnant," I press.
"Well, we don't want a baby, and typically marriage comes before babies anyway, so I'd say it would not be the best thing that could happen."
"But you want to have children, right? I'm sure you've told me that before."
I stare straight ahead and watch as Jasper tries to hand Alice a glass of the champagne. Esme takes it from her immediately. "No more alcohol for you, young lady! You never know, you could already be in the family way!"
"Edward, we are not talking about this now," Bella hisses under her breath.
Suddenly I'm worried that I'm being greedy by setting my expectations so high. A year ago I never thought I could have a girlfriend who wanted to engage in my BDSM lifestyle. Now that I have achieved that unobtainable goal I'm trying to tack on a wife and kids to my list of desires. It makes me feel like maybe I'm pushing my luck to ask for anything more than what Bella and I currently have. Still, I need to know what she's thinking. Just as I'm about to insist that we do talk about it sooner rather than later, the front door opens and someone lets themselves inside our house.
"Rosie? Rosalie, where are you?" Emmett demands. He sounds flustered and almost panicked.
"Oh, shit," Rose curses when she hears her boyfriend's booming voice from the hall.
Emmett rounds the corner a second later and his eyes dart around the room until he sees Rosalie. He visibly relaxes when their eyes meet despite the surprised look on her face. "There you are. I stopped by the salon because you said you were working but the girls said you were off today. Then I tried your house but your car was gone. Why didn't you tell me you were seeing your parents? Hi Mr. Cullen, Mrs. Cullen."
Rosalie's face turns to stone as she glares at him and it's an expression I know too well. I got this ice cold glare from her often whenever she came to me wanting to tell my parents the truth about our secret sexual preferences. And any other time I pissed her off.
The past few years I've prevented her from telling Esme and Carlisle about our involvement in Coming Attractions or anything relating to BDSM. I never wanted them to find out about my secret fetish but Rosalie hated lying to them. I always put my foot down, usually blaming my status as a local public figure for why we couldn't risk exposure. So she was relieved when my father figured out by himself that I'm a dominant, but still waited nearly two months before telling them she participated in BDSM too. She's wanted this for so long, to be out of the playroom to my parents, and now that we are she barely ever talks about it, or allows Emmett to be around them.
"I'm sorry to barge in like this, but I was worried when I didn't know where you were, Rosie," Emmett admits, his face falling like a sad puppy. "When I realized you lied I thought maybe you were… with someone else."
She huffs theatrically and rolls her eyes, gesturing that he follow her out of the kitchen. They go into the library and Rose shuts the door loudly. Their voices are muffled by the wall separating us but Rose's tone is still one of anger.
"Are we sure that Rose is the sub in that relationship?" Jasper jokes trying to lighten the mood in the room.
"Everyone eat your ice cream!" Esme instructs changing the subject. Food is her way of coping with the reality that all three of her children are in some way involved in alternative sexual relationships. Whenever any of us mentions our lifestyle, even the slightest reference to it makes her either excuse herself to go cook something or suggest that we all "eat up" whatever she's already prepared.
I want to tell Bella that we need to talk more about the whole kids thing later, but Emmett's interruption but the kibosh on that for now. She's taken the opportunity to escape from my side with the excuse that Beanie needs a walk. The dog comes running at the calling of his name and the two are gone lickity split.
Alice and Esme start washing the dishes from lunch while Jasper and my dad go into the living room to lounge on the sofas. I'm the only male in the family that ever sees something wrong with the women always doing the cleanup while the men go loosen their belts in front of the TV. I grab a dry dishtowel opting to help out in the kitchen. My mother smiles when she sees this and reaches up on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek.
When Emmett and Rose emerge from their heated discussion they both look tired. Emmett heads for the sliding glass door that leads to my small back yard and I go after him.
"I'll go talk to him," I say to Rose giving her a sympathetic grin. She mouths a "thank you" and takes the dish towel from my hands as we pass one another.
Emmett is standing on the patio looking out across the lawn. "What's up, man?" I greet as I close the door behind me.
He glances over his shoulder to offer me a tight smile and then returns his gaze forward. "Your cuz is a real piece of work, you know that?"
"Where did you think she was today?" I ask cautiously. I'm not sure if he's in the mood to talk.
"Did she tell you guys that James hit on her the other night?"
I chuckle. "James is a douche. And he hits on every woman at the club."
"Yeah, I know that. I see him in action every weekend. But it's different when it's your girl he's after. Rose blew him off, but there was something in her eyes, I don't know. She just looked like she almost wanted to say yes."
"Rose would never go for him," I state flatly. "And for what it's worth, I don't think she would cheat on you either."
Emmett finally turns back in my direction and sits in one of the bright red Adirondack chairs Bella picked out last summer. I sit down across from him, waiting for him to speak.
"I asked her to move in with me last week. She said no. At first I thought she just didn't wanna leave your mom and dad's house, but then when she didn't offer for me to move in with her I realized it's because she doesn't want to live with me. We've been scening together a long time. When did you start training me?"
"Ten months ago," I answer.
"Yeah, ok. So she played with me for a while until I got good enough for her high standards and then we started dating like two months later. She's been leading me on for the past eight months. Every time I think she's happy and ready for the next step I just get shot down again. I love her. But I can't tell her that because she'll freak on me, like she does about everything."
