Disclaimer: Not mine.

Chapter 4

"Michael?" He breathed and Dean nodded. Dean waited nervously for Bobby to do something, say something but the hunter seemed frozen in shock.

"Bobby? Say something please. It's still me." Dean whispered, not moving from where he was kneeling in front of the man he saw as a second father. Well, third now really. Bobby finally blinked, his hand shaking a little more as he swallowed.

"I….who are you? Dean or Michael?" Bobby choked out and Dean smiled at him.

"Both. I have all Michael's memories, powers but…I wanted to be Dean so I am. Please Bobby." He pleaded and then he was being pulled into a hug. Dean closed his eyes, enjoying the human contact and happy Bobby wasn't kicking him out.
"Thank you." Dean breathed but Bobby still heard him as he pulled back, quickly wiping at his eyes.

"So how'd this happen? You said something about pulling an Anna?" Bobby asked and Dean got up to sit in his chair again.

"Yeah, she was right by the way ripping your Grace out hurts like hell. I set things up in advance so no one would ever find me. This was a couple of centuries ago; I've just been going from life to life. I die and then get born again, no going to Heaven so they can't find me. It was my way of avoiding fighting Lucifer, I thought if I wasn't there they wouldn't release him since I had to fight and kill him. Shows how wrong I was huh? Anyway Sam…..he managed to grab control back from Lucifer and open the cage. Stupid kid just stepped back off the edge, even smiled at me as he was falling; trying to say it would be okay. Tried to go after him but it closed and I blacked out. Woke up to Castiel leaning over me, he healed me, dropped off the Impala and then left. I just drove, sleeping in the car, only stopping when I absolutely had to…stopped by a field one night to…you know. There was this massive tree and it was…I couldn't walk away. Didn't realise why it seemed sort of familiar until I touched it and there was this flash of light, I realised it looked like the tree that held Anna's Grace. It was….I can't describe it Bobby. I realised what was happening and had to fight to keep the…my body intact. Was a bit groggy when I woke up but all in one piece. It was weird, suddenly knowing, remembering…I got up and I just knew I couldn't go back, I figured Castiel had things well enough in hand. So I went in after Sam. I knew the Cage wouldn't hold him and that he'd end up a lot deeper in than I was. It was…..just thinking of Sam being there. He was attached to a rack when I got there, being tortured. The demons ran from me and Sam….he was this broken, whimpering mess. I got him off and he was screaming, so scared of me." Dean admitted softly.

"Oh Dean. Is he getting better? Can I see him?" Bobby asked and Dean sighed.

"A little, he doesn't scream and he's letting me closer, even fell asleep with his head in my lap. But he doesn't know me Bobby. All he remembers is hell. I went into his head, stopped the nightmares and started showing him our lives, trying to jog something you know? Found something eventually. He's remembered two things from being kids but….he isn't connecting that the kid in his memory is me. He's so scared all the time and I don't know how else to help." Dean choked out and Bobby closed his eyes.

"So he doesn't remember any of us?" He asked and Dean shook his head.
"Then me seeing him….it'd just freak him out huh?"

"I can show him to you." Dean offered and Bobby frowned but nodded. Dean reached out and touched Bobby's temple, showing him an image of Sam in his corner and Bobby shocked back a sob. Sam looked like a shadow of the boy Bobby remembered, he was so skinny Bobby could see his ribs and there were a lot more scars on his pale skin.

"Oh Dean." Bobby whispered.

"And he's put on a lot of weight since I got him out. He was skin and bones then. I healed everything I could but…..scars from hell are nearly impossible to heal." Dean admitted.

"You're doing everything you can for him, that's what matters. Is he okay with you gone?"

"He's asleep." Dean assured him.

"So do I tell Castiel if he shows up again?" Bobby asked and Dean frowned.

"If?"

"I might have….threatened him if he came back without you two. He…..he knew Sam wasn't in the cage Dean. I asked why he didn't yank the kid out and…he said Sam had done what he needed to so why should he." Bobby admitted and then flinched back as outside the sound of thunder crashed despite the clear sky. Dean closed his eyes, trying to control his temper.

"Sorry. I'll deal with him sometime. For now don't tell him anything." Dean answered and Bobby nodded.

"Just stay in contact. I want to keep in the loop on both you and Sam." Bobby ordered and Dean nodded, darting in to hug him briefly and then Bobby was alone again. He slumped and then decided he really needed some whisky.

Dean pulled Sam into his arms and gently combed his fingers through Sam's hair, letting him wake up. Sam blinked sleepily up at him and tensed a little but nowhere near as badly as he often did. Dean smiled at him and then held out the breakfast plate to see if Sam would take it from his hand. Sam sat up and moved away from him a little but then stared at the offered plate warily.

"Come on Sammy, its okay. You can take it." Dean urged quietly. Sam bit his lip but then reached out shakily. He gripped one side of the plate and Dean smiled, letting go so Sam could take it. Sam ate while watching Dean closely and Dean lay back on the bed, hands under his head. The fact that Sam hadn't bolted for the corner was a big step. Sam put the plate down and hesitated, Dean held his breath, waiting to see what would happen. Sam crawled closer to Dean and then knelt beside him, watching him curiously.
"Hey Sammy." Dean whispered and Sam reached out with a shaking hand to touch Dean's face. Dean kissed his fingertips when Sam reached his lips and Sam's eyes widened even as he licked at dry lips.
"Need to get you some lip balm kiddo." Dean commented and Sam's head tilted curiously.
"Sam?" He called quietly, able to sense something was different.