"I know how difficult she is, man. She cares about you a lot though, trust me. If she didn't it would have been over between you two long ago. She's been burned before and I don't think she's willing to risk getting hurt. You just have to make her believe that you're not going anywhere."
"Thanks," he says and stretches out his neck and arms as if shaking off the last twenty minutes.
"I have to ask you something as head of club security if that's cool," I hedge, not wanting to switch topics on him too fast.
"Go for it."
I reach into my wallet and pull out the photo Catie sent me. "Have you ever seen this girl around the club, or in the theater? She sent me a really crazy fan letter and I have no idea who she is."
Emmett takes the photo, examining it closely. "Nice," he comments. "Sorry, she doesn't look familiar. Maybe she's new?"
"Maybe, but the letter made it seem like she's been infatuated with me for a while. It freaked Bella out. And me too, considering it was delivered to the house and not the club or the station."
He hums in understanding. "Yeah, I don't know. We obviously keep home addresses of all the members confidential. Only Jenks and Rose have the key to those files as far as I know. Want me to show this to Felix, see if he can ID her?" Felix is the other full time security guard at Coming Attractions.
"Sure, thanks Em. She called herself Catie in the letter. I'll ask Rose to see if any of the members have that name. Catie with a C."
We sit outside without talking for a while longer until finally I look at my watch and realize it's after two o'clock.
I say goodbye to my family a few minutes later, heading upstairs to get ready for work. When I return to the main floor dressed in a shirt and tie with a navy blazer I'm surprised to find Rosalie is still here, sitting on the sofa with Bella. My first thought is that Bella asked her to hang around so we could fill her in on the Kinky Catie situation. I see Rose is dabbing her eyes with a tissue and realize they must be talking about her relationship with Emmett instead.
"Everything okay in here?" I ask entering the room. When Rose sees me she tries to compose herself but the red eyes and gloomy expression give her away.
"Fine," she says unconvincingly. She knows she can't fool me in her current state. "It's girl business, Edward. Butt out."
I'm not surprised by her rudeness, but it's strange to see her confiding in Bella. They've made strides in their friendship over the last year but I know Bella still feels intimidated by my cousin. Let's face it; Rose doesn't usually warm up to people easily.
"Rose," Bella admonishes. "Edward's only asking because he cares about you."
She sighs, mumbling something about Emmett probably telling me sooner or later anyway. "He wants to commit, Edward. I keep trying to keep things casual between us but he's getting more and more impatient. I don't want to lose him, but I just can't be what he thinks I am."
"And what's that?" I ask quickly glancing at the clock. I need to get going soon.
"A regular woman!" she moans. "I know Emmett only got into D/s to be with me. He's pretty damn good at it now too but he'd be just as happy having a vanilla relationship. He wants us to move in together, did he tell you that? I can't do it, it's just not in me... to settle down, marry him, and raise a family. I'm the manager of a sex club! That is not motherhood material."
Bella shoots me a sympathetic look as if to say Rose has a good point. I don't happen to think she does. Ever since Bella and I fell in love I've become a firm believer in the Alice Plan. Love conquers all; there's no reason why a Dominant and his submissive can't fall in love and live happily ever after... So what if mommy and daddy have a sex swing?
"Emmett did tell me he wants to live with you. All he cares about is making you happy, so stop over thinking everything and just let him. He doesn't wish you weren't a submissive, Rose. Trust me that Em likes dominating you. He likes working at a place where he gets to fuck the boss, and he enjoys his up and coming popularity from being the new trainer."
This reminds me I need to ask Rose if she and Emmett would be willing to train Gabe and Sandra at the club. It's obviously not the right time and I wonder if they'll be in the position to do it at all now that their relationship is on the rocks.
Rose opens her mouth to protest but I cut her off. "I really need to get to work. Will you be okay?"
She dabs her eyes again and nods. "Yeah, Bella's being very kind to me," she replies as if this surprises her.
Bella pats her hand gently and then walks over to me to say goodbye. I hate leaving her to deal with Rose's crisis and it's going to bother me all evening that we never finished that conversation about kids.
"Are you going to watch the program, Bella?" I ask darkly. I know how hot she gets watching me on television and that she has a naughty habit of masturbating to my newscasts. She was having a love affair with me through the TV long before we ever met in person.
"Try and stop me," she replies smirking like the little minx she is. She tilts her head up positioning her parted lips so close to my mouth that I can feel their warmth. I growl as her fingers run down my chest and my hand catches her wrist just before she reaches the waistband of my dress slacks.
"Remember not to come until I give you permission, Isabella," I reply kissing her nose tenderly.
She nods, knowing very well that she's not allowed to orgasm during my broadcast until I give her the signal by straitening my tie on air.
I open the front door and turn around to say one more thing before leaving. "And Bella? Don't think I've forgotten the conversation you so effectively avoided earlier. We will discuss it at some point, even if I have to fuck the truth out of you this Saturday. Have a good evening, love."
A/N: For anyone who forgets, Bella is 24 and Edward is older at 28, which partially explains her reservations on the topic of marriage/kids.
Please leave me your thoughts and comments! Thanks for reading!