"Nghh…" Sam got out and then frowned.

"Come on Sammy, you can do it, just take your time." Dean urged and Sam traced his lips as if trying to figure out how the movement corresponded to the sounds.

"D…." That one sound made Dean's heart stop for a second. Was Sam trying to say?

"That's it Sammy, you're doing great." Dean encouraged gently, reaching up slowly to cup Sam's face. Sam blinked but then hesitantly leant into the gentle touch

"De." Sam choked out and Dean smiled at the childhood nickname.

"Hey Sammy, you did great." Dean whispered, happy Sam had finally managed to say something.

"De?" This time it was a question and Dean's heart fell. Sam was asking for De, he didn't know Dean was De.

"I'm here Sam, I'm De." Dean whispered, taking Sam's hand to place it over Dean's heart.
"De." He stated but Sam just stared in confusion before whimpering slightly. Dean sighed but let go and Sam moved back a bit. Dean sat up slowly and leant against the headboard. Sam looked around the room as if actually seeing it for the first time and Dean watched him. When Sam turned his head his hair hit his face and Sam frowned, yanking at a strand.
"Too long isn't it kiddo?" Dean asked and Sam looked at him, yanking at his hair. Dean bit his lip, not sure what to do. Sam seemed to realise his hair was too long but would he let Dean cut it? Was it worth trying? Dean slowly held out his hand to Sam who stared at him. Dean smiled gently at him, silently encouraging Sam to trust him.
"Please Sam." Dean begged and Sam slowly reached out with his other hand.

Dean gently gripped it and the tugged Sam who went with the movement. He got off the bed and helped Sam up. Sam's legs buckled, unused to standing and Dean picked Sam up, getting a squeak of terror, Sam's arms wrapping around his neck.

"Shh, it's okay Sammy." Dean soothed as he walked into the bathroom. Sam shivered and huddled into him so Dean altered the room a little, making it warmer looking. Sam peeked and blinked, settling down a bit. Dean gently sat Sam down and walked over to the sink to get out scissors. He walked back to Sam and held them out to Sam, who flinched and whimpered in terror.
"Not going to hurt you." Dean promised, reaching out to hold up a lock of Sam's hair.
"See, I can cut it for you." Dean told him. Sam looked form Dean to the scissors, looking so lost and scared that it hurt. He gently took Sam's hand and placed it on the scissors, making Sam's eyes go very wide. He moved Sam's hand over them, letting him feel them and slowly Sam started to calm a little.
"Look." Dean told him and then raised the scissors to his own short hair, clipping off a bit and catching it so Sam could touch it.
"See? Won't hurt." Dean promised and Sam chewed at his lip. Dean very slowly held out a strand of Sam's hair and then moved the scissors towards it. Sam's breathing picked up but he didn't try to pull away. Dean clipped it off and held it out to Sam. Sam blinked and stared at it as if shocked there was no pain. Dean cut off a little more and Sam looked up, locking eyes with Dean who smiled at him.
"Sure Sam, you look at me instead." He worked quickly and quietly, cheating a little with his powers until Sam's hair was the same length it had been when he'd gotten the kid from college. Dean made sure Sam saw him put the scissors away.
"All done Sam." He reached out and gently ruffled the shorter hair and Sam reached up hesitantly to feel it for himself.

Dean smiled and lifted Sam again, moving them in front of the mirror. Sam gasped and started to struggle weakly so Dean lowered him towards the ground, Sam's feet barely brushing the ground. Dean took Sam's hand and lifted it to touch the glass, letting Sam feel that there weren't other people there. Sam froze, panting for air and then Dean made sure Sam could see it as Dean moved Sam's arm again.

"See? It's just us Sammy." Dean soothed, letting Sam touch his own reflection.
"Sammy." He whispered and then moved Sam's hand to Dean's reflection.
"De." Dean whispered and then he took Sam over to the toilet. It would be nice to not have to clean Sam up whenever he slept.

Seeing Sam in his own waste was not nice and was a reminder of how much Sam had lost. Sam looked at it fearfully but Dean raised the seat and lowered Sam's pants, sitting him on it. Nothing happened except Sam whimpering in confusion but Dean figured that was okay. Took months to toilet train Sam as a kid after all. So he stripped his clothes off and then got Sam up and gently stripped his clothes off. He carried Sam into the shower and started the water, Sam clinging to him. Dean made a chair appear and he settled Sam into it, letting him get used to the water and praying he wasn't overloading Sam with too many new things. He smiled when Sam actually stuck his hand under the spray and then splashed a little water at the kid who blinked in shock. He did it again and then Sam copied him tentatively.

"You splashed me Sammy!" Dean splashed Sam again and Sam splashed him back. Dean couldn't believe it. Should he have pushed Sam months ago? How would he know what was too much? Dean eventually stopped and washed Sam, Sam freezing up when he washed his groin and dean shuddered to think what may have been done to him.
"It's okay Sam, won't hurt you." Dean whispered and scared eyes locked on him even as he moved on to Sam's legs and the kid slowly relaxed. Dean washed himself and then got them out and dried, dressing Sam in clean sweatpants and shirt, watching as Sam picked at them curiously. He then picked Sam up and carried him back into the bedroom.

"De?" Sam almost chirped as he looked around the room only to deflate in sadness.
"De." He whimpered sadly and Dean gently put him down on the bed.

"I'm De, Sam." Dean tried again but Sam curled up on the bed and closed his eyes.

TBC…